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#1 Way To Let Go Of the Blame and Shame Of A Romantic Break Up

Instead of offering a personal video this week, I’m offering something better, a video of my dear friend, Farhana Dhalla, reading a touching passage from her international bestseller, “Thank You For Leaving Me.” In it, Farhana shares a brave, bold move you can take that will liberate you from any toxic emotions you are still experiencing around the break up of a romantic partnership.

In the video, Farhana explains how illuminating it was for her to take her ex-husband’s perspective in regard to the unraveling of their relationship and his choice to begin an affair.

She doesn’t pussyfoot around.

She DIVES in.

She takes his perspective FULLY and paints a most unflattering portrait of the metamorphosis she went through as she struggled with the relationship herself (and I for one could personally relate to those shifts).

What a challenging thing it can be to take the Other’s Perspective – especially when we feel we have been wronged or hurt by that person!

And perhaps, it’s even more difficult to take the Other’s Perspective when we feel we have wronged or hurt them!

Because then we have to admit we have been the aggressor. I truly believe we all want to experience love – to give it and receive it. So it’s tough to take full, unflinching responsibility when we have hurt another.

I know this is something I struggle with now, as I look more closely at my own defensive and/or victimized behaviors and attempt to accept them (not blame myself for them!) and change them at the same time. I’ve learned the hard way that we can’t change what we won’t acknowledge and accept. And we can’t acknowledge or accept our behaviors if we’re going to focus on blaming or shaming ourselves for them.

It’s icky to have to look at our “junk.” But nothing else can liberate us so completely.

I invite you to watch Farhana’s video and be inspired by her authenticity and candor. I dare you to emulate her willingness to look at herself through her ex’s eyes. I think you may find it tough. I think you may find it quite painful. But most of all, I think you’ll find it totally liberating.

 

Vicki Howie is the Creator of Chakra Boosters Healing Tattoos™ (find out what inspired her to create them here). Check out her new book “The Key to Your Chakras” here on amazon.com. Vicki is also the Creator of Chakra Love and the Chakra Life Cycle System®, as well as the Co-Editor of Conscious Life News. You can visit her website chakraboosters.com, facebook page and youtube channel for lots of free chakra info and gifts. Vicki’s biggest joy is to help you unleash your full chakra power and step into your highest potential.




Get Inspired Now: Listen to Great Spiritual Speakers’ Best Interview Moments

What to get inspired right now? This 12-minute audio/visual compilation (that was created out of 51 HOURS of interviews!) will do the trick.

It features some of the most seasoned and cutting edge spiritual speakers and conscious thought leaders of our time, including: Rhonda Britten, Sonia Choquette, Dawn Clark, Farhana Dhalla, Guy Finley, Dougall Fraser, Jennifer Longmore, Dr. Sue Morter, Niraj Naik, Matt Kahn, Derek Rydall, Dee Wallace

Listen and discover:

~ Why thinking doesn’t get you to where you want to go – and what DOES.

~ A heart-oriented way we can change the planet from the inside-out.

~ The #1 thing you have to do BEFORE you can truly forgive someone.

~ The specific way the spirit world communicates with you and how you can interpret it.

~ What the ionosphere is and how it creates instant karma in your life – giving you back what you put out.

~ How to move through endings in a graceful way that allows you to feel totally supported by the Universe and open to amazing new beginnings.

~ How the traditional Law of Attraction can cause you to forget that you are pure potentiality.

~ What your electro-magnetic field is, how your emotions change it, and how you can create a more positive personal field.

~ The magnetic power of asking, “How may I serve?”

~How the magical phrase, “you go on without me” can give you true emotional freedom.

~ Why your connection to your family can get in the way of you shifting into Wealth Consciousness.

~ Why the Universe is always conspiring to expand your freedom and progress.

Feel free to share this video!

Related Articles:

HeartMath’s Howard Martin: How to Manifest Using the Heart! (Interview with Alexis Brooks)

How To Turn Loss & Grief Into Joy & Gratitude (Interview with Farhana Dhalla)

Raise Your Vibration & Stop Sabotaging Yourself with Matt Kahn (Video)




A Brave & Brilliant Way To Heal Your Broken Heart (Video)

This vignette from my book Thank You for Leaving Me is probably the one that I have received the most letters about.

For those that are already parted, it has softened them. It has helped them see the other person as someone who truly tried. No one gets into a relationship with someone they love and then seeks to hurt them.  This exercise helps us see that there are many parts to ‘the story’ and our story may not be absolute.

Right-compressed (1)Many people who pick up my book are actually married (I know, surprised me too). For them, this has helped strengthen their marriage.

The thing is, whether apart or together, peace can only come if we are willing – truly willing – to see, hear and feel the other person. And remember, being ‘right’ offers no peace. Understanding the other person however, does.

What are your thoughts? What did this bring up for you?

Have you checked my Divorce is NOT Your Fault – Free Yourself from Blame and Shame webinar?

Watchu waiting for? Click here. 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this video and please do share it if you found it valuable…

Farhana Dhalla 172x204
Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook. If you’re curious about her ‘style’ of coaching and some areas of coaching, check out her article, Coach of Many Colours.



This Simple ‘Diet’ Will Bring You Closer to the Ones You Love (Including Yourself)

I often go on Digital Diets.

And guess how much I lose?

Nothing. Not one thing!

I gain.

Because I’m not in touch ‘out there’, I become more in touch ‘in here’.

The subtle knowings and lessons from Spirit are able to reach my usually hustin’ and bustlin’ mind. I deepen into an area of trust in my own life and effortlessly roll with life’s events in a way that surprises.

And because my time is not distracted by my cherished iphone and computer, I have time to really listen to my children.

Whenever I am truly present with them, the rewards are always staggering.

I remember the first time I truly unplugged and, plugged in…

It was December 2010. That Christmas was lean on gifts and I moved myself and my three children to another province. This move removed them from everyone they had ever really known and we were going to start anew based on guidance that my daughter had given me, confirmed by a meditation and a pendulum swing. Three weeks before, I totalled our family van, resulting in us taking a nineteen hour bus ride in the middle of a snowstorm.

We went to see the home I located on Craigslist for the first time. Even though the home was a downgrade from the house they grew up in, they each found something great in it.  We waited in the empty home for 7 days wondering if the less than ethical moving company that I hired would in fact deliver our belongings.

We made a trip to Value Village to outfit them for their first few days of school while I prayed that our stuff would come.

All the while I was staggered that there was not one complaint from them. Not one.

There was no whining in the uncomfortable Greyhound seats, no complaining that they won’t see their friends anymore, no crying that we had no beds, tv or underwear. Come on… kids aged 10, 9 and 5 notcomplaining??

I wondered what it was. And then I realized… wow…

THAT is the potency of being 100% present in relationships!!

Children are naturally more present. Without electronic distractions they are pretty much yours.

But adults, well… we require some reminders on what that may mean.

Here are my suggestions:

1. Put away the phone. Just put it away. Once you’ve done a head count to make sure everyone is home, what else do you need it for? Everything can wait. I mean everything.

2. Turn off all electronics (on occasion I have disconnected the cable box to help facilitate this).

3. Remind yourself that nothing is more important than the moment you are having. Nothing.

That’s it.

Relationships are cultivated and restored in Presence.

Courage and trust are built in Presence.

Love is realized in Presence.

So while that Christmas might have been lean on presents, it was abundant in Presence.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this and what it stirred up. Please do share it if you found it valuable…

Farhana Dhalla 172x204
Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook. If you’re curious about her ‘style’ of coaching and some areas of coaching, check out her article, Coach of Many Colours.



Why NOT Dating (After Divorce) is Hurting Your Children​

​When my​ daughter told me of her ‘plans’ to have twin girls and twin boys and take them to the park everyday in her bike carrier​ with the idea of one tak​ing​ the girls, and the next day ​taking the boys​, it prompted a question from me.

I asked “Why can’t you take them all?”​

She gave me a quizzical look that said “How is that possible?”It was then that I realized that she had never factored having a partner in her life​!​

She was going to do this all on her own. Just like her Mama.

Schwack!

It hit me like a brick.

I had only modeled one thing.

“I can do everything myself.”

Not a bad lesson.

Until even inadvertently it ​became part of a limiting belief.

​W​hile ​I was ​modeling the power of the Divine Feminine, I ​had ​excluded the invitation of the Divine Masculine to join me.

I wasn’t aware that my closure in this area was impacting my children. I wasn’t aware that my strength had now become ​a​ liability.

It’s not that I neeeeed a man in my life. But, wouldn’t it be nice to have someone who is conscious, aware, strong, able and wanting to love me and my children as a part of our experience?

​So o​ver the past couple of years, I have ​been opening myself to the possibility… and the Universe has responded by putting the perfect people in my path… I have seen great love affairs blossom in front of my eyes, observed love affairs that have continued to grow over decades of being together, and… I have opened to dating which has brought great men who each have given me a​ piece of profound healing and faith in what lies ahead as they have helped me melt off my limiting beliefs.

​I understand more now what Divine Love really means.

Expansive. Trusting. Willing. Supportive. Adventurous. Flowing. Expressive.

​And now with this greater understanding, I can model something different for my children.

While I CAN do it all on my own, it is really a sweeter experience shared. It takes courage to step into that possibility… it takes courage to date again, it takes courage to be willing to get your heart hurt (again) and, ​it takes courage to believe.

​I’m a believer. And THAT is how I’d like my kids to experience themselves.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this video and what it stirred up. Please do share it if you found it valuable…

Farhana Dhalla 172x204
Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook. If you’re curious about her ‘style’ of coaching and some areas of coaching, check out her article, Coach of Many Colours.



The Holy Gift: What My Thailand Trip Taught Me About Trust & Truth

Truth, Trust & Thailand (Part 2)

There is so much to say about what my whole Thailand trip experience taught me, please forgive the unclever titles as I label them part 1, 2, 3 etc. I have tried with great effort to pull in the many subtle dangling contributing storylines that make up this huge life experience and teaching … I assure you, everything interrelates.

road

We’ve all heard the saying “it’s the journey, not the destination” …. well, in this case, it was both.

In the journey as I wrote about in Part 1 there was a magical gift  …and here in Part 2, there was a major glitch.  (go here to read the first part so you know what I am talking about)

Remember when I wrote that 5 minutes after I had said “God’s got a thousand ways to give it to me” I received a phone call with a gift for the exact amount of the airlines tickets??

I saw that as a holy moment.

It was in direct response to the statement I just made AND I had accepted the gift. A HUGE breakthrough for me.

In that moment, I had dissolved my shame for needing help or for receiving it. I had re-written what all of these meant in my life.

Great Power-compressedI had re-written in my heart that ANY gift that comes to me was really from God. The person who was selected by God to offer that gift was simply that, the person selected. The gift… all gifts, come from God.

I was no longer going to turn away God’s gifts.

Two weeks later, right after my friend Nargis booked all our tickets to Thailand, I found out that the gift offered to me to cover the airline fare for my family was not to be.

My heart sank. Fear and panic started taking over.

I was now already committed, the tickets were bought.

While my head was still screaming a very logical “You’ve got insurance, cancel your tickets” everything inside my body still kept quietly saying “You are all to be in Thailand.”

Every time I would start to feel anxious, Nargis would just calmly and confidently say “It will all work out.”

Every time panic came up in me, I silenced it with her certainty.

But, I couldn’t shake the hurt and confusion that the gift of the airline tickets was suddenly pulled away. The moment was so holy…. It was so healing… what went wrong?

I couldn’t make sense of it.  What was the purpose of it all?

I started to ask myself some questions…

Do I know in my heart that the kids and I are to supposed to go to on this trip?  Yes.

Do I know in my heart that I was to cancel my speaking tour and rest?  Yes.

Did the offer of the gift in that moment enable me to say yes. Yes.

Was that a holy moment? Yes.

Does it not coming to fruition make it less holy? No.

Is the trip still supposed to happen? Yes.

Can I take this leap of faith? Yes.

I understood then that the gift was the catalyst that I required to say yes at that time. The gift was the observable experience for me to see how much I had grown in my receiving channels.

The gift was not about the money received. The gift enabled the whole experience to unfold and allowed me to experience my new self.

It allowed me to know that I could receive with delight (and not the subtle shame that I used to hold myself hostage with).

The gift was holy.

It’s true purpose had been achieved.

I knew myself as new.

If you are feeling a bit gnawed up inside about something you thought would happen, ask yourself some questions to uncover the hidden gifts. I assure you that the TRUE gift was indeed given.

I love you.

Farhana

PS – That was a little more about the journey… wait til I tell you about the destination! wrawrr!!

I’d like to hear what you think of this article.

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Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook. If you’re curious about her ‘style’ of coaching and some areas of coaching, check out her article, Coach of Many Colours.



Your Body Never Lies — 7 Steps For Living In Your Truth

Just 3.5 yrs ago I was struggling with less than $2 in my bank account. It was summertime and I was trying to figure out how I would stretch that $1.36 for the next 10 days while keeping my kids busy with summer fun activities. I was too embarrassed to tell my family or ask for help so I silently suffered this shame and fear. I was so riddled with pride and shame that I could have never have even accepted their support.

ThailandFast forward to a few weeks ago when I took my children to Thailand. Yes, THAILAND!!!

It came together so effortlessly.

A couple of years ago one of my best friends for over 30 yrs said in passing, “My brother is building a house in Thailand, when his home is finished, we should go”. I said “sounds good”. I didn’t think much of it. It was partly an empty commitment on my part of agreeing to the fantastical and partly a little ‘let’s see’ challenge and dance with the Universe.

Causally, it comes up again that we should book our flights soon. And, should we be taking our kids? Every logical thought in my head is ‘no’. Too far, too expensive, perhaps I should just go with my friend and my kids can spend Christmas with their dad. But, while I may think logically, I don’t make my decisions that way. I get a very distinct feeling (confirmed by the swing in my pendulum) that I am supposed to take the kids. It’s so illogical. And so expensive. But, once I know that is what I am supposed to do, resistance is futile.

I don’t pay any attention to the details or the booking. My friend does all of that as I’m fully absorbed in preparing and marketing for my sold out speaking tour. Then, I get some unexpected shooting shards of pain move across the left side of my face and I realize that my ‘go-go-go’ way has re-activated my trigeminal neuralgia. Ouch!

I ask my body “What do you want?”Move In Truth-compressed

I hear “Rest”.

I look at my schedule and know for the next 21 days I will be on full-steam ahead. And I also know that if I do go like gangbusters and do my speaking tour knowing that my body is requesting and requiring rest, I will be diametrically opposed to the message that I teach.

“Once you know the truth, you must move in accordance with it…. or life begins to get difficult”

I reluctantly contemplate the idea of cancelling and immediately my body feels light. I now know that this is the right decision. I need to cancel my sold out events. Damn.

It’s crazy and ridiculous… after all, the hard work is not the speaking part, it’s getting an event up and going… so why the heck would I cancel sold out events now when it’s easy??

But I know I have to. Because it is the truth for me.

My body has asked me to.

I’m not happy with this ‘truth’ because I WANT to do these events, but…

I have surrendered to living my life in accordance to walking in step with the truth as I know it…. even if parts of me don’t like it.

My client asked me “Wasn’t the revenue gained from the speaking tour going to be your money to fund Thailand?” I said “Yes. But I’m listening despite all logic and if I am going to go, God has a thousand ways to give me that money.”

Five minutes – yes, five minutes later – I receive a phone call and the exact money for the airline tickets is offered to me as a gift. The exact amount!!

Whaaaat?

Yes. It works just like that.

And do you know what I did this time? I accepted it.

3.5 years ago I couldn’t even receive grocery money to help my kids. My receiving channels were so collapsed.

But now, I understand that God’s got a thousand ways to give to me and my receiving channels are open. After all, who am I to turn away God’s gifts?

I KNOW that if I act in accordance to my truth, if I am integral to myself (despite my own wishes and hopes for things to be different) things ALWAYS come together.

7 Steps To Move in Accordance With Your Truth :

1) Listen (to the whispers)
2) Trust (the message)
3) Act (in accordance)
4) Breathe (deeply)
5) Observe (what occurs)
6) Receive (joyously)
7) Smile (and don’t stop)

Rinse and Repeat 😉

If you enjoyed reading this article, please consider sharing it.

Editor’s Note: Listen to Farhana’s interview on the Conscious Life Awakened Speaker Series (CLASS).  Sign up here for free and get access to the replay.
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Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook



3 Powerful Paradigm Shifts To Turn Your Relationship Around (& Keep It Strong)

happiness-300x274-compressedMost of us have heard the statement that we are responsible for our own happiness. And while we generally believe it, it’s sometimes a little hard to remember when our lives are so intertwined with our partner and what they say and do has such a profound effect on us.

What we forget is that likely when we met our partners, we were regularly doing the things that made us the happy person that they were drawn to. And, then ‘life’ gets in the way and we forget to do the things that inject happiness in us and we look to the other person to make us happy. Which of course, we know they cannot do.

Happiness is entirely an inside job.

Paradigm Shift #1

Many years ago I heard a speaker talk about something he called the White Hot Imperative. The White Hot Imperative is something that is imperative to your happiness. It is something that you do for yourself that brings you joy. For some it may be gardening, or playing golf, or scrap booking, or going to church, Whatever it happens to be, it is the thing that we MUST do for ourselves that brings us joy.

The joy derived from doing it rejuvenates us and then we naturally bring that joy into the relationship.

Here is something to be mindful about and see if any of these subtle behaviors apply to you. People sometimes give up their White Hot Imperative or they guilt their partner into giving up theirs.

Recently I was talking with a client that said whenever it was time for him to play hockey with his buddies, something would come up to make him choose whether he should stay home or play. He felt that if he chose to play hockey, there was a price to pay. His wife would be silently angry. So over time, he just decided to quit playing hockey in order to avoid the silent anger and sadly in the process he leeched himself of joy.

HappinessIt’s a subtle game that people sometimes play with each other to test their partner. Will they choose me or their favorite activity? This form of manipulation has short-lived benefits. The initial high of ‘being chosen’ will soon be replaced by an undercurrent of resentment if the partner feel unsafe to have independent joyful experiences.

A critical error that couples sometimes make is that they feel they have to do everything together. If you love to jog and your partner does not love jogging, don’t make them join you. It is not disrespectful of your partner because they don’t like to jog. Let them be in that which makes them happy. If they enjoy tinkering in the garage, let them tinker. You, go jog.

Allow and encourage your partner to do what generates happiness in themselves and they will bring that happiness into the relationship. YOU do what generates happiness for you and you will naturally bring that to the relationship. Serve your relationship by doing what makes you happy.

Paradigm Shift #2

In a relationship, there are 3 entities. There is the entity of you. There is the entity of the other person and then there is the entity of the relationship. When making decisions, if you make decisions that serve the relationship, you will find that power struggles subside.

This is how you would do this:

Be honest about what it is you want. Invite them to be honest about what they want. Now with both of you having been heard and understood, ask yourselves, “What is in the highest service to our relationship?”

When you make decisions based on serving the relationship in it’s highest, you will find that the need for one persons way to win and the other persons way to lose dissolves. It’s not two people taking from one another to get their way; it is two people in service to the higher order – which is the relationship.

You will find that your individual needs will also be served this way because it is in the higher order to the relationship that each person expresses and communicates their needs.

Make decisions that are in the highest interest of the 3rd entity – the relationship.

Paradigm Shift #3

It’s normal for couples to go through periods of time where they’re experiencing some form of anger. Understanding where anger comes from is important.

There are 2 governing states in which we create our emotions from. One state is love and the other state is fear. Everything else is a variation on the continuum between these two states. Anger sits on the ‘fear’ side of the continuum.

So, when you are angry, know that there is an underlying fear that may be causing this. The invitation here is to go into deeper inquiry within oneself. Ask yourself, “What about my situation makes me afraid?” Get into truth with that. You may surprise yourself about what you learn.

Once you have identified the underlying fear, ask yourself the likelihood of your fear occurring. You will see the chances of it occurring are so small that you will feel the fear automatically start dissolving.

How to Let Go of AngerAnger is normal. Simply pause and identify the underlying fear behind the anger and observe its likelihood of occurrence. The anger and fear once properly identified automatically start dissolving on it’s own.

Heighten the quality of your communication by sharing your discoveries with your partner. As you fall into deeper trust (which can only come from being both vulnerable and honest), you will find you both soften into a deeper relationship with more meaningful and valuable dialogue.

You chose this very perfect partner to be your teacher in expanding you to new points of view, to be your teacher in compromise, your teacher in peace, your teacher in forgiveness, your teacher in receiving. Your sacred partner is the person who has come to help you discover these god-like qualities in yourself.

 

Editor’s Note: Listen to Farhana’s interview on the Conscious Life Awakened Speaker Series (CLASS).  Sign up here for free and get access to the replay.

 

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Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook



The Empowering State of Unchangeable Bliss and How To Get There Despite Your Circumstances.

happy-contentedI remember when I was suddenly and unethically ‘terminated’ by a well known leader in the transformation world. That series of events could have triggered a domino of fear and anger.

When I told my children what had suddenly transpired, my son’s reaction was

“Congratulations Mom”.

Congratulations??

“Yes, now you can do what you really want to do.”

I asked him if he was worried in any way. He said “With you Mom, no way. This is going to be fun.”

What an endorsement!

Then I went to my daughter’s room​ to see how she was doing with our sudden loss of security​.

Her comment to me was “You have all the power Mom.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“(This person) did the wrong thing so their power is going, you did the right thing so you have all the power.”

Wow.

I began to see my situation from the eyes of my babes.

Over the next few days, emotional surges occurred but I did not lose any sleep nor did this leech my joy. I could​  account for maybe 3 hours of distress in total.

​Strange emotional and physical responses were occurring, ​

FD-Universe-Crush-blogI began to cry tears of joy and experience uncontrollable laughter… I could feel the whole universe loving me.

What was this feeling? This was a bizarre​  reaction to what would surely in a previous time have consumed me with fear and anger.

I was feeling Moksha. Pure liberation. A state of unchangeable bliss.

I looked outside and saw more shades of green in the trees than I ever knew existed and saw the pink rhododendron’s flaunting a vibrancy that was unapologetically stunning. They looked beyond gorgeous.

Nature operates with such integrity. It gives with abandon. Whether you appreciate it, it does not matter. It continues it’s dharma.

I realized then the profoundness of what my daughter had ​told me.

I have the power because I operate with full integrity.

The root word for integrity is integer.

Integer means whole.

I was WHOLE.

I AM whole.

When we are whole, nothing can break us. We are all powerful. 

Circumstances don’t dictate our joy. We can realize a state of unchangeable bliss regardless of circumstance

I was free.

Peace filled the confused spots.
Love filled the open wound.
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Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook



Break Ups Are Hard ~ Use These 3 Essential Tips To Raise Your Vibration & Flourish

DivorceThere are more filings for divorce in January than in any other month.

Why is that?

Is it because people give ‘one last chance’ over the holidays only to find that it is not a workable relationship?

Is it the pressure cooker of stress that the holidays bring that sets things off in an irreversible course of action?

Is it that people are sick and tired of not living their truth and they refuse to go into another year with their relationship depleting them?

Whatever the trigger reason … whether you are the one who is calling the relationship over, or you are being told it is over, it takes big courage to end something that is in fact, already finished.

When my husband told me it was over I thought I was going to die from fear (how can I do this on my own?) I thought I would die a lonely woman (who would want to even date someone with 3 kids) and I thought I would die from shame (I obviously wasn’t ‘good enough’ and now everyone would know)

Complete

As I moved through my own recovery and started rebuilding my life pulling my self-esteem out of the gutter, I started to realize now with gentler eyes that it was hard and it was courageous of my husband to call it quits for us.

Someone had to tell the truth.

The truth was, we were complete.

Over the years my coaching clients have been both the ‘leaver’ and the ‘leavee’ and I  can tell you with certainty, being the ‘leaver’ is not easier.

The ‘leaver’ has to contend with the voices that say they weren’t good enough to be able to make it work. They have to suffer the tongue-lashing that they are the ones to ruin everything by ending the relationship. They are sickened with worry that the children will hate them and may not want to see them.

They don’t want to hurt or cause injury.

They just want to tell the truth.

The relationship is complete.

If you are in a position of re-calibrating and re-building after a break-up, I get it baby. I really do.

Here are 3 things things that will help:

  1. Make every commitment to increasing your vibration. Read books, take courses, hire a coach, meditate, go for a run (or whatever else floats your boat) and surround yourself with inspiring people. You can ONLY attract at your vibrational equivalence so if you want to experience a new and powerful you, be vigilant about doing this.  Make increasing your vibration your only point of focus.
  1. Ensure your language is neutral whenever you talk about the ending of your relationship. Going down the route of explaining your story is the fastest way to spiral down in your vibration. Say things like “Everybody did their best and sometimes, things are just complete.”
  1. Write. Even if you don’t write, write anyway. It’s the safest place for you to vomit all the crazy thoughts (and you gotta admit, some of the stuff you are thinking, is pure c-r-a-z-y!) When you write, you let those thoughts truly leave you so that the more sane you and the more wise you can start talking to you.

You have all the answers. Your spirit is whispering to you all the answers. Sometimes it helps to have a qualified person get you through the muck faster but in all cases, 100% of the time, once we quiet the crazy voices, the wise voice starts to speak.

And when that one speaks. Listen.

What will also be helpful is getting your free access to the interview that my gal Vicki Howie is doing with me talking about Turning Grief Into Joy on the Conscious Life News Awakened Speaker Series (CLASS). Sign up HERE.

With oodles of love and support,

xxFarhana

Let me know if this has been helpful.

 

Farhana Dhalla 172x204

Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook

 

 

 

 

 




How To Turn Loss & Grief Into Joy & Gratitude (Interview with Farhana Dhalla)

Have you recently suffered some kind of loss? Do you have trouble just going with the flow of your life? Do you find that when something “bad” happens, you want to “move on,” but you don’t really know how?  If you answered yes to any (or all) of these questions, you won’t want to miss my LIVE interview with Farhana Dhalla this Tuesday, January 13 at 5 pm PST on the Conscious Life Awakened Speaker Series (CLASS).

Farhana Dhalla is a Life Coach, Spiritual Speaker and Best-Selling Author of “Thank You For Leaving Me.” She also happens to be a contributing writer for CLN and a dear friend. So this interview might sound a little like two gal pals dishing about the spiritual side of life.

If you haven’t had the good fortune to meet Farhana or experience her work yet, check out the youtube interview above for a taste of her feminine wisdom. She is a spiritual teacher for our times. Respected author of “Conversations with God,” Neale Donald Walsch said this about Farhana’s book, “Thank You For Leaving Me”: 

“I couldn’t put this book down. I read it in one sitting. I am not kidding. I. Could. Not. Put. It. Down.”

Farhana wrote her book after a heart-wrenching Valentine’s Day discovery of her husband’s “other woman.” In it, she openly shares how she navigated the challenging emotional terrain of separation and divorce, and came out better for it.  

If you’d like a taste of “Thank You For Leaving Me,” you can get a free download of eight excerpts from the book here.

And if you ‘d like to experience Farhana live, sign up for our free interview series and join us Tuesday, January 13 at 5 pm PST.

Vicki-HowieVicki Howie is the Creator of Chakra Boosters Healing Tattoos and the Co-Editor of CLN. She is also the Host of the Conscious Life Awakened Speaker Series that is LIVE every Tuesday at 5 pm PST. You can sign up for the free event here. You can access Vicki’s other CLN articles here.




A Date With Myself: How I Danced With The Ocean & Discovered My Beingness

Editor’s Note: The Author of this Article, Farhana Dhalla, will be the Guest on CLN’s Conscious Life Awakened Speaker Series LIVE Tuesday, January 13th at 5 pm PST. Sign Up Now to get free access and receive two transformational bonuses.

Joy-compressed (1)One holiday season, while the children were with their dad for the holidays I decided to do something a little uncharacteristic. Instead of using that time to ‘punch out a bunch of work’, I opted for a sun and sand vacation in the Dominican Republic.

Who did I go with? I went with myself.

I was not alone. I was WITH myself.

This powerful distinction took the sting out of a typically lonely time as I became curious about me and my own wants and wishes. I enjoyed ‘dating’ me. I revelled in the silence and often had a smile on my face; amused by my own thoughts.

I wanted to mark the beginning of the new era with some form of ceremony. I decided that sunrise immersed in the ocean would make a lovely temple for meditation.

Here are the thoughts taken directly from my journal après worship…

“I went swimming in the warm Atlantic Ocean fully intending on taking in the sunrise but the sun goes up and down so quickly around here that it can be missed in a blink. Nonetheless I went, originally planning to swim naked but with the sun up and early risers walking the beach, I decided to stay suited for my romp with the ocean.

I wanted to usher this powerful energetic time with a meditation but not a single meditation came to mind. Instead, I was mesmerized by the waves. I danced with them and fell in love with the way my body moved with the ocean. I found myself laughing and giggling with my ocean playmate.

I was in full appreciation knowing that the salt water was removing toxic beliefs from my body. I could feel the generosity of the ocean lovingly taking all erroneous beliefs and all toxic thoughts away from me.

I felt the wholesome love and support of the ocean as I moved and I appreciated the ocean letting me cut through it effortlessly and never leaving me in any way. I felt its forgiveness and it unending support. And I heard its’ message that there was nothing to forgive. All there was is love and support.

I sang out loud – as loud as I could – a little song I learned many years back from international artist Julie Blue. I belted out “Spirit inside me, I call on you to guide me. Breathe into the heart of me  – oh oh oh. Breathe into the heart of me – oh oh oh”

I frolicked some more and when I was complete, I skipped back onto the soft white sand and walked my way back to my room at the resort. I was thankful of the silence, the moments with myself and the moments with the ocean.

Suddenly, I wondered to myself if I had ‘missed’ something profound by not doing an actual meditation and almost instantly, I laughed.

I WAS in meditation. The whole time.

I was in joy. I was in dance. I was in love. I was immersed in love.

I was in the purest form of meditation.

I was experiencing trust and love and receiving at it’s finest.

THIS is what we are being asked to move towards in this new era.

It is no longer a doingness being called of us… it is a BEINGNESS.

Be in Joy. Be in Dance. Be in Play. Be in Love. Be in Trust.

This is meditation. This is how the Greater wants our relationship to be.

Then I thought – oh shoot, I forgot – Deb (my Shaman friend, the 8th Wisdom Keeper, Debbie Gibbs) had told me to reclaim my Medicine Name while I was in the water.

I had to laugh again because the song that I had instinctively sung was the same song that I had sung when I had first taken my Medicine Name several years back.

And then a whole body, cellular smile came over me as I saw the perfection of my experience with the ocean and my Medicine Name:

I am Dancing Woman of the Waters.

I didn’t have to ‘reclaim’ my Medicine Name  –  I WAS my Medicine Name!

I remain in awe that when I listen to the impulses of my heart and pay attention to the soft voices that have for decades gone without my notice but patiently awaited my return, I experience my life as poetry. As I enjoy a more playful relationship with The Greater, I now realize that the devotion to joy has always been the way in which they want to communicate with us. Our individual journeys lie in our ability to trust that and allow for our playful communion.

We have entered the time in which the soft voices are easier to hear and our heart communicates our truth with more clarity. Trust. Trust yourself. Trust the inklings. Trust that it doesn’t fit the norm. You were not born normal. Thank Goodness. You were born Magnificent. This era is for you to experience yourself as just that.

If you are seeking, seek us with joy. 

For we live in the kingdom of joy.

Do not give your heart to anything else. 

But to the love of those who are clear joy,

Do not stray into the neighborhood of despair. 

For there are hopes: they are real, they exist 

Do not go in the direction of darkness. 

I tell you: suns exist. 

Jalal-ud-Din Rumi

Let me hear your thoughts.

Farhana Dhalla 172x204

Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter

 




Not Feeling Very Merry? Here’s How to Cope

ChampagneThe truth is, not everyone is feeling particularly merry or happy right now.

This can be a tough time of the year for many…

I have friends who have suffered great loss this year with the untimely death of loved ones.

Many people are experiencing their first holiday season without their spouse or children as ‘two homes’ has come into effect.

The first time we cycle through any holiday or experience after the loss of someone in our lives, there is a painful calibration to the new truth as we realize that things will never quite be the same again.

You are right.

Things will never be the same again.

It will however be what it is.

A new state will emerge.  It will take two or three years before the new state, the new traditions and the new possibilities take form and before long, we reconcile that however much we miss the old way, the new way is alright too.

If you are here (or someone you care about is here) go easy on yourself as you feel the swelling up of emotions in your throat from time to time.

Know that this is normal. Let the state come up and wash over you… and leave.

You don’t need to hang on to it.

It will come up on it’s very own again. Again, be true to the moment and let.it.pass.

When we hold on to emotions we lock them in.

Grief is normal. Let it come.

And let it go.

It doesn’t make you less loyal to your loved one.

It doesn’t make you ‘a forgotten parent’ because you were not with them Christmas morning or will ring the new year in without them.

It doesn’t make the loss less real if you allow pain to exit just as quickly as it came up.

Allow it all.

Grief-compressedAnd yes, much to your surprise, little pockets of joy will find their way to you too. There is nothing to feel guilty of when these show their way.

Have your pain without committing to martyrdom and have your joy without apology.

It is a way of honouring that what was and what is.

Next year, the pain shards will be less and the joyful moments will be more. This much, I can promise you.

Let me hear your thoughts.

 

Farhana Dhalla 172x204

Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook




Healing: A Thousand Piece Jigsaw Puzzle

farhana dhalla healing puzzle

Every single day the pain was getting worse, thinking it was ‘just a toothache’, I put it off until a more convenient time for me to deal with it.

One day with the pain no longer bearable I went to have it looked at to find out that it was not a root canal as I had thought, it was a neurological condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia.

Google informed me that this was considered “one of the worst pains known to humankind” and has also been called “the suicide disease” for its progressive extreme pain and chronic features.

Yay me.

I understood the dramatic words they used to describe the pain… I’ve had 3 children and kidney stones and this was by far the worst pain I had experienced.

I was fortunate to have a neurologist see me right away and order an MRI that put any larger looming fears to rest. Conventional medication has helped with the nerve pain but the side effects brought a whole new set of challenges and issues. Managing the discomfort from the side effects became a daily battle.

And yet I had no inclination to take advantage of the many generous offers of energetic and alternative healing that I had received. I had no idea why I wasn’t responding to them nor did I understand why I wasn’t doing the healing work that I know how to do on myself.

All I kept hearing was Trust.

My best friend Deb is a shaman and prolific healer, she too had no inclination to do any work on me. Strangely we both felt this was correct action.

My client channeled a message for me confirming that I know how to do this and that trust was the answer.

But still, nothing made sense. I felt like I was in an apathy of sorts. I was waiting for an impulse but I didn’t have one. I didn’t understand my lack of effort in either delving into the energetic, emotional or spiritual healing.

Interestingly though I became intrigued with the physical and the medical aspects and found myself connecting the dots there. And, strangely, I often had difficulty remembering the name of the condition. My chiropractor said it was a good sign that while I was engaging my left brain research and thinking skills, I wasn’t identifying with it so closely that it was ‘mine’ and energetically locking in the condition as part of my identity.

Hmmm… Interesting perspective. I just thought it was an effect of the meds.

Even with the nerve blocker doing it’s job effectively, my discomfort levels from the side effects and a subsequent infection were exhausting me and I had to accept help.

I had to accept help with driving the children to their activities as I was unable while I adjusted to the medication.

I had to accept the kindness of those who saved me the burden of going to the grocery store and of those who dropped off meals.

I had to accept the generosity of friends who took my children and kept them for days at a time.

Even now I am aware that I used the term ‘had to accept’. This experience brought me to a humble place of ‘having to accept’ because I hadn’t emotionally and spiritually grown yet to achieve the heart opened space of simply ‘receiving’.

It was again my client that asked me why was it so hard for me to receive support and love from others. She planted the seed that this neurological problem – the wiring problem in my body – was a wiring problem in my relationship with receiving.

It was a big chunk of the thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle.

My friend Jonathan Mitchell did some healing work with me around that and we uncovered a major block around receiving stemming from a life experience when I was 15.

Another chunk placed in the thousand-piece puzzle.

Still, I am not being drawn to do much more in terms of healing or reflection. I am to be still and just rest.

I have grown a love affair with my PVR and The Big Bang Theory. I ‘zone’ out.

I feel a little shameful that I am not ‘working’ on myself. Yet, this is all I want to do.

I am aware of the curious blessings found in my situation:

The medication has forced me to have breakfast and I can see how much better my body is fuelled as the result of a good breakfast.

My swollen tongue and painful mouth has made talking difficult so, I am quiet.

The hazy brain effect has me abandon the 32 ideas (literally) that I was working on and focus on 2 for now.

With my children either with my friends, at camp, with my mother or with their dad, I can ease in the knowing that they are having a great summer holiday. So I sleep. Any time I want to. I wake up when I want to. I take several naps a day.

I know that sleeping is an important part of the healing process. And since I have lived a life with less requirement of sleep than the average person, I have to adjust with surprise to my body’s cry for so much sleep.

One night when dozing off I suddenly remember something. Oh my goodness… I remember that for the past few nights while fighting a fever, I was talking tongue in my sleep. I had been channeling a light language of some sort.

Deb tells me “Oh that makes sense why I wasn’t to do any healing on you, you were supposed to channel your own healing”

Instantly it made sense to me. The nonsensical made sense.

Another big chunk of puzzle pieces were placed.

I looked down at my legs which had been ravaged with psoriasis for over a year and noticed that they are visibly healing. I could see that my body was healing even though my discomfort was at it’s highest.

I was delighted. I hadn’t been doing ‘nothing’. I had been healing while seemingly being in the void. It was hard to trust ‘do nothing’. But I did. And lo and behold it was the most potent healer of all.

The next day, I had a powerful conversation with my gal Vicki Howie of ChakraBoosters. Her not knowing of my situation and her clear intuitive hits come as assurance for me to follow some hunches and I have renewed power and clarity as I talk to my doctor. Right after, I went to my chiropractor. I told her of my medical update and my aha’s. She directly asks me “Why are you sick?” and I instinctively respond “So I can rest”.

Whoa!

I’m sick so that I can rest??

She continues “Why can’t you just rest?” and I respond “I can’t, I owe people money”

And right then, a wave of anger came up over me.

The root of the pain became known to me.

I have tried to spiritualize it, I have looked at the gifts, I have asked myself if I knew this would be the outcome would I still do it, and the answer is yes. I have seen them as messengers, bearing gifts in tattered packaging.

But what I haven’t done is become angry and I haven’t allowed myself to grieve the loss of people whom I wholly loved and trusted and thought they loved me too.

At the encouraging of my ‘mentor’, I had borrowed an extraordinary amount of money from my family to implement my next business development phase. I had done everything on my own up to date and was uncomfortable with borrowing let alone the amount of money he advised me to borrow. He assured me that the money was to last a good long time as simultaneous projects were lifted off and this would eliminate my concern for monthly income as I concentrated on the development plan.

My family initially said no to the loan. They did not trust him. They suspected I was being conned. I was hurt that they thought so little of me and my judgment after all I am both intelligent AND intuitive.

They did end up financing me with a large cash flow injection reminding me of their concerns.

I dismissed their concerns because my ‘mentor’ and his partner (who had become one of my closest friends and would be play a fundamental role in the development plan) and I were forming a new way of how business and support looked like. We were a triad. We operated in support of each other fully. I felt I had met my utopia on how I believed life, business and spirituality all intersected.

Things would happen that would signal red alerts but I dismissed them in favour of what I wanted to see.

Within a few short months, most of the money that I borrowed somehow ended up with them with a highway of undeliverables in the wake. I was shocked. I was angry. And I was deeply wounded.

Although I was reeling in shock and both emotionally and financially wiped out, I couldn’t take a moment to recover.

I was committed to working full force as I had people to payback for money I never would see again. I was ashamed at myself for dismissing the many signals. I was angry at myself for not applying clear boundaries and best practices. I was angry at them for cheating me. And I was emotionally side swiped by the betrayal of friendship.

In order for me to justify a moment of rest, I had to be sick.

I created the unwellness in my body so that I could rest.

This awareness was so profound.

Hundreds of pieces assembled themselves on the puzzle

With this insight my chiropractor did an adjustment to release the anger and another one to open my wounded heart, within seconds all pain vanished.

For weeks I couldn’t talk without discomfort. Now that I had acknowledged the truth to myself, I could talk again freely.

For weeks my ear was in constant pain. Now that I was ‘listening’ again, the pain went away immediately.

Within 24 hrs I had received awareness that my spiritual body was channeling healing for me. My visit to the doctor’s office was to discuss a hunch prompted new medical tests which may result in a new healing plan and, my chiropractor helped me identify the emotional root cause for my unwellness and ALL discomfort immediately left my body!

I have known of the inter-relatedness of mind/body/soul for years, but to have such a direct experience of its connection is mind-blowing to me.

To be clear, there is still a journey of healing ahead. There are some long term shifts that I am being invited to make and I will continue to honour my body’s call for rest and listen to the messages of what alternative and energetic healing I am to summon. There are still puzzle pieces to be placed.

As it turns out, my family has not once said ‘I told you so’. Everybody trusts and believes in me. I need not carry the shame any more. Only the lessons.

As for them, Karma will do its thing. And who knows, maybe it already has. Maybe there was Karma for me to clear. In any case I need not carry the anger and hurt any more. Only the gifts.

As for the ‘re-wiring’, as soon as I allowed people to support me, I have been in wonder as more and more has been coming through and I am receiving it joyfully. I need not be sick to be a receiver.

Eventually, all the pieces of the puzzle come together and we can stand back and admire our own particular masterpiece.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

 

Farhana Dhalla

Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook

 

 




The Rumours are True… I’m Easy – Farhana Dhalla

Easy

I’m Easy. Well, not THAT kind of easy … although, in my 20’s… 😉

For a long time now I have been noticing that we reward ‘all that is difficult’.

Like, “I studied hard for that exam” and, “It was a rough week” and, “I pulled an all nighter to get this project together for my client.” I am guilty of this. I have patted myself on the back many times for being able to push myself to ‘do the impossible’. I was in love with the idea of always being busy. In the past, I have rewarded myself with the false belief that because I’m busy and because I push myself, I must be doing something important.

But, the problem with that was that I didn’t acknowledge my *real* skills because they came easy. So I tried to make them seem difficult because I have erroneously thought that it had more ‘honor’.

For the record, I’m a great mom, friend, coach, writer, speaker, creative partner, strategic thinker, intuitive, spiritual healer, leader, project manager and celebrationist (not sure if that is a word, but that is very much ‘me’). I smile bright when I am in these activities because in truth, they come easy and are joyful for me. Really, there is no need to play the charade and make them seem tougher than they really are.

I, in ego driven moments, like to list my ‘story’. Single mom of 3 kids, self employed, ‘doing it all myself’, blah, blah, blah. Yuck. It wasn’t to get anyone to feel sorry for me, it was for people to see how HARD I worked and that it has all come together for me from my sheer force. Ugh! Is that egomaniacal or what??

I realized that when I get attracted to speaking about how ‘hard’ things are for me, I was only setting myself up for the future conversation of how I overcame it. I always *know* I will overcome it so that is guaranteed. I was just setting it up for a future conversation to make myself look good.

The truth is, things come together for me pretty easily – they always kinda have. God has always been good to me. Life has always been good to me.

Magical introductions, opportunities that seemingly drop from the sky and incredible people who show up wanting to work with me or support my work are DAILY occurrences for me. Yes. Daily.

I am in truth, the luckiest person I know.

So, if you ever hear me singing any country song about my broken truck and lost dog, flick me on the forehead, activate my third eye for me and remind me that the rumours are true… I am Easy.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

 

Farhana Dhalla

Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and  the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook