REAL Sex Ed: 11 Sex Experts Share What They Wish They’d Known Sooner

Written by on November 10, 2016 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 3 Comments

young couple kiss

By Katie McDonough | Salon

Sex education in the United States is a mess. Only 22 states and the District of Columbia require that public schools teach sex education in the first place, and among that number, only 19 have laws ensuring that what’s being taught meets the minimum requirement of being medically or factually accurate. Perhaps as a result of these dismal indicators, a recent survey among teenagers reveals that 41 percentknow little or nothing about how condoms work, and a staggering 75 percent have almost no understanding of birth control.

And as for those schools that do elect to teach students about sex and dating, far too many seem to rely on deeply sexist and conservative educators to do so. A high school in Texas was recently criticized by students and parents for bringing inChristian “relationship expert” Justin Lookadoo to dispense advice to teenage girls about keeping their mouths and their legs shut. (This kind of thinking passes for “good” advice is a seriously scary number of places.)

So as a small service to the younger generation, Salon reached out to a few of our favorite sex writers and sex educators to get the advice they wish they had known sooner.

Related Article: 10 Things We Wish Sex Ed Had Taught Us

Dr. Ruth Neustifter, sexuality educator and Assistant Professor of Couple & Family Therapy at the University of Guelph, Ontario, Canada

The first time you have sex is just the beginning of your sexual education, so don’t sweat it:

Virginity can’t be lost because it doesn’t even exist. Try thinking of it all as a natural, normal process of human sexual development that includes many different experiences with ourselves and with partners over time. Good sex takes practice — both alone and with others.

1) Gender norms limit pleasure, so feel free to explore:

There are a lot of rules and stereotypes about gender out there, but just because they are popular doesn’t make them true. And it also doesn’t make them true just because there are some examples out there that seem to support those rules and stereotypes.  We can each define gender for ourselves, and should respect others’ definitions of how they wish to live their own genders. […]

It feels easy and natural to say “girls are like this” or “boys should be like that.” It’s so important to resist those kinds of beliefs, as they hurt and limit all genders. One of the most powerful and controversial acts of protest we can engage in is simply to be happy with ourselves just the way we are, and to support each other in that effort.

Related Article: Real Men Open Up About Their Sexual Worries, Needs & Desires

2) When it comes to good sex, communication is key:

Don’t expect your partner to read your mind and magically provide the kind of pleasure you want. And also, don’t suffer silently if it isn’t working for you! Seek out partners who want to support you in feeling good (and who you want to support that way) and make it an enjoyable team effort with lots of communication.

If anyone involved is not ready or able to openly and honestly discuss their needs, joys and limits around sex then you’re not ready for each other yet. And, by the way, this is a conversation that can continue throughout your time together!

Rich Juzwiak, staff writer at Gawker 

3) Everyone is freaking out about sex just as much as you are freaking out about sex:

Confidence is the cornerstone of good sex. Feeling confident comes from accepting yourself, and it’s a lot easier to accept yourself and all the weirdness inside of you when you realize that everyone else is dealing with that, too.

4) Sex is about learning what you like, so don’t get discouraged if it isn’t perfect the first time:

The first few sexual experiences I had confused me because I thought I was gay, but I wasn’t enjoying the sex I was having. I wasn’t that into the first guy I slept with, and I wasn’t that into the second guy I met. It wasn’t until the third guy that something finally clicked and I was like, “Oh yes, I am really fucking gay.

5) Don’t let expectations box you in or limit your pleasure:

There is so much you get bombarded with in this masculinity-oriented society, and there are people who close themselves off from doing some things — not because they’re not interested in those things, but because they are concerned about what it might mean about them or their manhood. Let it go; enjoy everything.

Related Article: 15 Magazine ‘Tips for Better Sex’ That Are Better Off Avoided

To me, the gift of gay sex is that you can do anything. The possibilities are so endless in terms of what you can do to him, what he can do to you — that is what’s so fun about it. You never have to have the same experience.

Know who you are when it comes to your sexuality, but don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone and be open-minded about sexual experiences. It can be really hard to shake the negativity that is culturally associated with sexuality, but the sooner you do that the happier you’ll be.

The sooner you get there the more fun you’re going to have.


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3 Reader Comments

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  1.' Jimi Carver says:

    Nada. Got mine hands on quickly. Except maybe some bdsm sooner would have been cooler

  2.' Blerinda Hajdari says:

    “Mastrubating is healthy, reduces the risk of cancer because it keeps the fluids in the body moving… overdoing it is harmful, but then again everything too much can be. Even too much water can kill you remember that!” -my sex Ed teacher. ???

  3.' githumbi joseph says:

    its awesome

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