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5 Essential Marriage Lessons From a Divorce Lawyer Who’s Seen it All

Posted by on February 20, 2020 in Relationships & Sex with 0 Comments

You might think that people get divorced because someone screwed up, but it’s not something that happened suddenly. It is rare that people part ways because of an event unless we are talking about infidelity. Usually, though, it is a long process. Is it possible to stop it before it gets too late? Sure, but you’ll have to put a lot of effort into making your marriage great again. In a second you’ll learn what the things that you should remember about to ensure that your marriage stays healthy are. Let’s go! 

Contempt is the worst!

Many people might think that you should avoid anger at any cost if you want to ensure that your marriage lasts as long as possible. It isn’t true – sometimes anger can motivate people to change something that has a detrimental effect on marriage.

According to the experts at Survive Divorce, the contempt, though, is a clear sign that the marriage is near its end. The person that feels contempt toward their partner no longer feels the desire to repair anything. Making the life of the other person a living hell is the only goal that is worth fulfilling, and it is next to impossible to stop this process. That’s why it is crucial to attempt to understand the motivations behind other people’s actions. 

Communicate your needs!

Although scientists shock us with new inventions every day, it is still impossible to read minds. It means that if you feel unhappy as a result of your partner acting in a particular way, you need to communicate it verbally – eye rolls aren’t enough. If you keep your dissatisfaction inside yourself without telling anyone about it, or worse – telling your friends only, you might discover that there’s a hatred slowly building up in your mind.

 Remember that people have different personalities, and we prioritize different things in our lives, our preferred styles of communication also differ. Although you might think that your sadness is obvious to spot, your partner could disagree with that. That's why you should just talk about your feelings and needs to your partner. If he dismisses it as gibberish – well, then we have a real problem.

Life is difficult for everyone!

Although you might think that your life is terribly unfair, the same applies to everyone. Sure, the magnitude of our problems differs, but it doesn’t matter how much of an effect they could have on your life – you are the one that has to deal with them. And it can be scary. Sometimes, though, your own problems could make you inattentive to the issues that your spouse has to face. Sure, you might feel that your problems are the worst, but you are in this together, and you cannot, and should not focus solely on yourself. 

You are not your thoughts!

You might notice that for no apparent reason, you have started feeling uncomfortable when near your partner. Before you jump to any conclusions, you should try to think about what could be the reason. You don’t have access to all the inner working of your unconsciousness, but you can try to analyze, step by step, what are the connections your mind is making without informing you about the reasons.

 Maybe your state of mind is caused because you feel defensive about something? Perhaps it is caused by your fear, of feeling inadequate, or not worthy of the attention, and your unconscious mind decides that your relationship is meaningless. If the situation is serious, your efforts to fix your attitude might be fruitless, and you might need to contact a specialist.

Don’t avoid conflict!

Many people think that if only they avoid any conflicts, their marriage will be perfect. That’s dead wrong. Although you might initially think that you two are perfect for each other, you’ll soon discover that not everything is perfect. And that’s okay. Sometimes it will lead to some fights, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Only robots and people who lack personality won’t ever question your actions. The thing is that you should be focused on tackling specific issues, not criticizing your partner just for the sake of it.

 Diligence is needed!

Living with others in harmony is a task that at times could seem impossible. Humans are complex, it is true, but it doesn’t mean that your actions don’t matter. If you follow those rules, your relationship will undoubtedly be in a much healthier state. Hopefully, it will be enough to make your marriage last. We can see a trend of people abandoning the things that don’t work perfectly. Trust me, if you care about your partner, and there’s enough of a goodwill on both sides, you’ll overcome the obstacles. That’s what humans are good at.

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