What To Do When Your Partner Wants an OPEN Relationship?

I recently received a heartfelt email from a reader of my blog saying, “My boyfriend of 2 years says that he wants to have an open relationship and see multiple partners. He says he just wants to be free… What should I do?”

This is indeed a delicate situation, especially as it deals with vulnerable matters of the heart.

So what is real freedom really?

To simply act out on all of your desires doesn’t mean you are truly free. It might simply mean you are being run by your conditioning making you a slave to your desires.

Dating multiple partners won’t bring you real freedom if you aren’t free within yourself or you don’t know who you really are.

Real freedom is a state of being.


There’s a lot of talk in some spiritual circles about how monogamy isn’t working anymore.

To me it’s not about monogamy or open relationships, but more about what you bring to it that makes the difference. Beyond rigid rules and right/wrong, each person must find the most authentic expression of their heart. It may be different for everyone.

It may also change depending on what lessons your soul most needs to learn at that time in your life.

Love is beyond form. And all forms change and are impermanent.

When you love another person unconditionally, you dare to speak your heart’s truth with love and vulnerability.

The truth always serves everyone, even if it might not seem that way at first. Truth is the foundation for openness in a relationship.

If you communicate how you feel up front, they at least have a choice whether to continue to be in relationship with you or not, rather than being there under false pretenses.

If you both agree to being monogamous and faithful to each other, then honor that commitment. Or whatever commitments that you made to each other.

But if it’s not your authentic truth, and you are simply agreeing to what you think you should based on what’s expected of you, then you are already being unfaithful to yourself and your partner.

When you first met your partner, you attracted each other based on your level of consciousness and the lessons that you needed to teach each other at that time.

You made agreements based on this.

As you both evolve, your agreements need to also, as they may no longer feel true for you. In doing so, you honor yourself, honor your partner and honor your love by speaking the truth.  Have the courage to renegotiate your commitments, expand your commitments, and find a new relationship format or agreements that allow for more love to be expressed between you both.

Whether you are with one partner or multiple, the real freedom is in how open your heart is to allowing the deepest expression of love that is seeking to happen through you.

You could be in an open relationship with many partners and still be closed in your heart. You can be in a deeply committed, intimate relationship with one person forever and be truly open in your heart.

Real openness is beyond form. It’s a state of being within yourself.

To really love unconditionally is a holy act and one of real courage. To learn to love unconditionally is a humbling lifetime practice.

Real love gives freedom. And in freedom there is always choice. Choice to do or not do. Then you know the love is real.

Love is not demanding your partner to be who you want them to be but to serve their soul in becoming who they are truly meant to be.

You know you are in the right relationship when you are encouraged to be more fully yourself.

To love another unconditionally is to truly see who they are, beyond their personality, and to love their soul. To love another unconditionally is to commit to their soul’s growth and evolution.

In a romantic relationship, we are often afraid to give our significant other this level of freedom out of fear. We are afraid that they will perhaps betray us, leave us or won’t love us the way we want.

Perhaps you have felt this fear?

Whenever you do something out of obligation and fear, you don’t give all of yourself.

Every relationship is the opportunity to practice integrity and to live your spirituality in everyday life.

Loving is not limited. Love’s depth is infinite. We live in a world of seven billion people, so there will be seven billion different ways of loving.

Real freedom is the courage to love another with all your heart and be committed rather than controlled by your fear.

Real freedom is to be connected to your authentic self and making choices that are in alignment with your soul.

Real freedom is a discipline of the heart and to sacrifice what is lesser for what is more.

Real freedom is a commitment to love.

Loving another person unconditionally doesn’t mean you agree to do whatever they want, if it doesn’t feel right and honoring of yourself.

You have a choice.

Loving another unconditionally doesn’t mean you do so whilst sacrificing yourself and your well-being or needs.

Honor yourself. It’s then that you can truly honor your partner. To truly love unconditionally requires the ability to say “No”. Then your “Yes” can be authentic.

To love another unconditionally is to truly want the best for them even if that means not with you. You may have different needs and wants that just aren’t compatible.

Commit to loving each moment of your relationship. Sometimes this may mean you have to end a relationship. But other times it may mean you must commit more deeply to working on your relationship, even though it’s challenging, stretches you and pushes all of your buttons!

When you commit to loving unconditionally you are committing to the highest good in any given situation.

Commit to loving big and miracles beyond what you can imagine will be yours.

Love.Now

Kute

Kute BlacksonKute Blackson is an utterly unique visionary in the world of human potential. Unlike those who promise to simply help people “get” what they want, Kute’s life work instead reveals to people what they have to give, by liberating who they are most truly and deeply. The focus: Freedom. Acclaimed worldwide for his life changing, one of a kind, transformational experiences, he is considered one of the leading voices in the fields of transformation and spirituality. Kute is an inspiring modern day spiritual teacher and a bold voice for a new generation. He leads transformational journeys to Bali (get more info here).  He also helps women overcome any and all obstacles to love with his “The Man Breakthrough Experience” , the Women’s Seminar.

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  1. 966890460000386@facebook.com' Cheryl Friend-King says:

    EASY, tell him to go ahead…But you wont be around !!!!You CANT be FREE and be COMMITTED…

  2. 504483813080871@facebook.com' Sarah Hardman says:

    The whole reason to get married is to be with the ONE person…er…until death do you part oooor until one doesn’t WANT to just ‘be’ with the ONE person. Contract is now null and void.

  3. 1126651714013213@facebook.com' Bernie Nugent says:

    Run a mile

  4. 1575286229451448@facebook.com' Tuomas Starwalker Santakallio says:

    You are single.

  5. 1172843992735374@facebook.com' ELi Elizabeth says:

    “he wants to be free”– I think that says it all. go live.

  6. 964243770307179@facebook.com' Roger Medina Jr. says:

    An open relationship is garbage and a waste of time in my opinion. If you need multiple partners in your life become single instead of hurting someones feelings. If the partner you are with agrees then be ready for what comes forth. An open relationship means misery needs more company and cheating is no longer a term. Lol.

    • 471977106306545@facebook.com' Kizzee Camilla LA says:

      I agree with you. If it was me,I would leave him and let him do what he wants

    • 262967180710749@facebook.com' Bells Kirby says:

      Unless of course you are with someone who shares the same need, in which case you’re hurting no one. Also, polyamory is something you can learn about, get experience and get better at, and for most people I know who actively practice it, actually leads to much greater wellbeing (there is also some evidence that it leads to better emotional literacy, communication skills, emotional balance and self-confidence).

    • 964243770307179@facebook.com' Roger Medina Jr. says:

      Its pointless regardless of who shares this “need”. Being single does the same things you mentioned below. No need to have a gf or bf and then mess with other people just end the relationship and be “free” plain and simple. Idk what people learn by having multiple partners when one is just enough,if sexual appeal is the true culprit of the movement for centuries it is still irrelevant in a bond between two souls. I see this as emotional and sexual distortion… Polyamory is just a fantasy with a will attached to it.

    • 262967180710749@facebook.com' Bells Kirby says:

      Lots of people feel more fulfilled because to them it means moving away from the idea of belong to someone/owning someone, or even relying on someone to build one’s own self-esteem. I think it’s like everything, it’s up to the individuals to find what works for them and there is no “right” or “wrong” way, as long as it’s done with everyone’s wellbeing and best interest at heart 🙂

    • 1309046139110313@facebook.com' Kelly Winslow says:

      ??????????????????

  7. 1082688965106594@facebook.com' Paula Hamilton says:

    Let him go…And don’t play his game. He is a player…Do not accept his calls or texts either. That is advice given to you with sincere heartfelt love.

  8. 1064539963585212@facebook.com' Magen Johnson says:

    Bye Felicia….

  9. 10153571059887915@facebook.com' Iris Figueroa says:

    This is how my mom and dad explained relationships to us when we were very young.

    When you go shopping for shoes, besides its style, you’re looking for the size that fits your foot. Can I dance with them? Can I walk long distance with them? Are they comfortable no matter what I do with them?

    If the shoes don’t fit – your feet suffer damage, the shoes suffer damage – you don’t buy them.

    If you buy the wrong size anyway (because you just have to have those shoes), then also expect trouble along the way. You’ll eventually have to part ways.

    Saved us all lots of “foot” trouble. <3

  10. 946337805486649@facebook.com' Myka Ogden Lowden says:

    Roll with it or get the Hell out of this relationship. I was in an open marriage after several years of mono-sexual marriage. We did just fine but only because it was something we both agreed to.

  11. 10205863398158688@facebook.com' Jocelyn Blue says:

    Dump them,post haste

  12. 172883543065277@facebook.com' Laura Asselin Puckett says:

    Won’t work if you can’t commit you should just quit

  13. 412939148915037@facebook.com' Kelly Rush says:

    Leave.

  14. 173505646329774@facebook.com' Mandy Carty says:

    One sided open relationship= I want someone different but if I don’t find what I want, I always have you to fall back on. They are counting on your love & loyalty for them..harsh truth is they don’t want you but too cowardly to be single..why?! They may end up alone and you will find someone who shows you you’re worth so much more

  15. 1163770023633645@facebook.com' Diana Thimmig says:

    I would immediately break up with him

  16. 874457002651639@facebook.com' Mayr Berry says:

    DUMP THEM… IF YOU ARE NOT INTO IT! LOL

  17. 1590078357985709@facebook.com' April Baker says:

    Dump the cheat

  18. 1675515099396261@facebook.com' Judith Aldridge says:

    Move on

  19. 1047337108631948@facebook.com' Bunny Brando says:

    use condoms overtime, you’d be better off to dump him, this guy has no future, no concept of bonding, love, responsibility or commitment, he’s a psychopath

  20. 10154194513079684@facebook.com' Jackie Midkiff says:

    If you’re not okay with it leave, if you are okay with it stay.

  21. 482841265246559@facebook.com' Petra Starick says:

    Id be running im afraid..

  22. 1348519681840182@facebook.com' Donna Near says:

    Go let him be “Free”….enough said. Immature.

  23. 10205941911814706@facebook.com' Michael Tellez says:

    Shouldn’t be in a relationship if it’s open you’re just hooking up sluts

  24. 1003724179676670@facebook.com' Tasha Renee says:

    If You’re willing to have an open relationship too, then fine. Establish ground rules and go from there.
    If You think you can’t handle it and it’s not for you then opt out.
    Know your worth and stick to what You want.
    Be safe if You are in an open relationship. Let him know that an open relationship means he doesn’t gets exclusive unguarded sex. He gets ” I don’t know where you been pal, sex ” and there’s a huge. HUGE. difference.. The
    Intimacy is even different.
    * Sometimes ( not always) a person who wants a open relationship isn’t satisfied or is interested in seeing someone else but doesn’t want to give up what they already have. So, they opt for a open relationship. Be Smart.
    Best wishes.

  25. 151580428530618@facebook.com' Joseph Lynnie Canada says:

    That just means they want to be a hoe and should be released like yesterday’s trash…

  26. 10153763771148821@facebook.com' Kathy Popiel says:

    kick him to the curb ….. ask no questions !!!!

  27. 275640539433835@facebook.com' Madeline Anne says:

    Open relationships….Not 4 me !

  28. 980105052063633@facebook.com' Catharina Lange says:

    Walk away, because it de- value you. Your self worth is everything. Not someone else’s desires.

  29. 870354069753303@facebook.com' Alex McLaren says:

    Leave him, that’s what you should do!

  30. 1006556596094621@facebook.com' Paty Henry says:

    Set him free , let him go , 2 is company, 3 is a crowd, move on simple !!!

  31. 10153799012386308@facebook.com' Tracy Leeson says:

    Dump his arse! What the hell is the differance between ‘open relationship’ and ‘ friends with benefits’ apart from sharing a house?

  32. 1045223398863747@facebook.com' Robert Mroczka says:

    Yeah… nope… not going to happen!

  33. 559369774224737@facebook.com' Scott Emond says:

    If your not into it hive him the boot

  34. 1453243801670680@facebook.com' Zen Hec Ryan says:

    I don’t think your into it?
    So don’t! It’s going to get very messy, in you head if you do this.

  35. 207916336215284@facebook.com' Diego Riv says:

    If that ever happens to you say Fuck You and move on.

  36. 10208059892283094@facebook.com' Eileen Young says:

    You say bye bye!

  37. 10209136344070458@facebook.com' Diana Dearen says:

    It means he wants his cake & eat it too…..in other words…he wants to screw you and anybody else he wants and for it to be OK with you……

  38. 10153661982123237@facebook.com' Dayle Brennan-Head says:

    Attend a polyamory discussion group, you might find it works for you better. Be open minded, just try it. He could have just had an affair, but he didn’t he spoke to you about it. Polyamory may be for you, it may not, but you won’t know till you find out more about it.

  39. 904748639615694@facebook.com' Patree'z Jamesz Preet'z says:

    Time to end up ur relationship or other wise u gonna end up w/the decease giving u…

  40. 10207737770378971@facebook.com' Michael Young says:

    Move on its over,you’ll be fine..

  41. 1699403110336513@facebook.com' Kellie Bluitt says:

    Better than him cheating and lying…

  42. 1521124138211736@facebook.com' Stephanie Nuzzolo says:

    It depends on what you really want. Don’t lie to yourself if it’s going to hurt you.

  43. 263857217289104@facebook.com' Jin Flower says:

    Set him free.

  44. 151332881930401@facebook.com' Aarti Thakur says:

    I am suffering from this same situation..

  45. 1213433062006845@facebook.com' Malikah Riley says:

    Duh what do you mean what should you do? You cannot hold someone were they don’t want to be so if that is not what your looking for let go and move forward with your life although I never had this problem I would

    oh and I forgot all women should KNOW their power they have over men I do

  46. 10153782768171514@facebook.com' Kim Sigman says:

    Move on and find someone loyal, obviously

  47. 10208724487090464@facebook.com' Nova Severn says:

    Ditch them.

  48. 10156933317960226@facebook.com' Kiu Cheung says:

    An open relationship is no relationship. A relationship stands for commitment and loyalty. Just look at the marriage vows. If people want to sleep with multiple people, they can choose to be without a relationship. Simple.

  49. 1112189368822760@facebook.com' Jode Monticillo says:

    Lust lust lust

  50. 10154063404162037@facebook.com' Toby Celes says:

    He wants an open relationship! Then close everything to him!!

  51. 1572698313050304@facebook.com' Tawania Ramsey says:

    So he just come bump u when he want to bump don’t rape yourself in the back your mind u feel dirty in u giving him power don’t do it

  52. 1017342635002250@facebook.com' Jahi Chavre says:

    If you still wnt to love him then forget about the relationship

  53. 1017342635002250@facebook.com' Jahi Chavre says:

    One thing is very clear about this..
    If he is your soul met then he can’t feel comfortable wid another girl,
    Soul doesn’t allow at all

  54. 1017342635002250@facebook.com' Jahi Chavre says:

    Let him be..
    Observe him,
    If he’s okay wid some other girl too.. then you will come to know yourself wht to do next….
    Stay positive stay conscious..
    The Right one will be only yours

  55. 255665978114474@facebook.com' Visola Rajabova says:

    Just leave him and let him be open for others

  56. 255665978114474@facebook.com' Visola Rajabova says:
  57. 10204735709592158@facebook.com' Laura A Foulk says:

    let him go honey, let him go, to hell or where ever.

  58. 1527632924219640@facebook.com' Emma Pearson says:

    Get shut of him ,, he’s not worth it if he wants other people ,,find someone better who truly loves you

  59. 1593640344283996@facebook.com' Loretta R Olsen says:

    Kick him to the curb and tell him to go fuck himself!

  60. 1697915513827123@facebook.com' Susan Smith-Jones says:

    Let him go and find yourself a real man. This man does not love you and is wasting your precious time.

  61. 10153623708999188@facebook.com' Ann Holliday says:

    Let him move on, its toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many contagious medical conditons out there.

  62. 1084155384950284@facebook.com' Lorrie Oystryk says:

    How does this make you feel? In your gut? Trust your initial reaction. He is basically saying, “being with you is not enough for me”. If your feelings are bad, do not compromise yourself.

  63. 10208027858507089@facebook.com' Mary Donnelly says:

    Dump him!

  64. 10153980884526019@facebook.com' Aprrajita Sharma says:

    Drop him like a hot potato!

  65. 1025057010849247@facebook.com' Constance McQuoid says:

    shut the relationship down, and boot his ass down the stairs

  66. 1309046139110313@facebook.com' Kelly Winslow says:

    Dump the piece of ?…. One he will old fat and lonely!!! Worldly trash of evil!

  67. 210205402703606@facebook.com' Pete Appleby says:

    Get rid of him,you cannot trust him!

  68. 210205402703606@facebook.com' Pete Appleby says:

    Get rid of him,you cannot trust him!

  69. 1505817116381680@facebook.com' Andrew Barker says:

    Communication is key. Whatever partners talk about. The more sensitive the issue is the more empathetic the conversation should be.

  70. 409782735883183@facebook.com' Marsha Creary says:

    It sounds like he wants to be single

  71. 149770895420349@facebook.com' Jasmin Torres says:

    Leave him.

  72. 1632919730312152@facebook.com' Maia Perry says:

    Show him the door as he no longer loves or respects you…BYE!

  73. 10153237573168763@facebook.com' Benjamin Jason LaMora says:

    Tell them to piss off… Either you aren’t supplying what is needed or they just can’t be satisfied… No man or woman is touching my other half sexually but me… There is no reason for this…open relationship aka you ain’t doing it for me

  74. 1602870776701467@facebook.com' Nohemi Carlson says:

    Let him go because if you do have an open relationship with someone like that he or even you might get an infection and maybe lose your life,It’s not worth being with someone who can’t tell you the truth from the very beginning…….?

  75. 10209405655197581@facebook.com' Laura Manthey says:

    ONE LOVE.

  76. 10206455566841654@facebook.com' Charlotte Taylor says:

    One can feel more lonely and rejected in an open relation …have the courage to be single and alone ..not lonely !!!

  77. 10206073099408980@facebook.com' Trish Jameson says:

    Dump him. You deserve better than his sorry a**.

  78. 10205391793098033@facebook.com' Ann Gates says:

    Open? yup. Open the door and kick his butt to the curb!

  79. 10207653932803923@facebook.com' Kelly VanderDorn says:

    Open relationships work for very few couples. Couples who, have been together for a very long time and financially, a divorce would be disastrous & they fell into a comfortable/friendship love. Open marriage works (personally have seen several marriages like this) very well for them.

  80. 10209741766447742@facebook.com' Melissa Huntley Miller Spruill says:

    When this happens the door should be opened for them to leave.

  81. 10153445343586141@facebook.com' R Lei Kahiwalani says:

    Run!

  82. 10209387668312101@facebook.com' Trina Peague says:

    Break up

  83. 1145694908783256@facebook.com' Brandi Lynn says:

    Leave

  84. 1247167471961996@facebook.com' Zion Lh says:

    Let him go free, because he’s just not into you. Sincere love does not stray or seek other things, it is satisfied.

  85. 10207687476966139@facebook.com' Donna Rahman says:

    It is a very bad sign.

  86. 10207457316123616@facebook.com' Ponce Gloria says:

    He wants out but won’t say it. Let him go. Your worth more than that appreciate yourself worth trust you be happy w out him.

  87. 1166616540015764@facebook.com' Nancy Fortman says:

    Run away!! They are not worth it.

  88. 1032920410078498@facebook.com' Melissa Grimes says:

    If you want that stay. If ya don’t get the f@#$ out. That simple. 🙂

  89. 10156040300565464@facebook.com' Sutherland Dave says:

    No, its always an initiator or an aggressor that pushes for these..someone with an advantage over the other. It seems consenual but no one is truly happy. They just want the image of a stable mature relationship and the green light to be a fucken whore..or a fucking male whore.

  90. 10153569186327475@facebook.com' Magnolia Diamond says:

    Leave him and wish him good luck

  91. 10153318618702981@facebook.com' Richard Cooper says:

    Tell him the relationship is completely open………goodbye! If someone wants another person, than they are not satisfied with you. The only thing left here for you is pain and misery. On the way out I suggest you have sex with his best friend.

  92. 1045554618824860@facebook.com' Allison Halver says:

    Don’t do it! Been there. It’s a waste of your precious time, energy and life.

  93. 10207593836141490@facebook.com' Calin De Zwart says:

    The problem is men and woman do not equate sex in the same way. Where love and sex for a woman is more intertwined, sex for a man is more about a release. Biologically, men are not wired to be with the same partner for a lifetime. Combine that with the options men have available to them today and you have a recipe for relationship disaster.

  94. 10206403261345756@facebook.com' Dennis Prior says:

    Kate Lokken, some interesting words here…. X

  95. 553206321512461@facebook.com' Janet Rayment says:

    Send him a text to say the relationship is finished and you’re found someone better!

  96. 10153372168156431@facebook.com' Tina Osterman says:

    Walk!

  97. 1720275434887371@facebook.com' Jeanene Stirrup says:

    Get rid of him !!!

  98. 1684151865202163@facebook.com' Kitchenwitch Andgreenman says:

    Say goodbye, you are worth more.

  99. 10209442149951122@facebook.com' Patricia Adamski Dyszer-Townsend says:

    Set him free, open the door and let the partner out. Then close the door after they leave. Have self-esteem and find the right partner instead.

  100. 1623900144536376@facebook.com' Elsa Walker says:

    “See ya…”

  101. 979499052089832@facebook.com' Angela Mumford says:

    Tell him to get lost…. There are plenty of loyal people about who will appreciate an honest woman…

  102. 1702347820041285@facebook.com' Andrew L Redwood says:

    Set him free

  103. dominic.dejager@gmail.com' Dominic de Jager says:

    I am stuck in a very similar situation. My girlfriend brought up the idea with me recently, and I’m not sure how to react. I’m sure she’d be understanding and respectful of my views, but I don’t want to be selfish and controlling

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