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My Valentine’s Invitation: Write a Sweet Love Letter to Yourself (Here’s Mine)

Valentine’s Day is always a contemplative day for me.

It was the day that my marriage came to an end and my new life began.

So, on this day, reflections on love, life and my relationship to it always brings about some quiet contemplation in me.

I asked myself whether I’m lamenting about not having a partner to share my life with and I keep coming up with ‘no’.

I would enjoy being with someone who is of like values but, I’m not lonely. Almost never do I feel lonely, although certainly there are times I wish to share the joys and terrain of my beautiful life with someone.

I looked at my hand with the ring that I got shortly after my marriage ended. It is a gorgeous, big labradorite stone that we had bought me for our ten year anniversary. But, with resizing issues, I received it right after my marriage ended.

It has always represented me being married to me.

Labradorite is a power stone used to banish fears, break through illusions, and develop intuition. It helps actualize goals and dreams through the trust of oneself and the Universe. As I wore it, I noticed that I had begun to take in the healing elements of the stone. I was becoming more intuitive, more trusting, more deliberate in creating dreams that excited me.

I looked down at my gorgeous ring and heard that beautiful rock tell me to write myself a love letter.  So, I wrote.

I noticed my hesitation about sharing my love letter with you…

Listen-compressedThe nature of a love letter is that it is unabashed in it’s adoration, it is syrupy sweet and void of any ‘objective’ look.  It is to make the receiver feel like anything that is remotely awesome about themselves would be willingly shouted from the rooftops. Valentine’s is not a day to hold back. It is a day we practice less holding and more exuberant  ‘unqualified’ expressions of love. And like any good spiritual practice, the goal is to make it a way of being.

On that, I share with you my unabashed, syrupy sweet, adoring love letter to myself.

My Darling Valentine,

Do you know how incredibly beautiful you are?

Your shining eyes so full of love, power and vulnerability make me soften into me. I can feel your invitation for me to be all of me.

I can hear your distinctive laugh – which you readily bubble over with even at the most inappropriate times. I love how you can see the humor of the gods in life’s happenings.

I love the way you drape your body and celebrate your curves in honor of the Divine Feminine. Others relax into the beauty of their bodies when they see your enjoyment of your own.

No space is the same upon your entry. You enhance the space. You need not do anything. Your being-ness is felt.

I love that you show your flaws. It makes you even more loveable.

I love your feisty, your gentleness, your smarts, your stubbornness, your dichotomy.

I am enchanted by your child-like mannerisms which makes me want to listen to your wisdom.

I am awed by the words that escape your lips without filter. In that, you deliver to me a poetic handbook on life.

I love your lust for learning. And equally, your content at ‘not knowing’.

I love that you choose truth over acceptance.

I love that you trust yourself and Divine to say ‘no’ to the obvious good thing and ‘yes’ to the not so obvious good thing just because it feels right. I love that about you.

Just when I think I know you, I realize there is so much more of you to unveil.

And that delights me.

Keep unfolding.

You are at the beginning of your bloom.

I love you wholly and eternally,

Me

Now it’s your turn. What would an unabashed, syrupy sweet love letter to yourself say?

Farhana Dhalla 172x204
Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself.



Why I Stopped Taking In Mainstream “News” (& What I Do Instead)

Finerminds-GuestPost-Farhana2-300x180The other day someone mentioned something about the Rupert Murdoch scandal and when I told them that I was unaware of it because I no longer watch the news and really hadn’t for several years, they called me ignorant and apathetic.

10 years ago I used to voraciously follow the news. I had an insatiable appetite for educating thick-headed people about some truths as to why America went to war with Iraq. I stood on my soap box and hurled information and handled adverse commentary like Wonder Woman.

But I began to notice something in my body.

If I was still, I could actually feel my blood change. It was the strangest thing. This was well before I had ever heard of how our thoughts can actually change our cellular structure. But I could feel it. I knew the undercurrent of rage from the injustice churning inside me all the time was not healthy.

Because I felt it was MY job to educate as best as I could those whose brains had been saturated by incompetent media who were seemingly void of all journalistic integrity, I didn’t feel like I could stop.

Then, I went to see Michael Moore’s then newly released film, Fahrenheit 911. Everything in that movie, aside from 2 points, I had already known and researched. Everything. And now, he had taken it out and made it public in a big way. The movie was controversial, even debatable, but the thing with information is, once you know it, you can’t ‘un’ know it. I felt validated, heard, relieved and now, I could rest.

Right around that same time, I discovered the Daily Show with John Stewart. I say ‘discover’ because no one I knew here had ever heard of it. It used to air in Canada at such an obscure hour that I would manipulate my daughters middle of the night nursing schedule to fit his show time.

He was able to take the obscene behaviour of governments and use that as a platform to educate people through humour. I thought, now that is a heck of a lot more potent than what I had been doing. He became my sole source of news. I found his parody to be shockingly closer to truth than anything else that I had seen on the so-called news channels.

I know that not all news stations have lost journalistic integrity. Last year on a trip to Montreal I sat beside a man who was a well respected journalist with the CBC for over 30 years and was now returning from a trip to North Africa (before the uprisings) where he trained media on journalistic integrity. I asked him which news station he thought had the highest integrity. You know who he said? Al- Jazeera.

I no longer watch anything. TV time in my house is reserved for my kids who enjoy the antics of Zack and Cody. But, in the unlikely event that I were to return to watching the news again, it’s nice to know where I can go.

Now I favor meditation. I have had meditations in where I have brokered love between the Israeli and Palestinian people. Where I have helped increase the vibration of every woman in the slums and helped her tap into that place where she knows she is Magnificence regardless of the illusionary world that is presented before her. I have breathed into the spirit of child soldiers and helped them with their self-forgiveness and to see the love that the Universe has to offer them. And I have united with the marine world and asked their forgiveness for our recklessness and then aided with renewal.

So while I may not find news particularly worthy anymore, and indeed the price of that may be ignorance, I feel myself connected to the fabric of our oneness in a way that would hardly be classified as apathetic.

farhana clnFarhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook.

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The Book that Changed Everything- Farhana Dhalla

You-Are-Perfect-QuoteWe all have a ‘breakthrough book’. The book that shifted the way we saweverything... the way we saw ourselves.

Mine was Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch.

A few years ago when my marriage came to an abrupt end, I was able to stand in the crumbling of everything around me because I knew who I was.

I was able to be in the debris and claim bold visions about becoming the grandest expression of myself that I had ever known.

I could do that because the year before I had read the Conversations with God trilogy and nothing was the same for me after that.

Thank goodness.

People everywhere revere this work as that of the messiah. With over 15 million books sold and the amount of hands that each book would pass as people share these treasures makes the reach truly incalculable.

One fellow asked me if I thought Neale was a prophet equal to that of Jesus or Mohammed. He certainly has more followers than any of those did during their time he commented.

Hmm… interesting…

What I know is this…

If Neale heard that, he would cringe.

He would want us to heed the message, not the messenger.

I observed the tendency of people (including my own) who want to put him on a pedestal and when I attended one of his retreats, I observed his artful climb down over and over again.

Neale’s quick wit ensured levity and relaxation… not only in our relationship to him, but in our relationship to the material and most importantly, in our individual relationship with the God of our own understanding.

In refusing to take the pedestal, he does what true spiritual masters do; they remind us of our own divine nature and help unlock our mastery. All the while reminding us that:

You are perfect. No more or less than the next person.
You are deserving. No more or less than the next person.
You are worthy. No more or less than the next person.

These basic truths are sometimes hard for us to really believe.

Remember that TV show from years ago called Touched by an Angel? I remember hearing that it was the most popular show in prison. When it aired you could hear a pin drop from the inmates silence.

I remember wondering why and then I realized, that show offered redemption. In every episode the truth was revealed.

God loves you. As you are.

Guess what one of the most popular books in prison is? Yep, you guessed it, Conversations with God.

It too offers the truth: God loves you. As you are.

And if offers something else:

There is nothing to forgive.
Nothing ‘wrong’ has ever been done.

Woah!

I know it’s a biggie to take in but play along will ya?

Imagine for a moment that there are no victims and there are no villains.

What happens when you do that?

Suddenly everything opens up doesn’t it? And in that space, everything becomes available for interpretation that can only fall into one category… an act of love.

Are you game for a new way of being with your history?

Imagine experiencing a life without bars. Too many of us, incarcerated or not are in a prison of our making. Freedom inside is possible. It’s possible once we remember the true nature of who we already are. Free. All Love and Only Love.

Read Conversations with God. And if you have read it, read it again.

 

Farhana Dhalla 170x200 enhancedFarhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook.




A Brave & Brilliant Way To Heal Your Broken Heart (Video)

This vignette from my book Thank You for Leaving Me is probably the one that I have received the most letters about.

For those that are already parted, it has softened them. It has helped them see the other person as someone who truly tried. No one gets into a relationship with someone they love and then seeks to hurt them.  This exercise helps us see that there are many parts to ‘the story’ and our story may not be absolute.

Right-compressed (1)Many people who pick up my book are actually married (I know, surprised me too). For them, this has helped strengthen their marriage.

The thing is, whether apart or together, peace can only come if we are willing – truly willing – to see, hear and feel the other person. And remember, being ‘right’ offers no peace. Understanding the other person however, does.

What are your thoughts? What did this bring up for you?

Have you checked my Divorce is NOT Your Fault – Free Yourself from Blame and Shame webinar?

Watchu waiting for? Click here. 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this video and please do share it if you found it valuable…

Farhana Dhalla 172x204
Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook. If you’re curious about her ‘style’ of coaching and some areas of coaching, check out her article, Coach of Many Colours.



Want To Empower Yourself? Choose Enlightened Endings

Enlightened endings

I want to preface something here…I am going to make it sound easy.

You will be the one to decide if it is easy or not.

First things first:

Victimhood is passé. Freedom is the new black.

You can’t be the victim and free at the same time. You choose.

If you’ve recently lost a friendship…a job…a relationship – remember: it ended because it was over. Period. No story required. It was complete.

Go back to the first fleeting feeling that you had when you knew it was over. The tiny feeling that was probably overlooked. I will bet you exhaled in relief. Am I right?

But chances are, you didn’t listen to that first feeling. And instead you went to something more familiar: fear.

Here is the thing. Fear exists because our dreams aren’t big enough. We need to envision bigger, juicier dreams. And when we do, that fluttery feeling in the pit of our stomach that we interpret as fear, we will now begin to interpret it as excitement.  It’s the same feeling. You choose its meaning.

You may find that as your world crumbles and you begin re-inventing in a rapid way, your circle of friends may not be able to connect with you anymore. Bless them. Don’t blame them. It is time for you to engage a new circle.

Choose wisely. Whoever you engage with, you will entrain with. The five people you spend the most time with determine the direction of your life. Pick high.

Ask yourself if you can really express yourself freely with them. Can you be truthful about your pain, your lies and your fears?  Are you free to express your brilliance, your creativity and your freaking genius ideas and goals?

Can you have a vulnerable breakdown and their eyes don’t change one bit – because they still see you as amazing? Painful moments will happen. But remember, pain is just a breadcrumb trail to your magnificence.

Now…want to know the fastest route to freedom?

Embrace your responsibility 100%. Where did you contribute to the downfall of your relationship, job or friendship?

Oohhh… I felt that. You went “ugh!”

Some of you might be saying, “Well, I’ll take 50% responsibility, and they can take the other 50%.” Here is the thing with that kind of math. It sucks. You will only be 50% free. And what kind of freedom is that?

Taking 100% responsibility does not absolve the other person of their responsibility. But that’s theirs to sort out. The only thing you have control or power over is yourself.

Here is why embracing your 100% responsibility is so liberating…

When we take full responsibility, we acknowledge ourselves as the master creators of our life and circumstances. And while it may feel a little crunchy to start with, I promise, the crunchiness soon turns into a thrill, because taking responsibility allows you to acknowledge your immense power.

We have always been master creators, but we empower ourselves by recognizing our hand in all the crappy and all the great things in our life.

When our master creator fuses with the big juicy dreams that have begun to occupy our thoughts, then we become conscious master creators. Cool, huh?

And now you can do what you were always intended to do. Enlighten the world by being your whole magnificent self out loud.

Okay, a quick recap: exhale because the truth was spoken – it was over. Envision big fat juicy dreams and watch the fears melt away. Engage a circle of amazing people who can support your reinvention. Express the all of you freely with those that can hold space for the ever-expanding you.

Embrace your 100% responsibility and acknowledge the master creator that you are. Combine that with your big, fat, juicy dreams and feel yourself empowered to now consciously create. And allow your dreams to enlighten the world just a little or a lot.

As always, you choose – so, what’s it going to be?

 

Farhana Dhallafarhana cln is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook.




3 Easy Peasy Steps to Resolving Anger

Finerminds-GuestPost-Farhana1I didn’t understand it. I had done years of forgiveness work. I thought for sure I had moved to a place of gratitude towards my ex-husband but these last couple of weeks a sharpness towards him had started to develop inside of me.

Oh sure there had been triggers for it and I have always been able to ‘Om’ myself into a good place. But this time, it felt like I had some fire to spit.

I was smart enough to know not to actually unleash my dragon fire breath on him. Whatever was occurring was occurring inside of me… but, what was it?

I went a-googling to try and understand more about anger and you wanna know what I found out?

NAME IT

Anger is not the primary emotion. Fear is the primary emotion and anger is how it presents itself.

Ugh…that totally bites. And it was true. There had been some shifts in our situation that had stirred up some unrealized fear in me.

As soon as I recognized it as fear, the anger seemed to morph from fire into a dense cloud inside me.

What was interesting was that simply by recognizing the root of the anger emotion, it already started to change.

BE IT

Suddenly I remembered something my stepfather had said to me one time when I was when I was OCD about being ‘happy’ because I didn’t want to be an angry person.

He jolted me with these words “Farhana, anger is on the road to enlightenment”. That statement hung in the air before it slowly blanketed me. Then he went on to say “The spiritual path is about being in truth and that means being in truth about your anger.”

W-O-W.

The simple allowance of me being able to be angry and STILL being spiritual seemed to unlock its private stronghold on me. It was my shame at being angry that was holding it in place.

WATCH IT

After naming the anger – which really was fear just cross-dressing like anger – I noticed that I already felt a shift. Then when I allowed myself to feel aggravated (and fearful) and eliminated my judgment around it, it started to shift again.

This fascinated me. Anger was really just energy shape shifting in reference to my observation.

So I just began to observe it… it was like watching a ship sail across the sea. It just kept moving further and further away from me regardless if I did anything or not. Oh sure, I could throw the anchor over and keep it locked in place but come on, why do that?

I’m going for peace.

Even if I have to get pissed off to get there.

 

Farhana Dhalla 172x204Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook.




3 Powerful Steps to Recover From Heartbreak- Farhana Dhalla

“It was Valentine’s Day and I just found out that my husband of 10 years had purchased a gift for another woman.”

heartbreak

“All day I was numb. Surreally, I drifted through my day with heaviness in my heart.

I hung onto denial like it was my last friend in the world. I couldn’t bear the thought of my world disintegrating. It just couldn’t be. He wouldn’t do that. There had to be an explanation.

With a strange kind of calm that only complete shock can produce, I asked him about it when he came home from work. His convincing denials and innocent-looking face almost had me believing him. For a flash, I thought I had manufactured this in my head.

If I did not have tangible, physical proof in my hands to the contrary, I would have believed him.

The look of innocence on his face was familiar. I was shocked at how believable he appeared and I wondered how many times in the past I had fallen for his lies. Clearly, I had just not wanted to see the truth.”

That’ s the first vignette of my book Thank You for Leaving Me. Truth be told, Thank You were not exactly the first words that came to my mind… I had other choice words to say to him. If I were to type them here I would exhaust the symbol keys on my keyboard.

But over time, “Thank You” became the words.

When people hear the title of the book there are two expressions I often see: either they are smiling because they too have made the journey to gratitude and their blossoming lives are evidence of their peace and power or… they have a longing or achy look because they desire their freedom.

Their freedom from pain, from guilt, from blame and their freedom from fear.

The only way I know how to get from point V (victim) to point F (freedom) is to tell the truth… and be willing to hear the truth… even the subtle truths.

1. Pay Close Attention to the First Feeling

Interestingly, when my husband told me that the marriage was over, my first split second feeling was relief. But right on its tail was fear. I completely ignored my first feeling and attached myself onto a conditioned response of fear and desperation. (ugh!)

The first feeling is always your truth. It is a subtle knowing that can act in complete contradiction to what the situation typically dictates but it is your personal guidance system. Pay close attention to what it is telling you.

The answer always whispers to you. Listen.

2. Take 100% Responsibility

He made it pretty easy to be the fall guy in why our marriage went south, but in actuality, I was 100% responsible for co-creating the life that I had been living. That was a big frikkin’ horse pill for me to swallow.

When I started to look at all the ways that I had contributed to the demise of our relationship, I would call him up and clean it up. It was the most free-ing thing I had ever done.

Claiming your 100% responsibility does not negate the other persons 100% responsibility. But that is theirs to sort out. You only have control on who you are and how you show up.

I just knew that I wanted freedom too much to not undergo this valuable catharsis.

3. Tell the Truth.

Not just about the crap or that you yelled at the kids or the overwhelm and fear that you experience from time to time… but also about your beauty, your strength, your resilience, your creativity, your resourcefulness.

Tell the truth about THAT.

If you cannot tell the truth about your Magnificence, ask yourself if your circle can hold space for your growth and juicy re-invention.

Surround yourself with people who will celebrate you in your pain and in your Magnificence and see them as no different. For they are not. Your pain is just a breadcrumb on a trail to your Magnificence.

And you will know that you are well on your way to Being your Magnificence when you feel the stirring of immense gratitude because you see that nothing was ever done TO you. Everything was done FOR you.

 

farhana cln Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook.




How Feeling “Empty” is a Good Thing- Farhana Dhalla

StoriesLast week I wrote about why we ‘crash’ after coming back from a retreat or from an epic personal growth workshop. I talk about that ‘ache’ here in The Power of Taking Small Steps.

But sometimes, there is a feeling of loneliness. Different from the ache, this is a feeling of ‘empty’

When one has done deep work, quite often they have released non-serving beliefs, released their story and, released their undeservedness.

But here is the thing… we have made our ‘stories’ our friend. We have made our ‘beliefs’ our friend. We have made our ‘undeservedness’ our friend. We have catered to them. We have tended to them. We have showcased them. And now, as we let them dissolve, there is an emptiness. We feel lonely.

That feeling is PEACE.

We have not become accustomed to peace yet. We have allowed the stories, the dramas and the traumas to dictate our lives. And with those suddenly disappearing, it can feel lonely.

But notice the actual feeling and discover the difference… Is it, it’s actually the feeling of ‘empty.’

You have emptied yourself from that which had governed you.

You are now a-new.

It is tempting to call upon your old friends because we have been habituated to life with them. But the opportunity here is to create a new friendship. The one with peace. The one with empty.

Empty allows for that of your choosing to enter into the space. Be vigilant with your choosing.

Be uncomfortable with peace until you are uncomfortable no more.

She is your best friend.

 

Farhana Dhalla 170x200 enhancedFarhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook




The Power of Taking Small Steps – Farhana Dhalla

True-Time-QuoteHaving returned from a retreat in the glorious Rocky Mountains of Banff, I saw the highs as people discovered their true purpose and I am aware of the crash that sometimes follows deep internal work.

I remember the ‘crash’ well.

It seemed that every time I would participate fully in deep work, I was expanded to a new place. A new place with my vision and mission and, a new place inside me.

When I would return home after a retreat I would be at dismay that my ‘reality’ was not congruent with my dreams. The contraction into my ‘real life’ would feel unbearable after being in such expansion. I would feel the deep ache inside me for wanting to live the life that I knew my soul longed for.

But, when I returned home to my ‘dailyness’ I was in agony as I longed for the expression of the person the I had just met. Me.

I longed for my full expression.

About 3 years ago I went to a 5 day retreat with Neale Donald Walsch. I realized that as I was expanding, I was no longer in pain.

I began to trust that I can live into my expansion. I began to trust that my dreams were no longer elusive or hard to attain. I began to trust that my environment was not limiting to me reaching my goals. I began to trust that I can move in ‘true time’ towards my vision.

Things did not have to change overnight. I was changed. And every movement I now made was as that new person and, that was enough.

The ache is necessary. It is a reminder. It is a pull. And, it does not have to be the way we live. Every day, one small step, one decision made, one communication had, one extra smile to oneself is all that is required to catapult us – yes, catapult us – towards the dreams that we have created in our hearts.

Be gentle with yourself. Small steps – done daily – is the game changer.

 

Farhana Dhalla 170x200 enhancedFarhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook




How Anger Ended Up Being Good- Farhana Dhalla

Great-Power-300x225

I was shocked when a friend railed into me with “When I was suicidal and you were coaching me, you made me so angry I wanted to punch you in the face.”

Wow.

I was shocked more than stung.

 

I don’t think anyone has ever spoken to me that way.

No sting. Just surprise.

And maybe a little sad that I obviously didn’t help her at a time when she needed it.

Although intuitively, I felt I had.

I wondered what I was supposed to learn from that moment.

Then I remembered a conversation some years back that I had with Spirit. I had just gotten off the phone with a client in which I coached her hard. Maybe too hard. I felt terrible.

I said to Spirit, “I think most times I coach with You. Your words come through my mouth but this time I think my ego came thru and I was pretty no nonsense and perhaps rough with her.”

Spirit replied “What makes you think I am not your ego?”

Huh?

That was a paradigm shift for me.

I hadn’t thought about it like that before.

GodQuote

 

If God is both the Alpha and the Omega; then there is nothing that God is not. So the notion that God is in some moments and not in others isn’t plausible.

 

 

Spirit continued talking to me. “What makes you think that what you said isn’t exactly what she needed to hear and that you were acting as my conduit?”

I was told to lose attachment to even judging whether a session went well or not because then I was attaching myself to a vision of me “being something” versus “being.”

Over time I became uninterested in how people ‘graded’ me. I just relied on my internal monitor to see if I was operating with clean heart or not. It really is the only grading system I am interested in.

While I was recalling this moment I had with Spirit some years ago, a nudging told me to check something on the computer.

I was guided to pull up The Scale of Consciousness.

MAPOFCONSCIOUSNESS-HAWKINS-1024x781

In David R Hawkins’ book “Power vs Force” he explains that we all operate at a certain frequency and the frequency changes with our thoughts and feelings.

Most of us desire to experience ourselves as love, joy and peace – that is the top end of the scale – a frequency of 500 and above.

The frequency for suicide is, as you can imagine, a pretty low vibrational point… it’s frequency range is anywhere from 20-50

Guess where anger is?

Anger is at 150.

That is a jump of at least 100 on the Consciousness Scale!

Ha!

So if she went from suicidal to angry, that really was a good thing.

Who knew?

Even if I am seared in her memory as a terrible coach, it doesn’t much matter. The work was being done by something Greater.

I was merely a conduit who had learn more deeply the difference between ‘being someone’ vs ‘being’.

Where can you release ‘being someone’ and just ‘be’?

 

Farhana Dhalla 170x200 enhancedFarhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook




This Simple ‘Diet’ Will Bring You Closer to the Ones You Love (Including Yourself)

I often go on Digital Diets.

And guess how much I lose?

Nothing. Not one thing!

I gain.

Because I’m not in touch ‘out there’, I become more in touch ‘in here’.

The subtle knowings and lessons from Spirit are able to reach my usually hustin’ and bustlin’ mind. I deepen into an area of trust in my own life and effortlessly roll with life’s events in a way that surprises.

And because my time is not distracted by my cherished iphone and computer, I have time to really listen to my children.

Whenever I am truly present with them, the rewards are always staggering.

I remember the first time I truly unplugged and, plugged in…

It was December 2010. That Christmas was lean on gifts and I moved myself and my three children to another province. This move removed them from everyone they had ever really known and we were going to start anew based on guidance that my daughter had given me, confirmed by a meditation and a pendulum swing. Three weeks before, I totalled our family van, resulting in us taking a nineteen hour bus ride in the middle of a snowstorm.

We went to see the home I located on Craigslist for the first time. Even though the home was a downgrade from the house they grew up in, they each found something great in it.  We waited in the empty home for 7 days wondering if the less than ethical moving company that I hired would in fact deliver our belongings.

We made a trip to Value Village to outfit them for their first few days of school while I prayed that our stuff would come.

All the while I was staggered that there was not one complaint from them. Not one.

There was no whining in the uncomfortable Greyhound seats, no complaining that they won’t see their friends anymore, no crying that we had no beds, tv or underwear. Come on… kids aged 10, 9 and 5 notcomplaining??

I wondered what it was. And then I realized… wow…

THAT is the potency of being 100% present in relationships!!

Children are naturally more present. Without electronic distractions they are pretty much yours.

But adults, well… we require some reminders on what that may mean.

Here are my suggestions:

1. Put away the phone. Just put it away. Once you’ve done a head count to make sure everyone is home, what else do you need it for? Everything can wait. I mean everything.

2. Turn off all electronics (on occasion I have disconnected the cable box to help facilitate this).

3. Remind yourself that nothing is more important than the moment you are having. Nothing.

That’s it.

Relationships are cultivated and restored in Presence.

Courage and trust are built in Presence.

Love is realized in Presence.

So while that Christmas might have been lean on presents, it was abundant in Presence.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this and what it stirred up. Please do share it if you found it valuable…

Farhana Dhalla 172x204
Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook. If you’re curious about her ‘style’ of coaching and some areas of coaching, check out her article, Coach of Many Colours.



Why NOT Dating (After Divorce) is Hurting Your Children​

​When my​ daughter told me of her ‘plans’ to have twin girls and twin boys and take them to the park everyday in her bike carrier​ with the idea of one tak​ing​ the girls, and the next day ​taking the boys​, it prompted a question from me.

I asked “Why can’t you take them all?”​

She gave me a quizzical look that said “How is that possible?”It was then that I realized that she had never factored having a partner in her life​!​

She was going to do this all on her own. Just like her Mama.

Schwack!

It hit me like a brick.

I had only modeled one thing.

“I can do everything myself.”

Not a bad lesson.

Until even inadvertently it ​became part of a limiting belief.

​W​hile ​I was ​modeling the power of the Divine Feminine, I ​had ​excluded the invitation of the Divine Masculine to join me.

I wasn’t aware that my closure in this area was impacting my children. I wasn’t aware that my strength had now become ​a​ liability.

It’s not that I neeeeed a man in my life. But, wouldn’t it be nice to have someone who is conscious, aware, strong, able and wanting to love me and my children as a part of our experience?

​So o​ver the past couple of years, I have ​been opening myself to the possibility… and the Universe has responded by putting the perfect people in my path… I have seen great love affairs blossom in front of my eyes, observed love affairs that have continued to grow over decades of being together, and… I have opened to dating which has brought great men who each have given me a​ piece of profound healing and faith in what lies ahead as they have helped me melt off my limiting beliefs.

​I understand more now what Divine Love really means.

Expansive. Trusting. Willing. Supportive. Adventurous. Flowing. Expressive.

​And now with this greater understanding, I can model something different for my children.

While I CAN do it all on my own, it is really a sweeter experience shared. It takes courage to step into that possibility… it takes courage to date again, it takes courage to be willing to get your heart hurt (again) and, ​it takes courage to believe.

​I’m a believer. And THAT is how I’d like my kids to experience themselves.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this video and what it stirred up. Please do share it if you found it valuable…

Farhana Dhalla 172x204
Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook. If you’re curious about her ‘style’ of coaching and some areas of coaching, check out her article, Coach of Many Colours.



The Holy Gift: What My Thailand Trip Taught Me About Trust & Truth

Truth, Trust & Thailand (Part 2)

There is so much to say about what my whole Thailand trip experience taught me, please forgive the unclever titles as I label them part 1, 2, 3 etc. I have tried with great effort to pull in the many subtle dangling contributing storylines that make up this huge life experience and teaching … I assure you, everything interrelates.

road

We’ve all heard the saying “it’s the journey, not the destination” …. well, in this case, it was both.

In the journey as I wrote about in Part 1 there was a magical gift  …and here in Part 2, there was a major glitch.  (go here to read the first part so you know what I am talking about)

Remember when I wrote that 5 minutes after I had said “God’s got a thousand ways to give it to me” I received a phone call with a gift for the exact amount of the airlines tickets??

I saw that as a holy moment.

It was in direct response to the statement I just made AND I had accepted the gift. A HUGE breakthrough for me.

In that moment, I had dissolved my shame for needing help or for receiving it. I had re-written what all of these meant in my life.

Great Power-compressedI had re-written in my heart that ANY gift that comes to me was really from God. The person who was selected by God to offer that gift was simply that, the person selected. The gift… all gifts, come from God.

I was no longer going to turn away God’s gifts.

Two weeks later, right after my friend Nargis booked all our tickets to Thailand, I found out that the gift offered to me to cover the airline fare for my family was not to be.

My heart sank. Fear and panic started taking over.

I was now already committed, the tickets were bought.

While my head was still screaming a very logical “You’ve got insurance, cancel your tickets” everything inside my body still kept quietly saying “You are all to be in Thailand.”

Every time I would start to feel anxious, Nargis would just calmly and confidently say “It will all work out.”

Every time panic came up in me, I silenced it with her certainty.

But, I couldn’t shake the hurt and confusion that the gift of the airline tickets was suddenly pulled away. The moment was so holy…. It was so healing… what went wrong?

I couldn’t make sense of it.  What was the purpose of it all?

I started to ask myself some questions…

Do I know in my heart that the kids and I are to supposed to go to on this trip?  Yes.

Do I know in my heart that I was to cancel my speaking tour and rest?  Yes.

Did the offer of the gift in that moment enable me to say yes. Yes.

Was that a holy moment? Yes.

Does it not coming to fruition make it less holy? No.

Is the trip still supposed to happen? Yes.

Can I take this leap of faith? Yes.

I understood then that the gift was the catalyst that I required to say yes at that time. The gift was the observable experience for me to see how much I had grown in my receiving channels.

The gift was not about the money received. The gift enabled the whole experience to unfold and allowed me to experience my new self.

It allowed me to know that I could receive with delight (and not the subtle shame that I used to hold myself hostage with).

The gift was holy.

It’s true purpose had been achieved.

I knew myself as new.

If you are feeling a bit gnawed up inside about something you thought would happen, ask yourself some questions to uncover the hidden gifts. I assure you that the TRUE gift was indeed given.

I love you.

Farhana

PS – That was a little more about the journey… wait til I tell you about the destination! wrawrr!!

I’d like to hear what you think of this article.

Farhana Dhalla 172x204
Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook. If you’re curious about her ‘style’ of coaching and some areas of coaching, check out her article, Coach of Many Colours.



Your Body Never Lies — 7 Steps For Living In Your Truth

Just 3.5 yrs ago I was struggling with less than $2 in my bank account. It was summertime and I was trying to figure out how I would stretch that $1.36 for the next 10 days while keeping my kids busy with summer fun activities. I was too embarrassed to tell my family or ask for help so I silently suffered this shame and fear. I was so riddled with pride and shame that I could have never have even accepted their support.

ThailandFast forward to a few weeks ago when I took my children to Thailand. Yes, THAILAND!!!

It came together so effortlessly.

A couple of years ago one of my best friends for over 30 yrs said in passing, “My brother is building a house in Thailand, when his home is finished, we should go”. I said “sounds good”. I didn’t think much of it. It was partly an empty commitment on my part of agreeing to the fantastical and partly a little ‘let’s see’ challenge and dance with the Universe.

Causally, it comes up again that we should book our flights soon. And, should we be taking our kids? Every logical thought in my head is ‘no’. Too far, too expensive, perhaps I should just go with my friend and my kids can spend Christmas with their dad. But, while I may think logically, I don’t make my decisions that way. I get a very distinct feeling (confirmed by the swing in my pendulum) that I am supposed to take the kids. It’s so illogical. And so expensive. But, once I know that is what I am supposed to do, resistance is futile.

I don’t pay any attention to the details or the booking. My friend does all of that as I’m fully absorbed in preparing and marketing for my sold out speaking tour. Then, I get some unexpected shooting shards of pain move across the left side of my face and I realize that my ‘go-go-go’ way has re-activated my trigeminal neuralgia. Ouch!

I ask my body “What do you want?”Move In Truth-compressed

I hear “Rest”.

I look at my schedule and know for the next 21 days I will be on full-steam ahead. And I also know that if I do go like gangbusters and do my speaking tour knowing that my body is requesting and requiring rest, I will be diametrically opposed to the message that I teach.

“Once you know the truth, you must move in accordance with it…. or life begins to get difficult”

I reluctantly contemplate the idea of cancelling and immediately my body feels light. I now know that this is the right decision. I need to cancel my sold out events. Damn.

It’s crazy and ridiculous… after all, the hard work is not the speaking part, it’s getting an event up and going… so why the heck would I cancel sold out events now when it’s easy??

But I know I have to. Because it is the truth for me.

My body has asked me to.

I’m not happy with this ‘truth’ because I WANT to do these events, but…

I have surrendered to living my life in accordance to walking in step with the truth as I know it…. even if parts of me don’t like it.

My client asked me “Wasn’t the revenue gained from the speaking tour going to be your money to fund Thailand?” I said “Yes. But I’m listening despite all logic and if I am going to go, God has a thousand ways to give me that money.”

Five minutes – yes, five minutes later – I receive a phone call and the exact money for the airline tickets is offered to me as a gift. The exact amount!!

Whaaaat?

Yes. It works just like that.

And do you know what I did this time? I accepted it.

3.5 years ago I couldn’t even receive grocery money to help my kids. My receiving channels were so collapsed.

But now, I understand that God’s got a thousand ways to give to me and my receiving channels are open. After all, who am I to turn away God’s gifts?

I KNOW that if I act in accordance to my truth, if I am integral to myself (despite my own wishes and hopes for things to be different) things ALWAYS come together.

7 Steps To Move in Accordance With Your Truth :

1) Listen (to the whispers)
2) Trust (the message)
3) Act (in accordance)
4) Breathe (deeply)
5) Observe (what occurs)
6) Receive (joyously)
7) Smile (and don’t stop)

Rinse and Repeat 😉

If you enjoyed reading this article, please consider sharing it.

Editor’s Note: Listen to Farhana’s interview on the Conscious Life Awakened Speaker Series (CLASS).  Sign up here for free and get access to the replay.
Farhana Dhalla 172x204
Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook



3 Powerful Paradigm Shifts To Turn Your Relationship Around (& Keep It Strong)

happiness-300x274-compressedMost of us have heard the statement that we are responsible for our own happiness. And while we generally believe it, it’s sometimes a little hard to remember when our lives are so intertwined with our partner and what they say and do has such a profound effect on us.

What we forget is that likely when we met our partners, we were regularly doing the things that made us the happy person that they were drawn to. And, then ‘life’ gets in the way and we forget to do the things that inject happiness in us and we look to the other person to make us happy. Which of course, we know they cannot do.

Happiness is entirely an inside job.

Paradigm Shift #1

Many years ago I heard a speaker talk about something he called the White Hot Imperative. The White Hot Imperative is something that is imperative to your happiness. It is something that you do for yourself that brings you joy. For some it may be gardening, or playing golf, or scrap booking, or going to church, Whatever it happens to be, it is the thing that we MUST do for ourselves that brings us joy.

The joy derived from doing it rejuvenates us and then we naturally bring that joy into the relationship.

Here is something to be mindful about and see if any of these subtle behaviors apply to you. People sometimes give up their White Hot Imperative or they guilt their partner into giving up theirs.

Recently I was talking with a client that said whenever it was time for him to play hockey with his buddies, something would come up to make him choose whether he should stay home or play. He felt that if he chose to play hockey, there was a price to pay. His wife would be silently angry. So over time, he just decided to quit playing hockey in order to avoid the silent anger and sadly in the process he leeched himself of joy.

HappinessIt’s a subtle game that people sometimes play with each other to test their partner. Will they choose me or their favorite activity? This form of manipulation has short-lived benefits. The initial high of ‘being chosen’ will soon be replaced by an undercurrent of resentment if the partner feel unsafe to have independent joyful experiences.

A critical error that couples sometimes make is that they feel they have to do everything together. If you love to jog and your partner does not love jogging, don’t make them join you. It is not disrespectful of your partner because they don’t like to jog. Let them be in that which makes them happy. If they enjoy tinkering in the garage, let them tinker. You, go jog.

Allow and encourage your partner to do what generates happiness in themselves and they will bring that happiness into the relationship. YOU do what generates happiness for you and you will naturally bring that to the relationship. Serve your relationship by doing what makes you happy.

Paradigm Shift #2

In a relationship, there are 3 entities. There is the entity of you. There is the entity of the other person and then there is the entity of the relationship. When making decisions, if you make decisions that serve the relationship, you will find that power struggles subside.

This is how you would do this:

Be honest about what it is you want. Invite them to be honest about what they want. Now with both of you having been heard and understood, ask yourselves, “What is in the highest service to our relationship?”

When you make decisions based on serving the relationship in it’s highest, you will find that the need for one persons way to win and the other persons way to lose dissolves. It’s not two people taking from one another to get their way; it is two people in service to the higher order – which is the relationship.

You will find that your individual needs will also be served this way because it is in the higher order to the relationship that each person expresses and communicates their needs.

Make decisions that are in the highest interest of the 3rd entity – the relationship.

Paradigm Shift #3

It’s normal for couples to go through periods of time where they’re experiencing some form of anger. Understanding where anger comes from is important.

There are 2 governing states in which we create our emotions from. One state is love and the other state is fear. Everything else is a variation on the continuum between these two states. Anger sits on the ‘fear’ side of the continuum.

So, when you are angry, know that there is an underlying fear that may be causing this. The invitation here is to go into deeper inquiry within oneself. Ask yourself, “What about my situation makes me afraid?” Get into truth with that. You may surprise yourself about what you learn.

Once you have identified the underlying fear, ask yourself the likelihood of your fear occurring. You will see the chances of it occurring are so small that you will feel the fear automatically start dissolving.

How to Let Go of AngerAnger is normal. Simply pause and identify the underlying fear behind the anger and observe its likelihood of occurrence. The anger and fear once properly identified automatically start dissolving on it’s own.

Heighten the quality of your communication by sharing your discoveries with your partner. As you fall into deeper trust (which can only come from being both vulnerable and honest), you will find you both soften into a deeper relationship with more meaningful and valuable dialogue.

You chose this very perfect partner to be your teacher in expanding you to new points of view, to be your teacher in compromise, your teacher in peace, your teacher in forgiveness, your teacher in receiving. Your sacred partner is the person who has come to help you discover these god-like qualities in yourself.

 

Editor’s Note: Listen to Farhana’s interview on the Conscious Life Awakened Speaker Series (CLASS).  Sign up here for free and get access to the replay.

 

Farhana Dhalla 172x204
Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook