In the not-too-distant past, the existence of transgender people was not even acknowledged, and this community suffered knowing that they would never be able to express themselves openly. A non-transgender person can only imagine what it’s like to be held captive in a gender you don’t feel to be yours.
With time, activists began raising their voices in support of the community. More than 15 years have passed since Christina Aguilera’s poignant music video “Beautiful,” which featured across-dressing person and drew attention to their experience.
Thanks to her and many others’ voices, life – and dating – for transgender people has started to improve. If you wanted to date a transgender person in the past or were curious, the only way was to ask people you knew or go to gay or lesbian bars in the hope of meeting someone there. If you lived in a traditional, old-fashioned community, asking friends and acquaintances was obviously not an option.
Clearly, the situation was even direr if you yourself were transgender and wanted to date. Now, online dating sites have tens of gender identities to choose from. You can search their databases to find a potential match based on expressed preferences and indicate that you are transgender, which most members of the community choose to do to avoid awkwardness at a later point in time.
Social awareness of the community’s unique issues and experiences is increasing as well. This has affected the dating scene very positively. There is now awareness of key issues that transgender individuals are sensitive to. Many dating sites dedicate content specific to transgender dating and offer users interested in dating members of this community advice, such as typical do’s and don’t. For example, you shouldn’t ask them about their surgery if you see “post-op” on the profile or focus too much on that aspect of their life unless they expressly bring the topic up and want to discuss it.
Reasonable, polite people don’t ask questions like “what genitals do you have”. Even if surgery is brought up, it’s not a good idea to get into things like how much it costs or what exactly is involved.
On this note, being transgender goes above and beyond undergoing a sex change. It involves prolonged hormone therapy amongst other things. It’s really not a great topic of discussion, especially on a first date. We also learn from modern-day dating sites like Grindr that if we’re going on a date with a transgender man or woman, we shouldn’t say things like, “I know a lot of transgender people” or “I’ve dated a trans person before.” Imagine a heterosexual man going on a date with a heterosexual woman and saying “I know a lot of women” or “I’ve dated women before.” These remarks sound just as stupid, believe us.
Although dating for transgender people has improved, the situation on the dating scene is far from ideal for them or anyone else for that matter. We hope to see further improvement in the way of tolerance and acceptance in the future.
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