When Christians think of sexual behavior, it's often thought of in a negative context. Don't have sex before marriage, don't look at pornography, etc. What often goes undiscussed when it comes to sex is how to make it work in a marriage. It's important to discuss this positive aspect of sexual behavior for Christian couples to have a healthy marriage. Here are some tips for having a healthy sex life within your marriage.
1. Pursuing sexual purity
Sexual behavior, as God intended, is meant to be a pure act of love between a husband and a wife. Any form of sexual behavior outside of that is impure and ungodly. Husbands are primarily responsible for maintaining this purity. In many cases throughout the Bible, the men are the ones who struggle to act in a manner that's sexually pure. In fact, in the Gospels, Jesus specifically focuses on instructing the men to not to look at the women with lust. He even goes so far as to say one is committing adultery in their heart. This reflects the seriousness that men need to approach sexual purity.
Husbands need to only focus their sexual interest on their wives. The common pitfalls of sexual impurity are the Internet and television. Much of today's content is filled with sexual behavior that can easily entice men to lust for other women. It's important for husbands to place filters that block out this content on all their devices. This will allow men to avoid the temptation of lusting after other women. Another helpful tip for husbands is to have accountability partners. Men should discuss their successes and failures with someone regularly, so they can feel encouraged and motivated to stay sexually pure.
In addition to having an accountability partner, it's also essential for husbands to share their struggles with their wives. Men should discuss all of the sexual temptations that are difficult for them. This will establish trust between husbands and wives. The Bible stresses in Ephesians 5 that there shouldn't be even a hint of sexual immorality among Christians. Husbands can live up to this standard by setting boundaries and seeking support.
2. Engaging in emotional intimacy
Husbands and wives have different needs when it comes to relationships. As the struggles of the previous tip, men typically have physical needs that wives should try to help fulfill. Women are the opposite. They usually have emotional needs that need to be fulfilled first. Then, they feel a desire to engage in sexual behavior. One of the common problems in marriages that have lasted long is men no longer trying to romance their wives. In the early phases of relationships, men tend to do more to earn the affection of women. Once a commitment such as marriage has been established, men can feel less of the need to do the work necessary to earn their wife's affection.
It's important to keep doing things that make your wife feel loved and appreciated. Men should plan dinners, romantic activities, and other forms of quality time to maintain that emotional intimacy. They should continue to express how much they value their wives through special gifts, love letters, and other romantic gestures. When women feel loved and appreciated, they feel more of a physical desire to have sex with their husbands. Emotional intimacy is a critical component of establishing a healthy sex life within a Christian marriage.
3. Practicing non-sexual contact
Non-sexual contact is vital for husbands to make their wives feel appreciated. Women like to know that they are more than just sexual objects to their husbands. They want to also feel protected and comforted by their husband's touch. Acts of non-sexual touch, such as cuddling, help women to know that they’re loved by their husbands. Men should make it habit to have non-sexual touch with their wives. Different forms of non-sexual touch can include holding hands, cuddling without touching intimate parts, and kisses without going into sexual behavior. This helps wives to feel loved, and when they feel loved, they feel more aroused and ready for sex with their husbands.
4. Embracing one’s sexuality
This is particularly a problem for women more than men. Women are raised to be modest and not overtly sexual in any way. If women ever veer from that image, they’re often viewed negatively. It’s an unfortunate double standard in comparison to men who are often praised in society for displaying their sexuality. In addition to the double standard, churches can sometimes go to the extreme of emphasizing the evilness of any display of sexuality outside of marriage. While it's crucial to emphasize sexuality only being proper in marriage, doing it to the extreme can have unintended consequences. Women end up feeling so much shame and guilt attached to sex, that it can feel uncomfortable for them to be sexual with their husbands in marriage.
It gets forgotten that God intended for sex to be a beautiful expression of love between a husband and wife. It's because of this that wives need to learn and know they can be comfortable being sexual once they’re married. God even encourages it in 1 Corinthians 7. Within a marriage, sex no longer needs to be thought of as a sin. In fact, when you’re married, that’s when sex should be thought of as glorifying God. The Bible isn’t shy about this at all. Proverbs 5:19 tells husbands to enjoy their wives’ breasts. All of this to say, wives can allow themselves to feel comfortable being sexual with their husbands. Women can get insight and encouragement from other women who’ve been married for a long time. Their wisdom and experience will also be helpful in having fulfilling sex within a marriage.
Lastly, Christian spouses should talk about what they were taught in church about sex. If the women heard mostly negative messages, the husband should be patient and encouraging. In time with a continued understanding of the Bible’s support of sex in marriage, the wife can eventually become comfortable enough to be more sexual with their husband.
5. View a husband’s desire for sex as a blessing.
In many Christian marriages and marriages in general, men tend to have higher sex drives than women. As a result, women can sometimes view this as an aggravation, or even worse, something repulsive. Wives need to view their husband’s sexual desire as a blessing. It’s the way that God made men to perfectly match the way that God made women. In addition to being the best nurturers, wives are the best persons to fulfill the unique sexual needs of men. No other creature or thing was designed to perfectly fulfill those desires as wives.
Therefore, women should take pride in being desired by their husbands to fulfill their sexual needs and being the vessel that can best fulfill it. In general, for most men, physical intimacy is the highest form of love they can receive. That’s why they desire it so much. It’s important for wives to make men feel loved in this way, just as much as it is for men to make women feel emotionally loved. A wife fulfilling her husband’s physical needs won't only make the husband feel loved, but it will also help them to avoid sexual immorality. One of the main purposes of marriage was to help men and women avoid sexual impurity. Paul instructed men and women to marry in 1 Corinthians 7 to remain sexually pure. Wives should view fulfilling their husband’s sex drive as a way to glorify God and make their marriage be blessed.
6. Enjoy sex.
Sometimes, marriages can get to a point where sex feels more like an obligation than an enjoyable blessing that God intended it to be. In particular, for wives, it's harder for them to be as sexually driven as men can be. Christian wives may choose to live up to their Biblical roles by having sex with their husbands, even though they don't feel like it. It's crucial for both wives and husbands not to approach sex as a duty. To do this, men and women should discuss what naturally makes them feel more interested in sexual relations.
As mentioned earlier, women typically need emotional intimacy to be more interested in sex. Other factors that help husbands arouse their wives include handling household chores. It has been proven that men and women who share in doing the household chores tend to have the most sex. Also, wives can reflect on what it is that helps them to get aroused, and find a way to help their husbands learn how to make them feel that arousal and enjoy sex. Communication between spouses can make a huge difference in sexual pleasure within a marriage.
Use all of these tips to help make your Christian marriage as sexually fulfilling as God intended. Continue to communicate about sex and improve on meeting each other's needs. You can learn more information about sex within marriage at Never Thirsty.
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