Change Your Life and Relationships for the Better!

Written by on April 10, 2020 in Conscious Living, Thrive with 0 Comments
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By Debbie Holmes

Now is a great time to learn and apply the following exercise – especially if you are in a quarantine pod with difficult isolation mates!

On our quests to be the best people we can possibly be, we can often still find ourselves in disappointing circumstances. People treat us poorly. We get defensive. We feel like victims. Our relationships suffer.


At times like these, we can either fall into self-pity mode and blame others or we can rise up into consciousness and take responsibility for creating the thoughts that attract upsetting situations to us. 

Sometimes it seems easier said than done. However, the following mirroring exercise works like magic. If you do this exercise with complete honesty, it can seriously change your life for the better!

Mirroring Exercise

  1. Make a list of names of all of the people you like, love, and admire.
  2. Next to each person’s name write the qualities that you love and admire about them.
  3. Make another list of names of all of the people you don’t like.
  4. Next to each person’s name write the qualities that you dislike and despise about them.
  5. Look at the qualities from the list of the people you love and realize that these are qualities that you also possess and easily accept and love about yourself.
  6. Look at the qualities from the list of people you dislike. These are the qualities that you also possess (or have the capability to possess) that you have disowned or refuse to accept about yourself.

At first, most people will argue that they don’t possess the negative traits listed. But, if they are honest with themselves, and search deep enough, they can often see where they might have thought or acted this way at some point in their lives. Once the negative traits are accepted within themselves, they are free to start the healing process of forgiveness and it can positively affect relationships with those they dislike and it can dissolve animosity between them.

My Story – Another Way to Use Mirroring

When I learned the above exercise in the 1980’s from the late John Bradshaw, an author and motivational speaker, it blew my mind and instantly changed my life and relationships for the better.


 A few years later, I learned to apply this mirroring technique to other situations beginning with the following experience.

From Victimhood to Self-Empowerment

In the early 1990’s, I was a full-time wife and mother of two small children. I decided to get a part-time job and saw an ad for an office position. The hours were listed as 4 PM to 6 PM weeknights. I held this same exact position for another company a few years earlier and I knew I would be the perfect fit for it. My only concern was that it was during my family’s dinner hour. I hated the idea of not being home with the family at this time – especially since it was my job to cook – but, I was looking forward to working outside of the home and earning money again.

So, I applied for the job and got called for an interview. I was shocked and upset when the young woman who was interviewing me for the position said, “I narrowed it down to you and a high school student. But, my only concern with you is that you’re a mother. Don’t you have to be home to cook dinner for your family during those hours?

I told her that I wouldn’t have applied for the job if I couldn’t work the hours listed. And when I didn’t get the job, I was furious! I felt like I was being discriminated against and contemplated taking legal action against the company.

But, then I heard a voice in my head. It reminded me that I really didn’t want to work during those hours, anyway, for the exact reason that the woman voiced.

I thought back to the lesson I had learned about mirroring and applied it to this situation. I reasoned that on a subconscious level, she must have been ‘picking up’ on my fears and was mirroring them back for me to see.

Since she was just mirroring back my own thoughts, I had no one to blame but myself. I wasn’t a victim and I was able to forgive her, rather than resent her, for her role in my awakening. I was actually grateful that it turned out as it did – deep down I really didn’t want the job. But, if I got stuck in blame, I would have missed the lesson. 

This is why it’s so important to be crystal clear about the thoughts we think in order to attract what we really want to come into our lives. But, it’s ok if we’re not clear about what we’re thinking because others will mirror it back to us – whether we like it or not. We just need to learn not to kill the messenger!

© 2020, Debbie Canavan Holmes. All rights reserved.

Debbie Canavan Holmes is a Reiki Practitioner, Life Coach, and artist who makes ceramic healing amulets cast from authentic 600 B.C. Egyptian molds, and memorial portrait oil paintings. You can order amulets, commission portraits or contact her for life coaching at www.dholmesart.com.  

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