How to Lose Friends and Generally Alienate People

Green-Eyed Monsters Are Not Purely Sci-Fi

Allow me to ignite this article with a bang-on quote by Robert A. Heinlein:

“A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.”

Let's just bask in that wisdom for a second. Aaah…can't you just feel the truth of that seeping into your bones?

Common Jealousy — Get Yourself a Shovel!

Boy meets girl, boy goes out with girl, boy sees girl getting other boy attention and *bang* — the green-eyed monster rears its ugly, nobbled head.

Boy becomes possessive over girl, boy doesn't want girl to so much as look at other boys, boy is digging grave.

But what would make this boy decide to excavate his own resting place? Eventually (if girl has any self-esteem) he will lose girl and alienate friends/people in the vicinity of the jealousy boxing ring.

I've seen it happen time and time again. The thing is as simple as Robert said in that deliciously succinct opening quote: Insecurity.

A person who is truly okay with who they are — and has a decent amount of self love (Read related article: Do You Feel Worthless? 2 Reasons Why You Need to Love YOU), self respect and dignity — is secure from within (their green-eyed ghoul has turned into a lovable pup!).

Coping Strategies

Therefore when you encounter someone with jealousy issues, try not to get your back up — have a little compassion for where they're at. It is a reflection of extreme low self-esteem and insecurity within themselves that makes them act out in such a manner.

However, in saying that, it is also not healthy to remain in a relationship/friendship or situation where someone is showing signs of jealousy. It's not acceptable behavior and the person should either take responsibility for their emotions or you should walk away.

It's alright to gently point out to the person that their behavior is not appropriate and if they can't sort it out they should think of taking a break to meditate or seek counseling about their lack of self esteem.

Sometimes the jealous person may indeed be on the receiving end of a partner who is not worthy of their love and trust.  That is why jealous people tend to have worth issues because no self-respecting person would remain in any kind of relationship if it didn't serve them to do so.

Hidden Jealousy — Cloak and Daggers!

I was treated to a character recently — let's call him Barry for convenience — who, after many various encounters, I realized was neurotically insecure.

The way Barry chose to voice his jealousy was through insulting every man, woman and child who had the misfortune to cross his path.

For all intents and purposes, he was quite charming and nice but soon after 10 minutes of banter Barry would pass a flippant, neatly packaged, gob-smacking insult to a passing stranger — very passive aggressive, darling!

This would inevitably make me feel uncomfortable and I would ask him if such behavior was necessary to which he always had some kind of justification.

Now this is not typical jealousy aimed at one person, Barry was just generally in contempt with the world!

His jealousy was boundless. It soon became apparent that he was envious of certain traits in others — be it their youth, money, relationships, status — it didn't matter! Barry was on the warpath! And jealousy was the fuel to launch his arsenal of verbal insults.

His cover story was that he spoke ‘the truth'. So, basically, if someone did not meet his standard of beauty/intelligence/morals, etc. he would let them know because it is alright to do so (in his mind).

Here's where we run into a problem. We currently have over  7.3 billion versions of the truth on the planet as I type this!

Everyone has their own version of what true is and that's okay! Life would be pretty baa-baa-boring if we all thought the same and became neat and tidy sheeple.

Back to Barry (and any other characters out there that need to hear this):

You need to ask yourself 3 questions when you open your mouth to speak the ‘truth':

• It may be true but is it necessary?
• It may be true but is it kind?
• It may be true but am I only saying it to make myself feel better (and therefore making a total prat out of myself)?

You see, I think Barry is on a constant insult loop because of his own insecurities. He has to constantly put other people down in order for him to feel slightly better (which doesn't last long anyway!).

Any self-respecting person doesn't need to put others down — they have accepted who they are and feel good about themselves, there is no need to be unkind. Hurting others doesn't even cross their minds. They are impeccable with their word because they know about the smoky mirror! (Read more about that here: 4 Reasons to Entice You to Quit Drama).

Endings and Beginnings

So, above are two examples of how to lose friends and alienate people. If you're the jealous type, I beg you to work on your own self-esteem and self-love — it will strengthen your foundation and ability to make lasting relationships without fear of losing the ones you love.

Learn to love yourself — people are attracted to confidence and respect (you don't have to be a super model to be attractive, you just have to be your authentic self).

And for those of you who are on the receiving end of a green-eyed monster — run (or e-mail this article to them and then run)! I hear Italy is nice this time of year.

Related article: 8 Tips on How to Stop Caring What Other People Think of You

Cherie Roe Dirksen is a self-empowerment author and multi-media artist from South Africa.

To date, she has published 3 self-help and motivational books and brings out weekly inspirational blogs at her site www.cherieroedirksen.com. Get stuck into finding your passion, purpose and joy by downloading some of those books gratis (yip, for free!) when you click HERE.

Her ambition is to help you to connect with your innate gift of creativity and living the life you came here to experience by taking responsibility for your actions and becoming the co-creator of your reality. You can also follow Cherie on Facebook (The Art of Empowerment).

Cherie posts a new article on CLN every Thursday. To view her articles, click HERE.

Tags: cherie roe dirksen, coping with jealousy, featured, how to deal with a jealous partner, jealousy, why people can be mean