By K. Aleisha Fetters | Prevention
For the uninitiated, the idea of tantric sex can be mystifying. You might assume it’s all kink or you may be reminded of rumors about Sting’s famous (or, rather, infamous) nine-hour sex sessions. The rest of you probably just scratch your head. Luckily for both your comfort zone and schedule, tantric sex is about more than marathon lovemaking.
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With its roots in ancient Indian principles, tantric sex is a form of meditation—a way to connect to both your partner and yourself in a more intimate way. Rather than focusing on recreation, it emphasizes the same mindful techniques that can slash stress and increase your focus—both of which can lead to more pleasurable sex.
Ready to find the bedroom and relationship bliss? Take a lesson (or 9!) from tantric sex’s mindful practices.
1) Ditch your expectations
When you hang onto what you think sex should be—how it should feel, how long it should last, what positions you should hit, and so on—your pleasure doesn’t stand a chance, says Barbara Carrellas, author of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century. Those expectations are probably founded more in TV and movies than they are in reality. But when you let go of those comparisons, you can truly tap into the sensations you’re experiencing, as opposed to what you think you should be feeling (and how quickly you can get there).
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2) Know your body
“The better a woman gets to know her body, the more connected she feels to herself, and the better she can make requests to her partner during sex,” says Elsbeth Meuth, director of the TantraNova Institute in Chicago. And that’s a big part of tantric sex—exploring your own body to better understand (and articulate) your pleasure points.
3) Slow down
There’s nothing wrong with the occasional quickie. But if you really want to use sex to connect, call off the race, says psychotherapist Barnaby B. Barratt, Ph.D., and author of What Is Tantric Practice? Your move: During intercourse or foreplay, aim to make three strokes for every 30 you typically would. It sounds impossibly boring but the opposite is true: Every sensation will stand out so you can fully enjoy it.
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4) Excite your senses
Sure, sex feels great, but what about your other senses? “Tantric sex is about creating a fully sensual experience,” says Carrellas. Dim the lights, dip strawberries in chocolate or invest in a set of 1,000-thread-count sheets. Catering to all of your senses will help get your entire body and mind get in on the fun.
