Losing a loved one, especially your partner – the person you planned to stay with for as long as you both shall live – is not only very painful but often confusing. A lot of people don’t know where to go next, how to move on. But you shouldn’t stay on the sidelines, you should enter the widower dating scene when you are ready and see what life and love have in store for you next. And if you are unsure how to do this, here are some easy to follow steps that will help you find love again.
Do it at your own pace
You might think that there is an appropriate and socially acceptable grieving period that you need to go through before you even think about dating again. But the fact of the matter is that it is very individual and differs from one person to the next. Some need years to recover and some need months, but the most important thing is that you don’t enter the dating pool still raw and emotional. A lot of women who are interested in dating a widower are widowed themselves or at least know what to expect, so be honest and open if you sense that you are still not ready after you go on your first date. It is completely understandable, just make sure you give yourself enough time.
Don’t idolize your late spouse
Of course, we shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but a lot of surviving partners tend to idealize their late spouses. They forget the bad character traits, or the things that drove them mad, and simply remember them as these immaculate creatures. What this does is create an impossible goal for your next partner, mostly because even on a subconscious level you will compare them to your late spouse.
But the problem is that you are not comparing them to who your partner used to be, but rather to that idealized image you have created, and this makes finding the right person nearly impossible. The best thing would be not to do the comparison at all, but in all honesty all widowers tend to do this, even involuntarily, so if you do make sure you take a step back and remember your spouse for who they really were, and not who you decided to make them into after they have passed away.
Find someone who is right for you now
Before you were married, you probably used to have a certain “type” you were attracted to, and a lot of widowers tend to look back and think that that is still their type, thus forgetting the time that has passed and how they, themselves, have changed.
So, before you start looking for someone new to date, first take your time and think about what you want in that person. The character traits, physical appearance, how successful they need to be, everything you need now, at this stage of your life. That way you can find someone who is going to compliment you, as you are today.
This might seem trivial, but it is a common problem for widowers, as losing someone you have been with for so long often means that you regress a bit to the time before them. But instead, you need to see who you are at this moment in time and make your dating decisions based on that.
Reentering the dating world after you have lost someone is anything but easy. First, you need to find yourself and see when and if you are ready to give love and dating a second chance. Then comes the willingness to let someone new into your life, even if that person is perfect on paper, a lot of it depends on how they make you feel, and if you are ready to share your life again. But the most important thing is that you understand that you can take as much time as you need, and don’t push yourself into the dating circle if you don’t feel ready.
