Divorces deliver some of life’s hardest lessons—because they bring out our deepest fears.
We fear the loss of love; It makes us feel alone, lonely, and isolated.
We also fear the loss of approval and the loss of our familiar world.
Still, these are unconscious fears or partially conscious ones. If we choose a conscious path to divorce, we might see the whole experience in a different light.
Here are three things you’ll notice if you stay conscious, alert, and aware, rather than get overwhelmed:
1) Awaken Your Compassion
Your Californian divorce does not have to echo other acrimonious divorces you may have witnessed in your state. If you make an intention to be kind, then you will step outside the swirl of anger and blame, sadness and regret, guilt and shame.
Begin with yourself. Comfort yourself in your hour of pain, build your self-confidence up even while others are tearing it down, and forgive yourself for changing the trajectory of your life.
Also, be kind to everyone involved in the collapse of your marriage. If you come from a place of integrity, you’ll refrain from the impulse to get even. If you get to a place of empathy, you’ll see how everyone is hurting.
Admittedly, kindness is hard and may often be mistaken for weakness. Yet a peaceful parting is not possible without it.
2) Ask for Help
Although you may feel vulnerable and abandoned, these are not facts but feelings.
Many people are willing, even eager, to help you if you ask.
Apart from getting emotional support from family and friends, professional support from a therapist, an attorney, and an accountant will make all the difference to the outcome. In fact, the stakes of just relying on your own knowledge and skills to navigate this difficult passage in your life are too high to ignore.
With professional help, you will secure all your personal documents, such as:
- Checking accounts
- Saving accounts
- Mortgage
- Credit cards
- Investments
- Tax return.
- Marriage license
- Birth certificate
- Passport
- Insurance papers
With these documents, you’ll be able to get back on your feet quickly by opening up a new checking and savings account, securing new credit cards, getting new insurance policies, and so on.
A therapist will help you think through your decisions; an attorney will advise you on your legal rights; and an accountant will help you sort out your financial affairs.
These, of course, are not the only professionals who can help you. Depending on your circumstances, you may need more advisors. Remember, you don’t have to do it alone.
3) Learn the Life Lesson
With all experiences, whether good or bad, there are life lessons to learn that will deepen your self-awareness. In that regard, divorce is an excellent teacher.
But be careful to avoid glib takeaways—such as, you ought to be more discerning when choosing a life partner, or you need to stand up for yourself more, or you need to handle things better.
Look deeper.
How did you grow during your marriage?
What stopped you from expressing your true nature?
Did you and your spouse get together to complete some karma? Is it now finished and time to move on?
It’s also a good idea to remember that a divorce isn’t just about something breaking down. It’s also a time for new things to break through. Now you are breaking free of life as you knew it, what will you do with your freedom–where will you go, who will you be?
