The Top 8 Things Men & Women Hate Hearing from Their Partner

Written by on October 5, 2018 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 4 Comments

Woman Shutting Off-compressed

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

Where are men and women most vulnerable? What specific things do their partners say to them that bother them the most? When and how do they feel the most criticized?

You asked me… I asked them… and they answered.

These poll-style articles have become a consistent hit that my readers seem to love, so I thought I’d go straight for the jugular on this one. As always, I had to see a clear pattern in the answers before I included a specific point in the article. Nothing appears below that was just a one-off complaint. The eight points below were all overarching trends in the responses.

Related Article: What Amazing Sex Feels Like for Women – In Their Own Words

Also, I think it’s worthwhile to mention that many of the following things didn’t have to be overtly or repeatedly brought up by their partner. These topics were so painful to receive negative feedback on that their partner could even hint at being displeased about it and it would stick in the person’s mind for months/years/decades.

So without further ado…

Here are the eight things that my male and female followers said that they hated hearing from their partner the most (four for men and four for women).

We’ll start with the women…

1. Criticizing my body/Telling me I’m fat

Far and beyond, one of the things that appeared in a lot of the responses was that women felt sensitive and hurt (understandably) when their partners made judgemental comments about their bodies.

“I almost hate to say it because it sounds like such a typical North American woman thing to say… but I really do hate when he even hints at me being overweight. I know I’ve put on some pounds these past few years, and I don’t like it and I’m sensitive about it… so when he mentions that he notices it it just boils my blood.” – Chelsey, 51

“My last boyfriend and I were heading out to a party one night when he told me that he wanted me to change my dress because it was ‘really obvious that I was getting a tummy and people might ask us if we were pregnant.’ I get that he told me this because of his own buried insecurities, but it pissed me off for so long. I broke up with him a couple of weeks later, but I was mad at him, and myself, for at least half a year about that.” – Nicole, 36

Their body is their body. Either love them as they are, or let them find another partner who will. Criticizing their physical appearance will get you nowhere.

2. Partner disliking my smell/taste

I assumed that there would be a few of these comments being made, but I was surprised by the percentage of responses that mentioned this one.

“Pretty much the only thing that I’ve ever dumped a guy for right away (in my long and sordid dating history) was when this one dolt told me that I tasted bad the first time we slept together. It was so disappointing because he had zero red flags against him in our first handful of dates. We got hot and heavy one night (around our fifth date, if my memory serves me), he dropped that bomb, and it was like ‘Yeah… okay, see ya!'” – Lanie, 42

On a biological level, enjoying someone’s taste and smell is important. The pleasant smell and taste of our partner’s genitals (male or female) is an indicator of health, and it also gives us subconscious cues as to our genetic compatibility with them. I.e. if you’re immune to certain diseases and your partner is immune to other diseases, then you will be more likely to enjoy each other’s scents and tastes because your bodies will be giving you the subconscious cues to mate with them.

It essentially says, “You have complementary immune systems. You would make healthy babies. Mate with this one!”

So if you really find yourself repelled by your new partner’s smell and/or taste, then their might be some genuine validity to your concern (especially if you want children one day).

But on the social level, an offhand comment like this can last with someone for years/decades/the rest of their life. So just don’t say anything. Your not liking the taste of their genitals might say something about your underlying genetic compatibility, but it doesn’t say anything about them as a person. So there’s zero need to give them a complex about it. If you don’t like how your partner tastes, keep your criticism to yourself and move on.

3. Feeling criticized for being “too emotional”

This point was mentioned time and time again, with somewhat varying language behind it.

Replace ‘too emotional’ with ‘you’re being crazy’, ‘you’re being overly dramatic’, ‘you cry too easily’, etc., and this was one of the most recurring points by far across all of the responses.

Related Article: 10 Critical Things You Should Never Tolerate In A Relationship

“I feel like my emotional bandwidth has to be kept under wraps sometimes with my husband. Which sucks! Because he was so game for anything when he was first courting me. But I feel like the longer we’ve been together the more he tries to limit the ups and downs of my emotional expression. It’s the only thing in our relationship that keeps me from feeling fully able to surrender with him.” – Josephine, 47

“Easy. It’s whenever my boyfriend tells me I’m being crazy or irrational. I know that I can be a bit dramatic at times, but I really feel like he uses it too liberally. Like it’s supposed to be this all-purpose fight-ender… and it usually has the opposite effect on me. I just get more worked up because I feel like he isn’t taking me seriously!” – Marjori, 32

4. Sex drive is too high/low

Surprisingly (to some), I received an almost 50/50 equal number of women saying that they felt criticized for having too HIGH of a sex drive compared to women who felt criticized for having too LOW of a sex drive. So it went both ways. Take that societal myth!

Take Alice for example…

“I feel like magazines and movies push this idea that men are the oversexed ones in every relationship… that they constantly want it and women largely acquiesce to it. Every relationship in my life has been the exact opposite. When I’m with someone, I really with them… and sex is a huge part of any healthy relationship. I want to have sex with my husband every day… if only for a few minutes… and I’m usually the one who instigates. I’d say I instigate sex at least 90% of the time… but I feel like a burden to him sometimes. It’s something I already feel kind of insecure about (my mind goes crazy – like, does he not want to have sex with me? does he not think I’m attractive anymore??) and so whenever he hints at me wanting too much from him sexually, I feel so bad. My mind is like “Okay, great… so he might not be that into me AND I’m a pushy/bossy wife?”… He’s never said it in those terms, but my mind just runs rampant with this stuff.” – Alice, 37

“I know that my husband connects with me sexually easier than does through verbal communication. And I’m a talker. So it’s a tough spot. But he does his best to speak his mind, even when it’s tough for him, and I do my best to have and/or initiate sex even if I don’t feel 100% in the mood. I’m not dishonoring my body to do it… I just give myself an internal nudge and kind of just get on board with it. And I’m always enjoying it once it’s actually happening. But yes, I’ve had to somewhat earn my way to get to that place through a lot of work. Anyways, when he wants to have sex and I’m really not in the mood, I can feel it in his body language that he feels rejected and I just feel awful. I KNOW that he isn’t being intentionally manipulative or anything at all by physically shutting down somewhat but damn do I wish I could just always be in the mood. Anyways, I’m working on it. He’s a good guy and I know he means well.” – Joan, 32

Interesting right? I found some of the trends fairly surprising, and others to be somewhat unfortunately expected.

Now, here’s what the guys had to say in response to the same questions.


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