Are Men Hardwired to Be Less Monogamous Than Women?

Written by on February 8, 2018 in Conscious Living, Relationships & Sex with 73 Comments

Disloyal man staring at another seductive woman-compressed

By Gareth May | The Telegraph

It’s a question as old as the sun: are men naturally monogamous?

According to Edward Fox the answer is clear. “In relationships, men wander naturally, and we cheat because we’re totally different creatures,” he is quoted as saying today. “Men need to play the field and spread their seed, whereas women don’t have that same biological urge — it’s not natural.”

Cue howls of outrage, with various Twitter users expressing their anger at Fox’s sexy sentiments.

The idea that men are hard-wired to play the field was aired in a more serious setting last year when a court case was brought against psychiatrist Dr Joseph Bray, who told a female patient seeking guidance after discovering her husband’s extramarital affairs that “to expect fidelity in marriage is an unreasonable expectation”.

Dr Bray was suspended for 12 months by the Medical Practitioners Tribunal Service in Manchester for his comments, after he pleaded to be allowed to “retire with dignity”. The psychiatrist was found to have overstepped a professional line by bringing his personal opinions into a client’s therapy.

Related Article: Are We Wired to Cheat? The Science Behind Infidelity

However, away from the doctor’s office, was he really just speaking the truth? And, by extension, is Edward Fox right to suggest that men are more likely than women to want to play the field?

Actor Edward Fox

Actor Edward Fox CREDIT: REX

Modern records certainly back up their claim. Alfred Kinsey’s famous 1948 and 1953 sex studies found that 50 per cent of US men sought sex outside of marriage at some point.

It’s a figure that has stayed relatively static over the years. Dr Katherine M Hertlein, Professor of Human Development at the University of Nevada, puts the number at 40 per cent through her extensive work on infidelity and the internet.

These statistics are not without logic. Evolutionary psychologist David M Buss, Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas and author of The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating, says men are simply wired to seek out as many female partners as possible.

According to Buss, men have “evolved the desire to be with different women” because there is simply no biological barrier in place stopping a man procreating with as many women as possible. Men have limitless sperm compared to the limitations on women and their eggs; men can effectively have back-to-back babies whereas women have to wait nine months in between each birth; men can up and leave, whereas women are in for the long haul.

Related Article: What To Do When Your Partner Wants an OPEN Relationship?

As a result, men are programmed to expand “their genetic legacy by spreading their cheap seed, while females are inherently made to maximise their investment by being choosy, by securing a male likely to be a good long-term provider”.

Ashley Madison CEO Noel Biderman 
Ashley Madison CEO Noel Biderman 

New York Times writer Daniel Bergner, author of What Do Women Want? Adventures in the Science of Female Desire, doesn’t subscribe to such a narrative. He believes women aren’t “evolutionary scripted” to be monogamous, but are “culturally caged”.

“Let’s accept for a moment what seems, from a growing number of original studies on desire, perhaps true: nature hasn’t made women for monogamy at all, that women’s desire may well be oxygen-starved, if not suffocated, by constancy,” he argues.

Meredith Chivers, a psychologist at Queen’s University in Ontario, Canada conducted one of these “original studies”. Chivers examined the genital reactions of women whilst she played them erotic audiotapes of two subtly different sexual liaisons – one with a handsome male stranger, the other with a hunky male friend. By in large, the stranger got the tick.

Likewise, in her book Why Women Have Sex, Professor Cindy Meston of the University of Texas explores why masculine faces, certain scents and deep voices play a pivotal role in women’s monogamous and non-monogamous intentions.

Frank and Claire Underwood's open marriage breaks down in House of Cards
Frank and Claire Underwood’s open marriage breaks down in House of Cards

In one study she cites, 142 heterosexual women listened to the recordings of male voices and rated each one on attractiveness for one-night stands or long-term commitment. Deeper voices were considered sexually superior, particularly for women in the fertile phase of their ovulation cycle.

“Bilateral body symmetry,” Meston explains, “is commonly accepted as a sign of good health and good genes. Body symmetry is also more likely to produce deep voices. So when a woman finds the resonance of a man’s voice even sexier during her fertile, ovulatory phase, she is attracted to the sound of healthy genes for her possible offspring.”

Related Article: Are We Really Meant To Be Monogamous? Why We Cheat On People We Love & How To Make Any Relationship Work

In other words, women seek out men with deep voices (Superman-style jaws and subliminal displays of high testosterone) to, in effect, sow their wild oats.

In a clear mirroring of intent across the gender boundaries, such evidence reflects the way in which men may seek younger females for affairs revealing that, likewise, women are more inclined to seek masculine men for fleeting romances as well. So the next time you catch the missus ogling the pool guy, don’t blame her, blame her genes instead.


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  1. Very disrespectful. I rather walk alone than with a man having that view in front of me.

  2. Fuck no! I see every attractive person, just as a man does. In fact, women have FAR more opportunities to stray than men do. It’s a choice.

  3. yes but the cavemen days are over. or are they?

  4. Oh my. Do we really need a study to prove this? It’s like the same kind of stupidity that tells us Dogs have thoughts. Or birds have a language. Duh…

  5. Duh… But women are whores to don’t get it twisted! Lol

  6. hardwired by society perhaps….

  7. there’s no hardwiring, it is choice

  8. Men are only as faithful as their options.. There you have it in a nutshell

  9. Men don’t kare hoo they fuck

  10. Socially programmed maybe….

  11. of course they are just like women are, it’s biologically inherent to insure diversity in the gene pool, except in Texas…..and surrounding states.

  12. aw who cares. is not a crime, let them be, live and let live. in my view monogamy is an illusion for most but the truly, truly, conditioned and they don’t appear to be living in joy but mutual insecurity. *ooh.. controversial*


  14. Stop making excuses for men to cheat. They are just as capable of having a monogamous relationship as women are

  15. This is an excuse for all the cheaters.

  16. It doesn’t matter. We are unnatural as we exist outside of the food chain. We reproduce excessively, and I think that was one of the reasons why religion was necessary; to curb population growth. No matter how people try to justify promiscuous behavior, the same holds true. The earth cannot sustain billions. I wouldn’t mind if the earth was depopulated. There are so many breeders, it’s disgusting.

  17. why do we forget we are animals..?

  18. I stopped reading these morsels after the one that told me a woman moaning is an invite to any males that can hear her. Suddenly I CGAF about the subject as it regards the collective. You are all craven and depraved and grotty and I’m going to find me a nice Zen monks daughter who is properly in touch with herself………..

  19. If men are, so are women…..

  20. Kathy Popp Kathy Popp says:

    Mine said a long long time ago, that it was dangerous for him to wear a wedding ring. (he was a technician who worked on machinery so he had a point.) I said fine. I am not wearing one either. ( Physical Education teacher – also had a point). Never heard another word. They went on the day we got married, and 39 years later they are still on. It is what you and your partner commit too. Nobody else.

  21. I read this could be true because men want to reproduce and when one female is pregnant he can get another pregnant. the cavemen I mean!!!

  22. The ads on your page are super fucking annoying

  23. Do it matter all men look back at a beautiful lady on the streets , ladies doe the same, it not all men faults now a days ladies dress up in nice and beautiful and sexy clothes now, it’s only a bit of fun looking back , woman desire the attention on the streets.

  24. Just because you have a word for it, doesn´t mean the actual concept exists. When in a carbon based shell, you can do whatever you see fit. Rules and regulations are for those that don´t know what to do. Indoctrination kills you before you actually start to live. Limiting and conditioning yourself to please others, is suicide. Live!

  25. Of course they are it’s their nature… At least it was before someone invented monogamy and all the problems that came with it. .. Is there anyone who knows how it came to be? Was it religion? Marriage is a stupid union. It’s like “Now I own you and you own me” contract… You can never ever own a person!!! It’s not a chair or a car!!!

  26. What a bunch of crap..

  27. If you have a man like this guy in the pic then you are a stupid woman for putting up with it. And No. Women are cheating like hell now because no one knows where to find happiness. These male clowns don’t seem to understand that their woman can go out and get laid far more times then he ever will. lol

  28. I am not, I’m programmed like one only, and if she’s not available I just keep moving on, we’re 7 billion people. 1 is enough..

  29. Haha i am the one to point out a hot women out to my husband and encourage him to look. This is because I’m confident in my relationship and know he will always say the right thing. If your jealous in a relationship it is not you but the way the man makes you feel about you! True love has no jealousy!

  30. Anna Lloyd Anna Lloyd says:

    Women look too, sneakier
    Doesnt everybody. Beauty is beauty

  31. Liz Gue Liz Gue says:

    Wired to be less monogamous .. Is that an excuse?? Wow..

  32. Tbh yes I notice a good looking guy but I am so in love and attracted to my man that it’s the same as when I see anything that looks good. I get this deeper longing with my man that I just don’t feel towards any other guy.

  33. Stop giving them a free pass because they are men and “Can’t help it”. Men and women all make our own choices and have to live with the consequences of those choices and actions.

  34. Ewa Garus Ewa Garus says:

    Men’s behavior is a product of culture. Patriarchal culture I must say. In ancient matriarchal/egalitarian cultures it was very different. Love poems in Egyptian temples for example, were written by women and were meant to seduce men. Our contemporary sexual behaviors are conditioned by patriarchy/subjugation of women. This is changing now…
    I consider monogamy however, as a higher form in the evolution of humanity.

  35. Perfect time to trip that mother Fu¢ker and walk on his head.

  36. Lina Ayala Lina Ayala says:

    Instinct can “make” men to be “less monogamous” but then I ask myself… why do they have brains then? Are men just pure instinct? Then they are mere animals. This is just an excuse to Not do what is correct.

  37. Daniel Em Daniel Em says:

    Yes, in ancient times men didn’t depend on women, women depended on men. Also a man is still able to reproduce while women are pretty much out of reproduction commission for 9 months. Our fundamental biological purpose is to reproduce, meaning men ha a biological incentive to be polyamorous while women had a biological incentive to be loyal to one man (to protect the family). Even historically alpha males and the successful men had harems, these were kings, emperors and Khans who reproduced themselves more than anyone else.

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