We’ve all seen the motivational memes and inspirations posters reminding us to “Hang in There!” and “Be Positive!” and I absolutely agree that a state of positive force and direction leads to positive action, growth and change. However, if we are not truly embodying what it means to live a positive life and are instead pushing down emotions, hiding behind our feelings and not being true to ourselves when it comes to how we deal with conflict, going for what we really want, and knowing when it’s right for us whether to say yes or no to opportunities that arise, as well as requests from others, then being “positive” can actually have some negative effects on our lives.
I’ll dive a little deeper and explain what I mean by this a bit more clearly. When we see happiness as something to be obtained, or a state that we’ll eventually reach once certain other things fall into place, we put ourselves in a place of constant distance from it. When we are always in a state of chasing happiness, we fail to realize that happiness is always right here in this moment, just waiting for us to simply tune into it. In other words, happiness is a choice…our choice, always to make. If you believe that your happiness is reliant on material things or even other people, then you always put the responsibility of your emotional state outside of yourself. And then we get annoyed when we feel like things happen “out of our control”.
BALANCE IS IN ALL THINGS…
Life is always seeking a middle ground; balance. Nature shows this to us in its endless array of ecosystems that could only survive with each of their unique alchemy of balance intact. Each participating organism has its role and its place and as long as there remains a communal understanding and willingness to participate, the ecosystem thrives. WE ARE NO DIFFERENT! Consider these “organisms” to be our cells and if you want to get a little cosmic here, stop and consider them to be your thoughts!
If one cell refuses to participate and stops communicating with those in its community, a degeneration of the internal natural balance occurs and we call this cancer. So, if we apply this same concept to our thoughts, we can see just how important maintaining a positive outlook is to stay balanced in life. If our thoughts act to support our inner drive, if they trust our Intuitive voice within and work in harmony with it rather than doubting and judging it (which often manifests as “self-sabotage”), then we eventually come to know our own power. And this is alignment with what I like to call “conscious surrender”. It is allowing yourself the KNOWING that things will turn out, based purely on your intuitive guidance, trust of the Universe and yourself, and unwavering connection to your desires. This is, however, much different than knowing how things will work out. Leave that up to the Universe!
This is like playing a little trick on the ego which strives to maintain control over your life and your choices. It will continually scare you into living small and not believing you are worthy of going after your goals and dreams. But when we surrender consciously, we satisfy that inner need to control by making the CHOICE to trust, to surrender, and to KNOW it will all work out for your highest good.
WHAT WE RESIST PERSISTS…
So, when does “being positive” open doors to what we might call “negative” events in our lives? Well, this happens solely when you use positivity as a crutch and refuse to actually deal with your issues. Some people somehow maintain a smile on their face 24/7 regardless of what they’re truly feeling inside. They are not being honest with their feelings and eventually it is that repression that can arise in a dangerous, emotional fit of rage. And even less dramatic, yet just as painful things can occur when we refuse ourselves the proper time to process our feelings. We can become withdrawn from people we love and our favorite hobbies, or on the flip-side some of us try to lose ourselves completely in these things to avoid dealing with our own emotions. Sort of like living vicariously through someone or basing how you feel always on what’s going on with one particular relationship or interest.
I like to think that most humans are good people at the core and do mean well when it comes to helping friends and family through tough times. We might think we are helping one another when we offer certain advice, but we must always remember that we are speaking from our own experiences, and may not always resonate clearly with what the other person may need to work through this in their own particular way; the way that was meant for them, to help them grow and expand the most they can from where they are, not where we perceive them to be. It’s always important to remember that you are speaking to someone highly clouded in their emotions, so it would serve us best to not let the same happen to us when offering direction and solace.
This is why all the great Masters advise to “go within”. We were ALL born with the wisdom of Divine Guidance within; that is our birthright. But the key will only work when we are in a state of grateful bravery and insightful curiosity as this allows us to face our deepest fears and our darkest shadows. Further fear of these fears and the “unknown” and buried parts of ourselves we deem unworthy, etc. is why many refuse to even go there while we have no problem at all helping others go there. We can much more easily see grace and innocence in others while often being so hard on ourselves. But when we view ourselves as that hurt child that just has held onto confusion and pain for so long, it’s a bit easier to stop judging and to start listening.
The only way to dissolve fear is to literally face it head on; and not stopping there, but to even go so far as to lean into it. Once we push back even slightly in the face of fear, it begins to lose power over us. And where does that courage come from? Why does it appear that some people “have it” and some do not? Well, I hate to break it to you, but courage comes from the same place and we all have a VIP access card. Yep, you guessed, within us. We just need to stop, look and listen! That splinter of time you allow yourself to even entertain the idea of you being brave IS being brave and thus begins to turn the wheel of positive change! And the momentum only grows with each and every fear you face.
Once you begin to face your fears and heal those buried core beliefs that you’ve been dragging around, you will no longer feel the need to be positive because you will already be too busy being positive. That’s the gift of mindfulness and the act of sourcing happiness from within so we can thus return to the world a fountain of authentic living! This is what makes certain people just so magnetic! They’ve literally learned to trust themselves and treat themselves with the same love and respect they do all others and send out a resonance that yells “BALANCE!”
SO, yes be happy, be joyous, and be positive! But if your constant “positive-ness” is feeling draining rather than fulfilling then it might be time to take a look at where you are sourcing your happiness from. And at any time if what you are doing to stay positive stirs up emotions of guilt, resentment, or even anger, do not swallow those emotions and push them down to “save face” and maintain this mental image you have of what it means to be a positive person. Instead, give yourself the time to sit with them, and feel your way through them. When it comes to aligning with your joy and establishing habits of true, positive emotional healing, the only way out is through…
Tamara Rant is a Co-Editor/Writer for CLN as well as a Licensed Reiki Master, heart-centered Graphic Designer and a progressive voice in social media activism & awareness. She is an avid lover of all things Quantum Physics and Spirituality.
Tamara posts new original articles to CLN every Saturday.
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