I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and believe that for the most part humans are generally good and come from a place with well-meaning intentions. Regardless, even the most heartfelt intentions can be overwhelming, feel invasive, or even downright intrusive if personal boundaries have not been clearly defined.
There are times we may think we know what is best for another, and while we may convince ourselves our actions are all about them, when we overstep and begin to literally make choices for another by laying them out in the form of your own expectations or versions of success, we cross a line we sometimes can never “uncross”, so it's best to “live and let live” and may I add, love and let love…as in we are all unique and different and no matter how confident we are in our own ideals, and real love lets each of us define those ideals for ourselves and by ourselves unless we actually ASK for opinions, advice or guidance.
I am guilty of having been a “yes” person for many years of my childhood and young adult life. I was a MAJOR people pleaser and had this damaging belief in my head that if you said no to people they would think you were rude, mean, or frankly a big ‘ol bi*ch!
But learning to say no when you really cannot help someone or when it would cause you to go without or suffer in some way is not rude or mean. In fact, it is simply showing yourself self-love and putting yourself first, which is vital to even being able to be a genuine giver! A true giver does not deplete himself, but rather pours from a full cup.
Let me explain…If you are constantly putting your own needs on the back burner and putting everyone else’s needs around you first, then your spiritual, emotional and energetic cup is always empty and you tend to feel drained, exhausted and like the world has left you high and dry. This is because you have left nothing to give for yourself! This can quickly and fiercely set us up for resentments of our own design.
In order to be the best giver you can be, you must learn to first and foremost love yourself fully because this keeps your own cup full. Then, and ONLY then, can you continue to give to the world and others, because you are always giving from a place of completion; whereas the mere act of giving fulfills itself and there is no external need for validation or praise. 🙂
So, back to setting personal boundaries; this also has to do with showing yourself self-love and respect. When you do, you also know that you deserve space to think, observe, and make decisions about things going on in your life and then proactively choose to let others in to assist you in making those choices.
Unfortunately, we all have those relationships that we fear if we are honest with the person we will hurt their feelings or damage the relationship, but by not being honest we are allowing the person to inadvertently cause us pain and believe me, if they love you and knew they were doing so, they would want this to stop immediately. Regardless of how confident you are or not, when someone not only recognizes your personal boundaries and respects you enough to not intentionally cross them, it sets the stage for your OWN alignment.
So, next time you fear to have that conversation with that close friend who always has the “best” advice for all of your problems, even though you may never ask for it, or you cringe about asking your sister to maybe give you a little space to think over a big decision in your life rather than forcing her opinion on you…do what you have never done before and make sure to be brutally honest, first and foremost with yourself.
Once you do this, the world tends to reflect back to you the space you have ultimately given of yourself, because you are finally showing yourself and allowing yourself the same love and respect you used to only ensure those around you were receiving. But no one deserves you more than you. And when you can love yourself in alignment and balance with your own needs and wants, you ultimately create the space for others to do the same. This works with manifesting any and all things in any and all areas of our lives. Just give it a try and see what magic you can create!
Tamara Rant is a Co-Editor/Writer for CLN as well as a Licensed Reiki Master, heart-centered Graphic Designer and a progressive voice in social media activism & awareness. She is an avid lover of all things Quantum Physics and Spirituality. Connect with Tamara by visiting Prana Paws/Healing Hearts Reiki or go to RantDesignMedia.com
Tamara posts new original articles to CLN every Saturday.
This article was originally created and published by Conscious Life News and is published here under a Creative Commons license with attribution to Tamara Rant and ConsciousLifeNews.com. It may be re-posted freely with proper attribution, author bio, and this Copyright/Creative Commons statement.