By Maryrose Mitchell
Go through the wall
Difficult and challenging events arrive to help us evolve. When we don’t resist, but instead inquire within, we can have tremendous growth. Not resisting doesn’t mean we stay in harmful situations. It just means we examine our thoughts, feelings, and perceptions without attachment, judgment or emotional reactivity.
We lovingly ask, Why was this difficulty brought into my field of energy? Then we sit with it honestly without illusions. This means we don’t blame others for our discomfort. We accept full responsibility for our thoughts and the feelings that arise. If we don’t do this, then we will keep being exposed to suffering until we explore the root and resolve it.
Our discomfort often comes up in different ways at different times with different people or situations, but the underlying theme is usually the same. It is usually frustration and fear that we have no control.
In childhood, shame was imposed upon me in obvious or subtle ways when I voiced thoughts or feelings that were not in alignment with my caregiver. I know now that we all do the best we can with the awareness we have at any given time. I’m grateful for all that has happened because it’s all part of my road.
However, for many years I had resentment inside and I didn’t know it was there. Due to my own unresolved issues, I continued to see the world from a skewed perspective. This impacted my everyday life. Over the years I have labeled many people manipulative and controlling and although some people do have stronger egos than me, labeling them didn’t benefit me all that much. I kept being exposed to similar situations.
One such situation was with a woman who is in my tennis group. Every time I saw her she had a new set of rules or ways of handling our tennis group. I began to strongly resist the rules she was setting.
As I was getting ready to go to tennis sometimes I would imagine what I would say or do if she imposed her rules. This bothered me because I was at a stage where I usually didn’t let issues linger in my mind for long periods of time. Yet I was aware that I was creating negative energy and that there was anger within that kept entering my mind and energy field.
I became aware that if I was unhappy, then I was the one with the problem, not her. This thought made me ask myself why this situation had been brought into my life. I realized I needed to deal with my own unhappiness instead of putting the blame outside myself. I felt there was something deeper going on than just my ego vs hers. I stayed with it. I asked, What lesson was this woman and this situation there to teach me?
It took me several days of meditation and self-inquiry to see the root of the issue. It had nothing to do with tennis or rules. My tension and stress were caused by the thought that someone was trying to control me. Then I recognized a sensation of pent up negative energy. It was a residual pain that had been there for a long time. My feelings of anger and sadness went all the way back to my childhood.
Although I had learned over the past years to move away from situations that weren’t healthy for me, I had not entirely released the resentment I had within regarding being controlled.
I had just put a bandaid on the wound and not mended it. There was still pain whenever it was touched upon. I had put up a wall to protect myself so nobody could get close to the wound. Walls are fine as a temporary measure until we are capable of handling the truth, but if we continue to feel vulnerable and keep walls in place, we reinforce our separateness- not wholeness with the world. IN essence, nothing gets repaired.
When we feel very defensive, we often treat situations and people as enemies, when in fact there is nothing personal happening to us. It was such a wonderful and humbling moment when I was able to remove my illusion of separateness. I could take down my walls and pull off the bandaid and allow everything to be exposed.
Despite years of suffering from the belief that others were trying to control me, I wasn’t ready to release this perception until the right moment. The Universe never gave up on me. It kept presenting me with different scenarios until I was ready to delve deeper into my self.
The lessons keep happening over and over for each of us and this gives us lots of chances to see the truth. Whenever you are resisting anything, ask yourself what life is trying to teach you. Don’t be afraid to go deep within and examine the thoughts that are stirring up discomfort. I still find some of her tennis rules mildly annoying, but I can now see some value in them. I am willing to accept without resistance. If I decide to make a change, it will be done with equanimity and no judgments. When I play with her, I send her loving kindness and it feels wonderful.
I know we are all connected. I have seen a shift in her towards me as well. It often happens that when our energy shifts, it impacts those around us, but that is not my intention. I’m just doing what feels right for me. When we remove walls and open ourselves to the truth we reap the benefits of seeing the self-revealed. The self is deeply layered so that we always have something to find. What a perfect system!
Life draws us into what we need. It’s our purpose not to miss the signals of growth opportunities that are sometimes disguised as difficulties. If we are aware and accept whatever we experience, we can become a positive life force just by healing ourselves.
About Maryrose
It’s humbling learning things about myself that I didn’t want to know and then there was no unseeing them. The raw truth transforms. I became a mindfulness meditation instructor and I’m loving this road. I know we are all connected. This means how we treat ourselves is the way we treat others, so if we love ourselves with all of our flaws, we also love others. I have a website that I created for fun. Feel free to visit: love2bmindful.com .
