When Something Has to Change: How to Push Yourself to Take Action

Posted by on April 16, 2016 in Conscious Evolution, Conscious Living, Thrive with 4 Comments


By Megan Forrest | Tiny Buddha

“The truth you believe in and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.” ~Pema Chodron

At some point, there comes a defining moment when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you just can’t keep living the way you’ve been living.

You know that something has got to give and realize that you only have two options—either change or stay the same.

The idea of having to choose either one of those options feels absolutely unbearable, so you find yourself trapped between the two, in this awful purgatory of indecision.

That’s exactly where I was trapped: unable to stay in an unhappy marriage, and unable to leave it.

The prospect of changing required the long journey inward, having to look at myself honestly and courageously and do the things I was afraid to do.

To change meant that I had to leap into unchartered waters, not knowing if I’d sink or swim. And in the face of that, I was easily lured back to the comfort of the familiar.

I was quick to reassure myself that even in my unhappy situation, with all of its heartache and suffering, at least I knew what to expect. And that thought was comforting.

In precise tandem with that thought was the awareness that if I couldn’t bring myself to leap off the cliff to change, I would be stuck living life in this state of unhappiness and dysfunction. And that thought was terrifying.

I couldn’t stay where I was, but I was too afraid to move forward.

This purgatory of indecision was an awful place to be. It was filled with its own unique despair. It was fraught with doubt, shame, anger, and huge amounts of fear. But in spite of that, it still wasn’t enough to propel me in any one direction.

I was stuck in this purgatory for years. Eventually, I came to understand that my thoughts and beliefs didn’t actually come from me. They came from the very loud and dictatorial voice of my codependent mind.

It had become so loud and powerful that it had all but drowned out my own voice. One of its most potent functions was to convince me that every terrible thing I told myself about myself was the gospel truth.

I’ve learned to think of my codependency as a seed—and the same analogy applies for addiction, depression, and other struggles.

There sits the seed of it, buried deep in our brain. And in some of us, at some point, something will happen to trigger it.

That event acts as the water it needs to grow. If it’s allowed to set its roots down, it continues to grow stronger and stronger. The voice of that dysfunction slowly and steadfastly takes over and begins to drown out you.

Eventually, this dysfunctional voice is the only one you hear, and so you recognize it as you, but it’s not.

I think of it as two minds—my mind and the codependent mind. My co-dependent mind had grown so big, and its roots so deep, that it was calling all the shots.

The mind of any dysfunction, regardless of where it originated, has its own unique sets of toolboxes. In my case, my codependent mind was a master at using fear and self-doubt to create confusion.

Fear, along with self-doubt, whispers “you’re not good enough” or “you are not worthy,” and insists, “you can’t trust what you feel or what you think,” thereby creating all kinds of space for confusion to reign.

There was a constant tug of war going on inside of me. I was convinced that what I wanted and needed was wrong if it wasn’t in alignment with what others wanted and needed from me.

Daily, my codependent mind reminded me that I was inadequate, unlovable, unworthy, and incapable. And as the codependent voice got louder and louder, it eventually became the only voice I recognized and heard.

But here’s the thing: The secret to silencing that voice of dysfunction is to challenge it. We must disbelieve what it’s saying.

The problem was that any attempt at disagreeing with what my codependent mind created huge amounts of anxiety and fear.

So you can see the predicament: To silence it, we have to disbelieve it. And to disbelieve it creates tremendous anxiety.

The thing you need to know is that anxiety is the superpower of any dysfunction. It uses our disdain and discomfort for feeling anxious as a way of staying in control. This is what makes it so clever and difficult to outwit.

And it was this desperate need to avoid feeling anxious that kept me from challenging my codependent thinking.

As tough as it may seem, to be able to change your beliefs about yourself, you need to disbelieve what that voice of dysfunction is telling you, and do the very thing you think you can’t do.

As you challenge it, you will experience anxiety and fear. But no one has ever died from feeling anxious or afraid. Ever.


Tags: , , , , ,


If you enjoyed this article, subscribe now to receive more just like it.

Subscribe via RSS Feed Connect on YouTube

4 Reader Comments

Trackback URL Comments RSS Feed

  1. 10207323945791631@facebook.com' Lawrence Carson says:

    On Thinking About Mind, Beliefs and Thinking.

    Here is a little taste of what a current research project of mine is all about and the world needs as many people as possible to get involved. Watch and you will see. Eastern Religious Leaders, Metaphysics and now even “Quantum Physicists” – through their double slit experiments, are all finally agreeing on . . . three very simple . . . yet incredibly powerful concepts of our Universal Reality.

    A – Awareness … is the Principle Core Essence deep within Singularities quest to create duality where duality is the Time-Space-Energy manifestations in what they call “Duality” of the Observer observing “The Observed.” Take “Duality” out of the picture and all one has is “The Observer” locked in the Monality of Singularity” with nada to observe. Now that is a really lonely void … some say that is. 🙂

    B – Beliefs … are sired deep within Time’s Duality of Space via what Viktor Frankl called the “Meaning Making Process.” (read “Man’s Search For Meaning”) So, living self-sustaining belief systems are in fact . . . in total command and control of my, your and humanity’s life. Up to now that is provided we i) want to and ii) know how to … train – or eliminate like weeds from our gardens – those little buggers.

    C – Consciousness is coherently entangled with, of and deep with-in everything. Consciousness (Greek < With + Gnostic knowledge) creates all energy because . . . all energy is Conscious. Soon there will be a day when we will all personally experience the nous reality that . . . E= MC2 = Consciousness = Creative Power Beyond Belief.

    Please feel free to check out my very short and simplistic posting on YouTube regarding the ontological nature of consciousness, i.e. “Understanding The Consciousness of Energy.”


    • 931248130266015@facebook.com' Sue Field says:

      Great post Lawrence. I am just reading Wayne Dyers last book Wishes Fulfilled. So the big thing is to get into your higher self (super consciousness) and manifest the “I am” to change these limiting beliefs and present time suffering (emotional, physical and spiritual challenges).

    • 931248130266015@facebook.com' Sue Field says:

      I do Body Talk and often use the Active Memory technique with EMDR to release limiting beliefs from my patients.

    • 10207323945791631@facebook.com' Lawrence Carson says:

      Sue Field … Precisely! Bingo! And when one changes the “Meaning” of any event … it is in all reality … changing the person themselves. And Change = Eternal Gnosis.

New Title

NOTE: Email is optional. Do NOT enter it if you do NOT want it displayed.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

FAIR USE NOTICE. Many of the articles on this site contain copyrighted material whose use has not been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making this material available in an effort to advance the understanding of environmental issues, human rights, economic and political democracy, and issues of social justice. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of the copyrighted material as provided for in Section 107 of the US Copyright Law which contains a list of the various purposes for which the reproduction of a particular work may be considered fair, such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. If you wish to use such copyrighted material for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use'...you must obtain permission from the copyright owner. And, if you are a copyright owner who wishes to have your content removed, let us know via the "Contact Us" link at the top of the site, and we will promptly remove it.

The information on this site is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional advice of any kind. Conscious Life News assumes no responsibility for the use or misuse of this material. Your use of this website indicates your agreement to these terms.

Paid advertising on Conscious Life News may not represent the views and opinions of this website and its contributors. No endorsement of products and services advertised is either expressed or implied.

Send this to a friend