What's the Deal with Self Love?
“Self-love is the source of all our other loves.” — Pierre Corneille
Healthy self love is not narcissistic or egotistical — let's just get that out the way first off. Some people immediately associate self love with selfishness or egotism — it is neither.
To love yourself is as important as breathing — without it your cup is empty and you can't truly love or give of yourself if you're an empty vessel, now can you?
Related Article: What You Need to Throw Out When You Decide to Choose Fulfillment
Meet Jane…
Jane is a vibrant and gifted woman. Jane is also a people pleaser. She spent over 10 years in a dead end relationship with John because she didn't want to leave him.
Why?
She didn't want to hurt his feelings.
Wow.
When I questioned Jane about why she hadn't thought of her own happiness in this equation, she said that she ‘didn't matter'. She went on to say that she has tried to placate all the people in her life because she wants to ‘keep the peace' and not ‘rock the boat'.
Jane also divulged that when she was younger she was taught to be selfless and giving and that if she didn't adhere to these principles she wouldn't go to heaven.
“I think the most important thing in life is self-love, because if you don't have self-love, and respect for everything about your own body, your own soul, your own capsule, then how can you have an authentic relationship with anyone else?” — Shailene Woodley
So as we started unraveling the complicated tapestry of Jane's self worth and self love issues, we started getting towards the crux: Jane believed that God wanted her to be self-sacrificing otherwise she wasn't worthy of His/Her love.
What complete and utter balderdash!
Thing is, a lot of people still believe this to be true and I think it's the complete opposite. You are a worthy and lovable creation of the creator and deserve as much love and respect as every other beautiful being.
You've got to get with the divine program and start turning that love dial to full tilt on the inside!
Related Article: Self Love: The Importance of Consciously Valuing You
Unscrambling the Concept of Self-Sacrifice
Here's why I don't think it's healthy to be self-sacrificing:
- When you have regard for other peoples feelings that is great — it's called empathy/compassion/tact/kindness — nothing wrong with those traits. But when you do this with no regard for yourself you are, in fact, going against your own principles. Why? Because you are a person too…duh! Did you ever stop to think that you — a shard of the divine in carnation — are doing an injustice to a human being (your very own self!)?
- When you decide to be in ‘service to others' instead of ‘service to self' (this is where egotism and narcissism reign supreme) it is a most noble and amazing thing but you need to be included in that service. It is completely contradictory to abuse your own rights and feelings in order to help others. In fact, you cannot truly give of yourself if you have no self love or sense of self worth.
If you need a bit of help with getting over societal conditioning and not giving a damn about what other people think of you so you can clear a path to self love, give this article a once over: 8 Tips on How to Stop Caring What Other People Think of You
Conclusion: if we all learned to love ourselves more we'd have world peace. Give it a shot.
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Cherie Roe Dirksen is a self-empowerment author/columnist/radio presenter, multi-media artist and musician from South Africa.
To date, she has published 3 self-help and motivational books and brings out weekly inspirational blogs at her site www.cherieroedirksen.com. Get stuck into finding your passion, purpose and joy by downloading some of those books gratis when you click HERE.
Her ambition is to help you to connect with your innate gift of creativity and living the life you came here to experience by taking responsibility for your actions and becoming the co-creator of your reality. You can follow Cherie on Facebook(The Art of Empowerment — for article updates). She has an official art Facebook page (Cherie Roe Dirksen – for new art updates). You can also check out her Facebook band page at Templeton Universe.
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This article was originally written for and published by Conscious Life News and is published here under a Creative Commons license with attribution to the author Cherie Roe Dirksen and ConsciousLifeNews.com. It may be re-posted freely with proper attribution, author bio, and this Copyright/Creative Commons.
Always VALUE your life…your not here to be anybody else..and you have much to learn …and much to live for…dont allow yourself to be JUDGED…by anyone else’s criteria….just be yourself….it’s none of anyone else’s business…..you ARE VALUABLE..and dont you forget it….
Words of wisdom, Nancy! 🙂 Thank you xxx
Cherie, this woman obviously wants to please God. So in order help her, you are going to have to show her that God does not want her to be a door mat. Use Scripture to prove this to her. Jesus said that the most important commandments were to Love God and Love they neighbor as thyself. Matt 22:36-39 In order for us to love others, we have to love ourselves as much as them. We must treat ourselves very good so we can love others as well as we love ourselves. She will have to go backwards and Love herself first. Many of us do not do that. God’s Word will cut through her confusion. Don’t be afraid to use it!
Thank you, Alexa. We did, in fact, speak about the issues you brought up and she has a much better take on it now 🙂 She even said in her own words she no longer wants to be a door mat. It’s truly wonderful to witness a person having their ‘a-ha’ moment. <3
We grow up pushed around and made to feel we are a bother, then we get into a relationship and the other person runs our life. At some point we must take care of US b4 they suck out our life.
All power to you, Boni’ta xxx
Nice article
Glad you enjoyed it, Neha 🙂
Haley Mitchell
Sometimes I do. It’s rare,but when I do I love me anyway!?
Great stuff, Catherine! 🙂