The Top 10 Things Women Want in Bed (from a Survey of 1,000 Women)

By Charles J. Orlando | The Problem Is Men

Men try to figure it out, but many don't get it. Does she want candles lit for romantic lighting, or candle wax dripped on her nipples? Does she want to be made love to softly with feeling or f*cked from behind with mad passion? I asked 1,000 women what they really wanted from men in the bedroom. They got real. The got raw. And they got honest.

Counting down from #10 —

10. Undress her… slowly.

“I want to be slowly unwrapped and revealed, like a present.” —Debbie B.

“He needs to take his time with me until I can't handle it. And I want to see him want me. It drives me crazy.” —Michelle S.

Too often, couples get down to business. And while that really works on many occasions, that's raw passion. Seduction can—and should— also be slower, and not rushed. Reveal her body slowly and let your eyes and hands hover, brush, caress, and grip places your tongue will soon follow.

Bottom line: Anticipation and appreciation go a long way.

Related Article: Why Aren’t We Talking to Our Partners About Sex? (& Why We Should)

9. Sex in public.

“The possibility of being caught or seen is a huge turn-on for me. We don't have to have full penetration, but getting close works great. I've started going out without panties on so he can start things wherever we are.” —Erika D.

She might not want to actually have sex in public (getting arrested isn't good), but the thrill of being observed is a huge turn-on for many women. After all, part of the excitement when you're a teenager is not getting caught doing… whatever. Why would that change in adulthood?

To the guy who thinks his girl “wouldn't be like that”: Yes, your girl, too.

8. Let her take control.

“I really like being in control. Not every time, but sometimes. And I don't want to hurt him; I just want to do things to him. Things that please him, but also things that let him know he is not in control; I am.” —Karen W.

Power can be a big aphrodisiac for many people, men and women alike. And just like their male counterparts, many women want to not be on the receiving end of control. While most respondents weren't looking for a BDSM lifestyle, over half (53%) were just as clear that they wanted their man to experience some level of submission, at least one time—tie him up, spank him, have access to all parts of him. And others (9%) were looking to have the same power as a man—where it wasn't enough for her to be on top… she wanted him on the bottom.

Bottom line: She has just as much desire as he does… and she wants the opportunity to show him.

Related Article: 20 Sex Secrets (From Women) That Will Rev Up Your Love Life

7. Role-play

“I love when he dresses up in his old Navy uniform. I didn't know him then, so it makes things different, and men-in-uniform really turn me on.” —Jessie L.

“My husband has a foot fetish. When I wear stockings and heels, he loses his mind.” —Erica M.

“Maybe I'm all screwed up, but I like playing the naughty school girl (with pigtails!), and he's the teacher who punishes me for getting my homework wrong.” —Hanna R.

Taking on a different persona can be freeing and allow for actions and thoughts to play out that you as a “real person” wouldn't be able to follow-through with. By putting on a costume or assuming a different role, you can kill off inhibitions and self-conscious insecurities that would prevent pleasure.

Bottom line: Assuming a new role can not only be fun, it can eliminate relationship dynamics that might stifle sexual freedom.