10 Loving Ways to Add Happiness to Your Relationship

Posted by on May 24, 2018 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 0 Comments

 

By Zeenat | Positive Provocations

“Let your love be like the misty rains, coming softly, but flooding the river.” ~Malagasy Proverb

After receiving countless lovely emails and messages regarding different kinds of relationships and the problems in them, this is the article I wrote, which attempts to answer almost all of those queries. 


One of my friends recently gave me an article about happiness that asked the question, “How happy can we be?” Pretty darn happy if I’m in love, you might say. But according to psychologists, about 50 percent of our happiness is determined by our genes, and amazingly only about 10 percent has to do with our actual circumstances. The other 40 percent has to do with what we do to counteract a seemingly natural tendency for us to stay at or around what we psychologists term our “set point” or “base line.”

In other words people tend to reach a goal, whether it be finding love, getting married, or making more money and feel a surge of happiness for a while, only to soon adapt back down to their “set point.”

The Belief of Fireworks and Excitement to Ho-Hum

Relationships seem to go the same way for a lot of people. The beginning is like : all fireworks and excitement. But then, somewhere between changing diapers and paying the mortgage, couples lose their way. They forget it’s their responsibility to their relationship–and their happiness–to continue cultivating the magic, and things become ho-hum. They just don’t feel excited about each other anymore and thus feel less happy than they should.

Many people believe it is natural for the excitement level–and hence our happiness level–to go down after the new wears off the relationship. But since it is our beliefs that determine our reality, believing something more serving is a good idea if you want long-term happiness in your relationships.

Another belief is that your relationship can get better and better as time goes on. One of my patients said that he is more deeply happy now than at the beginning of his relationship. He feels that the beginning was exciting and fun, but now, he feels “deeply content and peaceful” which is a “more fulfilling feeling.” He says, “I love her more deeply now because I know her more deeply now.”


It’s true that the excitement, in the beginning, is new and so–well, it’s exciting–and later there is less of that brand of fun. But the beginning is also the part illusion; we are projecting our light onto our partners; we are seeing the God in them. We haven’t yet seen their humanness, their insecurities, and flaws. Seeing each other’s weaknesses is perhaps not as exciting, but isn’t it deeply profound that we can love each other, not only in spite of but even because of our flaws? And as we feel safer and more secure with our partner, we can open to greater depths of intimacy. This intimacy though can only happen if we are paying attention to our relationship and nurturing it rather than allowing all the other demands of life suck the life out of our relationship.

There are many things that we can do to counteract the tendency to fall into relationship rut and be less happy than we deserve to be. It’s really about taking responsibility for creating passion and desire rather than expecting it to just be there.

10 Loving Ways to Add Happiness to your Relationships:

1. Spend time regularly thinking about all the things you love about your partner, and share your thoughts with your partner. When we get stressed, it’s easy to focus on what we find irritating. But it’s important to make a conscious effort to shift your thinking to the positive and look for the best in your partner.

2. Take time each week to go on a date with your partner, to be romantic and loving. And take time to make love with words, with actions, with thoughts…. The more you do it, the more you want it. The less you do it, the less you want it.

3. Take time each month or so to experience something totally new with your partner, whether attending an interesting lecture, walking, or going to a new town. Experiencing new things adds a level of excitement to your relationship.

4. When discussing money issues–remember it’s cited as the number one cause for divorce–set a time, go to the kitchen table, discuss it, and then let it go. If you haven’t resolved it, set another time to discuss it in that way. Avoid letting it become a discussion in the bedroom or over dinner, and avoid any tendency to discuss it on and off throughout the day.

5. Promote intimacy by taking the time to be share your feelings, needs and desires, and be open to hearing about your partner’s.

READ THE REST OF THIS ARTICLE…

Tags: , ,

Subscribe

If you enjoyed this article, subscribe now to receive more just like it.

Subscribe via RSS Feed Connect on YouTube

New Title

NOTE: Email is optional. Do NOT enter it if you do NOT want it displayed.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

FAIR USE NOTICE. Many of the articles on this site contain copyrighted material whose use has not been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making this material available in an effort to advance the understanding of environmental issues, human rights, economic and political democracy, and issues of social justice. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of the copyrighted material as provided for in Section 107 of the US Copyright Law which contains a list of the various purposes for which the reproduction of a particular work may be considered fair, such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. If you wish to use such copyrighted material for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use'...you must obtain permission from the copyright owner. And, if you are a copyright owner who wishes to have your content removed, let us know via the "Contact Us" link at the top of the site, and we will promptly remove it.

The information on this site is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional advice of any kind. Conscious Life News assumes no responsibility for the use or misuse of this material. Your use of this website indicates your agreement to these terms.

Paid advertising on Conscious Life News may not represent the views and opinions of this website and its contributors. No endorsement of products and services advertised is either expressed or implied.
Top

Send this to a friend