The truth is, not everyone is feeling particularly merry or happy right now.
This can be a tough time of the year for many…
I have friends who have suffered great loss this year with the untimely death of loved ones.
Many people are experiencing their first holiday season without their spouse or children as ‘two homes’ has come into effect.
The first time we cycle through any holiday or experience after the loss of someone in our lives, there is a painful calibration to the new truth as we realize that things will never quite be the same again.
You are right.
Things will never be the same again.
It will however be what it is.
A new state will emerge. It will take two or three years before the new state, the new traditions and the new possibilities take form and before long, we reconcile that however much we miss the old way, the new way is alright too.
If you are here (or someone you care about is here) go easy on yourself as you feel the swelling up of emotions in your throat from time to time.
Know that this is normal. Let the state come up and wash over you… and leave.
You don’t need to hang on to it.
It will come up on it’s very own again. Again, be true to the moment and let.it.pass.
When we hold on to emotions we lock them in.
Grief is normal. Let it come.
And let it go.
It doesn’t make you less loyal to your loved one.
It doesn’t make you ‘a forgotten parent’ because you were not with them Christmas morning or will ring the new year in without them.
It doesn’t make the loss less real if you allow pain to exit just as quickly as it came up.
Allow it all.
And yes, much to your surprise, little pockets of joy will find their way to you too. There is nothing to feel guilty of when these show their way.
Have your pain without committing to martyrdom and have your joy without apology.
It is a way of honouring that what was and what is.
Next year, the pain shards will be less and the joyful moments will be more. This much, I can promise you.
Farhana Dhalla is a #1 Best Selling Author, International Life Coach & Speaker, and Creator of the transformational Thank You for Leaving Me Journey. She is the visionary and leader of the enlightened divorce movement and the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. As a ‘suddenly single mom’ to three small children, she intimately knows the overwhelming fear and pain – -and the liberation of stepping into the highest version of oneself. Check out her free webinar Divorce Is Not Your Fault and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook
