How To Make Your Sexual Relationship More Reciprocal & Fulfilling

The law of reciprocity is one of the Universal Laws, that states that whatever you send out into the cosmos, or Unified Field will return to you. Whatever emotions you feel, thoughts you think, and things you do, reverberate out and then boomerang back to you, manifesting as physical outcomes in the material world. The Unified Field can be experienced as the field of unlimited possibilities.

In my coaching practice, I often hear both women and men making statements like; “This will never work.” “This will be hard.” “He'll never go for that!” Even people who are waking up, use closed-ended statements that bring exactly what they don't want right back to them. Let's look at what Merriam Webster says about reciprocity for further clarification.

1. a situation or relationship in which two people or groups agree to do something similar for each other, to allow each other to have the same rights, etc. : a reciprocal arrangement or relationship.

2. the quality or state of being reciprocal :  mutual dependence, action, or influence
3. a mutual exchange of privileges; specifically:  a recognition by one of two countries or institutions of the validity of licenses or privileges granted by the other.
Why then in so many relationships is there little reciprocity? Men complain about not getting enough oral sex, which makes me wonder, are they giving as much as they want in return? Women complain that they are generous with favors of the oral kind, yet their men don't return the favor. Houston, we have a problem!
For the men in the group, I recommend making sure that your partner has had as much fun as you have. It you are too tired after you have expended your energy and you know it, make sure that you have pleasured your partner till she has had as much enjoyment as you are about to. My recommendation to heterosexual couples is this: women come first, last and always.
I have interviewed hundreds of couples married and single. Of the women I interviewed, they said they rarely had orgasms as often as their male partners. In fact, many women said they never did. One woman, married 35 years told me that she thinks she had one orgasm. When she talked to her husband about it, he put a pillow over her head and beat her. Women need to be able to speak up about their lack of satisfaction, without being reprimanded or punished for it. Everyone deserves to have pleasure. One-sided relationships eventually fail. Someone leaves because they are tired of being disatisfied. Or the flip side is that sex becomes so unfulfilling that the women just say, no!
Faking orgasms is inauthentic. It is a lie. We need to be honest with our partners and expect reciprocation for pleasure given. Using the Universal Law of Correspondence, if you fake orgasm, you probably lie about other things. 67% of women fake orgasm and 72% have been with a partner who orgasmed and didn't help her get there.
A woman that came to me for sex therapy was concerned that there was something wrong with her. In 26 years of marriage, she rarely orgasmed. When I asked what was their usual fare, she told me the following: he would digitally stimulate her for about two minutes, mount and go for the gold. Their coupling lasted approximately two minutes. His wife suggested swinging and he declined. She was so disappointed in their sex life that she wanted to change things up a bit. She divorced him.
This tells the very real and sad truth. In general, many men don't know what women need and are not particularly interested in doing the research to find out. Sadly 40% of women rarely have orgasms and keep on faking it to make their partners feel better. Pleasure needs to be reciprocal. A relationship needs to be mutually pleasurable. When women are not pleasured to orgasm, they often feel frustrated, angry and resentful. This resentment spills over into the relationship as well. These feelings do not diminish over time. If a couple stays together for the long haul, these same men are the ones complaining that there is no sex at all later in life.
Part of the issue is that many women are afraid to explore their own bodies.  To illustrate this point a recent study found that 30% of women and 25% of men don't know where the clitoris is. I recently coached an older gentleman who was having sexual issues with his wife and bought my book. He and his wife have been together over 40 years. He told me after reading Orgasm For Life, he found he was doing everything wrong. He thought the clitoris was the G-Spot! For sex to be mutually pleasurable we both need to explore ourselves and discover what feels good and what doesn't. Conversations about sex need to happen outside of the bedroom, when you are at dinner or over a glass of wine. You never know where you might end up once you open a discussion about pleasure.
One of the questions I ask men is, “How would you feel if you had sex several times a week for 30 years, without an orgasm, without oral sex or without receiving adequate pleasure to experience bliss?” The answer is a unanimous, “That would suck!” You betcha! As a woman who experienced just that, I stand for women who are not speaking up, who are not asking for what they deserve. This is why I wrote Orgasm For Life. For the women in the crowd and the men that are regularly getting you to the big “O,” I applaud you both. For those lucky women, I hope you buy him a bottle of wine or make him something nice for dinner. Men like that are few and far between.
The statistics paint a dim picture of what men have learned about us women and what we need to get us there. 75% of men continue to have penetrative sex with their female partners, even though only 25% of women experience vaginal orgasms a third of the time. In other words, most women do not orgasm through penetrative sex alone.
Women need to speak up and ask for what they want. Why aren't women doing this for the most part? The answer is complex. The first reason is because women don't want to bruise their partner's egos. Men's self esteem is rooted in their sexuality. When we say we aren't coming, men are often crest-fallen. Some men take it like a big boy and say, “Ma'am what can I do to help?” And some don't. When I told my husband he raged at me, to the point that I never brought it up again.
What most men don't realize is that although they can reach the pinnacle of pleasure in 2 minutes or slightly more, most women need 20 to 40 minutes of stimulation to get the Mount Everest high. The key is in the way that you have sex. If oral sex and digital stimulation precedes penetrative sex for at least fifteen minutes, you might be lucky enough to get her there. Not everyone is wired the same way, however. When I was doing research for my book, I found one woman who could think her way to an orgasm. I really want to meet this incredible woman. What a mind! She must have one heck of an imagination!
5 Things Women Can Do To Experience More “O”
  1. Practice self pleasuring. Find out what feels good. Get to know what parts of your body are more sensitive. Everyone is different.
  2. Open your mouth and breathe. When women keep their mouth closed during sex, they are less likely to orgasm. As above so below. An open mouth relaxes the vagina and helps you orgasm. The throat is also a sexual center, as most men already know. Open your mouth!
  3. Pump your hips up and down and squeeze your vaginal muscles. When you move your hips up and down you get your kundalini moving. The kundalini is the source of life and pleasure. It moves up the spinal column, from the root chakra and culminates in the frontal cortex of the brain at the time of orgasm lighting up 80 centers in the brain. Squeezing the vaginal muscles, can heighten pleasure for you both. Doing kegels out of the bedroom is recommended for both sexes for enhancement.
  4. Be In The Moment and Focus on Sex. Thinking about the laundry, the kids, shopping, dishes in the sink will only keep you distracted and from achieving an orgasm. Your mind is what ignites your body. Think about how wonderful it feels. Focus on the pleasure. Each time your mind wanders come back to your body. Feeling each moment. Enjoying the pleasure.
  5. Make Sounds. Sounds are the primal force of nature. Sound is creation. Moaning will turn you and your partner on. If you feel so moved, YELL! Most women are too concerned about what the neighbors will think or if the police will be called. Forget about what you look like and be in the moment. Allowing yourself to let go with sounds will also help you let go and achieve ultimate pleasure.

The law of reciprocity teaches us that what we send out comes back to us. All our thoughts, words, emotions and even our orgasms. Giving pleasure to your partner may be the best way to heighten your pleasure too. Watching your partner's face in ecstacy has got to be one of the most fantastic experiences we can have, next to our own orgasmic bliss!

 

jennifer mastersJennifer Elizabeth Masters awakened in 2012. She is a Metaphysician, author, love and passion coach and lover of pleasure. Through her own journey and Tantra healing she became orgasmic. After spending much of her life not having orgams she now helps women and men have more fulfilling sexual and loving relationships. Self Love is the foundation of all her work with addictions, relationships and the key to enlightenment. Jennifer's blog, Love Yourself Fearlessly, is one you will want to read and share with your friends. She also has videos on You Tube to assist you. Her books are available on Amazon.com. You can e-mail Jennifer to set up your discovery session for free to see if her work is a good fit for you. Other posts by Jennifer.

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  1. amossodis@cableone.com' Amossodis says:

    It’s difficult for me to take an article serious, when there are spelling errors and an incorrect use of grammar. Doesn’t anyone proofread anymore?

    • I remember when I used to critique other people’s work. I also used to be incredibly negative. I am a writer, a healer and a catalyst. It does not mean I am perfect. When we spend all our time looking for others errors, it makes us feel better. It is coming from the small self – the egomind. (The correct use of the adverb serious in the comment above should be “seriously.”)

      When we focus on everyone’s faults and flaws that is an indication of how we look at ourselves. Focusing on others takes our mind away from ourselves. It is a core component of denial. We refuse to see our faults, so therefore spend all our time critiquing others.

  2. garden.junkie@hotmail.com' Angela Black says:

    Fabulous article Jennifer! It is so important that both Men and Women become more educated about sex. This was a well written, very informative article. Thanks!!!

  3. D.Ansley44@outlook.com' Derrick Ansley says:

    So as a guy, I appreciate this article because the women I’ve dated have been closed off when it comes to talking about sex. Sex is important, no matter how you look at it and this article proves why. Check out Wendy Brown, http://whylovesucceeds.com/, she’s got a lot of great relationship information on her site. She also has a book out called “The Six Passions of the Red-Hot Lover”. Thanks for this article, it has a lot of great points.

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