Women, Feel Uncomfortable Receiving Oral Sex? Here Are 7 Tips To Help You Relax & Enjoy!

By Vanessa Marin | Bustle

Question: I have a really hard time relaxing and enjoying myself when my boyfriend goes down on me. I get self-conscious about him being so close to me down there, and I worry about him not liking the way I taste or getting tired. He’s always asking me, “what do you want me to do?” I don’t think I’ve ever liked oral sex, so I don’t know what instructions to give. Plus, him asking me that question makes me feel even more nervous like I'm letting him down. My friends rave about how good oral is, and I feel like I’m missing out. Is it possible that I just don’t like oral sex? Or is something wrong with me?

Answer: You’re definitely not alone in feeling uncomfortable receiving oral. Women are socialized to believe that our genitals are gross, smelly, weird, icky, and ugly, so it’s not surprising that you feel self-conscious when your boyfriend's face is literally all up in your business!

There are lots of factors that can get in the way of your oral enjoyment, so here are seven strategies to help yourself develop a healthier relationship with cunnilingus:

Related Article: One Woman Shares Her (Surprising) Feelings About Receiving Oral Sex

1. Know That Your Body Is Beautiful

It takes time to let go of all the crap we women have to deal with when it comes to our bodies, but please know that your genitals are beautiful just the way they are. Seriously. Your boyfriend is choosing to keep going down on you, so he obviously feels the same way.

If it makes you feel more comfortable, you can always try wiping down with an unscented baby wipe beforehand (but again, this isn’t necessary; you taste just great!). You can also try experimenting with different pubic hairstyles to see what makes you feel the sexiest. Think of it as pampering yourself!

2. Find Ways To Connect During Oral

A lot of women find receiving oral to be a lonely experience. Your partner is all the way down there, and you’re basically chilling on the pillows by yourself.

If you find yourself feeling disconnected, try asking your boyfriend to hold your hand or stroke other parts of your body like your breasts or your stomach. You can also ask him to make eye contact with you, or talk to you. Or he can come up for air and kiss your mouth, neck, and breasts.

You can also experiment with different positions, like sitting on the edge of the bed with your feet on the floor, and him kneeling in between your legs. This position has the added bonus of being way more comfortable for him.

Related Article: Why Do So Many Straight Women Prefer Penetration to Oral Sex? (Video)

3. Learn How To Give Feedback

You may be feeling like you have to know exactly what you want, and that you have to give your boyfriend precise and specific directions when he’s going down on you. That doesn’t have to be the case! I would encourage you and your boyfriend to think of giving feedback during oral sex instead of directions. Instead of trying to come up with what you want beforehand, focus more on what feels good in the moment. Keep it simple by saying things like “faster,” “slower,” “harder,” and “softer.”

You can also use A/B testing to help hone in on what feels good. Have your boyfriend try two different licking techniques (like side to side, then up and down), then tell him which one feels better. Then have him try two different levels of pressure or two different speeds. Picking one option out of two is a lot easier and less intimidating than trying to come up with your own instructions out of thin air!

You might also want to broaden your oral sex vocabulary and skill set by reading a sexual technique book together. My absolute favorite is She Comes First by Ian Kerner. It’s a must-read. (You can also read our guide to giving oral sex feedback for more tips.)

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