Lately, in the spiritual community, I seem to keep coming across articles by various coaches, healers, etc. stating that for someone to “get better”, they absolutely MUST heal their core wounds or what is sometimes known as “shadows”. Those deep, dark parts of ourselves that we’ve stuffed down, denied, etc. due to a sense of fear, shame, guilt, stemming from past trauma.
Now, you might be wondering where I’m going with this or be thinking this is common knowledge, but dare I say, as a Reiki Master doing energy work for nearly 20 years and someone who has sat down with plenty of her own shadows and demons, that I don’t entirely agree that EVERYTHING must be healed.
Let me explain…
Oftentimes when we are going through hard times we tend to wonder if something is wrong with us when that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Nothing is ever “wrong” with anyone, however, if you find yourself constantly struggling in life in one or any number of areas, then that is simply the Universe doing it’s thing, as it does for (not TO) everyone else on Earth.
No, the Universe is not judging anyone, nor is it delivering any kind of punishment, it is, however, regardless of how are of it or not that you are, always responding to your beliefs. Your beliefs about yourself, those around you and the world in general. And when we are able to view our obstacles as the opportunities they are, it also creates a space for us to objectively feel into these beliefs and not just always be constantly unconsciously reacting from them.
You see most of the “stuff” that causes us suffering in adulthood causes so much pain and drama because frankly, it isn’t necessarily OUR stuff. As children and up to the age of 7, our little brains act as a sponge; soaking up everything around us, and especially the mannerisms, habits and yes, beliefs of your parents, teachers, and basically any other adult you saw as a potential authority figure.
If we aren’t around adults that are conscious of this, then like most of us, we grow up carrying a ton of emotional baggage that causes so much struggle, because as children, we do not grasp the ability or awareness to know it isn’t ours to carry, especially into and throughout our own adulthood.
Now, most people I know want to be happy and live a healthy life regardless of what that looks like to them. And not all of us find it to be an easy destination, and that’s most likely because “happiness” in itself is not something waiting for you at the end of the tunnel or a means to an end at all, but rather a choice to accept everything as it is in this moment.
One thing I see a lot in the coaching industry as well as psychology is the focus on getting happy. And to “get happy” most would agree we need to look long and hard at everything that could possibly be making us UNhappy, right? Well, here’s where I disagree a bit…
I think as coaches and healers we often lose ourselves in the goal itself, which of course is to help others and to allow them the space to come into their purpose and potential. By this I mean we can tend to get so focused on the end goal that we might forget that not everyone's path looks the same, albeit they all end up at the same place eventually.
And my entire point is this…people will and can only ever heal….
IF THEY WANT TO.
We as coaches and healers can want nothing for the best for clients and do our best to guide our clients through looking at core wounds and of course, this is always painful, but an ever-rewarding process. However, if we get stuck in one area we think is the sole cause of the person no longer progressing, then we tend to fall right back into the same energy and belief that “here” is not okay, and that there will forever be a place we still need to get to in order to be happy.
More simply put, focus on the moment…in EVERY moment and feel into it. I’ve learned that the best way I can help people is to really listen to them and validate their feelings. This often is all that is needed to open the first door to healing, and again this will look different to everyone.
When we do this, we aren’t constantly in a position where we are telling ourselves that client A simply won’t ever be happy if she doesn’t look at trauma B. I honestly think regardless of how involved we allow ourselves to be, healing is inevitably a personal process. We can only light the way, but we need to remember we aren’t passing torches here, we are lighting more torches with our own. The end goal is not followers to a well laid out path to “happiness” you’ve created, but rather the goal is in the growth itself.
And as not all seeds are meant to crack and bloom, not every idea or piece of advice we can offer needs to be taken. In the end, it’s our job to support and guide, but NEVER push or pull. And maybe, just maybe sometimes the most healing thing we can offer our clients is to know that they are accepted and loved just as they are.
“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.”
Tamara Rant is a Co-Editor/Writer for CLN as well as a Licensed Reiki Master, heart-centered Graphic Designer and a progressive voice in social media activism & awareness. She is an avid lover of all things Quantum Physics and Spirituality. Connect with Tamara by visiting Prana Paws/Healing Hearts Reiki or go to RantDesignMedia.com
Tamara posts new original articles to CLN every Saturday.
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