By Maryrose Mitchell
I have a meditation that I love. It’s the one about dying before I die. I settle into my meditative state. Then I see my body lying in a field on a blue sky day. I am still. There is no breath entering me or leaving. The wind gently blows wisps of my hair onto my forehead. It no longer tickles or annoys. My face is peaceful and pale.
Grasshoppers bounce off of me as though I am alone stone or blade of bending bluegrass. Bees and butterflies rest on my fingers, legs, and feet. The sun warms my body and a cloud brings me shade. I accept all. The tall, golden Winter Wheat sways playfully. Deer graze in the nearby forest, unaware I am there. I don’t hear their hoofs on breaking branches or see their lengthy leaps over the stressless stream.
A brief rain shower dampens me. I feel no chill. Large, hungry birds circle in the sky above me. I see myself from their view. I will become wet with rain and dried by the sun. I am at peace. I lack nothing.
Having no fear of death is easy. Just surrender, allow, and imagine yourself blowing in the wind or being melted by the sun.
What if it’s not death, but the life you fear? Are they one and the same? This requires the deepest insights and inquiries. Why does my heart tighten with the thought of failure? Can I ever really fail when everything is just experience? Why do I still feel a tinge of tension near people who attempt to impose their will on me? Is there me? You? A will?
Are you who I imagine you to be? Am I who you imagine me to be? Are these impermanent and shifting- therefore not real. It has been said, what can appear and disappear is not real.
Only what remains is real. Maybe it was said by Nisargadatta Maharaj, but he is nameless and timeless and doesn’t mind about credits now.
Can we ever know if we are helping or harming when assistance is given? And the more important questions. Do I allow myself the second large piece of cake or the glass of wine? After all, to resist temptation is still resisting…
Can the death of the self release me and give me wings? Hold on, not so fast. Is there a self at all or just a mind-body moving from one activity to the next in the world of form. The best is to peel back the layers and then remain silent when you discover the truth. Others may not want to hear it. Your truth may not be their truth. That’s perfectly fine.
Perceptions, emotions, thoughts are unique to the experiencer and so are they true or truth? Wait. Are there levels of truth? Falsehoods? If we could all just lose our minds at least briefly, we would see that we have not to care. None of it matters. Not cancer or poverty or horrible mistakes. When you find yourself being joyful and passionate doing what you love your mind-body has found it’s a unique purpose and your spirit also soars.
If you must use the word purpose, don’t associate it with achievement. Forget about all outcomes and just be, now. Make that ant farm or shine shoes in an airport if it’s bliss.
If you call the relative because you should and not because you want to, then are you being honest or loving? Are you just following a rule of how to be good? Forget about rules and just be good. Being good means being authentic and honest to yourself. Are you bad just because you aren’t good? Are you good just because you aren’t bad?
Do you pick up the phone with a sense of duty? Would it be better for them to be angry at you and believe you are a selfish, uncaring person? Would I want my children to call me out of obligation or would I prefer silence? I will lovingly accept either. Sometimes silence is the truest love, but first, we must be ripened and ready for silence, for love’s sake. You may say, Perhaps obligation is the only love some know how to give, so what do you suggest then? I say inquire and you will find the truth within. Just know that there is no separation. Reality is impersonal. It doesn’t pick sides.
If you do not inquire and ask Who am I? Who am I not? then you will never discover that the one you have always imagined yourself to be. You will continue to believe that you must follow or lead when neither one will bring you peace. The only peace you can have is to understand that you are spiritually free and also merging with life experience both in equal measures.
If you are petty, greedy and unkind in thoughts or deeds then embrace those moments the same as when you are caring, generous, and kind. To deny one in favor of the other is to pretend you are not who you are. If you admire the shadow, it fades quickly. When you push down your darkness, you punish your self and you leave a part of you lurking in the shadows, resentful. When you let darkness rise and give it your loving embrace, it disappears in the lightness of light. Where did it go? Was it ever really there?
These are just a few inquiries to be made. You will know many more when they arise unanswered.
Don’t say I should be this or I should be that. Just be who you are and you will see when you don’t impose thoughts upon yourself, your natural state of being will arise. See that you are not who you think yourself to be. Allow all notions of a person and personality to dissolve and you will know your natural self. The natural self never dies.
About Maryrose
I’ve had lots of phases and honestly feel I’ve lived many lives. There was a long career in nursing and I’m still having fun with 4 kids. I’ve loved learning things about myself that I didn’t want to know and then there was no unseeing them. The raw truth transforms. I became a mindfulness meditation instructor. Now, every day I learn I know nothing. Well… maybe I know a few things. The most important one is, we are all one consciousness, so it’s my job to know myself if I want to be of any use. For some odd reason the more I know me, the more I love me. It’s not that I’m so great. It’s just fun-loving such a flawed person. I’m my own underdog, so I’m rooting for me! And the best part is— the more I love my self, with all my defects, the more I love everyone else and accept their defects. I never saw that coming. It really rocks!
I have a website that I created for fun. Feel free to visit: love2bmindful.com
