By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting
So today, I decided to do a best-of-the-best collection of my fifty sex tips for men.
My female readers will also benefit from many of these tips, but the focus is primarily on the men.
Do you want to build greater sexual stamina, please your partner more fully, enjoy more fulfilling sex, and feel more confident and energized day to day?
Small hinges swing big doors. By putting in just a little bit of energy and attention towards your sex life, you can be experiencing the most deeply fulfilling sex that you’ve ever had.
Let’s get into it.
Without further ado, here are my fifty powerful sex tips for men.
50 Powerful Sex Tips For Men
1. Extend foreplay (by a lot)
According to Taoist sexual philosophy, one of the biggest differences between male and female bodies is that women’s sexual energy begins in the extremities and needs to be guided towards the genitals. Which is a fancy way of saying that most women take a minute to warm up.
One of the highest leverage ways you can improve your sex life is to spend a significant amount of time in foreplay.
By extending foreplay you’ll both have more time to drop in to the moment and you’re both more likely to have multiple orgasms and more powerful orgasms (which I will get into, for both of you, in this list).
(Also, if you want more ideas on how to extend your foreplay and really bring your partner into her body, check out my article on Slow Sex)
2. Learn how to control your ejaculations by practicing becoming multi-orgasmic
Every man has the capacity to become multi-orgasmic, if he knows how to do it correctly.
It all comes down to knowing your body, having a relationship with your ejaculatory ‘point-of-no-return’, and connecting with your breath.
If you want to 10x your sexual stamina, have 5-10 orgasms per session, and blow your partner’s mind in bed…
Related Article: Men, Here’s How You Can Have Multiple Orgasms Too
3. Do at least 1-2 high intensity exercise sessions per week
Men get a massive testosterone boost from doing high intensity workouts. Especially when those workouts are filled with heavily weighted compound exercises (i.e. dead lifts, squats, bench press, kettle bell swings, and pull ups).
Work out like this even once or twice a week and you’ll notice an immediate positive impact on your sex drive.
4. Make noise during sex
One of the most common complaints that I hear from my female readers is that their partners are too quiet in bed.
While the strong, stoic, monosyllabic figure of masculinity might be attractive on the big screen, in real life women want a man who can be expressive and vocal… especially when it comes time to fooling around in bed.
Try moaning, grunting, growling, or dirty talking more often in bed. It will help you get out of your head and into your body (aka you’ll experience more pleasure) and your partner will appreciate it.
5. Don’t eat right before sex
Digestion takes blood flow. If your blood is all working on digesting and distributing the nutrients that you’ve plopped down into your belly then it won’t be as likely to be filling your penis with blood to make a satisfying erection.
As much as possible, aim to not eat for at least 60-90 minutes before sexual play.
6. Go pee at least 20 minutes before sex
Taoist sexual philosophy states that men should avoid having sex within 20 minutes of peeing, and I would agree with this sentiment.
If you go pee and then immediately start trying to have sex, 1-3 minutes afterwards, then your penis hasn’t had any time to acclimate to switching roles. By doing this, you’ll be more detached from your sexual pleasure and more likely to prematurely ejaculate.
So by all means, empty your bladder before sex. Just make sure that you take some down time between urination and sex.
Not sure how to pass the time as you’re waiting? Extended foreplay and/or a sensual massage is always a good call.
7. Eat a diet with minimal processed foods to ensure your body is in top working order
As the famous saying goes, you are what you eat.
If you eat crap food, you’ll feel like crap. If you eat healthy, whole, energizing foods, you’ll feel like a healthy, whole, energized person.
Cut back on drinking, smoking, drugs, or overly processed foods. Double down on a colourful array of vegetables, nuts, lean animal proteins, and any supplements that make you feel awesome.
Want even more specificity on exactly what to eat for the best sex life possible? Check this out.
8. Use your words
Dirty talk is so hot when you do it right.
Before sex, tell them what you want to do to them.
During sex, tell them what you love that’s happening.
After sex, tell them what you loved that happened.
To get over fifty, ready to use examples of potent, powerful dirty talk, check out this article.
9. Stop watching so much porn
Watching even moderate amounts of pornography has been proven to mess with your mind (and ability to perform sexually).
When you watch porn, your brain’s reward circuitry lights up like a Christmas tree. Toss on the fact that most men will scroll through multiple scenes during a single viewing session and it’s no wonder that this habit creates what is known as an arousal addiction (which is where your mind wants more constant variety).
When you’re then faced with your one, static partner (where you can’t click through to another person) your mind feels under-stimulated and it’s common for men (even under the age of 30 years old) to suffer from erectile dysfunction because of how their brain’s have been rewired.
Long story short, limit your exposure to porn, if not eliminate it from your life all together, in order to have the strongest erections and healthiest sex life possible.
10. Avoid her genitals for as long as possible during foreplay
Our brains have two kinds of pleasure systems… consummatory pleasure, an anticipatory pleasure.
Anticipatory pleasure is what we experience when we are in the state of desiring or craving something (for example, the hit of dopamine you get when you see your food being brought out to you in a restaurant).
Consummatory pleasure is the kind of pleasure that we experience when we (you guessed it) consume the thing we desire (food, sex, human touch, etc.).
Sexual tension (and a lot of sexual pleasure) is largely centred around being in a state of anticipation.
So, during foreplay, build up the sexual tension by going everywhere other than your partner’s genitals first.
For example, if your partner enjoys being kissed on the neck/shoulder area, then spend a few minutes lightly breathing on the nape of her back, behind her ear, and over the part of her shoulder where her bra strap would normally fall. Start very gently. Let your breath and lips do most of the work to begin with and simply graze her skin.
In the vast majority of your sexual play sessions, spend enough time on the preparatory phase that when you eventually go to put your fingers between her legs, you’ll have no doubt that she’ll already be dripping wet by the time you touch her.
Remember… when in doubt, slow down, tease more, and build anticipation.
11. Wear deodorant and cologne that she loves
Your partner is the one who has to smell you more than you do.
Find a scent of deodorant and cologne that both of you enjoy on you.
You can even go shopping with her for it… which can be it’s own form of foreplay.
(While we’re on the subject, use deodorant that is free of parabens, aluminum, and other things that mess with your ability to produce ample amounts of testosterone. This deodorant is what I’ve used every day for the last several years. And for cologne, I’ve always gotten the strongest positive responses from this).
12. Just kiss sometimes
Remember when you were in high school and you would make out for hours, and that would be the whole point? Do that again.
How you kiss each other is a good indication of your connectedness. So slow down and really take the time to enjoy each other in a simple, beautiful way. Feel her lips. Smell her hair. Press your body into hers. Take your time.
13. Lavish praise on the parts of her body that she has yet to fully accept
It’s fairly common (and/or inevitable) that the person you’re with has some part of their body that they aren’t deeply in love with just yet.
Ask them what those things are and then help them to see the beauty of those things by lavishing genuine praise on those things.
Feeling attractive, desirable, and uniquely beautiful is highly erotic. And the point isn’t to have your partner become dependent on your approval… in fact, quite the opposite. Think of your praise and attention as a bridge that you build to help your partner transition from self-rejection to self-acceptance. By seeing their body through your eyes, in the short-term, they will come to love their body just as much as you love it.
14. Do the laundry, tidy the area, and set up your bedroom for better sex
It’s often hard to really turn off your mind if you’re surrounded by chores and tasks on your to-do list.
Honour yourself, your partner, and your relationship by removing as many distractions from your environment as possible.
Pick up/do/fold the laundry. Tidy up. Vacuum. Take out the trash. Invest in mood lighting, music, or essential oil diffusers.
To read more about this step, read: 7 Ways To Set Up Your Bedroom For Better Sex.
15. Go sex toy shopping together
Depending on how you use them, sex toys can amplify orgasms, increase closeness, and add a thrill to your bedroom routine.
Check out my most highly recommend sex toys: for men, for women, and for couples.
16. Have an occasional date night at a nice hotel
Want something even easier than tidying up your place and worrying about the neighbours/kids/pets?
Many couples benefit from having an annual date night at a nice hotel. You don’t have to worry about the social repercussions (assuming that the walls are decently sound-proofed), and you don’t have to do the laundry when you leave. Enjoy!
17. Have sex in new rooms and situations in your house
Sex… it’s not just reserved for the bedroom!
In the shower, on the washing machine, in the bathroom while getting ready in the morning, on the side of a hot tub, in your car while on a road trip… the options are endless.
I also have a client who reported pulling his wife’s pants down and starting to go down on her when she was in the kitchen making herself some food. Do with that information what you wish.
18. Foray into your kinkier side
Kinky sex isn’t just reserved for people adorned in leather in BDSM sex dungeons.
Try some light biting, hair pulling, or spanking with your partner (giving or receiving) and see what you like. You might be surprised.
And if you haven’t already, I’d recommend you check out my article Kinky Sex: 5 Reasons You Should Try It.
19. Go on a vacation somewhere warm together
A recent study of 31 million people concluded that your sex life improves when you go on vacation.
Book a quick trip to somewhere warm, get lots of sleep, and spend ample time enjoying each other’s bodies.
You’ll be shaken out of your regular routines, and it will work wonders for your relationship.
20. Take an oral sex class together
In major cities around the world, it’s becoming increasingly common to be able to attend live classes on improving your oral abilities (for men and women).
Do a bit of research and see if there’s anything you can find in your neighbourhood.
Be forewarned, some classes have live demonstrations (on real people, OR on props/vegetables) and others don’t… so make sure you read the fine print of the event page.
Related Article: Sex Coach, Jordan Gray Tells You How to Give Her the Best Oral Sex of Her Life
21. Schedule a “Spoiling Session”
This is one of the absolute best things you can do for your sex life if you’re in a relationship.
So what is a spoiling session?
A spoiling session is a magical, sexy, multi-purpose exercise that allows you to gain a deeper understanding of your own sexual needs and the sexual needs of your partner, while simultaneously reconnecting you as a couple and melting away the subtle shame and resistance that each partner may or may not have towards sex in general.
A spoiling session is a pre-determined amount of time where one partner (the recipient) gets to have whatever they want done to them/on them/for them, as long as those things fall within the realm of comfort for the giving partner.
If you want to deep dive into this little beauty, you can read more about spoiling sessions here.
22. Gift her with a sensual massage
Ahh, the art of the sensual massage!
If you want to give a woman the night of her life and turn her into a blissed-out puddle of love-mush (that will be talking to her friends about you for weeks afterward), then look no further than the sensual massage.
Everybody likes sex, but the dynamic of a sensual massage is something entirely different. It’s all about her receiving from you.
Whether it’s for an anniversary, a date, or just a Tuesday night, there is nothing else that will leave her feeling so honoured, nurtured, loved, and turned on.
Set the scene, use some coconut oil, start gently, and escalate from there.
Want to read a deep dive article on this topic?
Related Article: 5 Steps to Giving a Woman an Amazing, Sensual Massage (Male Sex Coach Shares Advice)
23. Earn more money
It has been scientifically validated, time and time again, that you experience a boost of dopamine and testosterone when you make more money.
So, as long as you aren’t killing yourself with cortisol (aka stressing yourself out) in order to make that extra cash, figuring out a way to make a little extra money in your career path could pay dividends in the bedroom for you and your partner.
24. Engage in extended self-pleasuring
One of the most efficient ways to have a more pleasurable sex life is to go deeper into your awareness of your own body.
Set aside time to practice extended self-pleasuring. Preemptively remove any distractions (phones off, kids to bed, etc.), bust out the coconut oil, and let your hands roam free.
For more ideas, check out my articles How To Fall In Love With Masturbation, and The Best Sex Toy For Men, Ever.
25. Figure out what your ideal sex life looks like
Most people go their entire lives without ever slowing down to think about what, exactly, their ideal sex life looks like. When prompted, most of my male clients will simply laugh off the question with an answer like, “Just a lot of it.”
How often do you want to have sex? What does/do your partner/partners look like? What is the emotional tone of the sex you engage in? How long do you engage in the sexual play for? What time of day? Is there music on or off? Lights on/off? The list goes on.
For more ideas on how to flush out this idea in your mind, check out How To Figure Out What Your Ideal Sex Life Looks Like.
26. Discuss what your ideal sex life looks like with your partner
Insights don’t account for much unless they also translate into actions in your life.
Once you know what it is you want from your sex life, communicate those insights and desires with your partner. And ideally, they do the exercise as well and you can find the most mutually beneficial set of circumstances that meets both of your sexual and physical needs.
27. Do the swirl technique
Most men touch their partners in a boring, predictable, linear pattern. Enter: the swirl technique!
During foreplay especially, use the swirl technique to keep her nerve endings guessing (swirling your hands around lightly in an unpredictable, non-linear way over the whole body). This style of touching makes your partner’s nerve endings crave being chosen next and builds rapid sexual tension and anticipation.
28. Practice the 9-5 technique in order to build your sexual stamina
The 9-5 Technique is a phrase that I coined regarding the most effective way to masturbate in order to help you last longer in bed.
Imagine your sexual arousal on a scale of 1-10. One being you sitting at home knitting, and ten being you at the absolute peak of having an orgasm.
The 9-5 technique is the process of arousing yourself, in a rising and falling manner, up and down, between 5 out of 10 and 9 out of 10.
Some people have called this edging in the past, but it’s a bit different from edging. Edging is the process of riding your sexual arousal wave on the higher end of the spectrum. As in, going from an 8 to a 9… then a 9 to an 8.5… and so forth.
The 9-5 technique is more about taking multiple runs towards the finish line, from a place of low/medium arousal (i.e. 5/10) so that your mind gets an expert understanding of what your orgasmic point of no return feels like (and when to safely back away from it) and your body gets progressively trained in to the fact that you’re allowed to feel sexual pleasure and not have that stimulus mean “I need to cum as quickly as possible.”
Do this even once per week for a minimum of 20 minutes, and you’ll be well on your way to having greater sexual stamina.
(For more information on lasting longer in bed, check out this article.)
29. Become so comfortable with your body that you feel good doing a ‘dudeoir’ photo shoot, and give the photos to your partner as a surprise
Whether or not your physique would sell copies if it were plastered all over the front of a men’s magazine, try your hand at getting a professional photoshoot of yourself done, and gifting them to your partner.
This tip is more about self-acceptance and confidence than it is about committing yourself to working out like a madman in the gym for preparation. Own what you’ve got, and let it show.
Have the photos highlight your partner’s favourite part of your body (assuming you’ve discussed what those things are). And if you don’t know, ask.
30. Practice being more vocal during sex
Many people find it uncomfortable to make any sort of sound during sex. A lot of the time they’re worried they won’t say the right thing or their partner will get turned off by a weird noise and lose interest. But, I can assure you, if you are in a loving relationship with a supportive partner, it’s going to take a little more than an accidental snort to get rid of them… and who knows, maybe you’ll stumble onto a new fetish.
Whether you’re looking to make more noises (grunts, groans, moans, etc.) or you want to use words more often, increasing your communication levels during sex is always a good idea. How else are you going to know what they’re liking and what they aren’t?
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