The Truth About Sex: Here’s How Long Your Partner Really Wants Sex to Last

Written by on May 20, 2018 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 0 Comments

By Dr. R.Y Langham | Between Us

Although the majority of men and women find sex highly enjoyable, many still wish that it could last a little bit longer…

In fact, a recent international comparison study on bedroom performance, conducted by the UK dating website,, asked over 3,000 males and females the following questions: (1) How long did sexual intercourse (not foreplay) last, the last time you had sex? (2) How long would you like for sexual intercourse (not foreplay) to last, if you had a choice?

According to the results, the average response from women, worldwide, to the question, “How long would you like for sexual intercourse (not foreplay) to last, if you had a choice?” was twenty-five minutes and fifty-one seconds. Surprisingly, when men, worldwide, were asked the same exact question, the median answer was twenty-five minutes and forty-three seconds. Results suggest that both women and men would prefer at least 25-minutes of sexual intercourse, if given the choice.

This study indicates that most men and women, worldwide, regardless of age, simply aren’t experiencing sexual intercourse, as long as they would like. In fact, they aren’t even getting close to their ideal duration. Keep in mind, there are exceptions, but still, on average it’s disappointing for both genders. So, what did the women and men report, as the actual duration of their sexual experiences? In general, responses ranged from three-to-thirteen minutes.

In fact, according to a 2008 study, “expert sex therapists” reported that the average duration of sexual intercourse (for men and women) is between 3-and-7 minutes. However, for some of the more “impressive” lovers, sexual intercourse could last between 7-and-13 minutes, which the majority of couples find “more desirable.”

Furthermore, the study found that Americans, Canadians, and Australians ranked their sexual experiences (i.e. performance and duration), as above average (especially the younger ones), while the English and Indians ranked their sexual experience, as below average.

According to a 2005 study, for couples from the Netherlands, United Kingdom, Spain, Turkey, and the United States, the average duration, from penetration to ejaculation is approximately 5-minutes.

Therefore, analysts have determined that, for most people, the ideal time for sexual performance (i.e. duration and quality), for men, is in their 30s with teenage years being the least ideal time for sexual performance. Sexual performance in older men, ranged between ideal and non-ideal, depending on the individual.

What do the results indicate? Well, that both men and women, throughout the world, could be experiencing longer and better sex. But, guess what? You can achieve racehorse capabilities, simply by following the suggestions in this article. Off to the races, we go!

So, how can you tell if your partner is happy with her sex life?

There are a variety of signs that can alert you that your partner is really digging her sex life. So, what are they?

1. She Likes Having Sex

If your partner actually likes having sex a lot, then that suggests that she enjoys it. But, the truth is, having a good sex life can be challenging. With working, providing for your family, raising your kids, and making sure your partner is happy – emotionally and financially, sex, especially good sex, can take a back seat – if you’re not careful. Still, if she’s “down,” whenever you’re “down,” then she most likely is enjoying what you’re doing. You feel me?

2. She Lets Go

If your partner “lets go,” during sex, she’s probably pretty happy in the sex department. Truthfully, good sex takes practice. And, guess what? Familiarity isn’t always a bad thing. I know, I know, it gets a bad rap. In fact, some shun familiarity because they think is too “vanilla,” but in reality, familiarity is anything BUT boring. Knowing each other’s bodies and developing sexy routines can actually be really fun – and safe.

In other words, if your woman is truly comfortable with you, she’ll most likely feel safe enough to let go – i.e. of worries, concerns, hesitations, and anxiety, during your sexy romps. So, listen to her breathe, during sex. Why? Well, because the intensity of her breathing is an easy way to determine. if she’s really enjoying the sex. So, if your woman is breathing hard and quick, it probably means that the sex is feeling pretty good and she’s on the verge of climaxing!   

3. She Doesn’t Mind “Experimenting”

If your partner is up for anything, during sex, you can bet that she’s happy with you and her sex life. In fact, sexual experimentation is a fantastic sign that your woman trusts you, and trust is essential for good, no great, sex. Now, that doesn’t mean that you’re ready to become porn stars, however, it does suggest that you and your partner are connecting on more than just a physical level. What is the result of that “deepness”? A significantly better sex life.

4. She Makes Eye Contact

Does your woman make eye contact with you, during sex? If so, she’s most likely happy with her sex life.

Moreover, staring into your lady’s eyes not only helps build an intimate connection between you, it also can cause the lovemaking to be extremely intense and fulfilling. So, if you want to know if your woman is happy with her sex life, just look in her eyes, during sex. Naturally, the eyes are the most expressive part of the body, so they are a good indicator of what she really thinks about you AND the sex.  

5. She Makes “Sex Noises”

Don’t you just love the saucy sounds of “sex noises,” during sex play? Well, if your partner moans, grunts, whimpers, and groans, during sex, that’s a good sign that she’s satisfied with her sex life. Oh, and just so you know, the over-the-top screams often displayed on the television screen, during porn movies, isn’t reality. Sorry guys. Most women don’t behave like that during real sex. So, appreciate the “sex noises” that real women make for what they are – good indications that she’s happy with your “performance.”

What can you do if your partner is unhappy?

So, now that you know the tell-tale signs of a happy partner, what can you do if she appears to be unhappy with her sex life? The truth is, my friend, sex isn’t always good. I know…shocker. So, even if your woman used to show the signs of being satisfied, but now appears disinterested, there’s a chance she’s unhappy with her sex life. The thought of that is painful, I know. But, it’s better to know, than not know. At least if you know the signs of an unsatisfactory sex life, you can it improve it, so you can have the best sex ever!

Therefore, listed below are ways that you can improve your sex life, so your partner is excited to have sex again. Eager to learn more? Keep reading.

1) Learn How to “Last” Longer

If you want to take your sexcapades to another level, you’re going to want to learn how to “last” a longer in bed. I know… easier said than done, especially if you suffer from premature ejaculation (PE). But, the thing to remember is that it is “doable.” You can learn some useful techniques here, or you can read about fixing premature ejaculation, if you believe that is your case, here.

If all else fails, the best thing you can do for yourself, however, is to give yourself a break. And, if the early release doesn’t bother you or partner – let it go.   

2) Lengthen Foreplay

Another way to satisfy your partner in bed is to lengthen foreplay. The truth is most women love foreplay. They love the sweet caresses, sexy whispers, and an epic build-up to sex. What they don’t like is rushing to get to sex. So, even if you suffer from PE, you can still have really good sex, but only if you try to prolong foreplay.

This way both of you will be satisfied – you, because you can take your time and have more control over when you ejaculate, and her, because she has time to get “revved up” before intercourse. It’s a “win-win” situation for both of you. What are some foreplay suggestions? Well, role-playing (with or without costumes), sensual massages, oral sex, masturbation, sex games, and kissing and caressing are all good ways to indulge in pre-sex festivities.    

3) Be Creative!

If you want to “spice up” the sex – be creative! In other words, try new locations and/or themes. Play sex games, role play, add in sex toys, and/or turn on a porno or two (hey, it wouldn’t hurt, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll learn some pretty fantastic new positions). But, what if your partner really isn’t into experimentation in the bedroom? Well, I suggest you just add twists to your current sex positions. In other words, if you and your partner enjoy the “missionary position,” add a new twist to it.

For instance, you could have sex on the side of the bed with your partner’s legs around your waist. It’s an old style, but with a new angle. Or, maybe you can stand in front of your lady (with her legs spread eagle) and use your penis to stimulate her clit and vulva. The key to this new version of the “missionary position” is to not penetrate your partner for a while.

And, if you tend to climax a little too early, this is a good way to help your woman have an orgasm while prolonging your own ejaculation (by preventing overstimulation of the most sensitive areas on your penis). Regardless of how you “switch it up,” adding sizzle to the sex can change how you and your partner view your sex life.    

4) Have More Sex!

Lastly, having more sex is bound to improve your partner’s view of her sex life. The more sex you have, the more practice you get – and guess what? The better and longer itwill be. It’s a no-brainer, I know. But, it still bears repeating. If you have a lot of sex or even just sex on a regular basis, several times a week, it will give you more control over your ejaculation (reducing intense sexual urges and decreasing your penis’s sensitivity) and intensify the emotional and sexual connection between you. So, have more sex! It will only get better if you do. And, plus, who doesn’t like sex, especially if it’s good?

In Summary

The truth is, climaxing before you or your partner ready is common from time-to-time, so don’t beat yourself up if it happens. The good news “quick sex” doesn’t have to define you or your partner’s sex life. In other words, you can still have a good sex life, even if you tend to ejaculate prematurely. All you need to do to improve the length of the sex, is communicate with each other, and be open to trying new things. Avoid blaming each other for the “quick sex.”  Rather, work with your partner to develop a strong physical and emotional connection, and the sex will soar to whole notha level!

About the author

Dr. R.Y. Langham holds a Master of Science in marriage and family therapy and a Ph.D in family psychology. She serves as a professional consultant for the Between Us Clinic, which provides sex-therapy online programs for men and couples experiencing premature ejaculation.


Brobible. (2018). These 5 sex positions will help you last longer in bed, According to a sex doctor. Retrieved from

Saucy Dates. (2018). How long does sex last? Retrieved from

Corty, E. W., & Guardiani, J. M. (2008). Canadian and American sex therapists’ perceptions of normal and abnormal ejaculatory latencies: how long should intercourse last? Journal of Sex Medicine, 5(5), 1251-1256. Retrieved from

Waldinger, M. D., & Quinn, P. (2005). Original research – Ejaculation disorders: A multinational population asrvey of intravaginal ejaculation latency time. Journal of Sex Medicine, 2(4), 492-497.

Between Us. (2018). How to last longer in bed – The complete guide. Retrieved from

Between Us. (2018). How long does sex usually last? Probably not as long as you’d think! Retrieved from

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