7 Powerful Trust Exercises for Couples to Build More Intimacy

Written by on December 27, 2017 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 1 Comment

Couple showing tender love-compressed

By Jordan Gray | Jordan Gray Consulting

We all know that trust is a fundamental component of every healthy intimate relationship. But what is trust exactly?


In the context of relationships, I define trust as having an underlying belief in the reliability and consistency of someone.

So, for example, if you and your partner have a weekly date night pre-established, and they show up 10-45 minutes late three weeks in a row, it is completely reasonable for you to feel upset because they have started to erode your trust with their lack of consistency.

Conversely, if one of their chores that they do around the house is taking out the garbage on Tuesday nights, and they’ve done it every week for years without fail, then you would likely feel a deep level of trust and comfort around the fact that they do what they say they’re going to do.

Related Article: 5 Things Respectful Relationships Do Differently

Trust is built through consistency and reliability. Are they reliable? Do they do the things they say they’re going to do? Do their words and actions line up? If so, great! If not, no worries! There’s always room for improvement.

No matter what level of trust you and your partner currently have, the following trust exercises for couples will give you each a boost of feeling that much more comfortable with each other.


7 Powerful Trust Exercises For Couples

1. 20 minutes of tenderness

I believe in connecting first, and communicating second. Some of the exercises that are coming up can be a bit challenging for a lot of people, especially in relationships where trust has been broken to any degree.

So before you get into the more challenging exercises that require a lot of courage and vulnerability, it’s always good to begin by physically connecting with each other.

For this exercise, you begin in your own way, you engage with each other in your own way, and you complete the exercise in your own way. Do whatever makes you both feel the most comfortable and cared for.

You can hold each other in your arms, or you can take turns being the ‘big spoon’ partner who envelopes the other. Or maybe you don’t physically engage with each other at all, but you hold sustained eye contact for a few minutes (see point #6).

Related Article: 7 Things You Deserve In A Relationship

Be sweet, soft, and loving with each other. Connect first, communicate second. This will set the stage for the depth of the following exercises.

2. Come clean

Inevitably, in any intimate relationship, tiny little micro-transgressions pile up over time if you aren’t doing the work to face them as they come up.

You can either take alternating turns engaging in uninterrupted sharing, or you can freestyle the entire exercise.

Admit past wrongdoings accompanied with sincere apologies. Face it all. The point of this exercise, as the speaker, is to own your stuff.

As the recipient/listener to your partner, make sure that you are truly hearing them. Receiving your partner’s vulnerability with grace and compassion is just as vital to the success of this trust exercise as the sharing itself is.

There’s a brilliant concept in a book called The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks that I think is worthy of mentioning in how it applies to this exercise…

So many people assume that in any argument, there is 100% blame to divvy up between the two parties involved, when in reality there’s actually 200%. There’s your 100%, and your partner’s 100% to be claimed. So it isn’t a matter of who takes on which part of the blame, but more along the lines of “Can we each fully take responsibility for our 100%?”

Because you see, it isn’t ever about blame… it’s about personal responsibility and facing our problems like mature, loving adults.

With that concept in mind, come clean with your partner about whatever needs to be mended for you to feel honest and complete with them again.

3. Share one big scary secret

Our deepest healing is done in our intimate relationships. And, if you and your partner have been together for any length of time, you’ve likely had some amazing, transformative moments where you were able to share a part of yourself with them and they received it well.

Depending on your relationship’s dynamic, it’s likely that there are still some things that you wouldn’t mind sharing with someone that you’ve never had the courage to with anyone else.

Maybe you were bullied when you were a child. Maybe you were sexually assaulted. Maybe you cheated on someone that you cared about deeply.

Related Article: 10 Critical Things You Should Never Tolerate In A Relationship

Any number of things could have happened that you may have wanted to bury for one reason or another. As long as you don’t think that it would harm your partner to hear your truth, see if you can muster up the courage to share one of your big scary secrets with them.

The resulting sense of trust and connection that will come from your brave vulnerability could be one of the most powerful things that happens to you personally, and as a couple, all year.

4. Consistently follow through on the details

If trust is built on reliability and consistency, then one of the highest leverage things you can do to build trust is to be reliable and consistent.

Unfortunately no exercise exists that gives you months or years worth of trust in a minute. So what’s the next best thing?

Ask your partner what things are there that you do that help them feel the safest, most cared for, and most loved, and do those things to the best of your ability, all of the time.

Set a weekly date night and show up on time. Understand which household responsibilities are yours and do them when you’re supposed to. Be honest and transparent with your thoughts and emotions and let your partner into your internal world.

Be reliable, be consistent, and you will be seen/felt/experienced as trustworthy.

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  1. lovingyoni@gmail.com' Michelle says:

    Intimate exercises is so helpful in every couple, read some tips in the internet and i learned a lot. 🙂

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