Why A Woman Should Never Be Called a “Slut”

Posted by on August 22, 2016 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 12 Comments

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By Christina Antonyan | Confident Lover

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Leo Buscaglia


I am currently in Belgrade, Serbia as I write this. A few days ago I was sitting at a café when I started chatting with a very attractive older woman. She was in her 50’s – confident, classy and dynamic.

We had many laughs as we shared stories about our travels, relationships and my favorite topic – sex.

She told me a story of when she was in her early 30’s in a relationship with a man who was 2 years older than her and asked her to try anal sex. It was a first for both of them.

She agreed, and to her surprise she really enjoyed it, as did he. For the first time she experienced a powerful anal orgasm and was pleasantly surprised because she didn’t orgasm easily through her vagina.


Afterward, her lover felt disgusted and called her a ‘slut’ because she actually enjoyed it. Her pleasure came at the cost of his disdain.

She was left feeling hurt and confused at his reaction, because her joy and openness were used against her. She didn’t understand why she was being ashamed for something that gave both of them intense pleasure and joy?

She went on to tell me they broke up shortly after because he couldn’t come to terms with what had happened and she was still very hurt from his reaction, which was hurtful and humiliating.

After that conversation I was left thinking about all the awful words we use to describe women who openly express their sexuality and desires.

As I travel through so many countries, I witness many contradictory views – new ideas about female sexual liberation clashing with old stereotype about “good girls’ and “sluts.”

How do we define a ‘slut’ anyway?

The ancient rites of love were not designed to further promiscuity, but to give meaning to female sexuality.

The virgin, muse, naughty, and goddess can all be embodied in a single woman, just as the boy, hero, lover, and god can be found in an individual man.

Today there is a tendency to separate sexual roles and identify with one.

As a woman, it’s limiting to describe with words the ecstatic feeling of opening up to a man without any worries or reservations of what he’s going to think after sex.

For many women it’s difficult to open in her raw beauty because for centuries our sexuality has been repressed and we don’t want to be labeled as sluts, whores, or other negative connotations used to describe women because of our sexual expressions.

It’s interesting to note that the word ‘slut’ is an offensive term used to describe a woman whose sexuality is insatiable, unapologetic, and shameful.

Paradoxically the term ‘stud’ is used to describe a highly sexual man, typically engaged with many women and often a term of envy and approval.

For many years female sexuality was diagnosed as a medical condition called “hysteria,” and the vibrator, as we know it today was actually designed by doctors who were tired of manually stimulating their female patients to orgasm to “treat” it.

(You can read all about fascinating exploration in Rachel Maines book title ‘The Technology of Orgasm’ or watch the movie hysteria.)

The legacy of our sex-negative history has left us with sexual language that is full of judgments, like the word ‘slut.’ To make any lasting changes we must first change the way we use words.

Some people don’t believe that words have power, while others say – each word carries its own energetic vibration, depending on the context.

A simple ‘word’ can melt our heart, or infuse us with anger and completely change our perspective. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair.

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12 Reader Comments

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  1. Men referring to themselves as “daddy”…just bluughhhk

  2. They are sluts when they are filmed in horrendous porn videos….. Lol

  3. Personally speaking, I’m all for freedom of speech! Long time since we could enjoy it in this ever increasingly PC controlled environment, but I will continue to defend it… We will have sexual, racial, all round equality when people stop getting offended by stupid words.. sticks n stones people!

  4. Well, from what I have noticed, the only persons calling women sluts are other women. Deal with that one.

  5. Its dumb bc this refers to anyone whos sexually active and not married which is the majority………..

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