The Need to Compete With Others (& How to Let Go of It)

The Need to Compete With Others (& How to Let Go of It) was originally published at RYVT.

I don’t know about you, but one limitation I’ve been letting go of in my life has been the need to compete with others.

Ultimately, a need to compete is built upon a primary negative belief of the ego: that you and I are SEPARATE, and unity between us does not exist.


And every time we buy into the need to compete with each other, we choose this separation over unity. We buy into the idea that we can’t trust each other’s happiness. We decide that his gain is my loss, and my loss is his gain.

The need to compete ultimately means this: I have to be better than others in order to prove my worth to myself and the world.

And what a quagmire this places us in!

If we are better, we can feel temporarily worthy, but it means that those “beneath us” are not. And if others succeed, by default, we fail.

If I deem myself worthy through competition, this is driven by my belief that someone else is not worthy. I feel I can only be happy with myself if someone else is living a life unfulfilled. I must witness someone else’s pain and suffering in order to know my own worth.


What insanity this is!

After all, can you ever really be happy if you believe that your happiness must result from another person’s pain?

And this is why the need to compete with others creates lasting dissatisfaction. It is a chronic pattern of looking for happiness in a place where happiness just doesn’t exist. Happiness exists in unity, only pain exists in separation.

Happiness and love only resound when we unify with others, not when we separate from them. That’s just the is the way it is, and there is no getting around it. We are in this game of life together-and when we forget that, we suffer.

So, eliminate competition entirely?

Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t play board games, run races or compete in athletic competitions. I’m not talking about a gathering of like-minded people who come together to play WITH one another for the love of a game.

No, I am talking about the need to assert our dominance in order to feel good about ourselves. Playing a game for the love of the game and seeking total domination over others are entirely different concepts.

In other words, it’s entirely possible to play a football game and for each team to ultimately work together to create a truly satisfying experience!

Are not the best football games the ones where both teams are giving it their all, and pushing each other to new heights of greatness? Are these not the most satisfying games to watch, and the ones where both teams come out of it feeling like they have something to be proud of?

And by contrast, aren’t the absolute worst games to watch the ones where one team beats the living crap out of the other? Further still, do you think the team who overly dominates leaves the game like that feeling like they accomplished much? Probably not. It’s a hollow victory at best.

In a similar vein, are we ever inspired by the winner who walks away from a win in arrogance and disdain for his adversary? Most certainly not. We are always inspired by sportsmanship and kindness in the aftermath of a match, whether the game was won or lost.

No, it is our unity, not our separation that brings us happiness and life fulfillment. Ultimately, we rise or fall together, whether we realize it or not.

A person who wins only by another losing really doesn’t win anything worth having at all. True winning simply comes from playing WITH each other and sharing appreciation WITH each other.

Everything else is just a battle of lonely egos, attempting to bandaid the pain of separation from each other with temporary titles, awards or elevations in status.

Related Member Video: How to Stop Caring What Other People Think (14 min)

How to let go of the need to compete with others.

Here are a few ideas I’ve been pondering over the last few years that have helped me shift away from the need to compete more and more.

If you’d like to join me in the pursuit of greater unity, consider reminding yourself of these ideas whenever the desire to beat someone comes into play. The more these ideas take root, the less inclined you will feel to gauge your worth on beating others:

  • My wins are a win for the world. When I do well, it benefits others. If I gain something, I now have more to give. If I create something innovative, others get to reap the benefits. A win for me is a win for all.
  • Another person’s win is a win for me. When someone taps into their greatness, they inspire me. When someone knows something I do not, they teach me something I may learn. I win every time a fellow person wins.
  • We always win together. Were other people not winning in life before you and I were born, our world would still be stuck in the Dark Ages. I am grateful for other people’s wins, as their wins elevate the quality of all of our lives. We all depend on each others’ wins to live our highest potential.

Remember, our greatest strength lies not within our separation, but in our collective unity. Learning to work with each other, rather than against one another, is a core component of life satisfaction.

Happiness lies in the hugs, the shared times together and the love we experience with one another. What brings us together is ultimately what elevates us to the fulfillment we each seek. Trophies and accolades mean nothing without the communion of love.

XO, Andrea (Law of Attraction Educator)

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The Need to Compete With Others (& How to Let Go of It) was originally published at RYVT.

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