By Elsbeth Meuth & Freddy Zental Weaver | Your Tango
You don't have to wait for desire to be intimate.
Sex and intimacy are important parts of any relationship. But it's normal for people to wonder how to have better sex with their partner.
After all, being intimate brings you together not just physically, but also gives you a strong basis of emotional intimacy on which to build your relationship and make it stronger.
Your physical (sexual) and emotional being are impulse-based. Everyone comes with sexual energy and a need to be intimate with the one they love. It's a central part of your makeup.
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The ingredients of sexual energy are pleasure and creativity, which are built into people. But unless you become conscious of and master your sexual energy, sexual energy masters you.
Some people are obsessed with it, and others are suppressed by it. These are two sides of the same coin.
Here is how to have good sex with your partner by understanding your sexual needs and creating a deep, intimate connection together.
There is a biological aspect of sexual energy for everyone. For men, sexual energy is based on testosterone, the “quick” hormone. For women, however, sexual energy is based in estrogen, the “slow” hormone.
Desire and arousal are reflexes. If you want to know how to have better sex, you must learn to master the reflex in yourself.
Emotional intimacy and energy are also on a biological aspect. When you get angry, you don't decide to get angry. The anger impulse comes over you while your adrenal shoots up.
This sensation can make you feel out of control of your emotions. But by bringing consciousness to your emotionality — yes, even your sexuality — you can help control the reflex.
Instead of waiting to get aroused, you can have more choice over when you want to be intimate with your partner, which will put you both on a better pattern together.
You'll do this by bringing awareness and consciousness to the dimensions of the sexual and emotional self.
But how do you control this sensation?
By letting your emotional state choose when you experience things, you're limiting how well you can love and be loved by your partner.
Jealousy, for example, is based on the need to have the exclusive attention of another. This implies that you can only feel yourself or be complete and whole when you have this exclusive attention.
You don't feel like you're in love or being loved without that need setting in.
To overcome this sensation, it requires intellect and experience. It has to do with tapping into where the neediness may come from, like childhood experiences and decisions you made in order to cope.
Once you clear the sense of neediness and incompleteness within yourself and start experiencing wholeness and oneness within, you see not only yourself as a whole and complete, you'll also see the other person as a whole and complete within themselves — independently from you.
There is no “need” for each other any longer. You can choose to share your love and resources together instead of reacting to your emotional state. Their attention will not affect your “wholeness.”
That is where jealousy decreases and dwindles.
And just like how you can control your response to jealousy, you can also learn to control your arousal response. You'll learn to “move” this energy and channel it.
Consciously channeling and circulating aroused sexual energy allows you to experience prolonged states of orgasmic bliss without consummation — either solo or with your partner. This state of being will enliven and imbues our emotional, mental, and spiritual self.
Consciously channeling and circulating aroused sexual energy allows you to experience prolonged states of orgasmic bliss without consummation — either solo or with your partner. This state of being will enliven and imbues our emotional, mental, and spiritual self.
Ultimately, you can channel that energy to connect with the universe or bring into manifestation your dreams. After all, sexual energy is creative … so you can use that energy to turbocharge what you want to realize.
Becoming conscious and aware of your life force or sexual energy is a key component of the tantric practice.
