By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting
Did you know that men can have multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms?
Well, it’s true. Like women, men can actually have more than one orgasm, as well as choose whether or not they want to ejaculate.
It’s kind of like a surfer learning to ride the lip of the wave without falling over either side of it. It will take a bit of practice. But if you keep getting up and paddling yourself out, while keeping a few simple tips in mind, you will get it eventually.
When it comes to content on this topic, it’s usually either cloaked in airy, yogic language or sleazy salesmanship. There is so much mystery and exaggeration that you have to sort through in order to get the real jumpstart how-to tips and results. But, in practice, it’s actually really simple. You just need to put in the time.
My goal with this article is to help you to enjoy the most direct route to the most satisfying multi-orgasmic experience with as little frustration or confusion as possible. Just simple, straightforward information that will help you to master the climax. Let’s get into it.
*Warning* – this takes real effort. It isn’t something that you can fall into (in a sustainable, reliable way) overnight. it takes conscious thought to do the training and a bit of patience to get the timing right. It might take a few weeks to a month before you experience significant results. But once you’ve done it, it becomes easier every time as your mind and body develop the reflexes and muscle memory of exactly what to do and how it feels.
My First Experience With Non-Ejaculatory Orgasms
The first time that I experienced a non-ejaculatory orgasm, it confused the shit out of me. I hadn’t been warned that they were a thing. In fact, I wondered if my dick was broken.
“Did you cum?”
“Umm… I thought I did. But… maybe not?”
“What do you mean?”
“The condom’s empty, and I’m still totally hard.”
“Did it leak out?”
“Nope. It just isn’t there.”
DUN DUN DUUUN!!! The case of the missing semen!
Yup. I had indeed experienced my first non-ejaculatory orgasm. But how is this possible?
To put it in a somewhat overly simplified manner, orgasms occur in the brain and nervous system, whereas an ejaculation is simply an expulsion of semen caused by a pulsing muscle below the belt. Most men mix the two together in their mind (orgasm and ejaculation) and believe that they can’t be separated.
But they can be!
Terminology For Non-Ejaculatory Orgasms
Before we get into the magic of how to achieve this superpower, there are a few terms that I should briefly explain, to make sure that we’re on the same page.
1. Point of no return
If your sexual arousal were a scale of 1 to 10 – with “1” being a limp celery stalk and “10” being blowing your load hard – then the point of no return would be a 9.5 to 10. This is when that swelling feeling in your pelvis gets so strong that you can’t stop an impending ejaculation, even if you backed off and stopped all sexual stimulation.
2. Edging
Edging is riding the lip of the wave like that surfer mentioned above. This is when your arousal level is at a 7 or an 8 and you’re able to use a blend of techniques to keep yourself from hitting the tipping point into the ejaculatory point of no return.
This, my friend, is the sweet spot.
By going through a few cycles (working yourself up to a 9, back down to a 5, up to a 9, back to a 5 again, etc.) you’ll not only find that your full-on ejaculatory orgasms are much more intense, but you’ll also stumble upon the magical zone of sustained peak non-ejaculatory orgasm, a.k.a. “Orgasmic Narnia”.
3. Sexual energy
The definition of this phrase changes in various contexts. Here “sexual energy” will refer to the swelling and ebbing current of internal neurological sensation that we’re ranking on a 1 to 10 scale.
Influence over this current is precisely what you’re looking to master. To “harness” or “reign in” your sexual energy means that you’re able to practice edging to slow or amplify that current at will, rather than let it get away from you like a wild stallion stampeding into the point of no return. Once you tame it, you’ll feel like Neo in The Matrix.
4. Sexual arousal arch
If you were to graph the sexual arousal arch of most men, it would be a straight line shooting upward at an 80 degree angle from initiation to climax.
What you want that graph to look like is a rounded, ascending staircase. Instead of constant stimulation with the conditioned impulse to ramp your arousal to orgasm and ejaculation as quickly as possible, you’re oscillating multiple times between peak arousal (9) and mid-range (5).
Sex is often thought of as a linear progression. Making out leads to feeling, feeling to touching, touching to oral, oral to sex and, finally, orgasm.
Breaking that up and remixing the order will not only help you last longer but also make sex a lot more intense and enjoyable (for both you and your partner). This is especially the case if you’re able to have multiple orgasms.
Related Article: Can Orgasmic Yoga Boost Your Sexual Arousal and Awareness?
Slowing things down to a teasing plateau after a period of intense intercourse and then jumping right back into it can bring the overall intensity of sensation and climax to even higher heights for both you and your partner.
The 9-to-5 Technique
This exercise is going to be the most basic and important tool to sharpen for success. It is what Mr. Miyagi’s “wax on, wax off” was to The Karate Kid.
To find your sweet spot balance on the lip of the wave, you need to repeatedly practice being on either side of it. Building a better relationship to your sexual energy and the somatic sensation of your sexual arousal arch is the highest leverage area of focus here. And the 9 to 5 technique is how you’ll do it.
Masturbate to arousal – about a 9 out of 10 – and instead of following your established habit of pushing all the way through to a 10, back it down to about a 5. Do this repeatedly over a period of 20-40 minutes, at least once a week. The more you do it, the quicker you’ll develop a masterful relationship with your sexual energy.
Muscle tension and shallow breathing are two things that will cause you to race to orgasm. Breathe slowly and continuously into your belly. Be in as relaxed of a position as possible, leaving you with no physical tension. Notice if you have a habit of tensing up your legs or squeezing your glutes.
Catch yourself, relax and keep going. Ditching patterns of muscular tension will allow the neurological currents in your body to flow more freely.
What you’re really looking for is to develop an acute sensitivity to the ripples of your sexual energy. Expanding and deepening this awareness is the key to mastery here.
As you progress, your definition of “orgasm” will completely change. Tuning into the subtle fluctuations, peaks and valleys of this energy will cause it to expand and intensify. Soon, you’ll be having all kinds of full-body tremors that you’ve never experienced before.
You’ll also start to develop a greater intuitive awareness of your partner’s rhythms, as well as recognize the crazy moments when your sexual energy synchs up as it rises and falls.
The 9 to 5 technique is something you should practice on your own for a while first. After you’ve got that down, start trying it with someone else (either with a hand job, oral, or penetration). This is the final step out of the dojo.
The 3 Key Methods To Achieving Non-Ejaculatory Orgasms:
When you’re feeling your sexual energy swell to a peak and you want to reign it in before hitting the point of no return, there are three primary methods you can use. Sometimes you’ll use tips 1 and 2 together at the same time. And when you’re really pushing the edge, you might use all three.
1. Breathing
Take a deep, full-belly, diaphragmatic inhale through your nose. As you do, imagine that you are pulling your sexual energy away from your pelvis and up the back of your spine. As you exhale, loosen and diffuse your focus away from your cock and relax your mind totally.
Just doing this is often enough to dissipate that energetic buildup that makes you want to cum. Again, shallow breathing and muscular tension are the two things that will rush you to climax. Relaxing your body and taking some deep conscious breaths will go a hell of a long way.
Related Article: 3 Ways You Can Breathe That Lead to Better Sex
As you exhale, you can also either imagine yourself breathing that energy out, or circling it back down the front of your body. Hardcore Taoists will fully reject the idea of breathing it out, as you’re expelling your vital “Chi” life-force energy. But, fuck it. Do whatever practically works for you.
2. Flexing your PC muscle
Your pubococcygeus muscle (or PC, for short) is tough to describe, but easy to feel. It’s between your scrotum and anus, and is that muscle that pulses and throbs when you ejaculate.
It will take a while to build your PC muscle strength up until it can fully stop an ejaculation on its own, but it can at least help manage your sexual energy in the meantime.
A great exercise to practice is called “locking the gate” during urination. After you release the flow, stop the stream by clenching your PC muscle. This is essentially a kegel exercise, which can be done literally anytime, anywhere. It just feels like a victory to actually see results once in a while.
