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The Truth About Being A Dad (According to 14 Funnymen)

 

Jessica Samakow | The Huffington Post  |  June 15 2014

Comedians are known to tell it like it is, and their jokes on the topic of fatherhood are no exception. Leave it to these guys to hit the nail on the head when addressing life as a dad. (Oh and Happy Father's Day!)

1. On how kids' songs should really go:


“There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.’” -– Jim Gaffigan

2. On how simple dad-hood should be:

“Be a dad. Don't be ‘Mom’s assistant.' That's depressing, just waiting for her to write you a list, walk around a store staring at it, calling her from the cereal aisle to make sure you got the right thing. Be a man. Make your own list. Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can’t dress and feed a 4-year-old? Take it on. Spend time with your kids and have your own ideas about what they need. It won’t take away your manhood; it will give it to you. I did that. I spent more time with my kids. And I found out that I’m a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes and I don't know what I'm doing. But my kids love me. Go figure.” —Louis C.K.

3. On bedtime:

“The bedtime routine for my kids is like this Royal Coronation Jubilee Centennial of rinsing and plaque and dental appliances and the stuffed animal semi-circle of emotional support. And I've gotta read eight different moron books. You know what my bedtime story was when I was a kid? Darkness!” — Jerry Seinfeld


4. On potty time:

“A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company.” — Bill Cosby

5. The truth:

“When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because ‘sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.” — Chris Rock

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