My Road To Compensation For All of the “Bad” Times I’ve Endured
Travellers we all are, traversing inner spaces and times. Travellers we were, travelers we will be, till the end of time (if such a thing exists!)
This is the story of my struggle. A struggle filled with wrecked emotions, distress and inner fights. I’ve been a warrior through all the crap, but I haven’t been a great warrior. As a matter of fact, how much can one human being shoulder? How much baggage could I possibly lift? I’ve been through hell during my teenage and people have taken advantage of my plight. So, I’ve been through the worst of times, with some of the sickest minds. I’ve seen sadists of all sorts, manipulators, and people who derive happiness only by other people’s miseries. I have travelled inner spaces and times that were dark, dark as hell. I’ve been mocked at and harassed for my psychological distress. And, now I’ve reached a point in my life where I’ve finally started throwing all the baggage out of my body.
Psychophysiologically I’ve suffered immensely. I used to be more of an ambivert back in my childhood but after puberty, I became very introverted. It was due to the chemical changes in my body, which my ‘self’ couldn’t digest. Today, I call myself an introspective, introverted ambivert. Even today, people call me introverted without knowing the reason behind it. Such apathy! It’s not that I like to be introverted but it comes naturally to me. In the presence of negative people, I’m introverted but in the presence of the people I like a lot, I’m ambiverted. Remember that many people have been through struggles that you have no clue about.
A few years back I realized that I don’t own the negativity of the bad people. They will certainly face their karma when the time arrives and if I’m lucky, God will let me watch the story unfold right in front of me. It’s for a reason that it is said:
When the water rises, the fish eats the ant; when the water recedes, the ant eats the fish.
I live in a country where mental health literacy is almost null. People consider mental health issues as some kind of taboo and look down upon and alienate the distressed. They don’t know that anxiety and depression are like cough and cold. It can happen to anyone, anywhere in the world. If you’re facing something similar, please remember that you are definitely not alone in your struggle. The world needs more compassionate and empathetic people. The world has seen enough negativity, wars (both external and internal) and inhuman treatment.
By and by, I started adopting different ways to transform myself. I’ve consulted shrinks, popped pills, read a lot of spiritual articles, tried meditation, and become more positive. A few years ago, I mapped out a plan for myself in terms of personal growth. I calculated the number of hours I’ve roughly wasted and came up with a plan to compensate the bad with good times. Today, I try to live in the moment and savour the little things in life. I’ve met some amazing people, with beautiful minds.
I’m even considering dating a Frenchman, because I absolutely admire the French men so much. One of the most impactful men in my life is Mikael de la Fuente, the former director of a French language school where I studied. He is truly the epitome of good vibes and evergreen positivity. I love him in a divine way, something more than sensual and romantic. Today, I try and fulfill all my soul’s desires as much as possible. It may be buying a new pair of boots, or talking to a stranger on the street. If I really feel it, I do it!
I was listening to the radio some years ago, when a well-known Bangalorean psychiatrist was talking about a visualization game. I followed his instructions as he was instructing the listeners. He was telling us to visualize ourselves on a beach, with pleasant weather and the gushing of the waves. He asked the listeners as to how many people we actually see on the beach. I didn’t know that this was a subconscious test of Introversion, Ambiversion and Extroversion. I could see hundreds of people on the beach and I was awe-inspired when the psychiatrist said that it is indicative of extroversion. He also uttered some inspiring and moving words:
The soul chooses its parents and it knows its life purpose. But when it is born, it forgets everything and looks for its life purpose throughout the lifespan.
That night, as I was listening to the radio, I realized my life purpose:
‘To impact millions of people.
About the Author
Samhita K is a doctoral scholar of Psychology, a published poet, writer, English and French teacher, researcher, and psychologist. She is a musicophile, Francophile and Russophile. She is a seeker of spirituality and is deeply passionate about Transpersonal Psychology. She is the author of the short story “The Russian Manuscript” available on amazon.com. Samhita has been the Featured Poet at a cafe called Urban Solace Cafe for the Soul, which was the 262nd edition of the Longest Running Poetry Event in India. This event is also featured in the Limca Book of World Records. Her hobbies include reading, creative writing, music, sports, motorcycle riding and transcendental meditation. Her Instagram id is transpersonal.vera.