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7 Surprisingly Simple Rules for Authentic Happiness

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

I am not a doctor. I am not a researcher. I am not a happiness expert.

I am a human being who has (at the time of posting this) lived for less than thirty years and has accumulated thoughts about how life works. These are some of those thoughts. I hope that you get value from them.

Here are seven necessary rules that I believe you need to live by in order to experience a durable sense of authentic happiness.

1. Feel your feelings fully

Stress is simply the compounded unfelt feelings that live in your body. The more things you don’t feel, the more stressed you feel.

When you don’t feel your feelings, tension shows up in your body. You get sick easier. It’s harder to be happy about life.

Practice cathartic practices. Release anger. Relinquish jealousy. Cry fully.

Remember… life isn’t about feeling better, it’s about getting better at the feeling.

Regularly allow yourself the time and space to let it all out. You’ll be glad you did.

(For more help on how to feel your feelings fully, read this post.)

2. Give more

We all suffer to the degree that our mind/ego convinces us that we are alone. That we are isolated. That life is ours alone to suffer through.

Honoring your emotional states is necessary… but so is getting out of your head and back into the remembering that your life is ultimately about service to others.

When I feel stale, stuck, stagnant… I start chipping away at my service to humanity. I check in with a client who needs support. I write an article that will hopefully alleviate pain in the world. I send one of my best friends a message telling them how much I love them.

Related Article: Unconditional Giving Is the Key to Receiving More Abundance

When you get stuck in your head, try giving more.

Give whatever you can. Give your gifts. Make art. Volunteer. Ask someone you care about how you can make their life even 1% better, and then deliver on that promise.

This will be part of your life’s mission… today, and forever.

3. Live simply

A cluttered life is as ineffective as an umbrella with a hundred tiny holes in it.

Cut down on the number of things that you allow to take space in your calendar.

Invest in a few deep friendships rather than spreading yourself thin with a hundred acquaintances.

Acknowledge that you wear 20% of your clothing the most, and donate the rest of your wardrobe to people who will actually wear what you ignore.

Work in your zone of genius more often than not, and let go of the dozens of things that you do that are taxing, time-wasting, and unfulfilling.

Live simply. Your heart will thank you for it.

4. Seek to understand others

Instead of expending endless energy trying to make yourself seen, known, and understood, seek to understand others.

How many months of your life will you save by avoiding petty jealousies, arguments, and ego-squabbles by seeking to understand the person across from you first?

Related Article: Let Go of Clutter and Live a More Simple Life

Do you have a judgment about someone? Learn from it. Own your projections.

Does someone trigger the fuck out of you? Is it hard for you to be around them without being in your head and quietly resenting them? Great. Another learning opportunity. Use it all. Your mind is your greatest teacher if you are willing to observe it without judgment.

Everyone you cross paths with is a teacher for you. Never forget this simple fact.

5. Engage in regular flow states

Crying, self-reflection, honoring your body… all good things. But it is also imperative that you are regularly filling your life with positive flow states.

Ever heard of flow? This guy wrote the bible on it.

In essence, flow is the state of being fully immersed in a specific activity. You can experience flow while dancing, gardening, cooking, having sex, or creative writing.

Whatever it is that you do that makes hours pass by in the blink of an eye, make sure you’re regularly scheduling these things into your calendar.

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8 Ways to Be the Healthiest Person In the World

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

Want to be the healthiest person in the world?

Vibrant health comes down to a simple set of conscious choices. But in order to make those choices consistently, you have to be able to take charge, stay awake, and push back against your own mind.

When it comes to being in the driver’s seat of their lives, most people are asleep at the wheel. They mindlessly slide through their precious years like sleeping robots. The decisions they make for what they eat and what they do are informed by trends and marketing, rather than acute sensitivity to their hearts and instincts. 

The sad truth is that the average modern person is overweight, unhappy, and a complaining victim who refuses to take responsibility for themselves.

They are firmly plugged into the Matrix. They believe that the food they are sold on television is sensible nutrition. They think that brand name clothes, expensive dinners, and haircuts are what will get the love and attention of others. Their happiness is fragile and conditional since they measure their success against external markers that are dictated and glorified by society. 

Their attention is so enmeshed in technology and social media that they have zero capacity for introception – awareness of internal sensation, intuition, and the emotional body.

They are a walking battery… blindly fuelling the machine with no higher purpose or deeper emotional life. They are quietly desperate. They are angry, but sedate their repressed emotions with low-quality, dopamine-spiking food, pornography, masturbation, and compulsive screen time.

I’m here to tell you that things can change – easily. An entirely different life is waiting for you. It probably won’t be in 30 days. It will be an incremental process. But trust me, it is possible to look back just a year down the road and hardly recognize the person that you used to be. I see it all the time. I see it on the faces of the men in my men’s group all the time. I coach people through it all the time. And I live through my own evolutionary struggles and triumphs all the time.

At the end of the day, what you really need is to get frustrated enough with yourself and your current situation that you have no other choice but to adopt new habits and make a change. Without that, all of these forthcoming paragraphs will be useless. 

Are you truly ready to change? Do you truly want something better? Something different?

Great. Then let’s get to it.

The First Step: Information Diet

Throw out the internet.

Obviously not literally, since you wouldn’t have found this article without it. By that I just mean limit your exposure to it drastically, and simplify, simplify, simplify.

Shut your eyes and ears to the endless assault of ideas, opinions, and latest prescriptions. All those are good for are creating confusion and paralysis. Go on an information diet.

Quick tips:

– Kill your Facebook news feed entirely with this app

– Get comfortable saying no to people’s requests for your time

– Mass-unsubscribe from people’s email lists that you no longer receive value from

– Frequently leave your cell phone on airplane mode. Because you own your phone, it shouldn’t own you.

In the digital age, we are drowning in information. There are thousands of different diets and trends being sold as the silver bullet to all your problems; all rooted in cutting edge research that we can’t even understand. But people love to regurgitate it at parties because it makes them seem “in the know” and like they’re potential pen pals with Tim Ferriss.

For every food product and supplement, you can find research that either celebrates or demonizes it, depending on the biases of the author, or hidden agendas of those funding the study.

But most importantly… setting an information diet has a second purpose.

Because all of these podcasts, articles, YouTube videos, and Game of Thrones episodes are distracting from the most crucial thing of all:

Your inner world. 

Health, in its fullness, is much more than diet and exercise. It’s about self-esteem, your relationships with friends and lovers, the capacity you have to recognize and change old reflexes and behaviors, and the little choices you make every day that leads you closer to, or further away from, the person you know you are capable of becoming within your lifetime.

Health and happiness are simple, in theory. But it takes consistent, uncomfortable work. Along the way, you will confront some deep pain and ugly truths behind self-sabotaging habits. But in order to truly change, you must walk through those fires to earn your way to the other side. 

So, I ask: do you want to thrive? Or do you just want to pay your sense of aliveness lip service and stay where you are?

1. Integrity And Alignment

This is the first and most important point because it is what will yield a deeper kind of happiness and confidence that is not based on how much sleep you’ve had, how many pull-ups you can do, or how many zeros were on your last paycheque.

It is rooted in gratitude for being in the world, and pride in the way that you move through it

If you’re out of alignment in your life, nothing will function well. As I’ve said before, aliveness comes from alignment.

What does alignment look like? It will be different for each person, but it means that your outer and inner worlds are congruent. It happens when your lived experience is a reflection of, or suited to, your inner desires, gifts, and talents. 

Related Article: Honesty Is a Gift, So We Don’t Have to Hide Our True Feelings

Are you in a loveless relationship that you just stumbled into? Do you spend hours a week commuting with a twisted gut to a job that you hate, and have no exit plan out of it? Do you have dreams for creative projects, career, or travel that have spent years filed away in the “maybe someday” folder on your mind’s desktop? Have you resigned and given up on those visions ever being a reality?

Being in alignment means doing work that you love, spending your time doing things that light up your soul, and being around people who see you, love you, and challenge you.

Every baby steps forward that you make in any of these domains makes it that much easier to get regular exercise or eat well because you love and respect yourself. Self-care becomes a naturally automatic focus.

Integrity is saying what you mean, meaning what you say, and following through on what you say you’ll do. 

Confidence and integrity are very tightly linked. If you jump on a sidewalk, you can have confidence in it supporting you and not crumbling or disappearing beneath your feet. Now, how much self-confidence can you have if you, yourself, are not solid? If you’re always subtly lying to other people just to look good and please them, or rarely follow through on what you promise to do for yourself and other people? 

Your thoughts, feelings, and actions need to be in alignment or everything will suffer. If your words and actions are in alignment with what your authentic thoughts, feelings and needs, you will cultivate steadfast happiness and vibrant, optimal health over time.

Your heart is always right. You can wrestle with its siren song as long as you want, but you’ll have to listen eventually.

2. Sleep

We might act like robots sometimes, but we are (still) human beings. Your body and mind need sleep. This needs to be a non-negotiable priority in your life.

Related Article: The Steep Cost of Sleep Deprivation (Including Increased Risk of Dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease)

There are tons of factors that go into getting deep, quality rest: 

– Cool your room to 15-19*C (60-67*F) 

– Put up blackout curtains to block street lamps and early sunlight

– Avoid screens and electronics at least an hour before bed (or at least wear blue light blocking sunglasses)

– Read fiction to soften your mind and relax your eyes

– Take magnesium bisglycinate and/or melatonin supplements shortly before bedtime

– Cuddle and/or have sex to relax your body

– Journal out thoughts to calm your anxious mind

– Stretch and foam roll to relieve tension and soreness

The importance of your sleep quality can not be overstated.

Having a consistent bedtime and a few wind-down rituals will make huge changes in your overall health and state of mind.

3. Nutrition

Along with sleep, there’s a high price to pay if you’re not eating well. You need to realize that 99% of the shit that our society calls “food” is trash, specifically engineered to last longer, taste better, cost less, and literally keep you addicted to it.

Similar to loving yourself, eating well these days is almost an act of rebellion.

You have to go out of your way to put good stuff into your body and feel confident telling your friends and co-workers, “Nah, I don’t want to eat there. But I can meet back up in half an hour after I grab something down the street.”

Diet doesn’t have to be complicated or cutting edge. 

Just eat whole, unprocessed, natural foods, most of the time. To me, indulging once in a while is part of living well. When you shop at the grocery store, stick to the outside walls (lean meats, fish, eggs, nuts, fermented foods, fruits, and lots of colorful vegetables) and avoid the middle aisles where all the processed and packaged stuff resides.

Focus on:

– Drinking lots of water

– Eating lots of veggies and nutrient-dense smoothies

– Cutting out the cheap processed bullshit

– Keeping lots of easy, healthy snack options around the house

– Planning meals ahead so you don’t have to compromise in a pinch

The human body is a fucking intergalactic super-car. Treat it accordingly and it will reward you in kind. 

4. Exercise

Like food, water, and air, movement is an essential need for the body.

Dance, walk, run, go rock climbing, go to the gym. Do whatever the fuck makes you sweat and is legitimately fun for you. And then do it a few times per week. 

Feeling fit boosts your confidence but also optimizes your hormones and boosts testosterone production in the process. 

A successful person knows when they have to ask for help to achieve results. Are you better off being externally accountable? Then team up with a friend/workout buddy/trainer to help keep you on track. 

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Horny Equals Healthy – Boost Your Sex Drive with These 6 Best Herbs and 5 Positive Habits

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

Your sex drive is a good overall indicator of how healthy you are. If you are a male and you aren’t waking up with regular erections (especially if you’re a male under 50 years old), then that can be an issue.

The happier your body is the more sexual desire it will have.

Remember… “Horny equals healthy.”

I’ve been writing a lot more about health, wellness, and libido/testosterone levels this past year, and this is one of the most frequently requested topics in regards to sex drive and general health.

As always, with any supplementation, you want to make sure that you’re listening to your body.

Some people respond to certain supplements more than others, and the dose that you need on any given day/week will vary at different stages in your life.

While I give a general starting amount suggestion with each of the following six supplements, always ensure that you are listening to your body first and foremost. For example, some people might need to take 15-20 pine pollen tablets over the course of a week to feel any significant sexual charge, and some people might only need 2-3. It’s always a personal issue. So make sure you’re looking inwards for your answers as to how much of these supplements you should be taking.

Related: Check out the best physical therapist in Queens.

Boost Your Testosterone By Balancing Your Hormones Naturally First

While I do consider altering your testosterone levels with natural supplements a natural process, before I get into the specific supplements that you can use to boost your sex drive, I believe that it’s imperative to go over a few key lifestyle factors first.

In many cases, simply doing the following five tips will balance your hormones to the degree that your sex drive will come back online/be boosted naturally and you won’t need to supplement at all. But if you’ve been doing the following five things and not noticing much of an uptick, then I encourage you to incorporate the lifestyle factors and dabble with supplementation as well. Let’s get into it.

1. Sleep well

Regular, quality sleep is essential to a happy body, mind, and libido.

Prioritize your sleep by sleeping in a slightly cool room, at the same time each night, with as little light in the room as possible.

Wind down a few hours before bed, limit screen times, and buy blackout curtains for your room if need be.

Getting 8-9 hours of sleep is of the utmost importance when it comes to boosting your sex drive because your testosterone only produces during the night.

2. Eat clean

Eat a largely plant-based diet. Drink lots of water. Don’t eat too much-refined sugar/white flour/bullshit, or overly processed foods. Drink green smoothies.

For testosterone production, you especially want to ensure that you’re eating an ample amount of healthy fats (avocados, pecans, almonds, coconut oil, etc.), and foods rich in vitamins B and D (fish, eggs, cheese), vitamin C (oranges, peppers, kale, strawberries), and zinc (spinach, shrimp, flax seeds, kidney beans).

Reduce stress

Our bodies are wise. When you’re stressed, one of the first things to take a hit is your sex drive. That’s right… high levels of stress are a major driver of low testosterone levels.

It’s as if, evolutionarily, your body knows that you’re not in the fittest position to raise kids when you’re feeling overwhelmed by life.

To curb chronic stress, ensure that:

– You’re doing work that you love in the world

– You are getting regular aerobic exercise

– You are getting ample amounts of sleep

– You aren’t slamming 3+ cups of coffee per day (your hormones don’t respond particularly well to being constantly slammed with stimulants)

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Men: Develop Your Masculine Edge with These 9 Steps and Be Irresistible to Women

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

Are you looking to develop your masculine edge?

Do you sometimes feel like you lack passion, fire, or courage in your life?

Do you find yourself feeling lacklustre, being boring, or overly nice?

Do you find it difficult to stay motivated in your career path, attract romantic partners that you’re deeply compelled by, or find the determination to follow through on your commitments?

Then, chances are, you need to cultivate your masculine edge, pronto.

What Is A Masculine Edge?

A masculine edge is the un-fake-able energy that any man who has done his work naturally carries.

A man who carries a masculine edge is not to be trifled with. He is never unnecessarily aggressive. He never engages in displays of false bravado. He is able to show his metaphorical sword without ever having to use it.

Imagine standing toe-to-toe with a man who is able to unflinchingly stare into your eyes. He faces you dead on, without using a hint of overt intimidation. He is unfazed by your physical proximity. When you look into his eyes, you see a deep, dark ocean of life experience and healed pain. There is a simultaneous wildness, and calm sense of rootedness in his energy field.

By meeting his intense, direct gaze, you immediately feel grounded, calm, and simultaneously inspired to step up in your life.

This is what it feels like to be in the presence of a man with a fully developed masculine edge.

What Are The Benefits Of Developing Your Masculine Edge?

By cultivating the specific elements that cumulate into a masculine edge, you can expect to experience the following benefits, and more:

– More deeply aligned and fulfilling friendships/relationships

– More ease with getting into romantic relationships

– A more deeply fulfilling sex life

– More consistent energy and passion for your life’s work

– More earned respect from others

– More compassion for yourself and others

– More courage and confidence day to day

– More honest conversations and relationships throughout the entire spectrum of your life

How Do You Develop Your Masculine Edge?

For how rare of a quality it is in modern Western society, developing your masculine edge is more straight forward than you might think it is.

Without further ado, here are the nine highest leverage things that you can do to develop your masculine edge more effectively.

have better sex, give a fuck, fuck like you give a fuck, questions to ask to go deep, spoiling session, masculine edge

1. Presence

Above all, a man with a masculine edge is present.

A man who is dripping with presence can see, hear, and understand someone completely simply by observing them. A present man can give his full attention without being distracted. A present man is the embodiment of pure consciousness.

Your ability to be present with others is ultimately a by-product of the health of your personal boundaries.

If you’re constantly allowing external sources (events, people, etc.) to tap into your energy, then you’ll always feel exhausted and will struggle with your presence.

What To Do:

On the strategic/life level… get used to saying ‘No’ to things, events, and people that you don’t want to invest your energy in. Cut energy vampires from your life. Spend time around people who lift you up, challenge you, and inspire you.

On the behavioural/granular level, make solid eye contact with people as you listen to them, and have it be a mix of soft and strong. Use your eyes to observe and react, not to intimidate or judge.

Other suggestions:

– Go for walks without any technology on you

– Practice regular meditation or yoga

– Physically de-clutter your environment, and own less stuff (physical clutter equals mental clutter)

– Take baths, walk barefoot on grass, or do anything else that compels you to slow down and/or connect more directly with nature

2. Passion and intensity

morning rituals, morning ritual, morning ritual mastery, masculine edge

One of the fastest ways to lack a masculine edge is to have a personality completely void of passion or intensity.

What do you burn for? What makes your soul light up? What values would you give your life to protect?

If there isn’t anything in your life that stokes the fire in your belly, then you will have a flat and disengaging character.

What To Do:

Figure out what it is you burn for, and then live for it.

3. Cultivate directionality 

The essence of masculine energy is a sense of direction.

It is archetypically masculine to see a potential romantic interest and go directly towards them with an energy of, “I am aware of what else is out there… and I choose YOU.”

It is archetypically masculine to find a career that aligns with your values, abilities, and passion, and say, “I am going to give this mission everything that I have. I will contribute to the world with all of my might, and I will make the world a better place for having done it.”

It is archetypically masculine to decide to sculpt a better, healthier body, and to dedicate time, energy, and resources to make that a reality. Nothing stands in your way. It’s raining outside? You’re going for a run anyways. Difficult to stick to your diet while travelling? Good thing you came prepared. Someone offers you a drink on a night out? Doesn’t align with your goals… hard pass.

What To Do:

Lean into your directionality in life. Go after what you want. Set goals, honour them, and let nothing stand in the way.

4. Speak your truth

It is so common for modern men to speak out of both sides of their mouths. To stretch truths. To fabricate realities in order to signal to others how they want to be perceived.

Become a master at speaking your truth.

Easier said than done. Most people go their entire lives running away from that which is true for them.

The truth can hurt, but it can also liberate.

“I find you immensely intriguing and I would love to take you out on a date this Saturday night.”

“I’m not in love with you anymore.”

“I hate this career path, and I want to change what I’m filling my days with.”

“It is not acceptable when you treat me in this manner. This stops now.”

In speaking your truth, you come into greater alignment with your desires, your goals, and your mission in life.

What To Do:

Get into the habit of speaking your truth regularly. A life of half-truths and fabrications will only lead you to an enduring sense of emptiness and an underlying lack of fulfillment.

5. Stop putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own

One of the fastest ways to give up your personal power is to put other people’s perceptions ahead of your own perception of yourself.

You are the ultimate authority in your life. Stop seeking approval from others and impress yourself instead.

If you aim to please everyone, you will end up pleasing no one… least of which yourself.

What To Do:

If you are chronically selfless, giving, and aware of others, make sure that you swing the pendulum into healthy selfishness. Put your own needs first. Ensure that your own cup is full, so that you give to others from an authentic place of overflow and abundance.

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Guys, Want Better Sex and Stamina? Here’s How to Naturally and Effectively Boost Your Testosterone

Video Source: Jordan Gray

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

Do you want to safely and naturally boost your testosterone, live longer, have better sex, and become superhuman?

Well, you’re in luck. Today’s episode of The Intentional Life is truly something special…

Related Article: Men: Here’s How to Kill Stress, Boost Your Testosterone and Have Better Sex

My guest today is Ben Greenfield.

Ben is someone I’ve been following for a while now and he has also been a personal friend of mine for the last three years.

In this episode, Ben shows that he is the ultimate human encyclopedia when it comes to everything related to health, wellness, and longevity. Listen to him talk for ten seconds about his area of expertise and you can see the passion and the depth of knowledge that he has. He’s truly something else.

This is definitely one of my favourite episodes that I’ve recorded to date… and if you’re looking to balance your hormones, boost your libido, or improve your health overall, I would strongly recommend checking it out.

Related Article: 15 Things That Will Increase Your Libido and Boost Your Love Life

Enjoy!

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Jordan Gray Shares 30 Sweet Lessons from 30 Years of Living Fully

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

It was my 30th birthday a few days ago.

Roughly 30 years ago I came into the world a fat, loud, fuzzy little baby. And now I’m a slender, quiet, fuzzy big man. Oh how the times have changed!

I’m pretty sure I’ve learned some things in my 30 years of existing… but at the same time, I feel like the older I get the more I realize I don’t really know anything at all (or, at least, my truth is constantly shifting and up-levelling). Because truth is subjective to begin with.

Enough with the ramblings.

Here are some cool thoughts that I like, that you’ll probably get some value out of.

30 Life Lessons From 30 Years Of Living

1. Control what you can control, and ignore everything else

You can’t control a lot of things in your life.

You can’t control when your friends or family members die. You can’t control if or when an intimate partner decides to leave you. You can’t control the weather.

But you can control your response to any of these things.

You can control your actions.

You can control whether you follow through on your word or not.

You can’t control everything… but you can control many important things. Focus on those.

2. There’s no such thing as perfect – there is only progress

Perfection doesn’t exist. Progress does.

Don’t worry about tracking every goal obsessively. Don’t worry about saying the perfect thing, all the time. Don’t worry about being in flawless good shape.

Do your best. Keep moving forwards. That’s all any of us can ever do.

3. Accept everything

In order to move through any challenging or sticky part of your life, you must first learn to accept it fully.

You can’t let go of your arrogance until you acknowledge that you can sometimes be arrogant.

You can’t consciously influence your income until you sit down and look at the truth of your financial life.

You can’t improve the quality of your intimate relationship until you’ve allowed yourself to accept the state that it is currently in.

You can’t outrun the truth.

Accept everything, as it is, right now… today, and then you can work on it more effectively.

4. Write down your thoughts

There are few more powerful things you can do with your time than active self-reflection. Journaling is good for this.

Observe your thoughts in real-time by regularly jotting down your thoughts with pen and paper.

You might be amazed at what falls out of you.

Related Article: 7 Big Benefits of Journaling and How To Get Started Now

5. Take responsibility for all of it

Take responsibility for absolutely everything in your life, even when it’s difficult.

Feeling really out of shape? What have you done or not done to have that be your current reality?

Not enough money to go on a vacation? If you were to own that problem fully, how could you move through it and create enough value in the world so that this problem went away rapidly?

Partner cheated on you? Ask yourself how you may have contributed to the situation.

This stuff isn’t easy, but it’s worthwhile.

6. Learn to cook and eat well

Just like sleeping well, moving your body, and drinking lots of water… getting into the habit of eating nutrient dense, whole foods is a force multiplier habit. Do this, and the rest of your life is also positively impacted.

7. Lead with the giving hand

When you are forming new relationships, ensure that you always lead by trying to ADD value first, instead of trying to GET value. This habit alone will change how people respond to you for the rest of your life.

8. Give disproportionately more value than the other person

To kick it up a notch, always aim to give more than you receive. Not because receiving is bad (receiving is beautiful, and it’s own amazing skill to cultivate) but because providing value to others feels amazing for you as well.

9. Drink more water

It helps with your digestion, sleep, sexual function, and tons of other amazing stuff.

Is this consistently hard to do for you? Life hack: buy a beautiful 1-2 litre water bottle that you feel compelled to carry around.

10. Send gratitude bombs to people you love

If you’re newer to my writing you might not have heard this phrase before…

A gratitude bomb is a lengthy love letter to someone that you care deeply for.

Do this regularly. Let people know how they affect you.

Everyone you love will die one day, or you will die first… so don’t let your praise go unsaid.

11. Own less stuff

Clutter in your physical space leads to clutter in your mind.

Give away or donate half of your clothes. Same for your books. And other things that you know you haven’t used in over a year.

Own fewer things… and aim for quality over quantity with the things that you do own.

12. Spend as much time as you can face to face with people you love

Technology is great. It allows us to connect with people all over the world rapidly. But nothing beats face to face connection time.

As often as you can, meet up with your closest friends, favourite family members, and intimate partner, and have undistracted (aka no phones) time together.

Connection is what we are hardwired for. And, with anxiety and depression on the rise in developed nations, we’ve never had a stronger need for it.

13. Drink a nutrient-dense green smoothie every now and then

Smoothies are great, as long as you’re drinking the right ones.

Don’t slurp down ten servings of fruit and pretend that that’s healthy for you. Instead, opt for smoothies that are vegetable heavy and include choice supplements.

14. Sweat every day

Exercise is great for everything. Do it more often.

Are you a lazy person, but you still want to sweat? Read this.

15. Cry hard as often as you are able to

Few things feel more cathartic as bawling your eyes out.

Cry hard, as often as you can, and you will experience lower anxiety, more connection with your emotional body, and more deeply fulfilling relationships as a result.

16. Laugh hard as often as you can

Also, make sure to swing the pendulum into lightness as well. There’s a time to cry, and there’s a time to laugh. Do both.

Related Article: Byron Katie Video: Watch a Man Go From Fear to Laughter In Less Than 6 Minutes

17. Get in touch with your repressed anger

Another emotion that often gets repressed is anger.

Anger doesn’t have a big place in society (except when you’re watching sports).

Feel your anger fully, and see what it has been covering up for a while. You’ll feel more boundaried, more self-expressed, and more whole after you feel it.

18. Find a coach or mentor who you trust, and invest heavily in them

Six months into starting this website, I had written over 100 articles, but barely had anyone reading my writing. I hired a coach to help me reach more people, and my monthly number of readers grew from 10,000/month to 200,000/month in under six months.

Two years ago I realized that I had yet to feel my way through some of the most traumatic experiences I had lived through in my childhood. I found a coach that I resonated with and he helped me integrate the unresolved trauma in short order.

This past year I wanted to eat healthier, but I didn’t know where to start. Hired a nutritionist, problem solved.

Bottom line: coaching works.

If you feel stuck in some area of your life, you owe it to yourself to lean on the borrowed wisdom of others.

I am a firm believer that you can’t invest heavily enough in coaching (which, ultimately, is the same thing as investing in yourself). You are your life’s ultimate asset. Act accordingly.

19. Have a regular movement practice

Your body needs to move… and your mind needs it to be fun and engaging.

It doesn’t need to be fancy. Go for an extended walk. Dance around in your underwear. Go skateboarding. Play basketball with friends. It all works.

Whatever your thing is, make sure you do it often.

20. Tell your stories

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”

You don’t need to tell your stories to millions of people across the internet… but there’s something truly healing about allowing your stories to be told.

Whatever truth is within you, it begs to come out.

Tell your stories to close, trusted loved ones. Tell your stories to your notebook. And, yes, if you’re feeling adventurous, start a blog and tell your stories publicly.

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The 6 Best Herbs and Supplements for Boosting Your Sex Drive and Love life

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

Your sex drive is a good overall indicator of how healthy you are. If you are a male and you aren’t waking up with regular erections (especially if you’re a male under 50 years old), then that can be an issue.

The happier your body is the more sexual desire it will have.

Remember… “Horny equals healthy.”

I’ve been writing a lot more about health, wellness, and libido/testosterone levels this past year, and this is one of the most frequently requested topics in regards to sex drive and general health.

As always, with any supplementation, you want to make sure that you’re listening to your body.

Some people respond to certain supplements more than others, and the dose that you need on any given day/week will vary at different stages in your life.

While I give a general starting amount suggestion with each of the following six supplements, always ensure that you are listening to your body first and foremost. For example, some people might need to take 15-20 pine pollen tablets over the course of a week to feel any significant sexual charge, and some people might only need 2-3. It’s always a personal issue. So make sure you’re looking inwards for your answers as to how much of these supplements you should be taking.

Boost Your Testosterone By Balancing Your Hormones Naturally First

While I do consider altering your testosterone levels with natural supplements a natural process, before I get into the specific supplements that you can use to boost your sex drive, I believe that it’s imperative to go over a few key lifestyle factors first.

In many cases, simply doing the following five tips will balance your hormones to the degree that your sex drive will come back online/be boosted naturally and you won’t need to supplement at all. But if you’ve been doing the following five things and not noticing much of an uptick, then I encourage you to incorporate the lifestyle factors and dabble with supplementation as well. Let’s get into it.

– Sleep well

Regular, quality sleep is essential to a happy body, mind, and libido.

Prioritize your sleep by sleeping in a slightly cool room, at the same time each night, with as little light in the room as possible.

Wind down a few hours before bed, limit screen times, and buy blackout curtains for your room if need be.

Getting 8-9 hours of sleep is of the utmost importance when it comes to boosting your sex drive because your testosterone only produces during the night.

– Eat clean

Eat a largely plant-based diet. Drink lots of water. Don’t eat too much refined

sugar/white flour/bullshit, or overly processed foods. Drink green smoothies.

For testosterone production, you especially want to ensure that you’re eating an ample amount of healthy fats (avocados, pecans, almonds, coconut oil, etc.), and foods rich in vitamins B and D (fish, eggs, cheese), vitamin C (oranges, peppers, kale, strawberries), and zinc (spinach, shrimp, flax seeds, kidney beans).

Related Article: Better Sex in 5 Days: How to Boost your Sex Drive through Healthy Eating

– Reduce stress

Our bodies are wise. When you’re stressed, one of the first things to take a hit is your sex drive. That’s right… high levels of stress are a major driver of low testosterone levels.

It’s as if, evolutionarily, your body knows that you’re not in the most fit position to raise kids when you’re feeling overwhelmed by life.

To curb chronic stress, ensure that:

– You’re doing work that you love in the world

– You are getting regular aerobic exercise

– You are getting ample amounts of sleep

– You aren’t slamming 3+ cups of coffee per day (your hormones don’t respond particularly well to being constantly slammed with stimulants)

– You’re making ample time for rest, relaxation, and play

To read more of a deep dive on effectively curbing stress, read this.

– Give up drinking and drugs completely/almost entirely

Again, anything that is generally considered as sound, healthy advice is also good for your sex drive.

Avoid drinking (yes, alcohol) and drugs (including smoking, coffee/caffeine, high doses of refined sugar) in order to be at your best.

Even smoking a few cigars per week or drinking a couple of bottles of wine in a day can have a clear and noticeable negative impact on your sex drive. So it’s best to steer clear as much as you are able to.

– Remove toxins from your home and self-care products

The toxins in your self-care and cleaning products could very likely be negatively impacting your body’s natural hormonal balance set point.

Only use natural cleaning products around the home (I recommend this for dish soap, this for dish detergent, and this for laundry detergent)… and natural self-care products for your body (I recommend this shower soap, this deodorant, this sunscreen, and this toothpaste).

Also, to benefit from cleaner, more nature-y air in your home environment, I’d strongly recommend getting a salt lamp or two into your space to counteract whatever traffic exhaust fumes may be lingering around (especially if you live near any streets or highways).

The 6 Best Herbs And Supplements For Boosting Sex Drive Naturally

Without further ado, these are the six best natural herbs and supplements that you can take for a boost in the bedroom.

At the end of these six sections, I go into what I would recommend to start with and in what quantity.

Related Article: 10 Relatively Unknown Natural Aphrodisiacs That Will Rev Up Your Sex Life

1. Pine pollen

Ahhh old faithful!

Pine pollen was one of the first and most powerful libido boosters that I ever experimented with.

The science is still out on this one (I mean… big pharma can’t make a huge mark up on a plant based supplement, so why would they fund the study?) but I still have yet to find a more potent boost in my testosterone levels than when I use this supplement. I take three tablets a day for 2-3 days and I feel the effects immediately. I can go from wanting an orgasm per week, to needing to orgasm daily just to get by… so I know (for me, personally) that this stuff works.

This is the brand of pine pollen that I use. When people come to me looking for a quick boost in their libido, this is the first product that I send them to. In conjunction with the next one…

2. Maca root powder

Pine pollen and maca root are the two supplements that I send to the most of my readers/clients on a weekly basis. These two in combination with each other pack a powerful punch.

If I’m every feeling creatively/energetically/sexually uninspired, I’ll take three pine pollen tablets and drink a green smoothie with two tablespoons of maca root powder in it. Within an hour I’ll feel a huge creative and sexual energy rush and will need to either write an article and/or masturbate/have sex in order to be a functioning human being in society. Simply put, this stuff makes me into a beast.

Side note, make sure that you go with an organic brand like this one, so as to not be dumping a bunch of chemicals, fake additives, preservatives, or binding agents into your body.

3. Korean ginseng and indian ginseng

Korean ginseng encourages a rush of blood flow (when taken 10-30 minutes before sex) and it also promotes healthier testosterone levels in the long-term when taken regularly. This is the Korean ginseng that I have found the most impact from.

Indian ginseng (also known as ashwagandha) is a commonly used aphrodisiac and has been proven to reduce inflammation and stress, calm the nervous system, and balance the immune system. It was also proven, in a recent study, to be advantageous in increasing semen quality in men and reproductive health/fertility in women.

This is my favourite indian ginseng / ashwagandha / winter cherry (different names for the same thing) product on the market today.

4. Vitamins A, E, and the minerals zinc and selenium

Certain vitamins and minerals are absolutely critical in the processes of androgen and testosterone production.

Make sure you’re getting ample amounts of vitamin A, vitamin E, zinc and selenium in your diet. Eat foods like carrots, kale, spinach, shellfish/shrimp, wild salmon, kidney beans, flax seeds, almonds, cashews, and sunflower seeds to get these nutrients into your diet.

And if you want to supplement to ensure that you’re getting optimal levels of these vitamins and minerals in your diet, I would recommend the following products:

Best vitamin A supplement

Best vitamin E supplement

Best zinc supplement

Best selenium supplement

5. Horny goat weed

Horny goat weed is an ancient natural remedy that has been used in China for centuries. It is commonly used to combat low sexual desire, erectile dysfunction, and chronic fatigue.

A study done in 2008 found that a specific compound in the herb blocks the effects of an enzyme that blocks blood flow to the penis… which would then improve erectile ease, strength, and duration.

While I haven’t used this product personally, one of my longest-term clients that I’ve worked with for a few years swears by this particular product and he says that it saved his sex life (and marriage).

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The Single Most Important Connection Exercise for Couples and How to Do it

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

Have you ever heard of clearing exercises?

They are the single greatest ways for couples to reconnect, work through arguments, and tap into a sense of clarity and ease in their relationship.

Throughout the course of a relationship, many unspoken things can accumulate and begin to turn into emotional and energetic clutter that starts to muddy the connection in the relationship. Clearing is a process that brings forth the heavy residue and clears it out in a simple, efficient, and durable way.

I have witnessed years of tension melt out of a couple in a matter of minutes via clearing exercises.

So much of the miscommunication that occurs in partnership is a result of people not truly hearing their partner. Especially during arguments, it is very common for people to not listen to their partner but merely wait for their turn to verbalize the rehearsed thoughts that they have tumbling around in their mind. In it’s essence, clearing is an exercise about slowing down and engaging in deep listening.

So, how can you get this magic into your arsenal? Let’s get into it.

How To Do A Clearing Exercise

The structure is simple…

You and your partner sit opposite each other, while making eye contact, and you take turns finishing specific sentence stems, while the receiving partner simply listens.

The basic format of clearing is the following:

1. ‘Something I want you to know is…’

2. ‘Something I see in you that I see in myself is…’

3. ‘Something I like about you is…’

There are certain alterations you can make depending on the situation, but this is the core format for a reason.

The first section (‘Something I want you to know is…’) is a general clearing. You allow yourself to reveal your thoughts to your partner, no matter how scary they may seem in your head.

The second section (‘Something I see in you that I see in myself is…’) is about owning your projections. It’s one thing to reactively shout at your partner “You’re so stubborn!”… and a whole other thing entirely to calmly clear with them by saying, “Something that I see in you that I see in myself is stubbornness.” By owning the projection fully and seeing it as a thing that you and your partner both have a capacity for, it reduces a lot of the energetic charge around it (when done authentically).

The final section (‘Something I like about you is…’) is about connecting and reestablishing rapport. Don’t spend too much time in this section unless you and your partner are really in the middle of a nasty fight. Clearing isn’t about racing towards pleasantries or engaging in spiritual bypassing… it’s about saying what is true. Even if that truth sometimes hurts a little bit.

So how this would go structurally is that partner ‘A’ would have their turn to go through steps 1, 2, and 3 fully, while partner B received. I would also recommend that Partner B says thank you after each completed statement from partner A (‘thank you’ signifying having heard them, not necessarily agreeing with their statements).

So, putting it all together, it would look something like this.

Partner A: ‘Something I want you know is that I’m still hurting about the time that you flirted with that person in front of me, and there’s a part of me that feels unsafe with you.’

Partner B: ‘Thank you.’

Partner A: ‘Something I want you know is that my sex drive has been lower lately because of the work stress that I’m currently going through… and I frequently judge myself harshly and make myself wrong for it.’

Partner B: ‘Thank you.’

Continue on for 3-10 minutes, or until you feel complete. Then you move on to…

Partner A: ‘Something I see in you that I see in myself is a tendency to be dismissive of people based on their differences.’

Partner B: ‘Thank you.’

Partner A: ‘Something I see in you that I see in myself is a fierce streak of stubbornness.’

Partner B: ‘Thank you.’

Continue on for 3-10 minutes, or until you feel complete. Then you move on to…

Partner A: ‘Something I like about you is your willingness to do clearing exercises with me, and that you’re always willing to lean into the tough stuff in our relationship.’

Partner B: ‘Thank you.’

Partner A: ‘Something I like about you is how you wiggle yourself over to me in the mornings when you first wake up.’

Partner B: ‘Thank you.’

Continue on for 3-10 minutes, or until you feel complete. Then, both of you take 1-3 deep breaths each (ideally in sync with each other), and then partner B takes over and partner A listens.

A clearing process can take anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour, and the emotional freedom that results from it can be astounding.

5 Different Sentence Stems For Different Clearing Scenarios

While the core structure is sound, there may be times where you want something a bit more targeted to what you’re going through.

The structure in terms of timing/listening/one-at-a-time-ness should always remain a constant… but the words are allowed to change based on the scenario. Here are some examples of other types of clearings you may want to engage in.

Clearing Stems When Diffusing Fights

‘Something I’m angry about you with is…’

‘Something I’m afraid to tell you is…’

‘Something I’m upset with you about is…’

Choose your favourite/the most appropriate stem, and use it as step #2 between the usual steps #1 and 3 in the basic formula.

Clearing Stems When Wanting To Boost Connection And Rapport

‘Something I’m excited about with you is…’

‘Something I admire in you is…’

‘Something I appreciate about you is…’

‘Something I’m looking forward to in our relationship is…’

Choose your favourite/the most appropriate stem, and use it as step #2 between the usual steps #1 and 3 in the basic formula.

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3 Crazy Effective Workouts for Lazy People (Exercise Hacks!)

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

I have a confession to make…

In many areas of my life, I am a ridiculously lazy person.

The most pronounced part of my life where this shows up is in how I exercise.

You see, I absolutely adore the benefits that I get from exercising (primarily: better quality sleep, creativity, resilience to getting sick, and boosted/stabilized mood)… but I don’t adore the exercising part itself.

This past year, I wanted to see how I could hack exercise. I wanted the best possible results (for the benefits that I optimize for) with the least possible energy and time expenditure. In other words, I wanted it to be simple and fast.

After countless gruelling sessions with personal trainers and hours and hours of research into various methodologies, these three things are what I settled on as being the most highly effective and easy to do exercise routines that give you the most bang for your buck.

When I’m feeling lazy, but I know that I have to do some form of exercise in order to enjoy better sleep, lifted mood, and more creativity, these are the things that I turn to.

Here are my three favourite lazy workouts, in no particular order.

1. Far infrared sauna

workout, workouts, lazy workout
My trusted journal and I in an infrared sauna.

What Is It?:

Far infrared saunas are like normal steam or dry saunas… but better for you.

Whereas most sauna heat you from the outside in (making you sweat quickly, but with little toxin content to your sweat), infrared saunas heat you from the inside out (like a human-safe microwave) and therefore bring out a lot more toxins via your sweat.

Microwaving yourself might sound a little sketchy… but infrared heat technology is the same technology that hospitals use to keep premature babies warm when they’re in those little baby boxes.

When I do sessions in an infrared sauna, I tend to go in for 45-60 minutes at a time. As long as I’m continuing to drink water throughout my session, the way that I see it, the more time the better. There is also a sauna blanket, you can click here to learn more.

Why I Love It:

I get to sweat a lot without having to move at all, and I enjoy a deeper detox, while feeling less physically hot than a ‘regular’ sauna. And I always leave the sauna feeling just like I do when I leave the gym after an intense workout… high and happy.

What You Get From It:

With infrared sauna therapy, you can enjoy the following (scientifically proven) benefits:

– Deep detoxification

– Muscle relaxation

– Pain relief

– Weight loss

– Improved circulation

– Improved immune function

– Healthier, clearer skin and reduced skin conditions (such as psoriasis, eczema, etc.)

2. The Wim Hof method breathing technique

What Is It?:

Ever heard of Wim Hof (aka the Iceman)? Wim is a guy who discovered a series of techniques that basically turns you into a superhuman.

After having been surrounded by dozens of male friends who swore by his trainings, I decided to eventually try it out for myself.

The first time that I did the breathing technique, I held my breath for over two and a half minutes with ease. I was hooked. If I could hack my body to do something so seemingly ludicrous (to my mind) then what else was I capable of doing that I had previously told myself was impossible?

Anyways, the core of the Wim Hof method consists of three major parts: breath work, cold exposure, and meditation.

The breathing technique goes like this:

– Take 30-40 deep breaths, focusing primarily on the inhale. Big breath in, small breath out. So you’re basically getting high on oxygen by cultivating an oxygen surplus in your body. At the end of this series of breaths, exhale all the way.

– Next, hold your breath. Hold it for as long as is comfortably possible. If you really played full on with the series of deep breaths, you should easily be able to hold your breath for a full minute without needing to take a breath in (because of the surplus of oxygen that is still in your body).

– When you can no longer comfortably hold that breath, take one deep breath in and hold it at the top.

– Repeat these first three steps (do a total of 3 or 4 rounds of this sequence).

That’s it. Series of deep breaths. Exhale, hold. Inhale a deep breath and hold that. Then repeat.

At the end of this series, it is then recommend to meditate for 5-10 minutes (sit comfortably, close your eyes, focus on your breath), and then expose your body to cold water while in the shower (even 10-30 seconds of cold water exposure gives you health benefits).

For more information, check out the Wim Hof method through Wim’s website.

Why I Love It:

You can do it anywhere. You get the same rush of happy brain chemicals that you would get from a physically intense workout in a gym. You can do it first thing in the morning, without even having to get out of bed.

What You Get From It:

Of all of the claims that are made about the benefits of the Wim Hof method, only about 10% of them are actually substantiated by any science. But, I don’t really care. When it comes to health and wellness, anecdotal evidence (from myself, my friends, and my clients) is enough for me because science often lags behind health research. I know that it makes me feel amazing, and I’m always glad that I’ve done it.

Here are some of the most frequent benefits that the Wim Hof method claims or is connected to:

– Relieved stress, increased relaxation and peace of mind

– Feel energized and full of life within a matter of minutes

– Boost your body’s alkalinity and reduce inflammation for faster recovery times

– An increase of dopamine, serotonin, and other happy brain chemicals

– Improve your cardiovascular health

– Experience deeper, higher quality sleep

– Decreased risk of heart disease, cancer, and other diseases linked to inflammation in the body

And if you’re someone who is curious about the science behind things, check this out.

In an article that was published in this scientific journal, the following was researched and subsequently found (regarding the Wim Hof method):

“The present study demonstrates that, through practicing techniques learned in a short-term training program, the sympathetic nervous system and immune system can indeed be voluntarily influenced. Healthy volunteers practicing the learned techniques exhibited profound increases in the release of epinephrine, which in turn led to increased production of anti-inflammatory mediators and subsequent dampening of the pro-inflammatory cytokine response elicited by intravenous administration of bacterial endotoxin.

This study could have important implications for the treatment of a variety of conditions associated with excessive or persistent inflammation, especially autoimmune diseases in which therapies that antagonize pro-inflammatory cytokines have shown great benefit.”

Fancy way of saying, yes, there are health benefits to doing this breathing technique in conjunction with cold exposure therapy.

3. Three sets of kettle bell swings

What Is It?:

Kettle bell swings are essentially the fastest way to build an amazing ass, in under ten minutes per day (yes, really).

You grab a kettle bell (or some heavy, weighted thing that easily fits between your legs) and swing it back and forth, mainly using the power of your hip thrusters. Aim for 10-20 repetitions per set, and do three or four sets in total. This entire workout often takes less than ten minutes.

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One Man Shares His Story of Attempting Suicide (at 15) and How He Developed Self-Love

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

This question landed in my inbox a few days ago, and it immediately stirred my soul.

“Jordan, I found you and your writing when I searched ‘reasons not to kill myself’ and your article came up. First of all, thank you. I can tell that you have the kind of compassion that comes from having truly walked the path. I can feel the sincerity of your soul from where I sit. I’m sure you get a lot of messages on a daily basis so I don’t want to waste your time… but, in essence, I have been struggling a lot these past few years.

I feel guilty writing these words because my life isn’t even that bad. I had a relatively functional upbringing. My parents were good enough parents. I was never physically beaten, raped, or abandoned. The only thing that I can pinpoint is that I was bullied quite a bit during my early childhood years (on the playground) and it did a number on me. I constantly question whether people actually like me. My self-esteem is shit. My work ethic is patchy, at best. And I generally just feel like a waste of space.

It’s been going on for long enough that my suicidal thoughts have been increasing in frequency. I don’t really feel like I have many people to talk to about it, because everyone just thinks it’s all in my head… but I feel like you will understand. How do I pull out of this funk? How do I see myself as worthy of taking up the space that I do? How have you come to be the person that you are, and help millions of people across the world with your healed pain? Any advice would be much appreciated.

Sincerely,

Seeking Self-Worth.”

Dear Seeking Self-Worth,

First of all, I love you. I can say that without having met you, with total ease. Your eloquence, courage, and beautiful vulnerability drip off the page. I honour you for having made it this far in your journey, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for reaching out.

The second thing that you should know is this… I read your message with tears in my eyes. I know you and your struggle all too well. Like you, my upbringing was relatively healthy. We didn’t have a lot of money, but we always had food. We didn’t wear designer brands, but we were always clothed. I didn’t always have an easy relationship with my siblings, but they never once hit me.

And here’s the thing…

Your life doesn’t need to be impressively terrible on paper for you to experience self-worth issues. Or to feel pain. Or to struggle with anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem.

Everyone accumulates wounds in their childhood. Everyone experiences moments of invalidation. No one gets through their formative years unscathed.

My siblings bullied me a moderate amount for several years (as siblings so often do), and I took their words and actions to mean a lot about me as a person.

I assumed that everyone that I loved hated me. I assumed that my whole family wanted me to kill myself. I told myself that I had to simultaneously become as needless and as valuable as possible, in order to not be abandoned by my parents. I told myself that I either had to become a millionaire by the age of 30, or I had to kill myself. Either prove my worth, or admit defeat and opt out of the human race. These were the stories I invented about myself, and repeated, for many years.

You see, Seeking Self-Worth, nothing terrible ever happened to me. I had a fairly fortunate upbringing. And yet, I made up dozens of stories about my value in the world based on the perfectly average amount of invalidation that I received.

These stories compounded from the ages of 5-15, and at 15 I tried to kill myself.

Whether my raging hormones, a recent breakup, or a genetic predisposition were to blame… it doesn’t really matter. What mattered, to the people who loved me at the time, is that I swallowed an entire bottle of pain killers, washed down with a can of overly sweet orange soda.

I haven’t taken a sip of orange soda since.

I did it in an alleyway, on the perimeter of my high school. My friend noticed I was missing, told one of our teachers, and they found me and took me to the hospital in an ambulance.

They poured some magical antidote into my veins so that I wouldn’t die, and then put me on suicide watch for four days.

The room I slept in felt like a jail cell. No belts. No shoelaces. No metal cutlery.

My family came to visit me in the hospital every day. Their eyes were more red than mine.

I felt immensely guilty when I saw the pain in their faces. I also felt confused as to why they were sad. My distorted thoughts rambled on (“Why were you crying? I thought I was doing you guys a favour”).

With the help of friends, family, and the passing of time, the depressive episode passed. My life found a state of equilibrium once more, as it always does.

Here’s what life has looked like in the fifteen years since my suicide attempt…

Beautiful. Painful. Rich with meaning. Ridiculous with triviality. Boring. Exciting. Terrifying. Gratifying. Full of growth. Full of stagnation. Being led by my heart. Being led by my ego. Being humble. Showing off. Doubting myself. Crying. Doing. Being. Rushing. Relaxing. Partying. Grieving.

In other words, my years have been like everyone else’s. No matter what we do, life keeps on being life-y. All the time.

I know that you know what pain feels like. I know you know what frustration, anger, despair, and sadness feel like. I also know that you know what joy, lightness, and comfort feel like. For someone to write as eloquently as you do, I can feel that you have lived through a lot.

When you asked how I have come to be the person that I am, and how I help people through my healed pain, I feel it necessary to qualify, or reframe, two parts of your question.

First, there seems to be a small sense of pedestalization in asking me how I came to be the person that I am. I am who I am just as you are who you are. I am not special. You are not special. No one is special… but we are all unique. Not only are you and I unique, you and I are more the same person than we are separate people. How can I know this to be true? Because when you stare at the stars at night… or look at the ocean… or gaze into another person’s eyes for longer than a few seconds… you remember the ultimate truth. We are not separate. We are all the same thing. When I feel my way through emotional pain, I am not feeling my pain… I am feeling the pain. I am feeling the pain of my lineage. I am feeling the pain of my culture. I am feeling the pain of humanity. So as you do when you feel “your” pain.

Second, I would never call the state that I inhabit a place of having “healed pain.” To have healed pain, in my mind, indicates a sense of completion. I don’t believe that we ever 100% rid ourselves of our core wounds. We can dismantle our egoic stories of separation, yes. But I don’t subscribe to the idea that we will ever be woundless, or pain-free people. There will always be pain. This is to be embraced. The faster and more completely you embrace your pain’s existence, the faster and more completely you will experience true love, bliss, and connection with others.

men crying, men who cry are beautiful
Pain is unavoidable. You must accept it and feel your way through it.

So, to answer your question more directly…

How have I come to be the version of myself that I am today, and how have I come to have any genuinely earned sense of true compassion? By doing the following.

1. I learned to take care of myself

Learning how to take care of ourselves, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, is a gift that keeps on giving.

It took me years of trial and error, but I eventually figured out what combination of actions contributed to my health and well-being. Being flawless in my self-care doesn’t mean that I am impervious to sadness, pain, or anxiety. It just means that my life has a healthy foundation underneath it, and I feel more capable and resilient when I am taking care of myself.

I learned to cry when I needed to cry. I learned to take the right health supplements that help my mind think straight. I learned to prioritize sleep, exercise, and time with people I love.

Engaging in self-care is a war of attrition. It’s all of the little things that you do, that add up to a larger, positive result.

2. I learned how to reach out to others

And I let them be there for me.

This one took me the longest to learn, by far.

It is absolutely essential that you learn to reach out to safe, trusted, loving people, who understand you and your situation.

There is no greater peace that I know of than sitting, in a crumpled heap, with someone who loves and accepts you exactly as you are, when you are at your most vulnerable.

Our deepest wounds were formed in relationship, and they must also be healed in relationship.

Try as you might, you can’t go it alone.

Some of my closest friends that I’ve been able to count on over the past few years.

Become an expert at reaching out to ‘your people’ as often as you need to, and the journey will be far, far less challenging. This is so difficult to do when you’re hurting the most, but you must deploy the courage it takes to reach out. There is no other way around this.

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50 Powerful Sex Tips for Men

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

So today, I decided to do a best-of-the-best collection of my fifty sex tips for men.

My female readers will also benefit from many of these tips, but the focus is primarily on the men.

So guys…

Do you want to build greater sexual stamina, please your partner more fully, enjoy more fulfilling sex, and feel more confident and energized day to day?

Small hinges swing big doors. By putting in just a little bit of energy and attention towards your sex life, you can be experiencing the most deeply fulfilling sex that you’ve ever had.

Let’s get into it.

Without further ado, here are my fifty powerful sex tips for men.

50 Powerful Sex Tips For Men

1. Extend foreplay (by a lot)

According to Taoist sexual philosophy, one of the biggest differences between male and female bodies is that women’s sexual energy begins in the extremities and needs to be guided towards the genitals. Which is a fancy way of saying that most women take a minute to warm up.

One of the highest leverage ways you can improve your sex life is to spend a significant amount of time in foreplay.

By extending foreplay you’ll both have more time to drop in to the moment and you’re both more likely to have multiple orgasms and more powerful orgasms (which I will get into, for both of you, in this list).

(Also, if you want more ideas on how to extend your foreplay and really bring your partner into her body, check out my article on Slow Sex)

2. Learn how to control your ejaculations by practicing becoming multi-orgasmic

Every man has the capacity to become multi-orgasmic, if he knows how to do it correctly.

It all comes down to knowing your body, having a relationship with your ejaculatory ‘point-of-no-return’, and connecting with your breath.

If you want to 10x your sexual stamina, have 5-10 orgasms per session, and blow your partner’s mind in bed…

Related Article: Men, Here’s How You Can Have Multiple Orgasms Too

3. Do at least 1-2 high intensity exercise sessions per week

Men get a massive testosterone boost from doing high intensity workouts. Especially when those workouts are filled with heavily weighted compound exercises (i.e. dead lifts, squats, bench press, kettle bell swings, and pull ups).

Work out like this even once or twice a week and you’ll notice an immediate positive impact on your sex drive.

4. Make noise during sex

One of the most common complaints that I hear from my female readers is that their partners are too quiet in bed.

While the strong, stoic, monosyllabic figure of masculinity might be attractive on the big screen, in real life women want a man who can be expressive and vocal… especially when it comes time to fooling around in bed.

Try moaning, grunting, growling, or dirty talking more often in bed. It will help you get out of your head and into your body (aka you’ll experience more pleasure) and your partner will appreciate it.

5. Don’t eat right before sex

Digestion takes blood flow. If your blood is all working on digesting and distributing the nutrients that you’ve plopped down into your belly then it won’t be as likely to be filling your penis with blood to make a satisfying erection.

As much as possible, aim to not eat for at least 60-90 minutes before sexual play.

6. Go pee at least 20 minutes before sex

Taoist sexual philosophy states that men should avoid having sex within 20 minutes of peeing, and I would agree with this sentiment.

If you go pee and then immediately start trying to have sex, 1-3 minutes afterwards, then your penis hasn’t had any time to acclimate to switching roles. By doing this, you’ll be more detached from your sexual pleasure and more likely to prematurely ejaculate.

So by all means, empty your bladder before sex. Just make sure that you take some down time between urination and sex.

Not sure how to pass the time as you’re waiting? Extended foreplay and/or a sensual massage is always a good call.

7. Eat a diet with minimal processed foods to ensure your body is in top working order

As the famous saying goes, you are what you eat.

If you eat crap food, you’ll feel like crap. If you eat healthy, whole, energizing foods, you’ll feel like a healthy, whole, energized person.

Cut back on drinking, smoking, drugs, or overly processed foods. Double down on a colourful array of vegetables, nuts, lean animal proteins, and any supplements that make you feel awesome.

Want even more specificity on exactly what to eat for the best sex life possible? Check this out.

8. Use your words

Dirty talk is so hot when you do it right.

Before sex, tell them what you want to do to them.

During sex, tell them what you love that’s happening.

After sex, tell them what you loved that happened.

To get over fifty, ready to use examples of potent, powerful dirty talkcheck out this article.

9. Stop watching so much porn

Watching even moderate amounts of pornography has been proven to mess with your mind (and ability to perform sexually).

When you watch porn, your brain’s reward circuitry lights up like a Christmas tree. Toss on the fact that most men will scroll through multiple scenes during a single viewing session and it’s no wonder that this habit creates what is known as an arousal addiction (which is where your mind wants more constant variety).

When you’re then faced with your one, static partner (where you can’t click through to another person) your mind feels under-stimulated and it’s common for men (even under the age of 30 years old) to suffer from erectile dysfunction because of how their brain’s have been rewired.

Long story short, limit your exposure to porn, if not eliminate it from your life all together, in order to have the strongest erections and healthiest sex life possible.

10. Avoid her genitals for as long as possible during foreplay

Our brains have two kinds of pleasure systems… consummatory pleasure, an anticipatory pleasure.

Anticipatory pleasure is what we experience when we are in the state of desiring or craving something (for example, the hit of dopamine you get when you see your food being brought out to you in a restaurant).

Consummatory pleasure is the kind of pleasure that we experience when we (you guessed it) consume the thing we desire (food, sex, human touch, etc.).

Sexual tension (and a lot of sexual pleasure) is largely centred around being in a state of anticipation.

So, during foreplay, build up the sexual tension by going everywhere other than your partner’s genitals first.

For example, if your partner enjoys being kissed on the neck/shoulder area, then spend a few minutes lightly breathing on the nape of her back, behind her ear, and over the part of her shoulder where her bra strap would normally fall. Start very gently. Let your breath and lips do most of the work to begin with and simply graze her skin.

In the vast majority of your sexual play sessions, spend enough time on the preparatory phase that when you eventually go to put your fingers between her legs, you’ll have no doubt that she’ll already be dripping wet by the time you touch her.

Remember… when in doubt, slow down, tease more, and build anticipation.

11. Wear deodorant and cologne that she loves

Your partner is the one who has to smell you more than you do.

Find a scent of deodorant and cologne that both of you enjoy on you.

You can even go shopping with her for it… which can be it’s own form of foreplay.

(While we’re on the subject, use deodorant that is free of parabens, aluminum, and other things that mess with your ability to produce ample amounts of testosterone. This deodorant is what I’ve used every day for the last several years. And for cologne, I’ve always gotten the strongest positive responses from this).

12. Just kiss sometimes

Remember when you were in high school and you would make out for hours, and that would be the whole point? Do that again.

How you kiss each other is a good indication of your connectedness. So slow down and really take the time to enjoy each other in a simple, beautiful way. Feel her lips. Smell her hair. Press your body into hers. Take your time.

13. Lavish praise on the parts of her body that she has yet to fully accept

It’s fairly common (and/or inevitable) that the person you’re with has some part of their body that they aren’t deeply in love with just yet.

Ask them what those things are and then help them to see the beauty of those things by lavishing genuine praise on those things.

Feeling attractive, desirable, and uniquely beautiful is highly erotic. And the point isn’t to have your partner become dependent on your approval… in fact, quite the opposite. Think of your praise and attention as a bridge that you build to help your partner transition from self-rejection to self-acceptance. By seeing their body through your eyes, in the short-term, they will come to love their body just as much as you love it.

14. Do the laundry, tidy the area, and set up your bedroom for better sex

It’s often hard to really turn off your mind if you’re surrounded by chores and tasks on your to-do list.

Honour yourself, your partner, and your relationship by removing as many distractions from your environment as possible.

Pick up/do/fold the laundry. Tidy up. Vacuum. Take out the trash. Invest in mood lighting, music, or essential oil diffusers.

To read more about this step, read: 7 Ways To Set Up Your Bedroom For Better Sex.

15. Go sex toy shopping together

Depending on how you use them, sex toys can amplify orgasms, increase closeness, and add a thrill to your bedroom routine.

Check out my most highly recommend sex toys: for menfor womenand for couples.

16. Have an occasional date night at a nice hotel

Want something even easier than tidying up your place and worrying about the neighbours/kids/pets?

Many couples benefit from having an annual date night at a nice hotel. You don’t have to worry about the social repercussions (assuming that the walls are decently sound-proofed), and you don’t have to do the laundry when you leave. Enjoy!

17. Have sex in new rooms and situations in your house

Sex… it’s not just reserved for the bedroom!

In the shower, on the washing machine, in the bathroom while getting ready in the morning, on the side of a hot tub, in your car while on a road trip… the options are endless.

I also have a client who reported pulling his wife’s pants down and starting to go down on her when she was in the kitchen making herself some food. Do with that information what you wish.

18. Foray into your kinkier side

Kinky sex isn’t just reserved for people adorned in leather in BDSM sex dungeons.

Try some light biting, hair pulling, or spanking with your partner (giving or receiving) and see what you like. You might be surprised.

And if you haven’t already, I’d recommend you check out my article Kinky Sex: 5 Reasons You Should Try It.

19. Go on a vacation somewhere warm together

A recent study of 31 million people concluded that your sex life improves when you go on vacation.

Book a quick trip to somewhere warm, get lots of sleep, and spend ample time enjoying each other’s bodies.

You’ll be shaken out of your regular routines, and it will work wonders for your relationship.

20. Take an oral sex class together

In major cities around the world, it’s becoming increasingly common to be able to attend live classes on improving your oral abilities (for men and women).

Do a bit of research and see if there’s anything you can find in your neighbourhood.

Be forewarned, some classes have live demonstrations (on real people, OR on props/vegetables) and others don’t… so make sure you read the fine print of the event page.

Related Article: Sex Coach, Jordan Gray Tells You How to Give Her the Best Oral Sex of Her Life

21. Schedule a “Spoiling Session”

This is one of the absolute best things you can do for your sex life if you’re in a relationship.

So what is a spoiling session?

A spoiling session is a magical, sexy, multi-purpose exercise that allows you to gain a deeper understanding of your own sexual needs and the sexual needs of your partner, while simultaneously reconnecting you as a couple and melting away the subtle shame and resistance that each partner may or may not have towards sex in general.

A spoiling session is a pre-determined amount of time where one partner (the recipient) gets to have whatever they want done to them/on them/for them, as long as those things fall within the realm of comfort for the giving partner.

If you want to deep dive into this little beauty, you can read more about spoiling sessions here.

22. Gift her with a sensual massage

Ahh, the art of the sensual massage!

If you want to give a woman the night of her life and turn her into a blissed-out puddle of love-mush (that will be talking to her friends about you for weeks afterward), then look no further than the sensual massage.

Everybody likes sex, but the dynamic of a sensual massage is something entirely different. It’s all about her receiving from you.

Whether it’s for an anniversary, a date, or just a Tuesday night, there is nothing else that will leave her feeling so honoured, nurtured, loved, and turned on.

Set the scene, use some coconut oil, start gently, and escalate from there.

Want to read a deep dive article on this topic?

Related Article: 5 Steps to Giving a Woman an Amazing, Sensual Massage (Male Sex Coach Shares Advice)

23. Earn more money

It has been scientifically validated, time and time again, that you experience a boost of dopamine and testosterone when you make more money.

So, as long as you aren’t killing yourself with cortisol (aka stressing yourself out) in order to make that extra cash, figuring out a way to make a little extra money in your career path could pay dividends in the bedroom for you and your partner.

24. Engage in extended self-pleasuring

One of the most efficient ways to have a more pleasurable sex life is to go deeper into your awareness of your own body.

Set aside time to practice extended self-pleasuring. Preemptively remove any distractions (phones off, kids to bed, etc.), bust out the coconut oil, and let your hands roam free.

For more ideas, check out my articles How To Fall In Love With Masturbation, and The Best Sex Toy For Men, Ever.

25. Figure out what your ideal sex life looks like

Most people go their entire lives without ever slowing down to think about what, exactly, their ideal sex life looks like. When prompted, most of my male clients will simply laugh off the question with an answer like, “Just a lot of it.”

How often do you want to have sex? What does/do your partner/partners look like? What is the emotional tone of the sex you engage in? How long do you engage in the sexual play for? What time of day? Is there music on or off? Lights on/off? The list goes on.

For more ideas on how to flush out this idea in your mind, check out How To Figure Out What Your Ideal Sex Life Looks Like.

26. Discuss what your ideal sex life looks like with your partner

Insights don’t account for much unless they also translate into actions in your life.

Once you know what it is you want from your sex life, communicate those insights and desires with your partner. And ideally, they do the exercise as well and you can find the most mutually beneficial set of circumstances that meets both of your sexual and physical needs.

27. Do the swirl technique

Most men touch their partners in a boring, predictable, linear pattern. Enter: the swirl technique!

During foreplay especially, use the swirl technique to keep her nerve endings guessing (swirling your hands around lightly in an unpredictable, non-linear way over the whole body). This style of touching makes your partner’s nerve endings crave being chosen next and builds rapid sexual tension and anticipation.

28. Practice the 9-5 technique in order to build your sexual stamina

The 9-5 Technique is a phrase that I coined regarding the most effective way to masturbate in order to help you last longer in bed.

Imagine your sexual arousal on a scale of 1-10. One being you sitting at home knitting, and ten being you at the absolute peak of having an orgasm.

The 9-5 technique is the process of arousing yourself, in a rising and falling manner, up and down, between 5 out of 10 and 9 out of 10.

Some people have called this edging in the past, but it’s a bit different from edging. Edging is the process of riding your sexual arousal wave on the higher end of the spectrum. As in, going from an 8 to a 9… then a 9 to an 8.5… and so forth.

The 9-5 technique is more about taking multiple runs towards the finish line, from a place of low/medium arousal (i.e. 5/10) so that your mind gets an expert understanding of what your orgasmic point of no return feels like (and when to safely back away from it) and your body gets progressively trained in to the fact that you’re allowed to feel sexual pleasure and not have that stimulus mean “I need to cum as quickly as possible.”

Do this even once per week for a minimum of 20 minutes, and you’ll be well on your way to having greater sexual stamina.

(For more information on lasting longer in bed, check out this article.)

29. Become so comfortable with your body that you feel good doing a ‘dudeoir’ photo shoot, and give the photos to your partner as a surprise

Whether or not your physique would sell copies if it were plastered all over the front of a men’s magazine, try your hand at getting a professional photoshoot of yourself done, and gifting them to your partner.

This tip is more about self-acceptance and confidence than it is about committing yourself to working out like a madman in the gym for preparation. Own what you’ve got, and let it show.

Have the photos highlight your partner’s favourite part of your body (assuming you’ve discussed what those things are). And if you don’t know, ask.

30. Practice being more vocal during sex

Many people find it uncomfortable to make any sort of sound during sex. A lot of the time they’re worried they won’t say the right thing or their partner will get turned off by a weird noise and lose interest. But, I can assure you, if you are in a loving relationship with a supportive partner, it’s going to take a little more than an accidental snort to get rid of them… and who knows, maybe you’ll stumble onto a new fetish.

Whether you’re looking to make more noises (grunts, groans, moans, etc.) or you want to use words more often, increasing your communication levels during sex is always a good idea. How else are you going to know what they’re liking and what they aren’t?

READ THE REST OF THIS ARTICLE…




5 Weird (and Effective) Stress Busting Techniques You’ve Never Heard Of

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

When I’m curious about something, I deep dive all the way into it.

When I was 16 years old and first discovered the self-help, sex, and relationships sections of my favourite book store, I consumed hundreds of books within the first two years.

When I found out that it was possible to make a living by building an online business that helped millions of people across the world, I feverishly dove into the literature and started writing hundreds of blog posts.

When I found out that you could put on muscle rapidly, I hired a personal trainer, started working out five days a week, ate 5,000 calories a day, and put on 25 pounds of largely lean muscle mass over a six month period (side note: I’m doing that again right now – more on this soon!).

More recently, I went through a challenging year in my life during which I began to want to understand stress, anxiety, and depression more intimately. After pouring through countless books, video courses, product recommendations from friends, and various coaches and therapists, I found the healing modalities that worked the best for me.

Of all of the things that moved the needle for me in my progress, the following five are some of the more unique (read: fringe) activities that I did to overcome my stress, and to begin to thrive again.

Here they are, in no particular order.

1. Inversion table

An inversion table is a device that allows you to easily hang upside down for extended periods of time. I use this bad-boy for at least three minutes per day and I absolutely love it.

The benefits are plentiful. Inversion tables relieve back pain, realign your spine, rehydrate your discs, reduce nerve pressure, increase flexibility, relax tense muscles, improve sleep quality, and reduce stress. In essence, they create the necessary space in your back for your body to realign itself properly.

stress busting, inversion table, inversion therapy

Personally, I started using my inversion table because of upper, lower, mid-back, and neck pain. I experienced a neck injury late last year which didn’t bother me very much for a few months, but lifestyle stress ended up compounding my pain until I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I started hanging upside down on a daily basis (first thing in the morning, upon waking, for 3-10 minutes) and my neck and back pain completely alleviated itself in under a week.

The particular model that I picked up wasn’t the cheapest thing ever ($300 on Amazon, $480 in the store that was a few blocks away from my house) but when I look at it as an investment, it’s ridiculously inexpensive. Realistically speaking, I’ve easily spent over $1,000 on chiropractic adjustments and osteopaths for my neck and back within the last year, and ever since I’ve started inverting on a regular basis I haven’t felt the need to go to a practitioner once. Therefore, the device pays for itself pretty quickly when you look at it from that angle.

It’s a great tool for chronic back pain sufferers as it creates space between your vertebrae and allows your body to realign itself more naturally. This is why I do it first thing in the morning… my back and neck often feel the most tight after I get out of bed, so by immediately creating space in my spinal column, I can undo the compression that my horizontal sleep put into my back.

I would especially recommend trying inversion therapy (you can choose from inversion tables, moon boots, or an inversion chair) if you have chronic neck or back pain, you regularly do heavy leg workouts, you work at a computer or in a seated position a lot, or if you want to feel like Batman for a few minutes on a daily basis. Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-inversion table!

(I would not recommend inversion tables for anyone who has a major ankle injury, is significantly overweight/obese – since the table utilizes the body’s natural traction that comes from your bodyweight, or anyone who suffers from vertigo/chronic inner ear issues.)

2. Vibration platform

Vibration platforms (also known as vibration tables, vibe tables, vibration plates, or vibration machines) are exactly what they sound like… a platform that you stand on that makes you jiggle rapidly.

Why on earth would you do this? A few reasons…

– It’s a good workout

The vibration table forces you to engage a wide range of muscle fibres in order to stay on it. It isn’t violent like a bucking bronco in a country bar… but you definitely have to focus to remain standing like a semi-normal person. I found that by doing vibration training for ten minutes per day, I stood straighter, my legs felt stronger, and my core muscles were sore in a good way (from the gentle and persistent exercise).

– It improves postural stability

A four week study on posture in 2014 concluded that your postural stability in the frontal plane can be improved by long-term use of whole-body vibration training.

– Lymph drainage

Just like bouncing on a rebounder (tiny trampoline) has been proven to improve lymph drainage, so to does the vibration platform shake up your lymph nodes… except you don’t have to work for it as hard. Why walk, run, or bounce on a trampoline when the machine can jiggle your toxins free for you? Hooray for laziness and efficiency.

– It aids in digestion

I have no studies to link to on this one… this is purely personal/anecdotal… but doing ten minutes on a vibration table always makes me have to poop shortly afterwards. Maybe it’s jiggling my poop around in my intestines? Who knows! I just know that it works for me. This is also why I always do my vibration training first thing in the morning after my ten minutes on the inversion table.

vibration table, vibration platform, vibe table
Doing my morning air squats on a vibration table.

You should try doing a few sessions on a vibration table if…

– You want a thorough core workout without having to leave your house (no gym membership required!)

– You want to add a layer of difficulty to your squats, push ups, or any other body weight exercises

– You want a machine to shake your poop loose in the mornings

– You want to stand on a machine that will help you make funny voices to make your partner/spouse/room mates laugh

– You want to shake the toxins out of your lymphatic system

(Warning: do NOT do vibration training if you have any ankle/knee/hip/joint injuries… since the table will make the joints rub at a rapid pace and likely be detrimental to your healing process.)

3. Super-dosing on liposomal vitamin C

This magical vitamin sludge has been my saviour these past six months.

Ever since I started taking it I’ve had more energy, my muscles have recovered from workouts more efficiently, and any time I’ve felt even remotely like I was coming down with a cold/flu, I would slam a few tablespoons of this tasty goop and I’d feel 100% better in the morning. So it’s basically magic in a bottle.

Most people haven’t heard of liposomal technology. So here’s the condensed version of what it is and why it works…

Liposomes are a delivery method to put high doses of encapsulated nutrients directly into your cells. In fact, your body absorbs up to nine times more of the nutrients via liposomal technology than it would by going through a ‘traditional’ pill, tablet, or powder.

If you took 10g of vitamin C in an oral pill/tablet, you would more likely than not have a big load of diarrhea spewing out of you in a few hours. If you took 10g of liposomal vitamin C, you’d be fine.

Put simply, liposomal technology is a ridiculously effective way to absorb a significantly higher percentage of nutrients into your body, as opposed to losing most of the nutrients through the digestion process as you would with most vitamin C supplements/pills/powders.

liposomalvitaminctablespoon

I would especially recommend taking a tablespoon of this stuff per day if you want to…

– Balance/boost your immune system

– Stop getting sick so often

– Have healthier skin

– Have more energy day to day

– Recover from workouts more efficiently

– Or if you’re currently battling Lyme’s disease/cancer and require high doses of vitamin C and don’t want to pay for expensive intravenous treatments

This is the brand that I trust the most that also has the best tasting product compared to other liposomal supplements companies. Full disclosure: I get a small referral fee for every bottle of this product that my readers pick up… but I have this set up because I had already been telling my readers about it in previous articles and the company approached me directly. If the product tasted awful or didn’t work, I wouldn’t tell you about it. I have benefitted tremendously from it and want to pass along good things to you. The only downside is that they only currently ship their products within North America (I will update this when they expand to other continents).

4. Far infrared sauna

I have a weekly deep-dive self-care date that goes like this…

– Wake up early without interacting with any technology before noon

– Go to my favourite local float centre and spend at least 60 minutes in an infrared sauna

– Go in the float tank for an hour

This ritual is my ultimate nervous system reset button.

I’m a sensitive introvert who gets over stimulated by life easily. Being at a party with more than ten people? Extremely taxing. Ambulance driving by with it’s siren blaring? I’m the guy with his hands over his ears before it’s even within a city block of me. The most important factor that I look for in the restaurants that I go to? Quietness.

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9 Ways You Can Instantly Be More Attractive

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

With a title like 9 Ways Anyone Can Instantly Be More Attractive, you would think that I would pull a switcheroo and exclusively talk about the importance of feeling your feelingsself-lovecharacter development, and being in integrity and generally feeling alive in your life. You know… things that make you shine from the inside out.

And guess what… your love for yourself, your life, the people around you, and the entire world are exactly the things that count most in terms of your overall beauty and attractiveness. But there’s another aspect to take into account: feeling sexy, beautiful, nourished, and at home in your body.

So today, I’m going full-on superficial mode and talking about some real surface level stuff for a change of pace.

Let’s get into it!

9 Ways Anyone Can Instantly Be More Attractive

1. Make better eye contact

Confidence is sexy. One of the fastest ways to display more confidence? Make better eye contact.

Strong, solid eye contact is something that tends to bring up social tension. You know who can handle a good degree of social tension? Attractive people who aren’t afraid of human connection.

If you usually have fairly flighty eyes and find it hard to settle into yourself when making direct eye contact with someone, then this will be a vital growth edge for you.

You can get away with less eye contact while you’re speaking, but while you’re listening to someone you’ll really want to give them your full attention (and more eye contact than you might be used to).

In terms of the quality of your eye contact, the emotional tone matters.

Think direct, but not intimidating. Clear and open, but not intense. Relaxed… no furrowed brows or subtle jaw tension.

If you really want to supercharge your abilities, get a willing friend, set a timer and make eye contact for five minutes. This will rapidly help you to get over the discomfort you might experience while looking people in the eyes. And speaking of eyes…

2. Use a daily, high quality under eye serum

They say that the eyes are the window to the soul. If your ‘windows’ are puffy and wrinkly, then there’s something you can do to improve that.

I use a daily eye serum called Eye Rescue Formula that I swear by. You can use it in the morning, or in the evening, or both. With quality ingredients like coenzyme Q10, kojic acid, green tea and vitamin E, you’ll see a difference within a matter of days. If you’re looking for another option, I’ve heard great things about this under-eye product as well.

3. Say ‘Hello’ like you are singing happy birthday

I first heard this concept in one of my all-time favourite fiction books (Wild Nights by David Deida).

Regardless of whether you are greeting someone you know or don’t know, greet them with the warmth of how you would wish someone a happy birthday. In other words, with presence, love, attentiveness, excitement, and care.

Every one has the inherent desire to feel seen, recognized, and valued. This tip is a short-cut to that end result.

Show people love throughout all of your interactions with them, but especially when greeting them. Set the tone right off the bat and it’ll be that much easier to carry it out throughout the conversation because you’ll have already set the context.

Related Article: Compliments Are Powerful: Watch People React to Being Told They Are Beautiful (Video)

And no, you don’t have to literally ‘sing’ hello to them. It’s merely the subtextual love and care that I’m speaking to.

4. Lip exfoliation

To be honest, I didn’t even consider this to be a thing until about a year ago. Maybe it was in women’s magazines all along… but this tip came out of left field for me when I first heard about it.

Once or twice per week, gently rub an exfoliating pad or exfoliating glove along your lips (while in the shower is usually easiest).

Doing this will get rid of all of the residual dead skin-gunk that can accumulate over time (especially in the colder months), and make your lips that much more kissable and fresh looking.

Here’s a mid-post reminder to remember that YOU ARE LOVEABLE, beautiful, and whole as a person without doing any of the things in this list. You are awesome. And you are inherently deserving of love and kindness. All of these tips are for people looking to pour more love into themselves and present themselves as shinier, healthier people to the world… for their own sake. Again, this all comes down to self-love… which is what makes people truly shine from the inside out.

With that little disclaimer out of the way, here’s something I’ve been really digging over the last two months…

5. Red light therapy for healing skin blemishes and scarring, and wrinkle reduction

Have you ever heard of red light therapy? Until two months ago, I hadn’t.

There have been hundreds of studies done on red light therapy, and near-infrared light therapy.

The gist of the findings is that using red light therapy and NIR light drastically aid in skin rejuvenation, wound healing, scar tissue healing, acne scar healing, fine line and wrinkle reduction, and a whole host of other benefits.

Again, proven science. I could link to a TON of clinical research. Here are a few pieces if you’re interested – researchresearchresearchmore researchhuzzah!

Literally within THREE DAYS of 10 minutes of daily red light therapy use I thought to myself “Damn! I should have taken before photos on day one because the results are already so obvious.”

Related Article: What Light Therapy Is & How It Can Make You Healthier & Happier

Because I value time efficiency and I wanted the highest quality option on the market, I went with the Joovv model that combines both LED red light and near-infrared technology simultaneously. It has become a staple in my daily routine (5-10 minutes in the morning and 5-10 minutes at night) and I now swear by it.

If you want to boost the collagen production in your skin, reduce fine lines and wrinkles, and make the mitochondria in your body that much happier, I can’t recommend this product highly enough. I don’t even care if I sound like a Kool-Aid slamming cult leader… this thing has worked magic for me since I picked it up. I feel like I have more clean-burning energy to run on, 24/7, and my skin is happier and healthier ever since I started using it.

(Bonus: if you’re interested in picking up a device, use discount code ‘JORDAN’ to get $25 off at checkout!)

6. Sleep well, drink more water, and reduce sugar intake

Some of the best things you can do to be and appear more healthy, energetic, and fresh faced are prioritizing quality sleep, drinking more water, and reducing your sugar intake.

If you’re always tired, are chronically dehydrated, and eat a diet high in processed foods, it will show on your face within a matter of days. Your cortisol (stress hormone) will be through the roof, your sex drive will plummet, and your body will be upset with you.

For more info on sleeping better, click here. Reducing your sugar intake and eating healthier, click here. And you already know how to drink more water. Just buy a beautiful, aluminum water bottle that you like and fill it up a few times per day. Or drink lemon water… that stuff is delicious.

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31 Ways to Spread More Love Into the World

love heart

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

Ultimately, spirituality and self-development have the same end goal… be unapologetically loving toward yourself and others, as often as you can manage it.”

– Jordan Gray

Nobody is perfectly loving all of the time. But that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t aim to be.

We never know whether the people around us are hurting or happy, or some combination of the two. Either way, the only way of being that makes sense in this world is to be unreasonably kind and loving, to everyone that we meet.

Related Article: Love vs Fear: Which One Are You Going To Let Win?

How do we do that? Well, all we can ever influence is our thoughts, feelings, and actions today, in this very moment.

With that in mind, here are 31 ways to spread more love, kindness, and compassion into the world. Pick your favourite, and start with that.

1. Let someone drive into your lane of traffic

Life’s too short to be so prideful. Just let them in.

Let them in even if they’re driving like a bit of a jerk… maybe they’re stressed out because they’re late for their first day of work… who knows?

2. Plug parking metres for people

Walk around with loose change in your pocket with the sole intention of putting it into people’s parking metres that have run low on time.

I’ve dedicated a corner of my dresser to be where I put my “metre money.” It’s my way of tithing to humanity.

(Side note: it’s illegal in some major cities to put coins in other people’s metres so you might have to do this carefully and/or watch out for parking attendants)

3. Speaking of parking metre attendants, thank them

Parking metre attendants have to have one of the most difficult jobs. People are basically never happy to see them. I’ve seen so many of them being yelled at for simply doing their job.

To counteract some of this negativity, the next time you see one of them on-duty, sincerely thank them for doing their job. A simple “Thank you so much for the work that you do – I appreciate you,” will suffice.

Related Article: Love Is Stronger than Fear: 6 Ways Americans Are Defying Islamaphobia

It’s such a rare occurrence for them that they will likely remember you for months.

4. Meet up with one of your parents, on their terms

Are one or both of your parents still alive? Great!

Phone them up and tell them that you want to hang out with them, one on one, doing something that they enjoy. Leave the ball in their court and see what they come up with.

Or, if decision making stresses them out, suggest something that you know they’d enjoy and simply do that.

Get your parents at their best, and the conversation will flow. You never know how much longer you’ll still have your parents around, so make the most of the time that you have.

5. Offer to buy a homeless guy whatever he wants from the store he’s sitting in front of

This is one of my favourite things that I do on a semi-regular basis.

If you see someone who appears to be homeless sitting in front of a store asking for change, ask him if he wants anything from inside of it on your way in. And don’t just lob the question over your shoulder as your feet keep moving. Really commit to it. Stop, look them in the eyes, and say “Hey, I’m just about to head in here to grab something. Did you want me to pick up anything for you? Anything at all?”

Related Article: The Key to Loving Yourself, Other People, and Life

And just in case you’re worried that someone might try to take advantage of your generosity, I’ve done this at least once a month for the last year (whenever I’m in my hometown) and the biggest request that has ever been given to me amounted to a whopping $8.

Make the offer, gift them whatever they ask for (within your financial means), have a quick chat and/or shake their hand after, and be on your merry little way. It’s so easy to do, so just try it out.

6. Smile at a stranger

Politely smile at a stranger as you walk down the street. Whether they smile back or not is irrelevant. The task is complete when you have spread love with your smile.

7. Bear hug!

The next time you see someone that you know, greet them with the biggest, warmest, most sincere hug you can. Let them feel how much you love them.

8. Create a gift for a friend

Paint a painting, write a poem, record a song, make cupcakes… whatever way you enjoy creating, make something awesome and pass it on to someone who you think would most benefit from it.

body-painting-compressed

9. Go out in public with ‘Free Hugs’ signs

And then hug people that come to you for hugs. Also, bring friends.

10. If you notice someone fishing for a compliment, give it to them

Can you tell that someone is fishing for a compliment about their outfit/body/hairstyle/car/profession/etc.? Take the bait!

Feed their egos and be all like, “Yes! You look like a total boss in that new car. I’m so jealous. It fits you so well.” Or, “I know! I can’t believe that profile picture only got sixty likes… you look so good in it!”

Related Article: Compliments Are Powerful: Watch People React to Being Told They Are Beautiful (Video)

Obviously, the more sincere the compliment the better it will land. I’m not suggesting that you lie to people with your praise, just be more generous with it when the opportunities present themselves.

11. Pay a table’s restaurant bill without telling them

Just pay and leave. Bonus points if you do this for a table that is clearly celebrating an anniversary, a birthday, or some other major celebration.

12. Do a 30-day forgiveness meditation for someone who you feel/felt has wronged you

Even if you never talk to them again in real life, the world will be a better and more loving place if you have let go of whatever resentment you may have held/be holding towards them, and you will further free yourself emotionally in the process.

13. Buy your partner/best friend/mother in law a bouquet of flowers on a day that they wouldn’t expect it

Just because they’re awesome and you want to show your love for them.

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How to Heal Your Most Debilitating Core Wounds

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

“I am a burden and a mistake.”

“All love that is offered to me is fragile and a lie.”

“Everyone I love secretly hates me and wants me to kill myself.”

These are the beliefs that dominated me for the majority of my life.

I am the youngest of three children in my family.

From the ages of 0-4, my older sister was like a second mom to me.

She tied my shoes for me. She carried me around. She was endlessly sweet, patient, and loving with me.

Then some time around turning 5, my older brother found me to be increasingly annoying, and he turned on me. Not wanting to be on the wrong side of this power dynamic, my sister joined him in bullying me. This carried on for the next eight or so years.

I remember countless nights of self-loathing. I remember feeling unwanted and unsafe in my family. I remember having suicidal thoughts as early as eight years old.

Although I didn’t have the words to understand what it was at the time, I was intermittently depressed from the ages of 8-15.

After enough years of self-hatred and repressed emotions, I tried to take my own life when I was 15.

I sat down with a bottle of painkillers and a can of orange soda and I consumed them all.

Fast forward 24 hours and I was on suicide watch in a children’s hospital.

No belts. No shoelaces. No metal cutlery. Just me, two other suicidal teens, and a sterile jail cell of a bedroom.

My family came to visit me during visiting hours, and they all looked like shit. Their eyes were bloodshot. They looked exhausted. They looked like I felt.

And yet I remember the pain in their eyes confusing me deeply.

“Why are you all sad? I thought I was doing you a favour,” I thought to myself.

The pain on the faces of my family was the initial sliver of doubt that had me question whether I wasn’t actually a burden to the world.

Reaction Formation

While the seed of doubt had been planted in my mind, I wasn’t ready to face into the depth of my repressed pain.

The unconscious programming that I had held on to (telling me that everyone I loved was just waiting to turn on me with cruelty and without warning) led me to study interpersonal relationships like a man possessed.

I read everything I could get my hands on that might give me the silver bullet solution to making people NOT hate me.

I constructed a mask, and then (from the ages of 22-25) taught others how to live with the same mask that I had constructed. I became a professional dating coach and helped people get into (largely surface level) relationships.

While helping people get traction in their lives and stepping into some form of teaching appealed to me, I could increasingly tell that something felt misaligned for me in the version of what I was doing.

Surrender

At 25, I began to tire of the social mask that I had constructed, and wanted to go deeper into my process.

I started dating women who could more fully see me (as I finally began to allow myself to be more fully seen by others).

I started working with coaches and therapists who had more embodied wisdom, and similar childhood trauma to me.

In short, I started to reach out and ask for help for the first time ever. I truly surrendered.

Over the past year and a half I leaned harder into my self-development process than I ever have.

Largely catalyzed by a series of painful events (a significant breakup, a close friend passing away, and reaching a new level of success in my business and feeling deeply unfulfilled by it), I started working with a transpersonal therapist, joined a weekly men’s group, and began doing more physically embodied therapeutic exercises that helped me get out of my head and into my emotional body.

men, repressed anger, masculine edge

Without hyperbole, this past year and a half has been the most challenging and healing period of time in my entire life, by a landslide.

Of all of the things that I have done, these are the three biggest things that I did to help heal my repressed pain and trauma. It is my hope that you will be able to take something out of these steps to use in your own process.

1. Fully face, and accept, the truth of your situation

You can’t fully let go of something until you have first taken it into your hand and grasped it.

If you don’t allow yourself to fully acknowledge the truth of whatever you have lived through, it will continue to have power over you.

There’s a big difference between saying “I was bullied when I was young… but I was probably just being a sensitive little kid,” and, “I was bullied relentlessly for years and had suicidal thoughts for years because of it.”

There’s a big difference between saying “I was raped when I was a teenager but I was probably asking for it because I was drunk and being flirtatious,” and, “I was raped when I was a teenager. I know this because my sexual energy was violated and I found it difficult to get close to people for years. I still wake up from nightmares of my abuser breaking into my home.”

There’s a big difference between saying “I might have been emotionally abused in my last marriage, but other people have had it so much worse than me,” and, “I was emotionally manipulated in my last marriage for so many years, to the point where I didn’t feel like I could trust my own mind in the slightest. I still doubt myself constantly and never know if or when my emotions are appropriate in a given situation.”

The point isn’t to be overdramatic or to tell white lies. The point is to be fully truthful. To own it fully. And that means allowing yourself to acknowledge the truth of the situation as you experienced it.

Here I am, sharing this exact story with an audience, this past March.

In practical terms, facing the full truth of your situation might look like writing out your full story on several pieces of paper… or telling a close, trusted friend about your trauma… or speaking to a coach or therapist for several sessions.

Whatever your truth is, it absolutely must be fully acknowledged and externalized before you can transcend it.

2. Feel the feelings that you have access to

Once you have exposed the full truth of your situation to yourself, there will very likely be some (or a lot of) unfelt emotional residue to process.

You may have to sob, or yell, or lie down despondently, or stomp your feet… or all of the above.

Depending on the depth of the wound, this may take a matter of days, or a matter of years.

One of the most common fears that comes up when you are about to lean into this stage is, “What if my sadness/anger/resentment/etc. goes on forever? What if it’s a never ending well of emotion?”

Nothing lasts forever. Your sadness can be transcended. Your anger can be released. Feel your feelings fully, and you will release the stuck energy that has lived in your body for as long as it has.

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