By Ora Nadrich
Too often, people let their fear-based thoughts go unchallenged, and subsequently dictate their lives. Thoughts driven by underlying fears tend to box people into groundless perceptions. As a former Life Coach, who changed my coaching practice to that of a Thought Coach based on my Says Who? The method, I found that I could be more effective in not just motivating people to root out fear-based thinking associated with any personal and professional obstacles but to literally teach them how to overcome fears by changing the very thoughts that are creating them.
In my experience as a Thought Coach, I’ve found that the central issue clients need to address is managing their thought process. To explain this, let me highlight one client in particular who subsequently became the inspiration for me creating my Says Who? Method.
This client came to see me for a life coaching session (when that was my practice), and this was when I would employ my coaching expertise to motivate and encourage her to apply her own capabilities. These sessions were like a tune-up for a car — making adjustments to ensure top performance. But, I soon realized that no matter how much motivation, encouragement, or “tuning up” I could offer, she was caught in a mindset that caused her problems to reappear over and over again. What wasn’t being addressed deeply and thoroughly were the thoughts getting in the way of any motivation and encouragement offered.
This client had become stuck in a thought process that was sabotaging the goals she was working to achieve. She’d come to me for advice on a business decision, but she shared early in our session that she couldn’t shake a “disturbing and scary” recurring thought. To my complete surprise, she told me, “I’m afraid I’m going to be homeless and penniless.”
Her fear seemed completely incongruent with her professional trajectory and her current crossroads of deciding whether to start a new business. She appeared to be someone with two minds — one that was creative and productive, and the other that was paralyzed by fear.
As she admitted this fear, I wanted to know who was voicing that thought in her head. Where did it come from? I sensed it had likely come from someone else. So I asked, “Says who?”
She looked completely taken aback. Clearly, she hadn’t ever asked herself that question. I went another step further and asked, “Have you ever heard someone say that before — that you were going to be homeless and penniless?”
And that was it! That was the question that reached into her gut and pinpointed the source of her fear.
This confident woman suddenly looked like a vulnerable and frightened child. Her eyes widened as she realized something. “Oh my God!” she cried. “My father always used to say that when I was little. He was in and out of work a lot, and when money was scarce he’d say adamantly, ‘We’re going to be homeless and penniless. We’re going to be out on the streets!’ It really frightened me.”
“Bingo!” I thought to myself. I strongly suspected that this fear didn’t originate with her, and had come from someone else.
I asked, “Can you see that this was your father’s fear, not yours?” She pondered my question, and then answered, “I never connected that before. I’ve never asked myself that question.”
I explained how we don’t usually question our fear-based thoughts, but instead accept them readily. Those types of thoughts can have a very negative effect on our lives if we don’t look closely at them and determine whether they’re real or not — or even if they belong to us.
Her fear-based thought would have continued to surface and she’d have had no power over it. Had it been left unattended, she would have been at its mercy and could have prevented her from achieving her goals.
My client went on to ask herself the “Says who?” question whenever she felt she needed to challenge one of her thoughts, and, like many others, she claims that the negative and fear-based thoughts that used to hold her hostage no longer had the same upsetting influence. She’d come to realize that the thought wasn’t real or valid and was ultimately useless to her in pursuing her goals and dreams.
I use my “Says who?” method to discern whether clients’ thoughts support their well being, and if they decide that they don’t, I teach them how to dismiss them as meaningless and useless in maintaining a mindset of health and happiness.
In my Thought Coach Certification Training Program, we provide instruction on how to facilitate the “Says who?” inquiry that leads people to challenge their thoughts and hold them up to scrutiny. We use the power of this technique to transform negative, fear-based thoughts into positive, constructive, productive, and, ultimately, life-affirming ones.
Like a Life Coach, a Thought Coach can encourage and motivate clients, and offer “tune-ups” when needed. But a Thought Coach is able to go to the root of the problem — negative and fear-based thoughts — and help a client transform them with very positive results. The program certifies Thought Coaches to effectively teach methods that help people deepen their understanding of how their thought process works. To learn more, visit ifft.podia.com.
* * *
Ora Nadrich is the founder and president of the Institute for Transformational Thinking. She is the author of Live True: A Mindfulness Guide to Authenticity, named in the 100 Best Mindfulness Books of All Time by BookAuthority, and Says Who? How One Simple Question Can Change the Way You Think Forever. She is a certified life coach and mindfulness teacher, specializing in transformational thinking, self-discovery, and mentoring new coaches as they develop their careers. Contact her at theiftt.org.
