One Man’s Discovery of the Extraordinary Pleasure of Sexual Giving

Posted by on September 8, 2017 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 1 Comment

man and woman lovers in bedBy Michael J. Russer |

When we hear people excitedly exclaim about an amazing experience they will often use the expression: “It’s better than sex!” –which is really just another way of saying *nothing* is better than sex. However, there is “sex” and then there is transcendental ecstasy that goes beyond what most couples have experienced or can even fathom. And what I am here to share with you is how you and your partner can access this level of pleasure and fulfillment consistently.

Related Article: Study Shows This One Common Activity is Related to Greater Sexual Satisfaction

From the Abyss of Despair

First of all, my partner and I arrived at this state of sexual awakening in the most unlikely of circumstances after we first met. She is a 50 year old post-menopausal woman who now finds traditional intercourse to be… well let’s just say, not very satisfying, and even painful. My situation, unfortunately, was far worse. As a result of treatments for prostate cancer, I was rendered clinically impotent. And because my treatments included surgical removal of my prostate, it meant that in addition to never being able to have an erection, I also cannot ejaculate (no prostate = no semen). For many men, this is a fate worse than death (I’ve actually had a few tell me that to my face). And admittedly, in the beginning I felt completely devastated about this state of affairs, to say the least.

So for all practical purposes, penetrative sex was simply out of the question for us. Fortunately, we both greatly enjoy giving and receiving oral pleasuring. And that opened up a whole new world for us in unexpected ways…

To Heights of Complete Transcendence

The first time we made love we spent hours together expressing deep connection, intimacy and a great deal of exquisite pleasuring. She was able to climax several times which gave me the confidence that I could still be a “man” for her sexually speaking. Yet, as excited as I was and no matter what she tried, I simply could not release. In fact, I tried so hard that I actually started getting exertion headaches, like sometimes happens when you do resistance training beyond your current capabilities.

Now this is where it gets interesting. Despite not being able to climax I wasn’t feeling frustrated. In fact, quite the opposite –I never felt so fulfilled. This response puzzled me because it was totally out of the realm of my previous experience or expectation. I should have been climbing the walls. Instead, I was basking in a deep glow of intense intimate satisfaction that exceeded anything I had ever experienced before. While neither my partner nor I knew it at the time, this was our first clue to achieving heights of sexual bliss that neither of us ever imagined possible.

After about a month and a half of trying to climax, my brain suddenly and without forewarning “rewired”. The first time it happened was unlike *anything* I had ever experienced before. Starting in my entire pelvic region waves of seemingly high-voltage ecstasy traveled up from my pelvic floor through the femurs of both legs all the way to my kneecaps. It was so powerful and lasted so long that I literally screamed. And from that point on they have only become stronger and longer lasting.

Related Article: “Outercourse” Anyone? 6 Ways to Be Sexual Without Penetration

From the perspective of having the experience of previous explosive ejaculatory orgasms (prior to prostate cancer) verses what I happens now –there is no comparison. I can only imagine that this is similar to what women who are highly tuned into their sensual bodies experience during climax. An experience I wouldn’t trade for anything –including getting my hardon back.

Meanwhile, my partner’s experience has only continued to become more intense and frequent. So frequent in fact that she is now somewhat embarrassed to discuss how many times she climaxes during our lovemaking because most people simply would not believe her.

So there you have it. We are two lovers who are consistently receiving sexual pleasure way beyond anything that we thought was humanly possible. And, we would both give it up in a heartbeat…

Our Ultimate Sexual Experience

My partner and I openly and authentically discuss our respective intimate experiences and what we like / don’t like with each other all the time. We often ask each other the same question: “If you had to give up one thing, the receiving or the giving, which would it be?” And, without a hint of hesitation we both said we’d give up the receiving as long as we could give to the other. Meaning, we would both be willing to forego our own climaxes as long as we could give them to the other.

Think about this for a moment. When many couples become intimate, often their respective focus is on how each of them can receive powerful climaxes. What we have found is that our greatest pleasure is the ability to give them to each other. Remember how I mentioned earlier on about that extended period of time when I simply could not climax no matter what my partner did or technique she used? Yet, I was totally and completed fulfilled without a hint of frustration? Exploring that seemingly contradictory experience is what helped lead us to our intimacy breakthrough.

Focusing on giving to the other while being fully present for them and without expectations has been truly one of the most powerful realizations of our intimate life together. Intimate giving, without conditions and in the way our partner wants, provides each of us the most intense, pleasurable and fulfilling physically intimate experience either of us has ever had by a wide, wide margin. Much more so than even the explosive climaxes we each now consistently experience.

Extraordinary intimacy, we have found, is all about giving and receiving in a fully present and vulnerable way. But for us, the giving is far more important to our overall experience than the receiving could ever hope to be.

So the next time you make love, ask your partner what they would truly like and then give them that in a space of being fully present for them without attachment to outcome –and watch what happens to them. And, perhaps even more importantly, what happens to you…

Related Article: Here’s What Happens to the Female Brain During Sex


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  1.' Kelly Farmer says:

    Very interesting!

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