To avoid upset and chaos in your family home, make sure you know what the role of your au pair is – and stick to it…
Many people are so relieved to have some help with their children; they forget the advice and guidelines about having an au pair in their family home…
Then they are surprised and upset when their au pair decides they’ve had enough of living and working for them and want to either go to work for another family they’ve met, or worse, go back home to their own country, leaving behind bad feelings and a sense of failure.
Before it gets to a crisis point in your home, you must examine how much you are relying on your au pair and, if what you are asking of them, is really within their remit – they are after all usually, very young.
The role of the au pair
The au pair responsibilities and duties can be slightly hazy and can vary from one household to the next.
If you have been through an au pair agency, there are clear guidelines about the number of hours and duties expected of your au pair as well as a contract both parties sign before work commences.
However, many au pairs are introduced through the website or via friends, and this is where the au pairs' role can become murkier.
Basically, it is generally agreed that an au pair will live in your home, work for five days over a 20-45-hour week and be expected to look after the children during the daytime, babysit at least two evenings a week and help out with light housework.
In return, they get board and lodging as well as pocket money and help with finding a language school class.
Usually, these duties are agreed upon before the au pair joins your family.
In a nutshell, the au pair’s responsibilities are usually:
- Playing with the children
- Driving and picking up the kids from school and other activities
- Cooking easy recipes for the children
- Keeping the children's rooms tidy and clean
- Ironing the children's clothes and doing their laundry
- Helping the children with their homework
- Putting the kids to sleep
- Light shopping
- Unloading and reloading the dishwasher
What is seen as ‘pushing your luck’?
The point of a young person wanting to become an au pair is for a cultural experience – not being a servant in someone’s home!
Sometimes, the au pair is happy to go outside the expected remit of their role and cook for the entire family. For example – perhaps they love cooking.
But walking the dog, looking after your neighbor's children, washing the car, etc. is over stepping your boundaries.
Perhaps your au pair is too afraid to talk to you about their expanding role – language differences can sometimes play a significant role in relationship breakdowns.
Or perhaps you aren't at home enough to see that the list of tasks you’ve come to expect of them is creeping up to be too much.
Maybe you haven’t noticed your au pair is becoming quieter and more resentful – after all, you do include them in everything you do as a family!
Consistent communication is the key to avoid any bad feelings and the eventual sad conclusion of your au pair leaving your family earlier than anticipated…
