Taking Things Personally Could Be Ruining Your Life

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Caught in Blue by Cherie Roe Dirksen

Be Honest With Yourself

Are you easily offended? When you take something personally or are affronted, you are — in a claustrophobic little nutshell — agreeing with what has been said about you.

Does this ring true or are you shaking your head profusely?


When you feel offended you are agreeing with the offender because it has touched a nerve. Let’s try unravel more of this…

Nerves Weren’t Always Twisted, You Know

If someone tried to hurt you, or perhaps even inadvertently, says something to you that you don’t agree with – no problem – you usually shrug off this kind of ‘offense’ because it really doesn’t bother you.

For example: You are happy with your appearance and feel you are a fine specimen, someone passes by in a vehicle and shouts out ‘hey, freak!’

Here is your moment; do you agree with that or not? If you are 100% confident that you are a perfectly chic human being then you would most likely shrug the comment off and have a good laugh.

Why? Simply because you don’t agree with the statement.

“Who get’s to be the judge and jury on what is deemed beautiful accepted or hideous? The tabloids? Hollywood?”

Now, if you think you are ‘okay’ looking but there could be room for improvement, or, in the extreme, if you are someone with downright low self-esteem, this statement would be devastating because a part of you, or perhaps – most of you, agrees with this. You are shocked that someone else has found you out!

You thought if you could keep your head down no-one would notice you but here someone has clearly seen your faults. This feels like a low blow and you become all knotted up in your stomach (solar plexus area).

The Illusion of Appearance

The ultimate fear of imperfection and/or of not being accepted is, of course, an illusion.

Who get’s to be the judge and jury on what is deemed beautiful accepted or hideous? The tabloids? Hollywood? Just spare a thought as to who you give your power over to, that which dictates what beauty and normal is, and try to see that it is all fake.

True beauty and acceptance is in the eye of the beholder. So anyone claiming to know what beauty or normal definitely is needs very close examining if they are not including every member of the human race in their synopsis.

To agree with anyone over anything stemming from feelings of lack would be disempowering.

“The person doing the insulting is only reminding you of something that needs to be taken on within yourself to have a good, long and hard look at – and to either change or accept.”

The same could be said over someone slighting your intelligence. If you don’t feel stupid then any snide remark over your competence could be easily overlooked but if you are worried about what others think, a dig at your IQ could mean the world to you.

Are You to Blame?

This is not truly the fault of the insulter (although they will have to deal with their contribution via their karma) – it is actually your fault.

Yeah, it sounds harsh and it is. But if we are going to get real about this we need to dive right into the core of the problem and bring it up for close scrutiny.

The person doing the insulting is only reminding you of something that needs to be taken on within yourself to have a good, long and hard look at – and to ultimately change or accept.

Although you probably won’t want to give them a gold medal for their efforts at the time, I assure you that some people are in this life to push your buttons — in a seemingly unloving way — to actually give you the opportunity to reconsider your belief structures.

This may be on a level that even they are not aware of.

If there are no buttons to push, then you can walk away head held high knowing that it is something you have overcome or never had a doubt about in the first place.

It is the slights that leave us feeling wounded that mean that we have a program still running within us that wants to be ended, a cache that needs clearing.

What Insults You?

What is it that you are always dreading might come up in conversation?

You have to be cruel in examining these beliefs in order to be kind to yourself.

We all face difficult, dark moments of self-realization, when we see the agreements we have made about ourselves and have to try to turn it around. When you can out these undesirable contracts you can begin to repair them.

We have to discover why we felt the lack and how we are feeling now about the same issue. Then we must align it to our higher self by breaking down the agreement piece by piece and offer it up to the light to be cleansed.

What do I mean by this?

This simply means to shed light on a problem. When it has come to our full attention we can dissemble it and make a new beneficial agreement about ourselves.

We need to look at ourselves and find the beauty inherent in us, not always trying to fish out our perceived faults. When you treat yourself with loving kindness and nurture your self-esteem with positive thoughts, you will begin to shift into alignment with your higher self.

“However, we must consider that some things are said in the heat of the moment and not really meant by the offender, so we really need to see why we made the agreement.”

Some of these agreements we made at a very young age. When we are young we have no inhibitions and sang at the top of our voices, danced our hearts out (whether someone was looking or not) and thought we were princesses and superheroes.

Then one day someone came along and made you feel less than what you felt about yourself. You may have paused to take it in – then you made a crucial decision.

Related article: 9 Must-Have Books For Expanding Your Spiritual Awareness

Making the Agreement

Either you agreed with what they said or you didn’t. That is why some of us can still dance freely and not be bothered whilst others cringe at the thought of dancing in public – this could be due to an earlier experience of being made to feel like you were ‘no good’ by someone who was only giving you one piece of the puzzle.

What Puzzle?

When I said that the person was only giving one piece of the puzzle I mean that they have a preference based on their version of reality.

That is one person’s perspective in a sea of other possible candidates – ones who may have loved your form of expression.

This person could have also been a child, an acquaintance, a stranger or it could have been someone you trusted and loved deeply. The latter is often the case and can make the hurt twice as strong.

However, we must consider that some things are said in the heat of the moment and not really meant by the offender, so we really need to see why we made the agreement.

“We sometimes tend to disregard the ones who encourage us, leaving only space in our thoughts for the ones who hurt us.”

You also need to know that you can never have universal appeal with absolutely everyone.

You or your talents may not be one person’s cup of tea but what about all the other people in the world who will resonate with your particular brand of uniqueness.

Neither being important though because it is ultimately you who needs to please you. When you do this then you are immediately accepted and no outside influence can make you feel anything other than what you know yourself to be.

“Without diversity in hair colour, body shapes, talents, voices, tastes, etc we would be tantamount to sheep running around in a field day in and day out – bah-bah-boring!”

We sometimes tend to disregard the ones who encourage us, leaving only space in our thoughts for the ones who hurt us.

Why is this, I wonder?

Everyone has the urge to be liked and accepted for who they are. This is normal. But what we need to redefine is what is normal?

Every soul is special and has equally unique attributes, abilities and ways of expressing themselves creatively. There should be no judgment.

What do We do About That Sheeple Judge?

When there is judgment on this, we must question the one doing the judging.

Without freedom of expression this world would be a very dull place. Without diversity in hair colour, body shapes, talents, voices, tastes, etc we would be tantamount to sheep running around in a field day in and day out – bah-bah-boring!

Love your difference, embrace yourself.

Begin to discover, on the deepest level, who you truly are and what you have done – not only in this lifetime but in the countless life experiences you have had. Draw on the wealth of talents you have that you haven’t even begun to extract from your being.

Know Thyself!

As the oracle in the movie The Matrix had written above her kitchen door: ‘Know thyself’ (a long-established ancient Greek aphorism).

When you do, there is nothing anyone can say or do to you that would ever hurt you because you will be resolute as to who you are and nobody can take that away from you, unless you allow them to.

 “Empowerment comes from fearing no-thing and facing every day with courage and love in your heart.”

When you are living with the statement ‘be the best you can be’ and you are doing this with all your integrity and might then you have nothing to fear.

Empowerment comes from fearing no-thing and facing every day with courage and love in your heart. Strive to be the best and do the best you can in every situation and you will be living in your integrity and you will know yourself.

Then words or energy that does not fit with your frequency or vibration will not even penetrate your field of self. You have become the master of your life and your reality.

Something worth looking into, wouldn’t you say?

Related article: 40 Inspiring Quotes That Will Instantly Boost Your Confidence

Do you have something that you just can’t not take personally?  What is it and can you perhaps trace when you made the agreement?

Other articles you may enjoy:

Cherie-Roe-Dirksen_172x200Cherie Roe Dirksen is a self-empowerment author and multi-media artist from South Africa.

To date, she has published 3 self-help and motivational books and brings out weekly inspirational blogs at her site www.cherieroedirksen.com. Get stuck into finding your passion, purpose and joy by downloading some of those books gratis (yip, for free!) when you click HERE.

Her ambition is to help you to connect with your innate gift of creativity and living the life you came here to experience by taking responsibility for your actions and becoming the co-creator of your reality. You can also follow Cherie on Facebook (The Art of Empowerment).

Cherie posts a new article on CLN every Thursday. To view her articles, click HERE.

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16 Reader Comments

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  1. 662652440479672@facebook.com' The Little Green Revolution says:

    1 love 0 hate 8 infinite potential!

  2. 1402952466610993@facebook.com' Where there is love there is life says:

    People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

  3. 505548366289520@facebook.com' Fonda Torres says:

    Fuckum no deals lolman peace out. Feel that in a nice way.remix …….

  4. 10205347463991225@facebook.com' William Dennis Franco says:

    It’s called the crybaby syndrome

  5. 165797787105521@facebook.com' Nikki Wilson says:

    Cherie Dirksen your article girl x

  6. 796394153839709@facebook.com' Ghazal Noor says:

    Well petting cameras in peoplessss Housess is not a rekommendation idiot

  7. 1014781531894160@facebook.com' Cal Taylor says:

    Georgia Nunn cough

  8. 10204100386143448@facebook.com' Kathy Ridge says:

    no, I just laugh at people now.

  9. 1637369799858079@facebook.com' Diane Bishop says:

    No I’m not offended easy!!

  10. 10207505632386203@facebook.com' Amanda Page says:

    Konnie Page

  11. 10201133649900583@facebook.com' Stella Ann Rigby says:

    Life is a joke and if you don’t know it, the joke is on you.

  12. 955643677830293@facebook.com' Barry Mohn says:

    No not at all fuc em

  13. 883643171733007@facebook.com' Es Es Almeda-Escala says:

    Denden ?

  14. jeffhand409@yahoo.com' Jeff says:

    Nice post, CRD !

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