Got Conflict?
Yes, you acknowledge you are an extension of Source, Divinity, the Creator and one with all that is. You embody both the feminine and masculine traits. You are truth to the core. Yet, you still disconnect at times and mess up, react instead of respond, feel bad afterwards. Sound familiar? Often when others have negative things to say about us or to us, it is a reflection of how they feel about themselves, this is especially true with family members or very close relationships.
The following steps have helped me to live a more peaceful life.
- Practice. Yep, it takes rote. Set an ideal for you and the conflicting person, then visualize a good outcome. See both of you either coming to an understanding or choosing to respect one another in spite of differences. Unconditional love is the high road. Visualize the best in the situation and stay with those thoughts for several moments. Whenever the negative invades again, offer gratitude that all of life is transient and malleable. Then proceed to see a positive outcome. Repeated efforts will soon switch emotion into new channels, permitting the old mental pictures to shrivel. Conditions will follow.
- Don’t assume that you know best. Determine before the conflict arises to stop trying to control the situation. Realize you can’t change the other person. A strong mindset (yours or the other persons) is difficult to over come. The main thing is how you make another person feel, not your right to express opinion or fact.
- Excuse yourself from conversations that are not productive. Say, “Let’s talk later.” Or change the subject if possible.
- Diversity is not a foe, but a friend to be welcomed. Be willing to look at the other side of the coin, to release your opinion of the matter and appreciate a different perspective.
- Listen more, talk less. Find points to can agree on without compromise and try to direct the conversation to common ground. Let go of the need to “win” or be in charge. Lose the victim mentality. Remember a proper response rather than an emotional reaction will lead to peace for both parties.
Love More, Judge Less
If I have learned anything in six decades of life, it is that at some point you and I will disagree. It's just the way it goes. Does it have to be that one of us is right and the other is wrong? Isn't existence bigger than that? Isn't it even larger than hard facts? The other person may be in need of a hug and a blessing not a scowl of disapproval. It's ok to disagree. Allowance is a beautiful thing. It's expansive and gives rise to opportunity. It doesn't break our mental or spiritual bank, but can actually enhance it.
Let us use a disciplined imagination for a brighter future, for smiles, hugs and being ok that we will not always agree. It is ok. It is ok.
Remove the tart tone when you communicate.
“Shifting your tone doesn't mean becoming sugary, saccharine, or phony. Nor does it mean walking on eggshells, becoming a doormat, or muzzling yourself. Actually, when people shift away from being snippy, curt, snarky, derisive, or contentious, they usually become stronger communicators. They're now more grounded, more dignified when they bring up something. They haven't squandered interpersonal capital on the short-term gratifications of harsh tone.” Rick Hansen
Julia Parsell is a Certified Holistic Health Counselor with an emphasis on the intersection of science and the sacred. She writes from experiences and transformative understandings that have led her to an authentic and peaceful life. She goes by these names: wife, daughter, grandmother, mother, sister, aunt, niece, cousin, and friend. As home educator of her three children, she also developed/ran cafes, and maintained various leadership roles within her community. Her greatest desire is to encourage others to live life fully. Her passions are family, art creation, writing, and trail blazing. She is happily married in Western North Carolina.
