How and Why to Love Your Ego

I first learned about the ego back in 2009 when I read Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose. It was profoundly enlightening as it described my ex-husband perfectly – completely possessed by his ego with disastrous results! It also prompted me to learn everything I could about the ego and how to overcome its control of my thoughts and feelings. In 2010, when I started my coaching & mentoring practice, one aspect of working with my clients was to help them to overcome the influence of the ego and resolve the fear-based thoughts and feelings it generated.

Is the Ego Your Enemy?

Eckhart Tolle writes about the ego being insane and how it has created an insane world, and when you’re aware of the nature of the ego you recognize how the mainstream media (movies, mainstream news, reality TV shows etc.) is stimulating the ego to dis-empower people by making them the victim of fear (which is the true nature of the ego) and under the control of negative emotions.

I used to regard the ego as the enemy which was keeping us from living to our highest potential and fulfilling our purpose as it was stopping us from living with our love-based higher self in charge.

However, two key principles of manifestation are that what you resist persists, and you get what you focus on, so by ‘fighting’ the ego you are validating it’s presence and according it power over you.

The Ego and Fear

The ego’s job is to keep us safe. That is its basic purpose, which is why it is motivated by fear. By reacting to situations it perceives as a threat it prompts the release of adrenalin to give us the physical ability to escape danger. It’s the source of the fight or flight response. When you are in true physical danger your response is automatic. You don’t stand around thinking what to do, you act instantly to save your life.

That’s fine if we are really under threat, but the problem is that when it is the dominant influence in our lives, it leads to chronic stress and negativity which manifests negative outcomes. It also stops us from stepping out of our comfort zone and achieving our dreams, vision and purpose.

One of my favorite quotes is “Danger is real; fear is a choice”.

This is a short extract from an excellent article on the fight or flight response at

“The fight-or-flight response is also known as the acute stress response. Essentially, the response prepares the body to either fight or flee the threat. It is also important to note that the response can be triggered due to both real and imaginary threats.”

Fear is the response to perceived danger and if allowed to dominate our perception it paralyzes us – the deer in the headlights syndrome – and causes physiological changes that can be extremely damaging if maintained over extended periods. Here’s an explanation from this same article:

“Frequent or chronic activation of the fight or flight response, particularly in situations in which neither outcome is practical, can lead to digestive problems, increased risk of heart disease and the other known effects of chronic stress.”

A common acronym for fear is False Evidence Appearing Real but to me the word ‘evidence’ suggests the response is valid. My definition is False Expectations Appearing Real because when we have fearful thoughts and emotions we are out of the present moment and imagining a negative outcome. The problem is that our bodies can’t distinguish between real and imagined threats, so if you allow fear to control you it is not only affecting your mind but also your body.

Learn to Love Your Ego

So having said all this, why and how should you love your ego?

When the ego’s fear response is activated appropriately, it does a great job of keeping us safe. By acknowledging it’s basic function you are being the ‘detached observer’ and able to appreciate its rightful role in your life to protect you from real and present danger.

By practicing mindfulness, you develop increasing awareness of your thoughts and feelings and can quickly tell when they are fearful or anxious in response to an imagined threat. So thank your ego for alerting you to this and say to yourself that the threat isn’t real and you are perfectly capable of handling it. That way you are acknowledging your ego without giving it power over you and you can then focus on the outcome you want to achieve, rather than the imagined problem.

Energy flows where attention goes.

By focusing on outcome you are putting energy into positively manifesting your goal, rather than inadvertently manifesting more of the problem that the ego has imagined.

Jan Moore Intuitive Success CoachJan Moore – The Success Alchemist, is a Spiritual Empowerment and Intuitive Success Coach. She provides practical life and business strategies plus intuitive guidance, sprinkled with spiritual and metaphysical principles so you can create unstoppable success in life and business. Jan also hosts the Cosmic Creating Radio Show every Saturday on Cosmic Reality Radio. Get your FREE copy of her Dream Achievers Success Kit or sample the power of her coaching with a no-cost Unstoppable Success Strategy Session.

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  1.' Greg says:

    The author of this article, and Eckhart Tolle, are completely, utterly wrong abut the ego. Any good counselor knows that optimum mental health is dependent on a healthy ego. Someone who has engaged an over inflated ego, or who is saturated by an irrational fear, is a person with a very diminished sense of self. The ego is being used to compensate for that feeling of being “less than” or of being incapable.

    The ego is not an evil twin that needs to be kept on a short chain. You are not self-aware without it. It is the source of your personal boundaries and your ability to make decisions. It is the gateway to your self-examination. It is through the ego that you are able to take a look at all the things that you need to explore and release. It is through the ego that you discover all the amazing things that you contain. You cannot possibly take part in the on-going creation in a responsible or effective way without it.

    I sincerely hope that the author of this article looks much more deeply into the ego and it’s essential part in the path of self-discovery and self-understanding. If she doesn’t, she is going to hurt a lot of unsuspecting individuals.

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