Having sex with someone for the first time can be awkward, scary, and exciting at the same time. It takes a few months for partners to learn more about each other's sexual preferences and open up sexually.
Nonetheless, after some time, sex life in a relationship can just get worse. In fact, sexual boredom affects almost every couple at least once in their relationship. Studies show that the number of love hormones (oxytocin) decreases each year.
Not everyone has fireworks in the bedroom. However, it doesn't mean that partners should just accept the lack of satisfying sex and do nothing about it.
According to an Australian sex therapist Bettina Arndt, restarting the relationship and improving sex life is possible if both partners are interested in making this work. Bettina Arndt stresses the importance of having great sex in a relationship. It's not only about physical pleasure, but it also indicates passion and trust between partners. That's what you can do in order to improve your sex life:
Honest conversation
Sex therapists know how to have better sex. The first thing they recommend couples to do is to have an honest conversation. The other person can't read your thoughts, that's why you shouldn't expect that one day your loved one will scream: ‘Oh! Eureka! I realized that you don't like sex with me because I always ignore your emotions and never try what you suggest! Let me fix it.' Unfortunately, it doesn't work like this in real life.
If you want to tell your partner about sexual boredom in your relationship, make sure to find the right time. You might want to avoid raising this issue right after sex since it can hurt your partner's feelings.
Also, don't try to complain and blame them (even if you are sure it's completely their fault). Instead, make some suggestions on how you can improve sex life together. Moreover, you should give your partner a chance to describe their experience as well. If you don't feel comfortable saying about your fantasies out loud, feel free to initiate role-play in your bedroom in a subtle way.
You should be prepared to solve other related problems as well. There is a chance that sexual boredom is just a smokescreen. What if your partner stopped initiating sex because they are exhausted and need some help from your side? That's why you both should come to the table and honestly answer the question: ‘What is holding us back?'
Try new things
To get the sexual spark back, you need to get to know your partner once again. Novelty and uncertainty can add some excitement to your sex life. That's why you should consider going on a trip together or planning a surprise for your partner.
According to studies, exploring new places and learning things can reinvigorate adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin. Exactly what your brain needs in order to turn on!
Dating your partner, travelling, and trying new things together will help you keep intimacy alive in your relationship.
Take care of yourself
Some people get too comfortable in their relationships. They stop spending time with their friends and looking after themselves. If you don't remember the last you've done something nice for yourself, it's time to take a break in the relationship.
Taking a break doesn't imply deleting your partner's number or cheating on them. You need to take some time for yourself and do things you want. For instance, you can spend a weekend with your parents or friends, start working out, go to the concert, or learn horse riding. After you spoil yourself (at least a little bit), share new ideas and experiences with your loved one.
This time apart will boost your energy levels, refresh your focus, and help to create sexual tension.
Set the mood
Despite the significant amount of sex toys, positions, and guides on the Internet, the brain remains the biggest sex organ. That's why you should set your intentions and boost your partner's desire. Here is what you can do:
- Make eye contact
- Send naughty message
- Tough them subtly
- Show your partner your love
- Dress up
- Dim the light
- Roleplay
Try to diversify your sex life by stretching your boundaries. Role-play can help with that. Tell your loved one about your fantasies in order to spice up your relationship.
The bottom line
It has been proven that the number of love hormones decreases with time. This, in turn, leads to sexual boredom in the relationship. According to sex therapists, a lack of physical intimacy may indicate deeper problems between partners. That's why you should have an honest conversation with your loved one in order to bring the sexual spark back. Try new things together (inside and outside of your bedroom) and make sure to take care of yourself. In order to boost your partner's desire, set the mood, surprise them and show your affection.
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