6 Reasons Men Say No to Sex (5 of Them Have Nothing to Do with You)

Written by on June 11, 2019 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 3 Comments
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By Jennifer Goldberg | Best Health Mag

Why does he turn down sex?

When it comes to sex, men are ready to go at any time, right? Well, not always, says 29-year-old P.J., an online producer from Toronto. “It’s rare that I don’t want to have sex, but the times I will say no are when I’m thinking about something intensely and I can’t pull myself out of it,” he explains.

Not even a surprise birthday visit from his girlfriend wearing lingerie could pique his interest one time when he was deep in thought. “I was feeling pensive and I didn’t want to be outside of myself. And with sex, you want to connect with somebody,” he says.


It may be difficult to imagine that a healthy heterosexual man would turn down a woman wearing a thong. However, P.J. is far from alone in this situation, says Vancouver-based sex therapist David McKenzie. “In the last two years, I’ve noticed more clients of mine than before are men lacking the sexual desire and it’s the women who are initiating sex,” he says.

If your partner is turning down your advances there’s probably a good explanation for his lack of interest—and it likely has nothing to do with how he feels about you. Here are some common reasons why men say no, and what you can do to get him back to say, “Yes!”

1. He’s suffering from depression

Clinical depression is one of the biggest killers of sex drive in men,” says McKenzie. Men of all ages, even teenagers, may experience much lower sex drive when they’re struggling with this mood disorder.

What you can do: “Remember that clinical depression is a physical illness and not a character weakness,” says McKenzie. There are plenty of online resources available to help you and your partner better understand depression and how it can affect your relationship. (The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, for example, has some tips on how to cope.) The key here is patience, especially during treatment—while antidepressants are very effective in treating depression, they can also contribute to low sexual interest. Your partner may want to speak to a doctor, however, if he notices that treatment is severely interfering with his sex drive.

2. His testosterone levels are low

“When a man gets to be over 40, his testosterone levels begin to decrease,” says McKenzie. “If this happens mildly over time, then a man will gradually lose his sexual prowess. But sometimes males can lose testosterone very rapidly.” This condition is sometimes referred to as andropause and comes with symptoms that include loss of energy, depressive symptoms, and low sex drive.

What you can do: Low testosterone is a physical condition that can be treated by a physician. If you suspect your partner is experiencing some of the symptoms associated with andropause, suggest he ask his doctor for a testosterone test to determine if low levels are to blame for his lack of desire.


3. He's got trouble with the plumbing

Though erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are common problems, says McKenzie, a man who experiences these difficulties may withdraw from his partner for fear that she’ll be disappointed or think that he’s less of a man.

“It’s hard on a man’s self-esteem to not be able to perform in bed,” explains David, a 28-year-old musician from Toronto. “Growing up, guys always talk about being a player and being able to perform well sexually. It’s part of guy culture.”

What you can do: This can be a difficult subject to discuss with your partner, but don’t avoid the issue, says McKenzie. A problem left untreated could result in resentment between partners down the road. Approach the situation very delicately, David advises. “Start by saying, ‘You know I love you no matter what,’” he suggests. “Don’t make a big deal out of it or make him feel like it will affect your interest in him as a partner if he can’t make it happen.”

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  1. roche8410@gmail.com' Denny says:

    Look within. If you are having problems with meditation or simply want to go deeper I have a 15 minute composition posted on YouTube that may help this. One needs headphones and listen to the entire recording. Try it for a few days and feel the difference. Simply Google Spirit of the Wind 10 Good health and prosperity and thank you for listening.

  2. orgoneemfprotection@gmail.com' Erik says:

    when you can control your lower mind and rid yourself of the attachment sex holds over you. You will begin to see the world from a much higher perspective. Practicing Qi-gong teaches you how to harness this power upwards, rather than throwing it away. The world is overpopulated and many men are decieved, controlled and manipulated by the seduction and short lived pleasure sex brings. Harness your energy upwards and hold onto it. Watch how your live improves, Health mindset and everything. Sex can be wonderful but it also can be slavery. Getting rid of your attachment to it is the answer. This answer is found through meditation

  3. o500612@mvrht.com' John says:

    Nearly every article on this subject skirts around the real issue. Listen ladies, you know what the real reason is. It’s because men are tired of being manipulated and rejected by you. Men have had enough, and the only way to stop it is to not initiate sex. So that’s what many men have done. If you don’t believe, just search the internet. Sex with a woman is not worth the price you pay. Life is so much better when you cut women out of it. So there it is; we’re gone and we’re not coming back.

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