Can Having Sex Too Soon Ruin Your Relationship? Studies, Stats & Opinion

Posted by on February 4, 2018 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 15 Comments

couple on couch kissing

By Kate Rose | Confident Lover

“It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But to open your soul to another person, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams…Now, that is being naked. ~ Rob Bell

It’s exciting when we first start talking with someone new—but when is too soon to start having sex?

We live in a different society than we did even a decade ago. Sex is everywhere, and between Snap-chatting and private Instagram, there is no shortage of ways that we can “sext” with new love interests—but just because we can, should we?


Sex is a crucial aspect of any relationship—yet, it’s been shown that those who have sex too soon are more apt to have the relationship end in dissatisfaction.

When we start connecting on a sexual level before we have formed actual emotional bonds, our decision making process becomes impaired.

Related Posts: The 5 Most Common Myths About Sacred Sexuality

We overlook red flags and make compromises that we wouldn’t normally consider because we have already bonded sexually and are no longer thinking rationally. .

The reality behind the idea of waiting to have sex is that men and women fall in love differently. Women can have sex and then fall in love—but that usually isn’t true for men.


Once sex is introduced, it can confuse the situation—especially for men, making them question if they are actually having any emotional feelings, because their sexual impulses become so strong.

While women can have urges just as strong, sex solidifies what is already there emotionally.

The reality is that if all we are after is a rousing tryst, then there is nothing wrong with delving right in between the sheets for a night of fun. But—if we truly want more, then we owe it to ourselves (and our partners) to wait.

According to Steve Harvey—in his book, Act Like a Lady Think Like a Manhe suggests a three – month waiting period before sex gets introduced into a new relationship.

He describes sex as the “ultimate benefit package,” and as with any new job, there is a probationary period before the benefits are released.

Related Article: 3 Surprising Sexual Insecurities That Most Men Have, But Don’t Express

Simply speaking, we can’t be just throwing around our greatest asset to anyone who applies for the job of our lover. We owe it to ourselves—and our potential partner—to wait.

A corresponding study noted that there was no marked difference in those who waited one month versus three, before introducing sex into the relationship—but the point is they didn’t give it up on the first date.

But really, how soon is too soon—and why should we wait for something that we want so much?

In the beginning of any new relationship that is exploring the possibility of longevity, time needs to be given for each person to get to know one another and to see if actual compatibility exists.

We need to spend time dating—finding our similar interests and just talking with someone—in order to see if there is a connection present, before introducing sex and the “bonding hormone” oxytocin.

The difficult aspect of this research is how it differs for those people who previously knew each other, either through similar circles of friends or the workplace.

Related Article: 4 Reasons Women Get Even Sexier As They Age (From a Man’s Perspective)

When we already have an awareness of someone or if we are already friends, then it seems that it wouldn’t be as necessary to wait—but that is simply untrue.

It doesn’t matter if we have been best friends for 10 years, or if we suddenly notice the person two offices down in a new light—there is a transition from a platonic relationship to a romantic one, and that excludes the sexual aspect.

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15 Reader Comments

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  1. 10207341243481066@facebook.com' Philip Vanderpool says:

    As soon as possible

  2. 1198281046855775@facebook.com' Jeff Castin says:

    There’s really no waiting period true love is true love. If you’re one of those people that are consistently dating people and you don’t know where your heart stands, yeah wait two months or so.
    Unless you are totally frustrated and you just want sex, but you have to be careful in today’s world not just because of his STDs but because you might have someone’s baby or get someone pregnant that’s totally crazy or you do not like.

  3. 1702126033410261@facebook.com' Hung le Nguyen says:

    Thank fans of Conscious Life News…How well do your eyes actually see?, Take This Test now…CJuODq5 play now ? ~> http://goo.gl/jXlyrf

    Tks ad with post: We’ve all wondered at one time or another about the right timing for having sex in a new relationship. In this article, Kate Rose shares statistics …

  4. 10205789959888717@facebook.com' Lisa Fonseca says:

    Absolutely… Intimacy with the wrong person can be extremely TOXIC…the transfer of Energy occurs and that’s why people need to use their HEARTS instead of PARTS when they share such a Sacred Act of Union

  5. 10204521353434083@facebook.com' Silvia C. Machado says:

    Celenny Zelaya

  6. 1698147547127404@facebook.com' Marlene Acabado De Leon says:

    Yeah ! Love and relationship is not all about lust , love is a very powerful word and it can describe a multitude of feelings and True love always comes from a true Heart and being in love , and whatever your going to do , no one is responsible of your own happiness but YOU …
    GOD bless ! ?

  7. 176719519371599@facebook.com' Robert Layden says:

    That’s over my head. Sex,making love and love are three different things. Men make love to the physical body women make love to the world by psychology I just read today in Steve pinkers angles of nature. Great read. I guess six hundred pages in is that info. Would of helped about 35 years ago. Hey, but always learning.

  8. 1124208900955083@facebook.com' Brett Hines says:

    Lol, this almost went viral

  9. 215278505491816@facebook.com' Michelle Parker says:

    Sex is only the cherry on top of the ice cream Sunday. Before the cherry on top you have to start with the bowl, ice cream, topping, nuts, whip cream finally the cherry on top.

  10. 135283390161079@facebook.com' Lurline Lynch says:

    I think it can because when people get carried away in sex there mind is not on studies anymore that’s my opinion

  11. 10153963269024099@facebook.com' William R. Gates says:

    I find very little actual research results in your articles. Many theory and conjecture.

  12. 991167034270369@facebook.com' Lyn Cervantez Manalang says:

    Love is……holding on……

  13. 991167034270369@facebook.com' Lyn Cervantez Manalang says:

    Not lust…

  14. 1485363438430760@facebook.com' Erik Bullon says:

    whachumean too soon? , when the dick gets hard is the right time

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