Turn Back YOUR Clock with Christiane Northrup

Why I Stopped Apologizing for Being Me

Posted by on April 22, 2017 in Conscious Living, Thrive with 0 Comments

Jacky Exton | Tiny Buddha

“Never apologize for showing your feelings. Never regret being who you truly are.” ~Unknown

Ever felt like a square peg in a round hole? A fish out of water? A knife in a fork drawer?

That was me growing up.

On an emotional scale of one to ten (where one is cold and ten is super-sensitive), I hovered between seven and nine on any given day. The rest of my family resided around four.

As a result, I spent a large part of my youth feeling disconnected. An outsider. Alone.

As the youngest sibling, I was always the last in line, which meant getting the dregs of the pudding. The hand-me-down clothing. Cold bathwater.

But that’s how it rolls in families. Age carries authority. I accepted this as just how it was.

I grew up and started finding my voice, embracing my emotions, and having opinions.

It wasn’t really a shock when no one listened or took notice. They wrote me off as oversensitive and dramatic, which I’d come to believe was true. And that’s when I started apologizing—for my opinions, for my moods, for just being me.

After all, I was young and desperately wanted to fit in and be accepted.

I was the anomaly. Surely that meant that I had to change? To be like them? Then I’d be normal. Then they’d all accept me, wouldn’t they?

Thus began a long period of inner conflict. When I felt emotions bubbling up, I would inwardly chastise myself and try to suppress them, much like shaking a bottle of champagne and trying to hold the cork in. Yup, it’s almost impossible. And potentially messy.

I really believed that I needed to be someone other than my authentic self in order to be loved.

It didn’t end there. The same hodge-podge of confused inner perceptions bubbled over into my romantic relationships too.

I believe that we attract people who mirror our inner beliefs about ourselves. This meant that over the years, my “significant others” were just as confused about their own identities.

I desperately reached to each of them for acceptance, for a sense of worthiness, for security.

But how could someone as conflicted and disconnected as I was offer anything other than more conflict and amplified feelings of unworthiness?

It was a vicious cycle—endless, futile, and disastrous.

The turning point wasn’t instantaneous. There was no “A-ha” moment. It was a gradual awakening. A yearning to understand. The rising dawn after the dark.

Over time I read many books, attended a multitude of courses and lectures, and meditated, always thirsting for more.

And slowly I re-connected with me. The real me.

I learned about self-compassion and self-love. And I patiently peeled away each layer of defensive protection until I finally embraced the fullness of being unapologetically me.

These are a few of the principles I’ve embraced.

I am unique.

There is only one version of me, and it’s special and amazing. Nobody else in the entire world is like me.

I have scars on my knees from tripping on trail runs.

I have an insatiable love of dark humor.

I prefer white wine over red.

And I’m never late.

Each preference and choice, like or dislike, is mine and mine alone. And that’s perfect!

I’m comfortable with other people’s discomfort.

I totally accept that I am not responsible for anyone else’s beliefs or perspectives. Those are entirely their own choice. If anyone dislikes or disapproves of me or anything I say or do, it’s their judgment, from their perspective. Not mine.


Tags: , , , , ,


If you enjoyed this article, subscribe now to receive more just like it.

Subscribe via RSS Feed Connect on YouTube

New Title

NOTE: Email is optional. Do NOT enter it if you do NOT want it displayed.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

FAIR USE NOTICE. Many of the articles on this site contain copyrighted material whose use has not been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making this material available in an effort to advance the understanding of environmental issues, human rights, economic and political democracy, and issues of social justice. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of the copyrighted material as provided for in Section 107 of the US Copyright Law which contains a list of the various purposes for which the reproduction of a particular work may be considered fair, such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. If you wish to use such copyrighted material for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use'...you must obtain permission from the copyright owner. And, if you are a copyright owner who wishes to have your content removed, let us know via the "Contact Us" link at the top of the site, and we will promptly remove it.

The information on this site is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional advice of any kind. Conscious Life News assumes no responsibility for the use or misuse of this material. Your use of this website indicates your agreement to these terms.

Paid advertising on Conscious Life News may not represent the views and opinions of this website and its contributors. No endorsement of products and services advertised is either expressed or implied.

Send this to a friend