The American Trappist monk Thomas Merton used to say: ‘No man is an island.' We all need to have someone waiting for us at home and loving us no matter what. According to the Harvard study of Adult Development, people who have families are happier and tend to live longer.
Having a family isn't enough. It takes time and patience to establish good relationships with your spouse, children, parents, and other relatives.
Don't worry if at the moment you don't spend enough time with your family or don't get along, it is within your power to change the situation. Here some simple ways how you can bring your family together and become best friends:
Accept
You wish your parents could always be there for you.
You wish your kid could just play in the large sandbox and laugh.
You wish your spouse could only spoil you with unexpected presents and compliments.
Unfortunately, you can't always get what you want. Your kid might disappoint you from time to time, spouse and parents might irritate you. You are not able to change a person even if it's your kid. All you can do is to accept your family members as they are. If your family does something that hurts you, don't blame them straight away. Explain to them why you are sad or mad but avoid saying ‘it is your fault,' ‘you have done this to me,' ‘you are disappointment' etc.=
Also, avoid specific topics that can lead to an argument in your family. You can discuss it once, but don't go back to it over and over again. Everyone makes mistakes, and so do you. So, encourage an attitude of forgiveness – it is the way to make your family feel safe around you.
Travel
Some people don't understand why they need to go on vacation with their partners and kids. They think that seeing each other every evening at home is enough.
If you want to become best friends with your family, create memories. Your kids might not remember that movie you watched last night together, but they will never forget that crazy road trip or camping.
Also, traveling is the way to see how your loved ones behave outside of their comfort zone.
When you plan your vacation, make sure you ask the opinions of all your family members, even your youngest kids. It might be challenging to find a perfect place for all of you. However, you can always compromise. Imagine the next situation: your kids want to go swimming, and your spouse wants to go hiking. You can argue about that for a long time, or you can go to the water park first and then go hiking (or vice versa).
Learn how to compromise and show respect towards one another. If your parents or kids see that you don't really care what they want, later on, they will do the same to you.
Of course, sometimes it is difficult to make everyone happy. In case your family members want entirely different things, don't force anyone into doing something they don't wish to; give them freedom. Let your kids go to the sleepaway camp if they want it and go on a trip with your spouse only.
Dinner time
Full-time jobs don't allow people to spend enough time with their families. That's why you should encourage your family members to eat dinners together. It can provide a feeling of belonging and a sense of security. According to research, teenagers who eat dinners with their parents have better mental health.
Ask everyone to help you out with cooking, put on background music, and have fun. It is a chance to be together and learn something new about each other's life. Make sure all family members are involved in the conversation.
It has been proved that eating family dinners together leads to healthier food choices. It makes sense: you will not give a frozen pizza to your toddler, you’d rather cook something healthy (hopefully).
Open communication
To build a strong family, you need to practice effective communication. The first and most important thing is to remember that people can't read your mind. If you want something or if something makes you sad, let everyone know.
Your kids might not understand that you are too tired to cook dinner for them or need some help. Instead of blaming them for your tiredness or calling them ‘lazy and not helpful,' tell them how you feel and then give them specific tasks. Encourage everyone in your family to do the same.
When you express your feelings and determine the roots of your problem, it is easier to solve it.
Another important thing is to be an active listener and try to understand what other people feel. That is the way to show your family that you respect them and care about their feelings. Also, pay attention to their verbal and non-verbal messages.
