By Giordana Toccaceli
Divorce is becoming less common for younger adults. Meanwhile, the divorce rate is climbing for American's over the age of 50. Is it possible that younger adults are becoming better at noticing the indicators of bad relationships?
Unfortunately, many people still believe that the signs of a bad relationship are normal problems. As a result, they stick through the relationship even if it’s toxic. Some people even find these issues romantic.
If you are unsure whether or not you in a toxic relationship, discover toxic habits that many people believe are normal in bad relationships. By learning how to notice the signs, you will have a better understanding of whether your relationship is one that you can take to the next level, or one that you need to get out of immediately.
Keeping Score
Does the person you're dating keep blaming you for past mistakes? If they're incapable of forgiveness, it's likely they're keeping score of your relationship. As a result, the entire relationship will become a battle that measures who has screwed up the most over the years.
Your partner might even think you're indebted after they've “forgiven” you for your mistakes.
A relationship scorecard will cause you both to deflect the current issues you're experiencing. Instead, you and your partner will become obsessed with previous wrongdoings. This, in turn, can cause guilt and bitterness to build up over the years.
Your partner might even try to manipulate you into feeling bad about the past.
As the relationship scorecard builds over time, each person wastes energy trying to prove they're not the one at fault. No one takes responsibility or tries to solve the present issues. Instead, people are more obsessed with defending themselves and placing blame.
If you find yourself in a toxic relationship with a scorecard, take the time to resolve the most recent issues. You should also sit down and talk about any recurring problems you're experiencing.
In choosing to remain together, you're also choosing to accept prior mistakes and behaviors. If neither of you can accept the past, you'll never survive the future.
Passive-Aggressive Hints
Instead of speaking openly and honestly, couples in bad relationships tend to drop hints. One partner might nudge another to figure out the issue on their own. Your partner might use petty ways to anger you instead of admitting the problem.
As a result, you'll feel justified in complaining.
Using passive-aggressive hints can also indicate you're not comfortable talking about your emotions.
If you're not comfortable communicating openly and honestly with each other, it's bound to build into a bad relationship. If your partner is passive-aggressive, they'll never feel safe expressing their insecurities. Instead, they'll let their negative emotions build until they blow.
In order to resolve this issue, it's important both parties remain honest about their emotions and desires. If a specific situation causes the problem, discuss what happened and how it made you feel. That way, you can avoid passive-aggressive hints, which usually cause more problems than they solve.
Emotional Blackmail
Holding a relationship hostage is another dangerous, toxic behavior. Does your partner have a simple criticism, only to use it to threaten your entire relationship? They might say they can't date you when you're like this, instead of discussing the problem at hand.
Someone who holds a relationship hostage using emotional blackmail is only creating unnecessary drama.
If there's a small issue with your relationship, it's not a crisis. Instead, both people should communicate their thoughts and feelings clearly and honestly. Using emotional blackmail to threaten the relationship's future will only create distrust.
It's also manipulative.
It's okay to feel upset at times. However, how you respond to those emotions is important. If you can't communicate without judgment or blackmail, you're in a toxic relationship.
Emotional Blame
After a long, hard day, your partner should feel like a source of comfort and support. On the other hand, blaming your partner for your own emotions is toxic behavior. In fact, blaming your partner for what you're feeling is often selfish.
In many cases, using emotional blame is a sign of a codependent relationship. Codependent tendencies can cause you both to feel resentment toward one another.
Instead, take responsibility for how you're feeling. Your partner should remain responsible for their emotions as well. Instead of feeling obligated to help one another, it's important to find a way to remain supportive without placing blame.
Jealousy
Does your partner get angry when you touch, call, text, or hang out with someone else? This is one of the most common signs of a toxic relationship. Some couples even use this behavior as a way to control or maintain their partner's love.
Loving jealously can also lead to negative behaviors such as checking one another's emails and texts. One partner might even show up unannounced to see who their partner is spending time with or send misleading texts to try and pry information.
Jealousy is not a display of affection. Rather, it means your partner is controlling, manipulative, and unwilling to trust you.
It's important to establish mutual trust in a relationship. Excessive jealousy only indicates an individual's feelings of unworthiness. If this toxic behavior isn't fixed, it can lead to bigger problems down the road.
Buying Solutions
You can't buy a person's love. If a major issue comes up during your relationship, you should discuss it. Many couples, however, cover the problem by buying forgiveness.
Whether it's flowers, a vacation, or even an engagement ring, buying solutions indicates a toxic relationship. It means you're willing to sweep problems under the rug. Instead, confront the problems head-on.
According to one study, less materialistic couples are often happier. Don't let stuff become a band-aid for your relationship issues.
Communication Issues
Communication is key in any relationship. Many of the signs of a toxic relationship mentioned above are easy to fix if you communicate with one another.
Failing to remain honest and open will only lead to a toxic relationship. Some couples find it easier to hide their true emotions or ignore problems. However, ignoring emotions or conflict will only cause resentment to build.
Instead, remain upfront and open throughout every step of your relationship.
Walking on Eggshells
Do you walk on eggshells to avoid angering your partner? This could indicate trust issues.
They might have demonstrated an inability to listen and understand in previous situations. If you can't talk with your partner without fear of how they'll react, there's a chance you're in an unhealthy relationship.
Remember, trust is important. Every couple has their own communication style. Walking on eggshells around one another, however, will make it difficult for you to embrace every part of each other.
Signs of Toxicity in Bad Relationships
These signs of bad relationships are common, but not normal. If you notice these issues in your own relationship, take the time to address them. Otherwise, there's a chance your relationship won't last very long.
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