3 Ways to Know When Holding On is Actually Holding You Back


Some people are excellent at monitoring their own energy. I am not one of those people…You see, I am one of those empath weirdos you’re always hearing about in the spiritual community. And I say “weirdo” with the utmost love in my over-feeling heart and compassion in my over-thinking brain.

You’d think that someone like me would’ve learned innately to keep my own energy in check, but if you’re an empath too or know someone who is, then you also know that it can sometimes take years, if not an entire lifetime to learn how to even differentiate your own energy from those around you.

While I’ve come to embrace this trait as a gift and am just in recent years figuring out how to use to best serve me and my goals in life, it has also served, at my own hand, to keep me feeling unseen, unheard, unappreciated and perhaps the most painful, unloved.

I, along with every other empath I’ve ever spoken to, had to learn at a very young age that how we feel isn’t important enough to be a priority to anyone. In fact, we developed quite quickly the damaging belief that it’s not only our job to keep our feelings inside but to also make sure that we are catering to the emotions of (or lack thereof) everyone else and that we are meeting their needs. I often liken it to what I call “energy chameleon training”.

Through these beliefs, we begin to bring to life the idea that it is our “duty” to live simultaneously closed off emotionally, and yet hyper-tuned into how we can help others with their own problems at the moment. I recall always having severe anxiety whenever my mother would drop me off at daycare and this was due to my what had grown from these beliefs…a deep-rooted fear of abandonment. And rightly so, to this day my inner child doesn't trust adults and I don't blame her.

Can you relate yet? LOL While not a particularly comical topic, one thing I have learned along the way is that being able to laugh at yourself, make light of what crap comes your way does make it easier to not get caught up in energy and emotions, and to keep an open mind about obstacles. I’ve now made it a habit to turn each one into an opportunity. Perhaps this is why I’ve recently become obsessed with Alchemy, particularly Spiritual Alchemy.

(I wrote a previous article on Spiritual Alchemy if you’re unfamiliar with the term. Check it out here: How to Live as a Spiritual Alchemist )

Which brings me to the incredibly useful Alchemical tool of Transmutation. A spiritual approach to turning base elements into gold, or rather your unhealed wounds and shadow traumas into catalysts for your greatest potential.

So what does this all have to do with knowing when to let go? Well, glad you asked. 🙂

  1. If you find yourself spending a significant amount thinking about, worrying about or giving energy to something or someone that is not making you feel good, then LET IT GO. I’m not talking about the egoist-grunts of not wanting to do the work required to meet healthy goals, no, not at all. I’m referring to spending years of your life in an UNhealthy relationship with someone who convinces you that you are something you’re not, or whom cannot see your light, heart, or true intentions. Putting energy into things that drain us is a never-ending battle. And while it can be instinctual to want to love someone else into their own best self, we cannot and will not accomplish anything like this with someone who doesn’t see what you see.
  2. If you see failures as mistakes, then you may not like what I am about to say next. Failing is a fucking GOOD thing! All a “failure” truly is in the grand scheme of things is learning ONE way not to do something. And every mistake is just as vital to your success as the moments you felt everything was going great. The point is, see the entire journey and honor all parts of it. Each part is equally responsible for getting you to where you are today. This can also be said when it comes to loving those parts of us we may consider unlovable, or accepting things from our past we may not be proud of.
  3. Anything that floods your essence with shame or guilt is not for you. Trust me. It’s not for ANYONE. Regardless of what someone has or hasn’t done (people can instill shame or guilt over either if you think about it), it’s always going to be up to them whether they will choose remorse, forgiveness, growth, and love over letting the opportunity to get closer to their greatest potential slip away. We’ve all heard it before, people will not change unless they want to and ultimately it’s not our responsibility to heal others or push them to change one way or another. What we do have the right to do is walk away. To let go.

“The easiest way to be happy is to no longer hold onto what is making you sad…”

Whether you’re empathic or not, if you consider yourself to be kind, compassionate and find yourself putting the needs of others’ ahead of your own, then I’m sure my words have either struck a chord or triggered something awake inside. That thing is your soul. And it’s calling each and every one of us that actually care to listen. As they say, go within or go without. We are all mirrors and how you feel about yourself on the inside determines what you see reflected back to you from others.

Make the big leap into letting go of what you’ve convinced yourself is pushing your forward, and you just may gain a new perspective of what’s been holding you back.

Much love and have an insightful weekend my friends! <3


tamaraTamara Rant is a Co-Editor/Writer for CLN as well as a Licensed Reiki Master, heart-centered Graphic Designer and a progressive voice in social media activism & awareness. She is an avid lover of all things Quantum Physics and Spirituality. Connect with Tamara by visiting Prana Paws/Healing Hearts Reiki or go to RantDesignMedia.com

Tamara posts new original articles to CLN every Saturday.

Follow Tamara on FacebookTwitter and Google+

This article was originally created and published by Conscious Life News and is published here under a Creative Commons license with attribution to Tamara Rant and ConsciousLifeNews.com. It may be re-posted freely with proper attribution, author bio, and this Copyright/Creative Commons statement.

Tags: , , , , , , , ,


If you enjoyed this article, subscribe now to receive more just like it.

Subscribe via RSS Feed Connect on YouTube

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

FAIR USE NOTICE. Many of the articles on this site contain copyrighted material whose use has not been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making this material available in an effort to advance the understanding of environmental issues, human rights, economic and political democracy, and issues of social justice. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of the copyrighted material as provided for in Section 107 of the US Copyright Law which contains a list of the various purposes for which the reproduction of a particular work may be considered fair, such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. If you wish to use such copyrighted material for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use'...you must obtain permission from the copyright owner. And, if you are a copyright owner who wishes to have your content removed, let us know via the "Contact Us" link at the top of the site, and we will promptly remove it.

The information on this site is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional advice of any kind. Conscious Life News assumes no responsibility for the use or misuse of this material. Your use of this website indicates your agreement to these terms.

Paid advertising on Conscious Life News may not represent the views and opinions of this website and its contributors. No endorsement of products and services advertised is either expressed or implied.
Send this to a friend