Why & How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Vanessa | Collective Evolution

“It’s easy to feel less than when we have access to everyone’s lives at our fingertips. In mere seconds, we can view hundreds of our online “friends,” updates and photos of their celebrations and daily nuances that they experience. As exciting and inspiring as it is to be able to share our lives instantly with the world, this can also bring us down when we start to compare our lives to those around us.” – Vanessa Petronelli

Several years ago the marriage boom began happening in my group of friends. One by one, I witnessed a large portion of my social circle enter into this next stage of life. Of course I was thrilled to bask in their excitement alongside each of them. But in other ways, I was starting to feel left behind. I had prioritized my spiritual and self-developmental path as well as my small business in my early to mid-twenties and hadn’t been thinking about marriage, buying a home or planning to have children. In my heart, I knew I was in my purpose and enchanted by the woman I was becoming, but I was still finding myself feeling defeated because I didn’t have what others had. I starting comparing myself to my friends in ways that made me feel inadequate, rather than feeling fulfilled and proud of my personal and professional accomplishments.

We all have a unique life purpose and plan. But contrary to this understanding, there still appears to be a, “template” and timeline that society reinforces us to follow. For those of you reading this and living in the West, I am certain that you are familiar with what that template is. We go to school, get our education, find a job, meet a partner, get married or live together, have a family and continue to support our lifestyles and pay our bills. This template may work for many people, but it can also be a trap in making us believe that life is a one size fits all kind of deal. What about those who dare to be different and choose to follow an alternative path? What if we aren’t meant to have our life roll out in that exact order and fashion? Does that mean we should feel down and out about ourselves?

When we are taught from an early age that life should unfold in a certain way, it’s easy to get caught up in the comparison game frequently, especially if our path and purpose isn’t in alignment with that societal template. It’s important to remember that when we compare ourselves to the rest of the world we are preventing ourselves from living at our fullest capacity and discovering the person we are really meant to be.

From an early age I was constantly questioning the world around me. I knew that my purpose in life wasn’t in alignment with that template. I made a vow to myself that I would only engage in and make choices from my heart rather than abide by what society dictated. I made many sacrifices and unorthodox decisions and choices in contrast to my peers. Some of those decisions and choices challenged me and sometimes I suffered. But many of those decisions and choices liberated me and made me into the person I am today. If I wasn’t the person I am today, I wouldn’t be sharing this article and assisting the world with what I do. From time to time I do fall into the trap of comparing my life to others’, however, I always remind myself that I wouldn’t change my life and who I am for the world.


If you find that you are beating yourself up, feeling down, less than, not good enough, inadequate, depressed, in the dumps, jealous, envious, anxious, judgmental of others, critical and angry because you are comparing yourself to those around you, here are few quick tips to end the damaging impact of comparison.

1) People Only Want You To See & Hear What They Want You To See & Hear

The next time you find yourself feeling negative while perusing your social media accounts of what appears to be the seemingly endless brigade of celebratory status updates and photos OR you are on the listening end of someone sharing their exciting news…REMEMBER THIS PLEASE!

Although many of us are privy to and privileged to have access to loved ones innermost secrets and struggles, sometimes we may not always know the full story. Even those that are closest to us may not fully divulge what they had to really go through to get to where they are today. Everyone has their own challenges that they are dealing with daily. Many people have had to go through all kinds of challenges just to achieve what they are sharing with you at that moment. It is not always what it looks or sounds like to the outside world. Yes, sometimes things do and have come to those more easily and without difficulty, but do not forget that being human means we live and play in a duality for now. There will always be ups and downs, triumphs and heartaches. So even though some people’s lives appear to be exciting, abundant, happy and truly amazing, you don’t always know what is going on behind closed doors.

2) When GOOD Happens To Others It Is A VERY GOOD Sign For YOU! (Even if you aren’t feeling or experiencing those things in your reality right now)

How is this possible you’re asking? Whatever is in your reality you have somehow created with your thoughts and feelings for your own growth. This is the occurrence of the Universal Law of Attraction in effect. If wonderful things are happening to others around you that you desire to experience and have, that means that it may also be possible for you to have that or something similar if you hold a genuine loving and positive attitude toward others’ successes and if it is in the highest good for you and others around.

When you act and feel jealous, envious, critical, competitive, judgmental, vindictive, sad or angry toward others’ good fortune, all that you are really doing is continuing to suffer, holding yourself back and repelling good things from coming into your world. These things continue to come into your life until you let go and learn the lessons you need to. The wisest choice you can make is to be sincerely happy for others. If you don’t know how to be genuinely supportive and enthusiastic for others then it is wise to become more curious, ask more questions, listen and be open to learning about why you feel this way within yourself. It is always in the Universe’s best interest to see us satisfied and fulfilled because we are more available, open and willing to be in our highest purpose and servitude on the planet. It’s merely your own free will and thinking that can get in the way of you having the life that you dream of.

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