Hindsight of the Heart: To Find Love, Stop Looking For It


Regarding personal relationships, I’ve always been the type that was drawn to those people I had perceived as being “broken” in some way and I also happen to think that I could somehow possibly fix them. Looking back, I see how this was my ego calling the shots by telling me that MY love would be the love to finally make these men see their true worth in life. And that once they did, they’d love me forever for helping them get to that revelation point. What I didn’t know at the time, was that self-worth must come from within…always. And that even when others can seem to be giving it to you, or you are literally making someone else your source, it’s always coming from you; they are a reflection and only triggering what already exists.

But until I learned that Truth, nothing seemed more attractive to me than emotional baggage, a sense of bad-boy mystery, and a dark and haunting past of unhealthy habits and relationships. It was like the signals to run the other way that went off in my heart were the same signals telling my ego all the right reasons to stay.

If you actually did have your shit together, then I literally would not give you a second glance. My ego would tell me, “They obviously don’t need me, so why even bother?” As if I was basing the entire purpose of love relationships on being what each person could or could not do for one another. And while I understand relationships flourish if both person’s needs are met, I refused to realize at the time, that they flourish most when both people are ultimately taking care of their own needs, rather than expecting the other to always “fix it”. And that of course relationships are meant to be symbiotic, but when they morph into co-dependent then that is when we literally lose ourselves in another person, and no that’s actually not a good thing.

Most people would agree that when you first fall in love, it’s the best thing in the world. Your mind and heart are filled with the rush of new emotions and thoughts that love inevitably stirs up within us all, and we tend to talk and think about the person often. And perhaps some would agree that because this feels so great, we might even tend to purposely overlook signs and ignore gut feelings telling us maybe this just isn’t meant to be. While my inner GPS is on full function now, back then it was literally like I was walking around with blinders on regarding the subtle signals and hints I’d receive that always trying to steer me right when I’d always pull left.

We all learn in different ways, but apparently mine this lifetime around is repetition. I’ve been in more unstable relationships than I care to admit, but one thing I take from them all is the infinite reminder that the love I was always looking for was never, ever anywhere “out there”. And once I fully integrated that belief and knew it without a doubt in my heart, a funny thing happened. I simply stopped meeting men that brought out that insecure side of me and started seeing successful and happy men as complementary rather than putting them on a proverbial pedestal and convincing myself that they’d never be interested in me.

Life is funny in that when you do finally learn a specific lesson, it will continue to test you about it. But when you also start coming at love from love (rather than fear-based need), your sense of self-worth can rest at full capacity, and with that, you are armed to ace every single one of those tests. Why? Because your perceptions and beliefs and therefore your energy have simply shifted…

So, how DO we attract the right people into our lives? Simple. For one, stop looking for love and it will find you. The mere act of looking from a place of need actually repels that which we want most! Secondly, get to know yourself to the point that you absolutely love your own company. When you can do both of these things, you are not only putting yourself in a high vibration, but you are also strengthening your heart and personal integrity. The more YOU are there for yourself, the more you inevitably trust yourself to always be there in times of need. This might sound like a given, but actually many people don’t trust themselves simply because they don’t act on what they say they will. When we don’t come through on our word to ourselves, it’s like dealing with a little child who refuses to listen to you anymore. When you threaten “no cookies if you don’t clean your room” but always let them have cookies anyway, it won’t be long before they stop taking you seriously and our own hearts are no different.

We can build a strong foundation of self-worth, by building a strong foundation of self-trust. The more we come through for ourselves, the more clearly we see others as they are and not simply what we want to see. We own our issues, emotions, etc. and have learned to deal with them in a healthy way, that we no longer put that onto others. And with that simple shift in where we place our expectations, we begin to open our hearts to the types of people that don’t need you, but WANT you! 🙂 People that are now just like you and seeking a relationship from a pure place of loving desire. No more coming together out of need and lack!

So, while I’m still a work-in-progress myself, I come from the heart sharing my own experience with this amazing force of the Universe we all know as L.O.V.E. And I leave you with the best advice I could give in regards to attracting the right people into your life…

When you can get to a place within yourself where you are at peace with knowing that EVERY person who has come into your life, whether still present or not, was the right person, at the right time for the right lesson you both wishes to experience at that time in existence, you are truly free. And when you are free, you come only to love others in such a way that they feel free as well…<3

tamaraTamara Rant is a Co-Editor/Writer for CLN as well as a Licensed Reiki Master, heart-centered Graphic Designer and a progressive voice in social media activism & awareness. She is an avid lover of all things Quantum Physics and Spirituality. Connect with Tamara by visiting Prana Paws/Healing Hearts Reiki or go to RantDesignMedia.com

Tamara posts new original articles to CLN every Saturday.

Follow Tamara on FacebookTwitter and Google+

This article was originally created and published by Conscious Life News and is published here under a Creative Commons license with attribution to Tamara Rant and ConsciousLifeNews.com. It may be re-posted freely with proper attribution, author bio, and this Copyright/Creative Commons statement.

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